Tina Dream & Veronica Millions
vs.
Kimie Kurita & Mia Lexington

{ As the show returns from a commercial, the BRA insignia can be seen superimposed on a wide-angle camera shot of the crowd of roaring fans who await the next match. Sandra and Garry sit at the announcers' table, ready to offer their unique insights. }

Sandra: Welcome back folks! The next match on our card features Tina Dream and Veronica Millions, two lovely and well established...

Garry: (interrupts) Skanks, hey I knew you were gonna say skanks so I just thought I'd do the audience a favor and save them the trouble of having to hear your voice.

Sandra: (glares) Don't make me come over there. Anyhow, they are up against two relative newcomers of questionable moral character who have nonetheless made some big strides lately. "The Daisy" Mia Lexington...

Garry: Mmmm, she certainly does have some Legs-ington

Sandra: ...and the little dragon Kimie Kurita. I would tell you to get your mind out of the gutter Garry, but then it would be homeless. Hey, it looks like the match is almost ready to start.

{ Fireworks go off in the entranceway as Tina and Veronica's music, "Breaking the Law" by Judas Priest, begins to pound over the P.A. Suddenly Tina and Veronica simultaneously cartwheel through the sparks and smoke, waving to the crowd. They are wearing red satin bikinis and low-cut black boots. Veronica also has on a gold 'Body Shop' jacket and sunglasses. They are both carrying tiny red bags. They reach into the bags and produce Hershey kisses and heart candies, which they toss into the crowd. }

{ Tina and Veronica stride confidently to the ring, and when they come near they also hand out candy to the announcers. Trailing slowly behind them are Callisto, Katie and Sherry, who silently follow to offer their support. A few yards in front of them are four security guards. }

Sandra: As you can see, they are going with a Valentines day theme. What kind, lovely hearts they have.

Garry: (munching) yep, and lovely hooters to cover them up so I don't have to gag. Speaking of gag, Sherry and her cronies aren't in this match, they have no right to be here. Well at least there are security guards to make sure they don't interfere.

Sandra: They are all here to make sure nobody interferes, but it's much more likely to be that weirdo Zantara than anyone else.

{ Sherry, Katie, Callisto and the four guards spread out around the ring area as Veronica steps up and grabs the announcer's microphone. }

Veronica: Okay everyone, we all know that you are the world's greatest fans and we all know how good Tina and me look in bikinis, but I have a message to Zantara. Zantara, it is illegal for you to come out here and get involved so just stay in the back and watch us on television. If you come out these security guards will have to take you away to jail. And I will turn up the heat so maybe you will melt.

{ Veronica hands the microphone back to the announcer and heads with her partner toward the ring. Just then, a dark figure in a large hat and trenchcoat charges out of the crowd, heading straight for Dream and Millions. However, Sherry spots the intruder in due course and executes a flying tackle well before the attacker can even come close. }

{ Katie, Callisto and two of the guards come to help, and their combined force holds the attacker motionless on the side of the apron. Sherry lifts the attacker's wide-brimmed hat and has a hearty laugh when she uncovers the bright red face of Kimie Kurita, who wriggles uncomfortably, trying to force a giggle. Sherry rams her head into the apron a few times until she stays still and quiet. }

Sandra: Well, it looks like that little stunt backfired in a big way. Mia Lexington hasn't even come out yet, and already she's going to be at a disadvantage.

Garry: That's the first thing you've said all night that makes sense! That Sherry is a menace to civilized competition, the way she's always cheating to give her friends an unfair advantage. They should have her banned from the arena.

Sandra: Kimie got what she deserved and you know it.

{ The lights dim a bit as a red daisy appears on the Angeltron. "Supervixen" by Garbage blasts through the arena without warning, and the name of Mia Lexington appears in blue on the screen. The effect on the crowd is instantaneous and somewhat mixed. They are excited but want this match to start already. Mia appears from the backstage area. Her long brown hair falls past her shoulders, glistening in the rays of the twin spotlights that shine upon the angel. Mia's upper body is covered in a tight fitting, black sports-bra with an Adidas symbol on the left breast. Her feet remain encased in her lustrous black wrestling boots. Twin kneepads adorn her knees, black in front, white in back. This outfit is completed by a thong-like groin protector, like those worn by female boxers. }

{ As the music plays on, Mia stops at the entrance. She points to her groin protector with her index finger, then taps the same finger against her temple. Mia has come prepared! She smiles, seeming proud of herself and her intellect. She continues up to the ring, but her concentration is broken by the sight of her partner being held still, sandwiched between five bodies and looking quite embarrassed, while her opponents bounce confidently around in their corner. } { Mia makes a quick threatening motion toward Sherry, who waves the others off to release Kimie and slams Kimie's head against the apron one more time before sending her into the ring. Seeing no other alternative, Mia jumps up to her corner as the match starts. }

Garry: Well, the match is finally underway, now that Mia scared away all the Body Jobbers, but their unprovoked cheating left the little dragon at a real disadvantage.

