Sandra: “ Welcome back folks! Our last match of the evening is about to…”

Garry: “ This match is an outrage! Why on earth is the beautiful, sexy, intelligent Laura Parker, being forced into match with the lunatic Lil Alexandria?”

Sandra: “ Not just any match, a hardcore match.”

Garry: “ Don’t remind me! This type of match is for rookies and has-beens; not superstars like Laura Parker. She is above this type of match!”

Sandra: “ Well, I believe the Archangel is sending a message, loud and clear to the BRA Roster. If you mess with her, you’re going to regret it. And I know that Laura is going to regret tonight.”

Garry: “ I don’t know who the Archangel think she is, but I know that Willie Wienersnitzel isn’t going to sit idly by and what his #1 talent deal with a psychotic Kubrick Wanna be!”

(The crowd starts to cheer as Beethoven’s ‘Ode to Joy’ starts up, Little Alexandra appears from behind the curtain with a wild stare, holding so many oddly shaped bags that she is almost buckling under the weight, her eyes barely visible over the piles of thing she has. ‘The End is the Beginning is the End’ begins to play as she stumbles down the ramp. One of the bag's falls from her grip, the sound of glass shattering, causes everyone in the arena to pause in horror. All except Alex who frowns as the fallen bag and then continues on. She dumps her bags by the side of the ring and then runs back and grabs the fallen bag. She scoots back to the ring and then hops up onto the ring apron. Finally the crowd gets to see her face and her outfit. Her bowler, tight white outfit, walking stick, white midriff shirt and suspenders)

Garry: “ Oh my god! What is she carrying …that’s a Sledgehammer sticking out of that bag!”

Sandra: “ Well, Alex isn’t the most stable wrestler in BRA”

Garry: “ STABLE!! Sybil was stable! This girl is a nut!”

(The lights in the arena dim as Duran Duran's "Girls on Film" begins to blast through the sound system. The spotlight shines on the entrance ramp to the ring. Laura steps through the curtain and smiles for her fans. She is greeted by the usual fan reaction of cheers, boos and catcalls. Laura is wearing blue spandex pants and sports bra with grey over the knee boots. She also wears grey over the elbow gloves. Behind Laura walks Willie Wienersnitzel, wearing his usual cranberry "disco" suit. The suit consists of a cranberry, crushed velvet jacket, with wide lapels, white ruffled shirt with the top four buttons unbuttoned Five pounds of gold chains around his neck and full Cleveland, (Matching White patent leather belt and shoes.) On his head, Willie wears what can only be described as the world's worst toupees. Willie carries a large glass mirror with him. Laura smiles her perfect beauty queen smile as she walks to the ring. Her smile is absolutely radiant, reflecting the light from the spotlight in little gleams. She waves to the crowd using her beauty queen wave, The hand stays in the same position but the wrist turns moving the hand from side to side. Laura steps into the ring and does a model's walk around the perimeter, stopping occasionally to pose for the appreciative fans. She walks to her corner and preens in front of the mirror while waiting for the match to begin )

Sandra: “ My god, that man has a ferret living on top of his head.”

Garry: “What? That is his natural hair, I only wish I had hair like Wille.”

( Alex stands in her corner, she smiles as Laura poses and pauses in front of the mirror. The Dentonvale Resident walks to the middle of the ring, spinning and mocking Laura’s movements)

Alex: ““Laura Parker - how adorable you are. But we’ll make you more - modern.”

( Laura pauses as she pulls out a framed portrait of U.S. President Millard Filmore, She holds the frame up as Alex charges in. Laura swings it down, breaking the glass across Alex’s head.)

Sandra: “Well, that is no way to treat our 13th President!”

Garry: “Filmore, the man that lobbied to eliminate Imprisonment for debt ….ahhhh”

Sandra: “ Alex is cut!”

( A trickle of blood starts to stain Lil Alex’s blonde hair.)

( Alex stumbles backwards, wiping the glass out of her face. Laura quickly digs her hands into another bag and then squeals in disgust. She quickly pulls her hand out, holding a large quantity of rancid meat. Laura is absolutely horrified at what she is holding. She turns as Alex runs into her at full steam )

Sandra: “ Spear by Alex! Both grapplers are on the ground!”

( Alex quickly gets on top of Laura, using her size and strength of pin the model down. Laura screams as Alex grabs the handful of meat and smashes it into her face)

Garry: “Oh the humanity!”

( Alex then starts hammering meat filled punches down into Laura’s head and chest. The model squirms and squeals, attempting to block the blows, more afraid of the meat than the actual impacts of the fists.)

Alex: “Destruction, pain and tolchocks are the orders of the day!”

Laura: “Can't we be friends? Lisa is my best friend."

( Alex pauses in mid swing as she frowns )

Alex : Ahh, Lisa, my droog, she fell, she landed, she died. Lucky her.”

( Laura quickly twists her body as Alex goes to renew her blows. Alex’s fist plows into the floor and she recoils back holding her hand. It is enough of a distraction for Laura to kick free. Both women rise to their feet as Willie starts to sneak up behind Alex with a chair. He holds it high and prepares to swing, but Alex turns on the spot, reaching her hands up and grabbing the chair in mid swing. She smiles at him as he struggles to grab it back. The tall blonde rips it from his grasp, holding her chair in front of her. She turns back to see where Laura is)

WHAM!!

Sandra: “Van Daminator!”

( Laura takes a running leap and dropkicks the chair straight into Alex’s face. The big blonde crashes backwards and over the railing into the front row. All the fans scatter, not wanting to be near Lil Alex as she rises. One fan stays though, a woman in a trench coat starts to kick and punch at Alex as she lies on the ground.)

Sandra: “ Security!! Get that fan away from Alex!”

Garry: “ It’s Alex!!”

Sandra: “ I know”

Garry: “ No no.. It’s Alex, as in Alexandria Parker! She’s taking the boots to the nutcase!”

( Laura takes a break, sitting on the ring edge as Willie sprays water into her face, wiping the remnants of the rancid meat off her pristine face. Alexandria Parker picks Lil Alex up and throws her over the guardrail. The other half of Simply Divine jumps over the metal barricade and drags Alex up by her hair and rolls her into the ring. Laura quickly scales the turnbuckles and stands on the top rope as Alex slowly starts to rise. The big blonde staggers to her feet as Laura leaps off the top rope, connecting with perfect missile dropkick. Alex is sent crashing across the ring, landing in a heap.)

Sandra: “ Laura is smart to get this match back in the ring.”

Garry: “ Of course it’s a smart move, Laura made it!”

( The model quickly flips up to her feet and poses for the crowd. A collection of cat calls and whistles draw her attention and she spins and twirls around the ring as she moves in on Alex. Laura bends down, grabbing Alex by the hair and placing her in an arm bar. Alex groans as Laura puts on the pressure. The model backs up into a corner, dragging Alex with her.)

Sandra: “ What is she doing?”

Garry: “Shhhhh ..watch and learn.”

( Laura backs herself up the turnbuckles, still maintaining the arm bar. Laura rises to the top turnbuckle, then in a feat of dexterity and skill, she begins to walk across the top rope, using the Arm bar as a brace. Alex grunts in pain and turns her head upwards as Laura perches on the ropes. A twisted smile comes across Alex’s face.)

Alex: “ London Bridge is coming down!”

( Laura yelps as Alex kicks her foot up and into the top rope. Laura wobbles on the rope for a moment, before her foot slips. Her body falls straight down, impaling herself on the top rope. There is a collective gasp of shared agony from the crowd.)

Sandra: “Oooh, that’s gotta hurt!”

( Laura squeals as she releases the arm bar and clutches at her nether region. Alex smiles and quickly slides under the pretty brunette, grabbing her by the ankles. Alex then rolls out of the ring and begins to pull. Laura starts to bounce, up and down on the top rope as Alex tries to pull her through it. )

Garry: “ Ouch ! Stop it ! Ouch! ,ooh …..”

( Alexandria Parker grabs the ring bell and runs at Alex as she finally pulls back as hard as she can, before sling shooting the model back into the ring. Laura lands in a curled ball, clutching her groin. Alex turns as Parker runs at her. The British Blonde ducks as the ring bell flies over her head, landing with a clang on the hard floor. Lil Alexandria shakes her finger at Alexandria Parker and then reaches into her bag, pulling out a Sledgehammer. )

Garry: “Run Alex!!”

( Alexandria Parker takes off as Lil Alex runs after her, holding the sledgehammer in her hands. Willie again gets caught in the way and is sent tumbling to the floor as Lil Alex shoves by him. Laura Parker is pushing herself up, watching as her partner desperately tries to keep the distance between her and the lunatic with the sledgehammer. Laura slides slowly out of the ring, grabbing the large mirror placed at ringside. She crouches as Alexandria is about to round the corner. Alex Parker scoots around the corner, and as Lil Alex rounds the corner, Laura swings the mirror up.)

Sandra: “ Oh no!!”

( Lil Alex smashes into the mirror, sending shards of glass scattering across the floor. She drops the hammer, clutching her face in her hands.)

Garry: “ 7 years bad luck for Lil Alex.”

Sandra: “ Why? Laura smashed the mirror, she should get 7 years bad luck!”

( Laura quickly lifts the ring curtain and bends down. She reaches under the ring and pulls out a large red balloon. She lifts it in the air and then whips it into Alex. The British Nutcase is showered in red paint, along with a few ringside fans. Alex’s white suit is now half-covered in paint. Laura smiles, and bends down to pick up another balloon. She holds it high, smiling to the ringside crowd, who start to pull back, not wanting to get anymore paint on them. Laura spins and fires a fastball towards the stumbling Alex. )

Sandra: “ She missed!! And look who was in the wrong place!”

( Alex moved out of the way, and the balloon sails by her, smashing directly onto Alexandria Parker’s head, knocking her off her feat and covering her in a blue mess. Laura holds her hands to her face in surprise.)

Garry: “Ooops”

( Lil Alex kicks out her big boot and slams it into Laura’s midsection. The pretty brunette gasps and doubles over. Lil Alex quickly steps in, lifting her knee up into Laura’s bent over face. Laura’s body recoils on impact, sending her flying up and over onto her back. Lil Alex pauses for a moment to wipe some red paint out of her eyes, before reaching down and grabbing Laura by her hair. The model screams are her roots are nearly pulled out her head, Alex pulls her up and drags her towards the announcer’s table)

Garry: “ Oh hey… like ….LOOK OUT!!!”

( Sandra and Garry bail out of the way as Lil Alex lifts Laura up onto the announcers table. Laura is slammed across the table, her back landing on a microphone , causing her to scream in pain. The scream echo’s off the loudspeakers, letting everyone know how much that hurt.)

Sandra: “ What is Alex doing now… oh no ..”

( Little Alex jumps up onto the table and grabs Laura by her hair, pulling her up. Alex stuffs the Models head between her thighs and then closes them. She then reaches forward, grabbing the waistband of Laura’s suit. Alex pulls back on the suit, giving Laura a horrific wedgie, as she pulls back, Laura’s legs come up off the table and Alex sits down quickly, driving the model's head into the table. The wooden structure breaks in half on impact, causing both wrestlers to tumble straight to the floor.)

Alex : “ Ahhh, the sound of Wood against Bone, so Diggly Doorific

Garry: “ Piledriver through the table!! Oh my poor Laura!!”

Sandra: “ Laura is out of it! Alex should go for the pin here!”

