Americana vs. Little Alexandra

Garry: Welcome back ladies and gentlemen. This next match features the new vs. the old, youth vs. Geezerdom, age vs., beauty.

Sandra: It features Little Alexandra vs. Americana.

Garry: I was getting to that. I just wanted to give the match a little build up. Make it exciting for the fans.

Sandra: These two wrestlers will make it exciting for the fans, I'm sure.

Garry: The only time Americana gets excited is when her Social Security check is late.

Sandra: Will you quit making those nasty comments about Americana's age? She is only 42 and in great shape.

Garry: Yeah, if you consider a bowl of pudding to be great shape.

Sandra: She has worked hard in her comeback to the ring. She has won quite a few matches and you don't win in the Battling Ring Angels if you are not in good shape.

Garry: She got lucky a few times.

Sandra: Her wins were a result of skill, not luck. It looks like Americana is going to give a prematch interview. Lets go to our backstage reporter Jenna Jamaieson.

Jenna: I am backstage with Americana's high powered attorney Johnny Cockroach. Johnny, do you have anything to say before tonight's match?

(Johnny Cockroach smiles at the camera and begins to speak. Americana grabs the microphone and tosses it back to Jenna. Americana points back toward the dressing room.)

Americana: Johnny, go back and wait for me.

(Americana walks away from the camera saying nothing.)

Jenna: I guess there will be no interviews today. Back to you Sandra and Garry.

Sandra: Americana looks a little out of it. Like she is not thinking about tonight's match.

Garry: I have to say that she has never sounded better.

Sandra: I hope all this nonsense over suing BRA is over and Americana can just concentrate on her matches. The lawsuit has become her focus. She lost to Skye Soaring Hawk last week. She beat Skye easily at the first PPV. I think this suit has caused her to lose her focus on wrestling.

Gary: At least she has not lost her focus on food. Old Puddin' Ass doesn't seem to be able to get up from the dinner table.

Sandra: That is not true. Americana has gotten herself into great shape. You just haven't noticed because you are only interested in the young bimbos. A mature intelligent woman has no appeal for you.

Garry: That's not true I like intelligent women, as long as they also have great bodies.

Sandra: Here comes Americana now. Look at her honestly and tell me that she isn't a beautiful woman with an athletic body.

(Wearing her clingy, red white and blue outfit and a blue and white cape, Americana walks stoicly and unemotionally into the arena as the song "God Bless America" by Kate Smith blasts over the loudspeakers. She is not carrying the trademark American flag, nor does she smile or wave to the fans as she normally does.)

Sandra: Americana doesn't seem to be her normal self. She is ignoring her cheering fans. Where is the flag? I can't believe Americana entered the arena without her flag. Well Garry? Be honest, doesn't Americana look great? . . . Garry? . . . Garry? (The camera cuts to Garry who is staring at Americana with his tongue hanging out. Sandra elbows him in the ribs.)

Garry: Uggghhh . . . Wow! . . . She is a babe! Why have you been calling her Puddin' Ass all this time? You must need glasses, probably trifocals.

Sandra: I never called her Puddin' Ass. That's what you called her.

Garry: Yeah sure. Blame it on me. Everyone knows you're just jealous because she is a middle-aged woman and looks a hundred times better than you.

Sandra: WHAT?

Garry: Just shut up and quite insulting the American Sweetheart.

Sandra: Here comes her opponent, Little Alexandra.

(Beethoven's "Ode to Joy" is heard over the sound system. The lights in the arena dim. A spotlight shines on the wrestlers' entrance. Smashing Pumpkins' "The End is the Beginning is the End" replaces "Ode to Joy". Little Alexandra marches down the aisle carrying a large bag and a walking stick. She extends her arms in glory as the crowd boos her. She smiles and spins around taking in all the jeers and boos as if they were screaming her name in glory and admiration Alexandra reaches into her bag and begins pulling things out of it and throwing them on the floor of the arena. She empties nails, tacks, and pieces of scrap metal all around the outside of the ring in some circle.)

