(The crowd inside erupts into a frenzy as they realize the event they had been anticipating all week is about to begin! Suddenly arms are waving and a profusion of signs appear out of nowhere, all proclaiming deep seated desires and even some other more meaningful messages. As multi colored lights flashed around the auditorium the camera pans around on the gathered throng. Suddenly the Angeltron burst into life with videos of every wrestler on the night’s card in moments of victory. After the last wrestler in a victory pose fades from the screen promo shots of Gary and Sandra flash on the screen and the figures of BRA’s commentary team emerge from behind the curtains and head for the ring. As the camera pans down to the duo it catches a few of the signs waving in the vicinity. “I Dream of Lisa”, “Simply Divine is Divinely Simple”, “Baby, Gonna Drive My Carmikel” and “Ameri-can’t-a” were some of the more prominent ones that caught the camera’s eye as Gary and Sandra took their seats behind the mikes).

Sandra: Helloooooooo Vail!! Once again the Battling Ring Angel’s have managed to draw together some of the finest wrestlers available…

Gary: …and a couple of the heaviest!

Sandra: Be quiet! Can’t you keep a civil tongue in your head for a change!

Gary: Truth hurts babe!

WHACK!

Gary: Jeez! Can’t you keep a civil hand to yourself! If you really want to touch me see me after the…

WHACK!!

Sandra: No less than THREE titles are on the line tonight!

Gary: Yep. In our first match OLE Puddin” Ass Americana faces the reigning TV titleholder the exquisite Marquise Yvette DeSade Malreaux.

Sandra: This matchup may prove critical in the career of Americana! It’s very much a battle between the new breed of wrestler and the old guard.

Gary: You mean the Praetorian Guard!

Sandra: You have no respect for age!

Gary: I respect my grandmother! And she’s almost as old as Puddin’ Ass!

Sandra: Next its: The Goddess” Nina LaRue taking on the woman that ended her perfect record last time they faced each other, the heart of wrestling, Peggy Christian!

Gary: Speaking of grandmothers!

Sandra: Even you have to admit Peggy is turning into a fine wrestler!

Gary: Alright, I admit as a wrestler she makes good cookies. I wonder if she will bring me some before Nina cripples her tonight.

Sandra: Next the tag titles are on the line as the Cheerleaders defend the belts won by Jenny Anderson on her own against the team that she took them off of, Simply Divine.

Gary: That’s all academic anyway, the winners will likely have to face Bloodlust and neither of them is good enough to beat them.

Sandra: I have to admit, they were totally in control from start to finish in their debut match against Motherhood.

Gary: The cleaning ladies at the hotel would have beat Motherhood that night! Just proves there IS an age limit in professional wrestling!

Sandra: No love lost in the next match, Zantara Underworld and Evonne Carmikel!

Gary: I wouldn’t want to be either woman, they both scare me!

Sandra: And the stipulation says there is no disqualification…there MUST be a winner!

Gary: I think Carmikel is a babe and I would love to see her kick some Body Shop butt tonight, but Underworld scares me more!

Sandra: And speaking of Body Shop, their leader, Sherry Ann faces Lisa Dream in the final match of their beast of three for the Celestial title!

Gary: Remember the age limit? Oh, I’m sorry…I guess there’s one for commentating as well!

SMACK!!!

(Suddenly the lights dim and the crowd roars louder, hiding Gary’s reaction as a picture of Americana’s new poster displays itself and the woman herself strides proudly from behind the curtains. “God Bless America” begins to boom over the loudspeakers as Americana waves her American flag with vigor. She is wearing her traditional red white and blue unitard with the familiar blue and white cape. She takes care to find a few children within reach and hand them each one of her new posters)

Sandra: Doesn’t she look great!

Gary: Yeah..Its amazing what a lot of money and a little plastic surgery can do!

(Most of the crowd is cheering but not all. A chorus of boos can be heard sprinkled in with the rest.)

Gary: Sounds like some smart people out there haven’t bought Americana’s goody goody line!

Sandra: You build a hundred bridges… look!

Gary: Someone’s throwing things at her…I told you they weren’t buying it!