( Alex rolls to her feet and cracks a smile through blood soaked teeth., she pushes herself up as Garry moves a little closer, looking down at the wounded Laura. Alex snarls and lashes out a punch that connects into the side of Garry’s head, sending him down to the floor.)

Sandra: “ Ummm, wow. I’ve always wanted someone to do that. Folks, I can’t tell if Alex is bleeding profusely or it’s the red paint! But she is a mess! Hey, where’d Willie go?”

( Alex turns and stares at Alexandria Parker, who is wiping blue paint from her face. Alex quickly digs back into her bags of tricks for an item. She pulls out a glass tray of some sort, filled with sand.)

Garry: “ Is that what I think it is?”

Sandra: “ I think so, it’s an …oh my god!! ANT FARM!?”

( Alex smashes the glass Ant Farm over Alexandria’s head. The pretty blonde yelps in pain and the screams in horror as ants stick to the blue paint and falls down her top and into her clothes. She begins to thrash around and Lil Alex walks back to her bag and pulls out a straightjacket.. Lil Alex moves back over and snaps out her boot, smashing the toe of it, into the side of Alexandria’s head. The blue blonde slumps to the ground as Alex goes to work, putting her into the straightjacket.)

Sandra: “ Wow, I think that’s the fastest I’ve ever seen one of those jackets put on. Lil Alex must really know how to use those.)

( Garry slowly pushes himself up and sits in his chair )

Garry: “ I’m going to sue!! You all saw that , she hit me!”

Sandra: “ I think it’s best that you not raise your voice around her again”

( Lil Alex puts her hands on her hips as stands above the now fully restrained Alexandria Parker. The Dentonvale resident starts to walk back towards Laura, who is slowly recovering, A trickle of blood runs down her forehead. She turns and rises to her knees, placing her hands out in front of her.)

Laura: "Alexandra, you got me all wrong. It was ALEXANDRIA Parker that said all those nasty things about you. I love you and the whole staff at Dentonvale."

( Alex pauses for a moment and then shakes her head )

Alex: “ Comes on now, we’s haven’t even started yet!”

( Lil Alex reaches down to grab at Laura. Suddenly the model screams out and points to the wrestlers entrance)

Laura: “ Hey, isn’t that Pat Sajak!?”

Alex: “ My Pat?”

( The British Brawler turns and looks up the ramp. Standing next to Willie is the host or what looks like the host of Wheel of Fortune. In an instant, all the rage in Alex’s eyes fades away. She starts to tremble and smile. )

Alex: “Da Na Na Da Da Daaa”

( Lil Alex takes off running up the ramp. Willie hides behind “Pat” who looks on in horror as this blood soaked blonde runs up towards him. Alex pauses about 5 feet away and goes into her Vanna White pose.”

Alex: “ Spin your Letters for ya “

( “ Pat “ tries to crack a smile as the big blonde winks at him, her face still covered in blood and paint.)

Garry: “ Oh my god, THE Pat Sajak! “

Sandra: “ I don’t think it’s….”

Garry: “ It’s PAT!!”

( Alex is beaming with pride as she pretends to spin imaginary letters. “ Pat “ stands , still forcing a smile , while trying to back away. Only Willie’s weight behind him, keeps “Pat” from running away. )

Sandra: “ Oh oh , Look what Laura’s doing!”

( Laura Parker as pulled a table out from under the ring and has set it up inside the ring. She then slides out of the ring, grabbing a steel chair and folding it up. She then starts to walk up the ramp as Lil Alex still stands still, her arms up and out in her best Vanna pose. The audience screams out a warning, but Alex is in the presence of her hero and cannot hear their calls.)

CLANG!!!

( Laura slams the chair down across Alex’s head. The big blonde stumbles to one knee )

CLANG!!!

( Again Laura swings the chair down, sending Alex to the steel ramp.)

CLANG!!!

