Missy McKinley vs. Tina Dream

(The camera pans the crowd as we come back from commercial The fans are one their feet holding signs that read: "Yvette for President", "Laura for President of Vice" and "Jenny for President of Cheers". The camera finally stops at the announcers' table. Sandra is dressed in a formal evening gown. Garry wears a beard and a large "stove pipe" top hat.)

Sandra: Welcome back ladies and gentlemen. We have a great match in store for you . . .

Garry: Four score and seven years ago . . .

Sandra: What are you doing?

Garry: It's President's day. I just wanted to give the audience a sense of history. That's why I am dressed up as President Abraham Lincoln.

Sandra: I don't think that the fans will believe you as "honest" Abe. You should have dressed up as another president. Maybe Warren G. Harding would suit you better.

Garry: a lot of people think that I have presidential stature. I have been toying with the idea of running for elective office. Do you really think I look like Warren Harding?

Sandra: I don't think you look like him. But you do share certain personality traits with him. He had so many mistresses that his nickname was Warren G. Hard-on.

Garry: I am going to report you to Miss Van Dreisel for talking dirty on TV. You should be ashamed of yourself. There are little children watching this show.

Sandra: Oh shut up. I heard all about it on PBS. They used that term for his nickname.

Garry: I never watch PBS. It's too dirty.

Sandra: It's not dirty. It is informative. Here comes Tina Dream.

(The entrance fills with smoke and fireworks, Tina suddenly cartwheels out through the smoke and sparks followed by Tina's old friend Callisto. Tina is wearing a full-length hooded robe with the hood pulled up and waving merrily to the crowd while 'Sweet Virginia Breeze' by Robbin Thompson plays over the PA. Reaching the ring Tina will bunce up the steps and slip through the ropes and parade around the ring teasing the crowd by slowly unfastening the robe while keeping her head hooded. Tina will nonchalantly primp and prance around the ring waiting for her opponent, while Callisto will stand at ringside with her arms folded waiting and watching )

Garry: Typical Shopper. She brings along someone else to help her cheat. Who is this one, Veronica Million's sister?

Sandra: This is Callisto, a new member that Sherry Ann brought in to help run the Shop.

Garry: Can she wrestle or does she just cheat like all the others?

Sandra: She has a lot of experience. I expect to see big things from her in BRA.

Garry: I see a couple of big things now on her.

(Slap)

Sandra: Get your mind out of the gutter.

Garry: I was just complementing her. I believe she has some great assets. Well, here comes her opponent, that Country Singing sensation! Missy McKinley.

("The sweet Nashville twang of "That Don't Impress Me Much" by Shania Twain fills the arena as out steps Daisy Crenshaw in a leather bodysuit and a black cowboy hat, she tips her hat to the crowd and smiles as she motions back to the entrance where Missy McKinley makes her grand entrance! Dressed in her white cowboy hat, vest and leggings, Missy glistens as the light hits the sequins on her get up! She holds high her classic-white wooden guitar as she raises her head to the sky, with the lights above shining in the lens of her sunglasses. She struts to the ring oblivious to the crowd and the world around her, Daisy holds the ropes open for her as she heads for center ring, and tosses her hat to the crowd like a frisbee, letting her long, flowing black hair fall down her back. Daisy steps in behind Missy and reaches around her unfastening the buttons on her vest, then tearing it open, revealing Missy's sequined, barely-there white bikini top. A few men in the crowd whistle as Missy climbs to the top rope and just looks out over the crowd, chuckling to herself. She tears away her leggings to show her zebra-skin boots that almost mold to her curvy legs, stopping just above her knees. Her sequined white hot-pants have her name "Missy" written eloquently across her backside. Missy motions Daisy over and whispers in her ear, certainly with instructions to keep both eyes open. Daisy gets behind Missy and slowly rubs her neck and shoulders as Missy gets ready to address the crowd! )

Sandra: That woman is strange.

Garry: Shhh! I think she is going to sing.

Missy: "Now, before we get this little shindig going, I just wanna say one thing; MIA LEXINGTON? We're a lot alike! We're both incredibly sexy, we both have.......... good......... brains..... I mean, were both smart!! Yeah! And of course, we are both women of the 21st century in the sport of wrestling, we should be making love not war, well hehe, not MAKING love, but being in love...I MEAN, We should be friends! Ya know? So keep that in mind, ok? Now Daisy? I want you to keep an eye open for Ms. Lexington, if she comes out here, find her a seat, pour her a drink, make her comfortable. BUT, should that SICK SICK lesbian sex maniac, Veronica Millions show up, you take care of her, with a simple TWANG of the guitar, ya got it!" Daisy nods in agreement.....