Sandra: What is that lunatic doing?

Garry: She is spreading objects outside the ring. It looks like she plans on taking this match outside the ring,

Sandra: This isn't a hardcore match. She can't do that.

Garry: Are you going to be the one to tell her that?

Sandra: Not me. I'll let the referee do it.

Garry: It looks like he is trying to tell her that now.

(The ref is yelling at Little Alexandra from inside the ring. Americana looks in horror at what Alexandra is spreading around the ring. Little Alexandra stops after she has formed a rough circle around the ring. The ref continues to yell at her. Little Alexandra merely smiles and drops the bag onto the floor of the arena by her corner. It lands with a loud clang. The ref questions Little Alexandra about the contents of the bag. Little Alexandra merely smiles at the ref and nods her head yes as she jumps onto the ring apron. She jumps over the ropes and awaits the bell. The ref makes a signal to a ring attendant as he also signals for the bell.)

Sandra: I can't believe the ref is starting the match with all those nails and things outside the ring.

Garry: They are OUTSIDE the ring. They will only have an effect if Americana gets thrown out of the ring or attempts to run away.

Sandra: It could also affect Little Alexandra if Americana throws her outside the ring.

Garry: Americana fights fair she would never do something like that.

(The fighters move to the center of the ring. Americana seems listless and preoccupied. Little Alexandra sneers at her.)

Little Alexandra: Prepare to become one with the spirit of your country.

(They lock up collar and elbow. As they are locked up, a ring attendant grabs Little Alexandra's bag and carries it from ringside to the back stage area. Little Alexandra pushes Americana into a corner. She grabs Americana's arm and sends her across the ring into the opposite corner. Americana hits the turnbuckle hard enough to make her head snap back. Little Alexandra fallows her and sends Americana back into the corner with a shoulder block. Americana hits the turnbuckle and groans as she slumps toward the mat. Little Alexandra grabs Americana's arm and prepares to whip her across the ring again. Americana reverses and sends Little Alexandra into the ropes. Americana bends over to backdrop Little Alexandra but she telegraphed the move. Little Alexandra stops short of Americana and nails her with a kick to the face. Americana 's head snaps back and she staggers backward Alexandra follows that up with a drop kick that catches Little Alexandra's firm but middle aged stomach. The patriot doubles over with a loud whoosh of exhaled air. Little Alexandra quickly gets to her feet and lifts Americana over her shoulders in a fireman's carry. Little Alexandra walks to the center of the ring and begins to spin.)

Sandra: Little Alexandra has Americana in an airplane spin.

Garry: Americana is screaming for the ride to stop, but only Little Alexandra knows when it will.

Sandra: I don't think that Americana will like the ending any more than she liked the ride.

(Americana screams as Little Alexandra spins faster and faster. Little Alexandra throws Americana upward off her shoulders. Americana screams as she rotates a few times on her own and then lands face first on the mat. Little Alexandra smiles as she walks over to Americana and places her foot on the back of Americana's head. Americana screams as Little Alexandra gives her a nasty boot scrape. Little Alexandra begins to kick and stomp on the fallen American Sweetheart. Americana curls up to protect herself from the pounding. Little Alexandra smiles to the crowd as they boo her loudly.)

Garry: Oh No! That lunatic is going to scare that great body of Americana.

Sandra: I think Americana has more to worry about then being scared. Those combat boots can do serious and permanent internal injuries.

Garry:That Little Alexandra is truly vicious. The back swing on her kick is getting larger with each kick.

(The kicks land with resounding smacks. Americana groans after each one land. Little Alexandra laughs as each kick lands. She pauses for a moment and stands over Americana.)

Little Alexandra: If the good Lord had wanted the elderly to compete, He would have not made their bones so brittle.