( Laura drives the chair down once more onto Alex’s head. The big blonde lies still on the cold ramp as Laura smiles at “Pat” and gives him a big hug!”

Sandra: “ It was a set-up! How disgusting! Using a Pat Sajak look a like!”

Garry: “ What do you mean look a like? Willie is a big man in Hollywood, I bet nearly everyone there owes him a favour!”

Sandra: “ More like , he owes, everyone in Hollywood money.”

( Laura steps back and grabs Alex by her legs and begins to drag her down to the ring. Laura grunts and groans as she lifts her dazed opponent up and rolls her into the ring. The model then bends down and grabs a small bag from under the ring. She quickly slides into the ring and holds the bag up in the air. She opens it and pours the shiny contents onto the table.)

Sandra: “ Oh no, those are tacks!”

Garry: “ Yup, Laura’s going to stick it to lil Alex.”

Sandra: “ Very funny.”

( Laura turns and grabs Alex by the hair and lifts her up and into the corner. She places Lil Alex’s arms over the top ropes to hold her up, before starting to climb up the turnbuckles. Willie and ‘Pat” make their way to ringside to catch a better view of the action. Laura climbs up behind Alex and holds her arms in the air.)

Sandra: “ What is she going to do here?!”

Garry: “ Looks like she’s going to bulldog Alex onto the table full of tacks!”

( Laura places her feet on the second rope and wraps her arm around Alex’s head. The pressure causes LiL Alex to open her eyes in a daze. Laura takes a moment to pose, holding her opponents head up for the camera’s. Alex’s eyes float around and then lock onto one person. She stares at her hero as she feels Laura start to pull her forward. Her mind races with only one thought.)

Alex: “ I can’t lose in front of Pat!!!”

( A surge of energy flows through Alex’s body and she lifts her arms up, grabbing Laura as she jumps off the ropes. Laura screams as Alex holds her up for a moment and then slams her down, butt first through the table)

Garry: “ OH NO!!!”

Sandra: “Now that is funny!”

( Laura smashes through the table and immediately hops up to her feet. She is screaming in pain, clutching her bum as dozens of tacks are stuck to her bottom. She is hopping around the ring as Alex stumbles towards her. The big blonde slams her fist into Laura’s gut, causing the screaming model to stop dead in her tracks. Alex then grabs Laura around the neck and lifts her up, before spinning around the dropping back to the mat.)

Sandra: “ CLOCKWORK ORANGE!! Alex’s Neckbreaker finisher!!”

Garry: “ No no No..”

Sandra: “ Here’s the count …1..”

Garry: “ Time out!!”

Sandra: “ 2…”

DING DING DING

Garry: “ Nooooooooo”

( Lil Alex rises off of Laura and smiles at “Pat” She points her finger at him and then holds it over her heart)

Alex: “ I did that for you Pat!”

( Willie and “Pat” are horrified as Lil Alex slides out of the ring. She picks up her bags and wraps her arm around the near frozen “Pat”)

Alex: “ Oh oh , I’ve got so much to tell you Pat. All about me Razzaldooglem and me mom’s blood pudding…and oh oh ..”

Garry: “ Somebody help that man out, its not even Pat for Christ sake’s!”

Sandra: “I think it’s best that Lil Alex doesn’t know the guy’s a Look a like, his life might be in danger.”

Garry: “ Good point, I hope that guy gets away, before she takes him back to Dentonvale. I wouldn’t want to be near her, when she finds out that’s not her hero.”

Sandra: “Well folks, that’s it for us. Until Next time, where ever you are, what ever you do, be safe.”

Garry: “ Yeah, and umm, be good to each other.”

Sandra: ‘ That’s Jerry’s line you idiot!”

Garry: “ I thought of it first! “

( The screen fades to black, following the Pat look a like as Lil Alex is shoving him into her Dentonvale Paddy Wagon.)

*Winner: Lil Alex.