Match by: Lord Pumpkin (One again, the BRA arena is hosting a capacity, lunatic crowd. The fans do
their best to raise the excitement levels by cheering and creating as much noise
as possible. Zigzagging around the arena, the camera tries to focus in on some
of the more creative characters with their loveable signs. ‘These Seats Suck,’
‘Bring on Some Babes’ and ‘I Survived the Underworld Voyage and All I
Could Come Up With Was this Lousy Sign’ (somehow it fit on a sign and was
legible) were all visible. The erstwhile commentators, Garry and Sandra bicker
in that loving way that has made them famous. Garry appears to have the upper
hand in the argument, lecturing her on the finer points of his theory of the JFK
assassination. As he finds out they are live, he stops and looks at the camera.) Garry: Now that I have explained to Sandra who the REAL killers were, let’s
talk about this killer match. Sandra: No arguments here, Garry. Alexandra Parker, the self-proclaimed ‘Head
Bitch’ will be taking on ‘Aces and Eights’ herself, Brandi Lynn. Garry: Hey, ‘Aces and Eights?’ I wonder if that means she cheats at
cards. Sandra: Pffft. You nimrod! The slogan isn’t ‘Eight Aces.’ Garry: See, that would be cheating. Well, only if you’re caught. Sandra: Alexandra has come off a recent victory against rookie Gwen Jeru and
Brandi has come off against a recent loss against that loveable Skye Soaring
Hawk. Garry: Hawk is a brutal monster. Too bad not more follow her lead. Maybe
Brandi learned something last week. