, “Mama Mia” and “Debbie does Medusa”. Finally the camera stops on the announcers table where a solitary figure gets ready to speak.)

Sandra: Welcome back to another exciting match. Next up we have one of the talented rookies to BRA taking on one mean lady with a lot of history behind her.

(Gary finally shows up and takes his seat in somewhat of a hurry, a fresh mustard stain plainly visible on the front of his shirt.)

Gary: mmmmffffff….

Sandra: Roughly translated, I ‘m sure glad I managed to stuff that eighth hot dog into my fat gob and wear most of it on my already filthy shirt before making a fool of myself in public again!

(Gary looks at his shirt and hastily rubs the mustard in with his bare hand, spreading it further.)

Gary: At least I can eat without it showing on MY figure!

Sandra: It would take a hot dog the size of Lake Michigan to show on YOUR figure!

(There is a sudden boom of timpani, then a brief moment of silence before Elgar’s Cello Concerto fills the arena. Then the curtain parts and Debbie Loretto, dressed in black combat pants and a black midriff top steps out, pumping her fist in the air. )

Sandra: Here is one of the premiere rookies in BRA today!

Gary: They how come she has not won a match yet! I’m sure I can help her find some work.

Sandra: Let me guess..at…OH MY GOD!…what just happened?

(As both commentators look to the ramp they see Debbie Loretto sprawled face first on the ramp, a folded metal chair lying beside her. Up in the ring the referee has an equally puzzled expression on his face. It is obvious to all what has happened but no one apparently saw it. A few irate fans are trying to get their voices heard above the rest.)

Sandra: I can’t believe it! Has no one seen what happened?

Gary: I think she shows more promise as a door mat than a wrestler. Still, what a waste of good womanhood!

(Just then the lights go down and Dvorak’s 9^{th symphony: New World 4th movement is heard throughout the arena. Medusa Rage storms out in a hurry, dressed in her standard black spandex and black fingerless glove on her right hand. She immediately grabs Debbie by the hair and bodily drags her to her feet. As several fans point eagerly to her, seemingly trying to get a message across, Medusa drags her stunned opponent to the ring and throws her in under the ropes.)}

Sandra: That’s cruel. It was obvious who hit Loretto with the chair. I cannot believe the referee missed it!

Gary: I saw him looking at a blonde in the third row. Who can blame him!

(Medusa wastes no time in following her seemingly dazed opponent into the ring. As she approaches Loretto again the ref, blocking her way meets her.)

Gary: What is he doing, get out of the way, ref!! Cant you see there’s a wrestling match going on!!

Sandra: There will be when the bell rings, nitwit!

(Medusa, living up to her name, turns on the ref in a rage, cursing him and pointing at the bell. After a couple of moments he finally points to the timekeeper and the sound of the bell is heard. As Medusa turns to resume the attack she is shocked to meet Debbie’s boots in her chest and she drops to the mat with an amazed expression on her face)

Sandra: Terrific dropkick! What a recovery by Debbie Loretto!

Gary: I admire her guts, but the referee blatantly interfered and gave her the chance to recover!

Sandra: Nothing more than she deserved after that despicable attack by Medusa before the match.

Gary: What attack? You didn’t see any attack! I’m sure she just tripped over that chair someone left laying carelessly on the ramp!

Sandra: Sometimes you are so dense! No, I take that back!

Gary: Thank you.

Sandra: You’re dense ALL the time!

(As Loretto gets to her feet she appears to still be sluggish, and is met with a swift kick to the knee that staggers her as she steps back to the ropes. Rage gets up after recovering from the dropkick and moves swiftly to her opponent and like a cat brings a knee up deep into Loretto’s midsection, making her gasp and sag into the ropes.)

Sandra: Knee hard to the belly of Loretto. I think that dropkick only made her opponent madder!

(As Loretto slumps over, Rage quickly grabs her head and snap suplexes her to the mat. She then gets up and whips the dazed Loretto hard to a corner. As the rookie slumps after the impact she is met by a running elbow smash just below the throat.)

Gary: ouch! She is pretty fast for a big woman! Loretto doesn’t have a chance to get a look in!

Sandra: It’s no wonder, after the assault with the chair at the beginning, no one has a chance after something like that!

Gary: You still can’t prove it! If the ref didn’t see it, it didn’t happen! And if she doesn’t get out of that corner soon, she won’t be able to walk!