Sandra: They were just preventing Kimie from seizing an unfair advantage herself, and they let her go as soon as the match started. Speaking of which, Tina throws her into the corner, and follows her in, jumping up high for a monkey flip! Wow! Did that ever add momentum! The crowd is going wild! Dream gets up fast and charges over to the dragon. She pulls her up to her feet, locks her head and... swinging neckbreaker!

Garry: Hey look, it's Zantara Freakazoid! I guess the guards are on their lunch break.

Sandra: lunchtime was eight hours ago, stupid. Zantara is coming down the ramp to the ring area, and I don't even think Sherry or Katie is paying attention. With all the excitement earlier, they must have figured the surprises were over.

{ Zantara strides slowly and purposefully up to the table. She watches the match for a moment, as Tina tags Veronica in and they both go to work on an already stunned Kimie, who is clearly in trouble. }

{ Mia waves her hands and stomps on the apron, but there is nothing she can do about the double suplex that follows. To huge cheers from the crowd, Tina Dream shakes her fist in the air and bounces outside. Zantara grabs one of the microphones and backs away a few steps. }

Garry: Hey, what's that freak doing?

Sandra: Well, it seems as if Zantara Underworld has something to say. Maybe she has a special sweetheart who she wants to kill today. After all, it is Valentines.

Garry: I never thought I'd say this, but you might be right Sandra. There could be someone she wants to give some dead flowers to, or maybe a black heart-shaped box of dirt. (he looks back to the ring) Oww! that has to hurt.

{ Veronica, excited at starting with a big advantage, drops a knee to the back of Kurita, who twitches and flails weakly, face-down on the mat. Millions repeats the move two more times and follows it up by grabbing Kimie's feet and locking her into a boston crab. }

Zantara: (shouting) What a totally lame move by Veronica Millions! She just applied the most ineffective submission move in wrestling history.

{ A hush comes over the crowd, as everyone in the building turns to regard Zantara. Even the referee is not immune to this distraction, so the Daisy quickly charges in and takes advantage. Before Millions can unhook Kurita's legs, she finds her face planted to the mat in a DDT. Tina tries to run in too, but Mia slides back to her corner just as the referee returns his attention to the ring. }

{ Finding Tina inside the ring illegally, the ref pushes her back toward her corner. Veronica, now rolled over onto her knees, shouts at Sherry, Callisto and the security guards to go and arrest Zantara. Mia takes advantage once again, using the middle rope to slingshot herself through the ropes, back into the ring feet first. The soles of the Daisy's feet connect flush with the kneeling Veronica's face, snapping her neck backward. The crowd is ambivalent, unsure exactly what just happened. Millions slumps forward side-by-side with Kurita, who has used the time bought by Zantara to recuperate a bit from her earlier thrashing. }

{ Again Mia gets back to her corner before Tina convinces the referee to turn back around. Kimie rolls over on her side and gives Millions a short kick to the head. The little dragon crawls on her stomach toward Mia, who is reaching out her hand and encouraging Kimie to move quickly. Meanwhile, the guards begin to close on Zantara, who whips out a large, heavy pipe, causing them to back off. None of them seem to want to be the first to get hit. }

Sandra: Both Kimie and Veronica are down and not in great shape, so now it's a race to see who can tag in their partner first. Kimie has sustained heavy damage, but she's had a short rest while Veronica got nailed twice.

Garry: Oh I'm sure it's been a lot more than twice. She's probably even more loaded with lovers than she is with dollars and cents.

Zantara: That would be no "cents" at all. If Veronica has so much money, why couldn't she put that money to good use by investing it in wrestling classes for herself? She sure needs them!

Sandra: (sighs) I'm surrounded by morons. Oh well. Kimie has reached Mia first, and the Daisy charges in. Veronica makes the tag too, and Tina starts to climb the ropes for a high-risk maneuver. No! The Daisy catches her before she can take off.

Garry: That Daisy can really move! What a hottie! Mia catches Tina in the stomach as she's climbing. The Daisy climbs up and plants her feet. She brings Tina into the ring with a second rope superplex! Now all four of them are down.

Zantara: Yes, these girls are in worse condition than Sandra over here! Another pathetic showing by Tina.

Sandra: (rolls her eyes) Very funny, at least I don't think I'm a god that nobody's worshipped for three thousand years. Well, you have to admit it's been a very exciting match to watch.

Zantara: Yeah, exciting like watching an old person wrinkle up!

Garry: Hey, keep Puddin' Ass out of this, she's retired now!