(Several small packets are indeed being thrown Americana’s way. Most fall harmlessly to the floor but one drops into her hand. She glances at it and sees it’s a packet of instant pudding. Frowning only for a split second, she lets it drop and makes her way into the ring. She asks the ring announcer politely for the mike and begins to speak..

“I know that I have disappointed many of my fans with the tactics I have used in the ring, and in the way I handled the Peggy Christian incident. Well tonight…in front of a national PPV audience, I hope to once again show that Americana is still the same clean honest fighter I always was. So I hope my fans can forgive me and once again show their support as I fight for the TV title! Thanks and god bless America!”

With that she hands the mike back as the crowd responds positively.)

Gary: I’m still not buying it!

(Just as Sandra raised her hand to respond the first few bars of the French national Anthem play then it is cut off. The lights go out and explosions, fireballs and spotlights go swirling. The Angeltron shows scenes of terrorism, violence, sex and explosions, followed by the Lords of Acid’s “Out Comes the Evil.” Yvette appears from the curtains clad in her white S and M style outfit with white crop and cape, then throws her head back and laughs and extends both arms, forming a “Y”. Merci follows her. Yvette curses and swears at the pathetic fools that have shown up to cheer against her. She stands confidently at the head of the ramp holding the belt above her head. She slowly descends, gesturing towards the ring.

“Is this what you want, old woman? Is this what you think you deserve? Ah, mon ami, take a good look at it now because it is the closest your ever going to get to such a prize! I would sooner destroy it in a fit of spite than allow your withered old hands to touch it! Like everything you Americans do you soil perfection and grace. You have no culture of your own, merely vestiges of others. You call McDonalds and bowling culture…I call it trash!

Yvette spies a flag and continues…

“Oh yes, this a perfect example of how you people react to things! Let us rally around the old flag. Your response, old woman, is to insult Skye Soaring Hawk, a noble member of a race that kept this nation of yours unsullied and virgin. Your response is to rape their land and murder their people! Then you have the unmitigated gall to call her lazy! Bah!! You disgust me!!”

(As Yvette and Merci make their way to the ring the Angeltron shows a pre match interview by Yvette. During it she shrugs off most of the questions from the reporter before grabbing the mike.

“The great Yvette Malreaux fears no person alive, least of all some ancient relic from an outdated and worthless federation! However, I have decided to take matters into my own hands. Nothing will stop me from finishing the task I have planned tonight! Americana, I plan to send your worthless carcass to hell! After I dominate you and leave you on the roadside where you belong, it will be this frozen tundra around you that will serve as your final resting-place! You have trifled with Yvette Malreaux and you shall be shown the painful, ultimate price of your foolish hasty actions!”

Yvette comes to the ring, handing Merci the belt and ascending the stairs into the ring.)

Sandra: What an attack by Yvette, she really is trying to get at Americana with these personal attacks but it will take more than that!

Gary: She will! Puddin’ Ass is out of her league here! She should have stuck to coaching soccer games!

Sandra: I wish you would stop calling her that!

Gary: If the shoe fits!

(Back in the ring the match has gotten under way. Americana moved with surprising speed and hip tossed Yvette to the mat, but the Marquise just sprang back to her feet and faced her opponent)

Sandra: Not bad for an old woman!

Gary: Time will tell…old woman!

(Once again Americana goes to the offensive, faking a lockup and grabbing one of her opponents arms and arm dragging her to the mat. Yvette this time rolls around wincing and grabbing her back like she is in pain. Americana gets to her feet and stands ready, not taking chances.)

Sandra: Smart move on Americana’s part! She knows the Marquise might be playing possum.

Gary: Americana should be cooking possum! “Get back in the kitchen old woman!!”

(Yvette seeing her opponent is still being cautious leaps back to her feet with ease and in a flash spins and nails Americana square in the jaw with a roundhouse kick, dropping her to the mat)

Gary: Now that’s my idea of a wrestler! I don’t know what Puddin’ Ass is thinking stepping into the ring against her!

Sandra: Why shouldn’t she. Peggy Christian has done it twice now!

Gary: A perfect example of what senility can do to the mind!