(Americana surprises Little Alexandra by grabbing her leg and twisting it. Little Alexandra falls on her back to the mat. Americana slowly gets to her feet while holding on to Little Alexandra's foot. She begins to wrap Little Alexandra's legs into a figure four leg lock. Americana gets the leg lock on. Little Alexandra begins to squirm. Americana doesn't lean back. She just keeps the hold on. Little Alexandra claws at the mat and begins to move toward the ropes. Americana seems to be paying little attention to Little Alexandra as she keeps the hold on. Little Alexandra finally reaches the ropes and grabs one. The ref signals for the break and Americana complies.)

Garry: I can't believe this! Americana had the figure four leg lock on but she didn't even lean into it. It's like she is just going through the motions.

Sandra: Even the cheering of her fans doesn't seem to be able to get Americana out of her stupor. This is strange.

(Little Alexandra gets to her feet rubbing her knee. Americana simply stands in the center of the ring waiting for Little Alexandra to act. Little Alexandra charges at Americana, who moves out of the way. Little Alexandra continues across the ring and rebounds of the ropes. Little Alexandra continues toward Americana, who hasn't turned around yet. Little Alexandra grabs Americana's head and drives it into the mat with a bulldog. Alexandra springs to her feet as Americana lies on the mat. Little Alexandra brings her to her feet with a handful of hair. Little Alexandra places the American Sweetheart in a reverse bear hug. She lifts Americana off the mat and goes to one knee. Americana is brought down hard on Little Alexandra's knee in an atomic drop. Americana screams in pain as she hobbles off Little Alexandra's knee her hands clutching her wounded groin. The ref warns Little Alexandra about the low blow. Little Alexandra smiles at the ref and nods her head yes. Little Alexandra grabs Americana and whips her across the ring. Alexandra catches her on the rebound and raises Americana over her head. She walks toward the ropes and slams Americana down outside the ring. Americana manages to grab the ropes and stay on the ring apron.)

Sandra: Little Alexandra misjudged how close she was to the ropes. Americana is lucky she grabbed the top rope or she would have landed on those nails and tacks.

Garry: I would hate to see anything happen to that luscious body. She has really worked hard getting herself into shape. I don't want some crazy psycho ward reject ruining it now.

(Americana holds on to the ropes as Little Alexandra tries to knock her to the floor of the arena with a series of punches and kicks. The ref steps between Little Alexandra and Americana forcing Little Alexandra back toward the center of the ring. Little Alexandra moves quickly and nails Americana with a drop kick just as Americana let go of the top rope. Americana is sent flying backward off the ropes to the arena floor.)

Garry: Little Alexandra kicked Americana too hard, She flew passed the nails and tacks and hit the barricade. Lucky for Americana.

Sandra: I don't know how lucky I'd call Americana. That barricade is solid steel. Americana seems to be in a lot of pain from that move.

(Americana slowly gets to feet as the ref begins to count. Little Alexandra stands at the side of the ring mocking Americana's painful movement. The crowd begins to boo loudly. A chant starts. "USA! USA! USA! The chant seems to have no effect on Americana. The count reaches 15 before Americana heads toward the ring. As she crosses the trail of metal, Little Alexandra runs and leaps over the top rope hitting Americana with a suicida planca. Americana crashes to the floor un top of the nails and tacks. She screams as she lands on them. Little Alexandra gets to her feet and laughs at Americana's obvious agony. She brings the bleeding patriot to her feet and puts Americana's head between her thighs. Little Alexandra wraps her arms around Americana's waist and grunts as she tries to raise Americana off the ground. The ref starts the count over as he screams for both wrestlers to return to the ring. Americana manages to block the move. Little Alexandra squeals in surprise as Americana raises her off the floor and sends Little Alexandra over her back and onto the floor with a surprise backdrop. Little Alexandra screams as her back lands on the nails and tacks.)

Sandra: A nice move by Americana. Just when you thought she was out it she surprises everyone with that backdrop.

Garry. Both wrestlers are bleeding profusely. I hope there is no permanent damage to Americana's beautiful back.

(Americana makes her way back to the ring as Little Alexandra gets to her feet. Little Alexandra grabs Americana's foot and tries to pull her out of the ring. Americana kicks Little Alexandra in the face freeing her foot. Little Alexandra staggers backward as Americana rolls under the bottom rope. Little Alexandra runs and slides under the rope as the count reaches 18. Americana rises to her feet and waits for Little Alexandra to act. Little Alexandra moves in quickly and begins to deliver a series of brutal lefts and rights to Americana's stomach and face. Americana manages to block some but is too slow to block them all. Quite a few get through with telling effect on Americana. Little Alexandra feints with a right hook to the head. Americana hands go up to block it. Little Alexandra then sends a hard kick to Americana's undefended belly. Americana groans loudly as she doubles over. Little Alexandra laughs heartily at this. She then places Americana's head in a headlock and falls backward driving Americana's head into the mat with a DDT. Americana flops on the mat from the force of the DDT.)

Garry: Americana doesn't seem to be focused on the match at all.

Sandra: I think that lawsuit has taken up all her time. Ever since she filed it, she has not won a match.

Garry: It's Johnny Cockroach's fault. If he hadn't talked her into suing BRA, she would be able to concentrate on her matches.

Sandra: I think you are right about that.

Garry: I hate lawyers. They take all the fun out of everything. You know one of those bottom feeders ruined my love life for a while. That harassment suit had no basis in fact. A few phone calls aren't harassment.

Sandra: You were sued for harassing someone? I didn't know about that.

Garry: Ahh . . . I can't talk about it. It's still pending.

(Little Alexandra brings Little Alexandra to her feet. Little Alexandra takes Americana in a spinning neck breaker in a clockwise rotation and sends her crashing to the mat. Little Alexandra rolls Americana up in a match book pin. The ref drops to the mat and slaps his hand on the mat three times. Alexandra releases Americana and jumps to her feet, her hands clasped over her head in victory.)

Sandra: Americana is just out of it tonight. She didn't even make a serious effort to get out of that pin.

Garry: I don't know what has gotten into her. I admit I made fun of her but she always gave a good match. Tonight she didn't seem to be even trying.

Sandra: I hope there is nothing wrong with her.

(Little Alexandra walks toward her corner and sees that her bag of tricks is missing. She turns to the ref and starts screaming at him. The ref points to the back stage area. Little Alexandra stomps around the ring screaming at the ref. She reaches into the pocket of her pants and pulls out a couple of sheets of paper. Americana has gotten into a sitting position on the mat. Little Alexandra goes to Americana and shoves the papers into Americana's mouth.)

Little Alexandra: That's a copy of your contract. You can use it as evidence in your law suit.

(Little Alexandra leaves the ring and arrogantly struts out of the arena to a loud chorus of boos from the crowd.)

Garry: That was rude.

Sandra: It was totally uncalled for. She won the match, she didn't need to treat Americana like that.

(Americana slowly rises to her feet. She signals for the ring attendant to give her a mic. Americana takes the mic and addresses the crowd. She speaks in a sad, emotionally distraught voice.)

Americana: "I have decided to take a break from being a wrestler in BRA in order to re-evaluate my invovlement in this organization, re-assess my lawsuit against it and decide what I want to do in the future. I apologize to my fans and to my fellow BRA wrestlers for any incocnvienace that I may have caused them."

(With that, Americana lays the microphone down on the canvas and walks slowly out of the ring and back toward the locker rooms, her head hanging low)

Sandra: There is nothing we can add to that.

Garry: (Sadly) You're right. I'll miss her. You should never have made fun of her by calling her "Puddin' Ass". I hope you're happy.

Sandra: ME? I never called her . . .

Garry: Don't make excuses now, it's too late. We have to go to commercial.

The winner LITTLE ALEXANDRA by pinfall.