(Rage has Loretto trapped in the corner, working her in close. Kicks, stomps and European uppercuts rain on the rookie as Medusa attacks relentlessly, not giving her opponent a chance to counter. The referee steps in to try and break it and Medusa steps back for a second before moving in again, this time wrapping Loretto’s head in a headlock and running across the ring before…)

Gary: BULLDOG!!

Sandra: That was hardly necessary! She’s got poor Debbie where she wants her already. This is really going to test the mettle of the rookie tonight. She wanted to be tested and Rage is giving her the exam of her short career tonight!

Gary: Just as long as she doesn’t damage anything!

Sandra: Loretto is a very talented wrestler. I see a strong future for her in BRA.

Gary: Yeah, as a cleaning lady, or maybe a masseuse for overworked announcers!

Sandra: (ignoring the comment) I think she needs to be brought in a little slower against someone not as strong as Nina LaRue or Medusa Rage.

Gary: You mean against the cleaning lady?

Sandra: I mean against someone who wont try to end her career, like Veronica Millions or Peggy Christian.

Gary: Like I said, the cleaning lady!

(Rage gets to her feet and mercilessly starts to work one of Loretto’s knees over, first with a kneedrop, then an elbow drop, causing the rookie to wince with pain, before grabbing her foot and dragging her to the corner)

Sandra: I don’t like the look of this, and neither does the ref!

(As Rage slips to the floor she pulls Loretto’s legs around the ringposts as the rookie screams defiance. The ref starts to caution Medusa, causing her to stop in her assault. Taking advantage of the moment’s lapse, Loretto takes her free foot and drives it into Medusa’s chin, sending her flying back into the railing.)

Sandra: Oh wonderful!! That was a great show of defiance by the rookie! She refuses to lay down and die!

Gary: That might not be a bad suggestion for her…the lying down I mean…I could…

Sandra: ..keep it to yourself, you sicko!

(As Rage tries to get to her feet, Loretto slides out of the ring and drops to her feet, but stumbles slightly as she puts weight on her hurt knee. This gives Rage the narrow break she needed. With surprising quickness for a big woman she sends a dropkick right into Loretto’s injured knee, dropping the rookie painfully to the floor. The ref starts counting in the background as Medusa hovers over her fallen opponent. “Genius! Where’s all that textbook stuff now!” she snarls before hauling a pained Loretto to her feet and ramming her head into the ringpost….twice…three times…)

Sandra: Medusa better watch it or she will end up getting counted out!

Gary: Maybe she will stop hurting the poor girl then!

Sandra: Debbie is out of her element here. This is Medusa’s territory!

Gary: But Debbie’s the one who brought it out here! Big mistake!

(Medusa rolls a dazed Loretto into the ring and follows suit long before fear of a countout. As she gets in she hoists the stunned rookie onto the top turnbuckle before climbing up herself)

Gary: (singing)…and now…the end is near…I have to fear…your done Loretto!

Sandra: The Rage slam! Oh no!!

(Just as the announcer speaks Medusa takes her stunned opponent and leaps from the turnbuckle, powerslamming her into a table beside the announcers position. Loretto crashes through the table and onto the floor, lying among splintered wood and empty hot dog wrappers, barely moving. Rage gets up slowly and pulls the barely conscious rookie up and almost carries her to the ring, once again rolling her under the ropes.)

Gary: I have to admire the brutal destruction of her opponent, but she may not have left enough of her to give me my massage later!

Sandra: Have you no pity! This is brutal! Something like that could end someone’s career. It would be a tragedy if Debbie Loretto could not wrestle anymore! She is going to be a force to be reckoned with very soon!

Gary: Yeah, when the seas turn to pudding!

Sandra: What is it with you and pudding? I almost think your missing Americana!

Gary: Me!! Miss old puddin’ ass! I think it’s the smartest thing she ever did retiring! Now she can go and study quilt making or something else appropriate to her age!

(Back in the ring Medusa takes the rookie and twists her into a stepover toe hold and grabs her into a camel clutch at the same time.)

Gary: The constrictor! This ones over!

DING DING DING

(As Gary speaks the bell starts to sound in the background as Loretto pounds the mat, the pain too much for her. The ref starts to count as Medusa maintains the hold, finally releasing it at the count of four. She drops Loretto and raises a hand in the air to a chorus of boos from the crowd.)

Sandra: There you have it, not a popular victory, but a brutal one!

Gary: …and she left her intact too!

The winner by submission: MEDUSA RAGE