(Before Americana can recover she is rocked by a knee drop to her forehead, stunning her for a moment and giving Yvette the chance to wrap her opponents left knee in a painful stepover toe hold. Americana winces and stomps her free foot as Yvette twists her knee painfully. With an effort she plants a knee into Yvette’s belly and shoves hard, just managing to force her off and to release the painful hold. As Yvette stumbles back to the ropes Americana rolls to her stomach and scrambles to get up, but she is still a little dazed from the knee and turns her back on her opponent as she struggles up. Yvette sees this and bounces off the ropes, quickly grabbing Americana’s head and…)

Gary: BULLDOG!!

Sandra: Ouch! I think Americana really felt that one!

(As the patriot lay stunned on her stomach, Yvette rolled casually to her knees beside her. She spat as she spoke at her opponent.

“Bah! Your weakness is pathetic!”

She then gets to her feet and drags Americana up by her head, clamping a front headlock on her stunned foe.)

Sandra: I don’t like the look of this! Yvette is showing no mercy!

Gary: Why should she! She is only doing her a favor by putting her out of her misery!

Sandra: I think she might be taking her anger at Tiffany Lane out on Americana.

Gary: Why should she be angry? Yvette gave control of the Sisterhood to her!

Sandra: I don’t believe it! You ARE more stupid than you look! And that is QUITE an accomplishment!

Gary: Just what do you…..WOW!

(Back in the ring Yvette had taken her opponent and dropped down hard to the mat with devastating DDT! As Americana lay barely moving Yvette got to her feet and signaled Merci.)

Sandra: What is Yvette up to now? She has Americana at her mercy, why doesn’t she just pin her and end it?

Gary: Because she does have her at her mercy…and doesn’t want to show any!

(As Yvette stands at the ropes looking up the ramp Merci reappears followed by two big burly men pushing a huge vat on wheels. It had a cover on top hiding the contents, if any, from view.)

Sandra: What on earth is merci up to? What is she bringing down to the ring?

Gary: If I know the Marquise like I do…

Sandra: …but not like you would like to!

Gary: Hey! You never know how she might want to show her gratitude…

Sandra: Gratitude? What could a woman like the marquise ever be grateful to a man like…you for!

Gary: Umm…oh look! Yvette is showing where she wants the vat positioned!

(Yvette stood and beckoned over the ropes right in front of where she was standing, which was right next to the announcer’s table. As the men finished dragging the vat to the spot she waved her hand at Merci in an agitated fashion and her servant promptly removed the lid, revealing..)

Gary: Chocolate pudding!!

Sandra: Oh my gosh! What is she going to do with that? Wait a minute! How do YOU know what is in there?

Gary: I didn’t know! What do you…Oh NO!!

(Yvettes attention was still on the vat and its contents. She failed to notice her opponent stirring and paid for her distraction. With a wrestler’s instinct, Americana had recovered enough and seeing an opportunity, reached up from the mat and hooked the marquise between her legs. With one fluid motion she dragged her backwards over her own prone body and rolled her up into a…)

Sandra: SMALL PACKAGE!

Gary: No!!

Sandra: ONE!

TW…..

Gary: Kickout!!

Sandra: Great wrestlers move there! If she was a little less dazed I think we would have had a new titleholder!

(Americana, though still a little unsteady, sensed that the match might be slipping away. As both women got to their feet Americana grabbed Yvette’s arm and whipped her to the far ropes. Seeing Yvette bounce into the ropes Americana took a quick running two step and launched a flying drop kick, striking Yvette right in the…)

Gary: NOTHING THERE!!

Sandra: Oh no! Yvette hooked her arm on the ropes!

(At the last possible moment Yvette had stopped her rebound from the ropes and left Americana with nothing but air for her to connect with. The patriot landed awkwardly on the mat with a thud. Yvette came off the ropes and flew through the air, dropping a fist squarely on the jaw of her prone victim with a sickening crack!)

Sandra: Did you hear that? That was not normal!

Gary: It sounded like someone’s brittle jaw breaking. I tried to tell you she was too old…

SMACK!

Sandra: Speaking of brittle jaws!

(With Americana splayed on the mat, almost unconscious, Yvette sat on her heels beside the American icon.

“ Peg was a better opponent than you!” she said in Americana’s pretty face. “ I should put you out of your misery!”