"All right! Lets get this show going! Tina, ill go easy on ya, I know your a little....well.........SLOW!"

Sandra: At least she didn't sing.

Garry: Missy is a great singer. I hope some day she cuts loose and gives us all an earful of her beautiful singing voice.

(The ref calls both wrestlers to the middle of the ring. Tina is still wearing her full length hooded robe. The ref signals for the bell. Tina remains in the middle of the ring as Missy moves away from her toward the ropes. Suddenly Callisto helps someone vault into the ring behind Missy. This woman starts to attack Missy from behind driving her to the mat.)

Garry: Well Tina started in early with her cheating this match. She just got someone else to attack Missy from behind.

Sandra: That isn't someone else. That is Tina.

Garry: What?

Sandra: The first person in the ring was Tina's double. Look! She's taken off the robe that is not Tina. Tina is the one attacking Missy.

Garry: Another trick from the Body Shoppers. Do they ever fight fair?

Sandra: Well, this trick worked. Tina has Missy down on the mat.

(After a moments confusion, the ref realizes who the real Tina is. He chases out the fake one. Missy is on the mat curled into a ball as Tina kicks at her. Missy manages to roll out of the ring to regain her bearings. Daisy helps her to her feet as the ref begins to count.)

Sandra: Tina gained an early advantage with that attack of hers. Missy is really feeling the effects.

Garry: That's why the Shoppers cheat. It is the only way they can win.

Sandra: The Shoppers don't cheat. This was not cheating it was a trick. If Missy had been paying attention, she would not have been caught napping like that.

Garry: I think you can come up with abetter excuse for Tina's cheating than that.

(Missy climbs back into the ring at the 15 count. Tina moves quickly toward Missy but Missy hops out of the ring again. The ref begins to count and Missy reenters at the count of eight. Again Tina moves toward Missy and Again Missy jumps out off the ring. The ref begins to count as the fans boo the lack of action.)

Sandra: Missy seems to fear Tina.

Garry: The only thing we have to fear is fear it self.

Sandra: Did you make that up?

Garry: Yes.

(A frustrated Tina paces back and forth in the ring as Missy gets back in the ring. The ref warns her about being Dqed for not fighting. Tina again moves toward Missy. Missy jumps back, Tina stoops as she expects Missy to jump out of the ring. Instead Missy nails her with a thrust kick to the belly. She grabs Tina in a headlock and leaps backward driving her head into the mat with a DDT. Tina flops to the mat. Missy quickly gets to her feet and pulls Tina up by her hair. Tina crashes to the mat courtesy of a hair mare by Missy. Missy is quickly to her feet. She stomps on Tina's leg. Tina cries out in pain as the boots impact the back of her thigh and knee.)

Garry: Missy turns things around with a trick of her own.

Sandra: Tina's leg is taking quite a pounding.

Garry: Smart move on Missy part. She's tasking away the mobility of the smaller wrestler.

(Missy attempts to put Tina in a figure four leg lock. Before she can get the hold applied, Tina kicks Missy in the gut, doubling her over. Tina delivers another kick top the head which sends Missy flying backwards. Missy lands on the mat on her posterior. Tina gets to her feet and massages her sore leg. Missy tries to get the cobwebs out of her head. Missy gets to her feet and the two wrestlers approach each other. Tina lets loose with a series of punches to Missy's Midsection. Missy returns some, but Tina's get through more often Missy doubles over from the effects of the punches. Tina puts Missy in a full nelson and slams her to the mat. Missy hits the mat hard rolling on the mat clutching her back. Tina gets to her feet and tries to grab Missy's arm. She is met by one of Missy's snake skin boots connecting with her knee. Tina screams and hobbles backward. Missy gets to her feet. Daisy is yelling encouragement to Missy.)

Daisy: "Yeah! Show her who the sexiest woman in BRA is!"