{ Lexington is first to get up, and she locks Dream in a figure four head scissors, keeping her grounded. The other two are still too weak to think of interfering, so Tina twists about and kicks her legs to try to escape, albeit unsuccessfully. }

{ Meanwhile, another figure slithers quietly down the entrance ramp. It is Missy McKinley, guitar in hand, wearing a sequined, Elvis-inspired jumpsuit. She regards three of her arch rivals in the ring, sticking her tongue out and making childish faces at Veronica. The crowd sees Missy and boos begin to ring out. Millions, who is just now coming to her senses after Mia's sneak attacks, shrugs her shoulders at the foolish display and turns her attention to the ring. McKinley stealthily approaches, but finds her way blocked by the four security guards, who are still trying to wrest the steel pipe from Zantara. In frustration, Missy starts swinging her guitar, which connects with one of the guards, knocking him into Darling Katie. }

{ Missy's second swing connects with yet another guard, who ends up unconscious on the ground, with the guitar stuck over his head. The remaining two guards and the Body Shop members all pile on to McKinley and start pounding on her, while Zantara stands off to the side and cackles in an eerie fashion. The melee outside the ring has once again distracted the referee. Veronica sees this, jumps to the top rope, drops her leg on an unsuspecting Mia's throat and rolls back out before the ref sees her. Oohs and ahs can be heard from the crowd as Tina rolls away and begins to recover, both she and Mia massaging their hurt necks. }

Sandra: It looks like, pardon the expression, all Hades has broken loose. Sherry, Katie, Callisto and the two guards who are conscious all seem to have dragged Missy McKinley back to the dressing rooms.

Garry: They're just jealous of her singing talent so they want her out of the way. It's just like them to be so petty. Hey, it looks like someone's getting up.

{ Tina is the first to tag her partner, and Veronica rushes in. Millions catches the Daisy just as she stands up. However, Mia strikes first, landing a kick to the gut. Mia then backs up, bounces off the ropes and hits Veronica with a flying bodypress in the center of the ring. }

Zantara: looks like Veronica Millions is about to lose yet again. I wonder how long it will take before losing stops being a surprise to her. What stupidity!

The ref counts ONE...

TWO...

Sandra: Hmmmmmmmm..... not quite.

{ Veronica kicks out before the ref's hand comes up for the third count. Frustrated, Mia pulls Veronica up by the hair and kicks her in the stomach again, pushing her head downward and beginning to lean back. }

Garry: I see it coming, Mia's going for the Shrinking Violet!

Sandra: No, she got knocked back! I think Veronica hit her with a low blow! Good thing she was wearing that boxing gear!

Zantara: All the groin punches in the world can't save that tart Veronica from the wrath of the underworld at the next pay-per-view.

{ The crowd boos Veronica, as Mia staggers back a bit. Though her groin cup protected her from harm, the Daisy still felt the blow somewhat, and could not complete her finishing move. Neither wrestler is seriously hurt, but both Mia and Veronica are slightly winded, so they run back to their respective corners and tag their partners simultaneously. }

{ Kmie and Tina come into the ring toward each other. Kimie giggles arrogantly. She fakes a low snap kick and drops her leg, using her other to execute a spinning kick to Tina's head, but Tina jumps out of the way and bounces off the ropes. Kimie fakes another low blow and goes for an eye rake, but Tina runs under it and off the ropes again.

Sandra: The little dragon misses. This is inexperience, she should realize that she's taken some damage and she's not as fast now as she was at the beginning of... Whoa!

Garry: Dream got lucky, her feet landed right on Ms. Kurita's chin even though it was a sucky dropkick.

Sandra: You really ARE stupid! That was among the finest, most devastating dropkicks I've ever seen, and Kimie's reeling once again, right into Veronica's corner. Uh-oh! Veronica slaps Kimie hard in the face and she staggers backward.

{Tina does a rope-flip moonsault arm drag and Kurita goes down hard, again in the wrong place. Mia screams from the opposite corner, but the crowd screams louder, cheering at a fever pitch. Dream reaches out and tags in her partner, who jumps in and drops a knee on Kimie's outstretched arm. Millions picks a stunned Kimie up and bodyslams her onto the top turnbuckle, hanging her upside-down in the corner now occupied by Tina. Veronica tags Tina again and wraps up the flip-flopped Kurita by her waist, in position for a tombstone piledriver. The crowd goes crazy in anticipation, as Tina jumps to the top rope and grabs Kimie's legs. Veronica jumps backward as Tina jumps forward, and in an instant Kurita goes from dizzy to unconscious. }

Sandra: MY GOD!!! A spike piledriver! She's not going to get up from that one anytime soon!

Garry: This is all Sherry's fault! If she hadn't interfered...

Tina covers the laid-out Kimie and the referee drops down to count. Mia charges in to help, but Veronica steps in her way, and all Mia can do is watch as the ref counts...

ONE...

TWO...

THREE

The referee confirms what everyone else knows, and the bell mercifully sounds.

DING! DING! DING!

{Veronica runs back to her corner and retrieves from her little bag a can of spraypaint. But Mia is already tending to her fallen partner, and Tina seems not to want any part of humiliating their adversary, so Millions decides to leave well enough alone. She gives Zantara a dirty look, then she and Tina resume sharing candy hearts and kisses with the kids in the first few rows. }

Zantara: I can describe this match in one word: Halitosis!

Sandra: Halitosis? That means bad breath! You must have been standing too close to Garry.

Garry: Hey! I brush my teeth every day, I swear!

Cut to commercial.

Winners by pinfall: Tina Dream and Veronica Millions