With that she nodded her head and suddenly Merci started pounding the mat and yelling at the ref, distracting his attention.)

Sandra: That’s trouble!

Gary: Yes! Now watch a master at work!

Sandra: I don’t believe it!…she’s…

(Yvette reached into her boot while the referee was distracted and pulled a small vial from it. Making sure Merci was successful at her task, she quickly put it right up to her opponent’s mouth and sprayed! The pepper spray brought Americana back to life as she started to roll around the ring, coughing and sputtering with tears streaming from her eyes!)

Sandra: That’s disgusting!! She had no need to do that! What kind of sick mind would do that!!

Gary: The mind of a genius!

(As Americana rolled to a stop on her back Yvette signaled to the crowd and reached down at Americana’s feet.)

Gary: It must be time for the Third Estate!

Sandra: I think you…..NO!!

(Americana, fighting to the last had reached up and managed to grab Yvette and planting a foot in her stomach pulled and monkey flipped the Marquise to the mat!)

Sandra: Brilliant move! Americana just won’t lie down!

Gary: She’s only delaying the inevitable!

(It was a last ditch effort from the groggy patriot. Yvette, now visibly angry, got to her knees and drove her fist back into Americana’s forehead, opening a small cut on her forehead. Americana flopped back to the mat in a complete daze.)

Sandra: That’s not natural!! The referee should check Yvettes glove!

Gary: What do you mean! Americana has a glass forehead is all! Jeez!…Look out!

Sandra: The Third Estate!!

(Americana did not move from the tombstone piledriver. Yvette grabbed her feet and dragged her closer to the side of the ring where the vat was. Dropping her limp opponent on to her stomach, she spat on her before dropping a knee into her foe’s back…)

Gary: Here it is…the Bastille! It’s over!

Sandra: Nooo!! Wake up Americana!!

(Yvette pulled Americana’s arms back with a wicked grin on her face! The agony woke Americana back to reality as her limbs screamed from Yvettes patented submission move!

“Say it!! Say my name!!” shouted Yvette as Americana shook her head, tears slipping down her cheeks and mixing with the blood from the cut in her forehead.)

Sandra: Say it Americana!..Please say it!

Gary: (in a high pitched voice) Auntie Em, Auntie Em!!

Sandra: Oh shut up!

(Yvette pulled back harder as the referee asked if Americana wanted to submit. It was as if Americana sensed this was her last shot as she hung resolutely on, wincing and shaking her head!)

Gary: This is the end of an era! The new guard is taking over!

Sandra: Why doesn’t she give! She could be injured for life if she doesn’t stop this now!

Gary: Oh the humanity!

SMACK!!

(Yvette taunted more, trying to make Americana say her name!

“Come on mon ami, we already have the tears…SAY MY NAME!”)

Sandra: Why doesn’t the ref stop this..Why doesn’t he…

DING DING DING!!

(The ref was furiously waving at the timekeeper as Americana finally broke and nodded her head. Yvette heard the bell but held the hold.

“SAY MY NAME!!”

The referee finally took a hand and physically tried to force the Marquise form her beaten foe! After a few seconds and the ref’s efforts she finally released her hold and let her opponent slump to the mat.)

Sandra: Thank god!

Gary: It’s over! Yvette Malreaux has retained the TV title belt!

(Frustrated at her inability to force the American to say her name, Yvette tried to berate the referee, then gave up and signaled Merci as she grabbed Americana by her legs and dragged her to the ropes.)

Sandra: She’s not going to…!

Gary: YES!! Chocolate Puddin Ass!!

(Just as Yvette had got Americana to the apron, the security that the referee had requested when Yvette would not release the Bastille arrived and only just managed to save the patriot from a dunking. Foiled, she grabbed the belt and stormed up the ramp to the loud boos of the crowd as security helped a battered Americana to the dressing rooms)

Gary: What a great match! It’s a pity we couldn’t have had a pudding surprise…

SPLAT!!

(A large glob of pudding smacked into Gary’s face in mid sentence and a smiling Sandra finished.)

Sandra: We’ll be right back with more exciting action in a moment!

The winner: Yvette DeSade Malreaux by submission