(Missy grabs Tina's hand and whips her into the ropes. Reversal by Tina sends Missy into the ropes instead. On the rebound, Tina goes for a clothes line, but Missy ducks under it. Missy rebounds off the ropes and attempts a drop kick. Tina rolls out of the way of the drop kick and Missy hits the mat hard. Tina gets to her feet and puts Missy across her shoulders in firemen's carry. Missy screams as Tina begins to spin. She drops a now dizzy Missy on the mat. Tina grabs Missy and brings her to her feet before sending her into the turnbuckle. Tina Follows Missy in and monkey flips her out of the corner. Missy lands hard on the mat. Tina quickly slaps on a head scissors Missy struggles against the sleeper hold. Tina applies it tightly. Tina screams in pain as she breaks the head scissors and holds her thigh.)

Sandra: Did Missy bite Tina?

Garry: No. Missy Would never do that.

Sandra: Then why is Tina holding her thigh?

Garry: She must have gotten a cramp.

(Tina screams at the ref, who warns Missy about biting. Missy shrugs her shoulders and gets to her feet. Missy walks to Tina and puts her boot to TIna's throat. Missy presses down on Tina's neck, choking her. The ref orders the break but Missy refuses. Missy leans into the boot choke as the ref begins to count. Tina struggles mightily but is unable to move the foot from her throat. Missy steps away from Tina at the count of four. The ref is in Missy face yelling at her about the rules as Tina breathes deeply trying to get some oxygen onto her. Tina slowly gets to her feet as the ref allows Missy to get past him to Tina. Missy moves in confidently but is greeted by a punch to the stomach from Tina. Tina follows it up with a kick to the face. Tina runs to the ropes and jumps to the second she springs off with a flying summersault. She ends that with head butt to Missy's head. Missy eyes cross as she staggers about the ring. The head butt also has an effect on Tina as she is momentarily stunned. Tina regains her bearings first. She scoops Missy up and slams her to the mat. Tina runs to the turnbuckle and climbs to the top one. She leaps off and drops a leg across Missy's throat. Missy bounces and gags from the impact.)

Sandra: A well-executed guillotine leg drop seems to have taken the wind out of Missy sails. With any luck at all she won't be singing for a few days.

Garry: That would be a terrible loss. Missy is my favorite Country singer.

( Tina quickly wraps Missy in a pin attempt. Missy kicks out before the ref counts two. Tina hauls Missy to her feet. Missy pulls something out of her boot. She surprises Tina with a punch to the belly that doubles Tina over. Missy follows up with right hand to the face that opens a cut on Tina's cheek. Missy steadies Tina and hits her on the forehead, causing Tina to slump to the mat like a sack of potatoes.)

Garry: Missy has quite a powerful right jab. Three punches and she has Tina out cold.

Sandra: I think she has got some foreign object in her fist. Those punches aren't normal.

Garry: Missy doesn't need to cheat To beat Tina.

Sandra: The ref is suspicious too. He his checking Missy fists.

(The ref tries to check Missy but she spins around quickly. Something flies out of her hand and lands on the floor just beyond the barrier with a clang. The ref warns Missy about the use of foreign objects as the crowd boos her. She denies it all to the ref. Tina still seems out of it as Missy runs to the ropes. She leaps to the top rope and springs off it in an asai moonsault. Tina stirs to life at the last possible second and manages to get out of the way. Missy hits the mat with a thud, knocking the air out of her. Tina gets to her feet, shaking her head to get the cobwebs out of it. Missy lies on the mat moaning. Tina goes to Missy and forces her to sit up on the mat. She wraps her legs around Missy's waist and then applies a dragon sleeper to her. Missy struggles against the "perfect sleeper".)

Sandra: Tina has been able to get her finisher 'The Perfect Sleeper" on Missy. I don't think Missy is going to get out of this.

Garry: That misses Asai Moonsault did her in. I don't think Missy has the strength to break this hold.

(Missy struggles weaken. She slumps in the hold. The ref raises her hand once, it flops to the mat. He raises it again with the same results. A third time brings the same results. The ref signals for the bell.)

Ding! Ding! Ding!

(Tina releases the hold and the ref raises her arm in victory.)

Sandra: Tina Dream wins a hard fought victory.

Garry: You mean she cheated her way to another win.

Sandra: Tina never cheated once in this match. She upheld the values of the Body Shop throughout this match.

Garry: I see we agree on something. You say she upholds the values of the Body Shop. I say she cheated. Everyone knows that the Sop values cheating above all else.

The winner, by submission, TINA DREAM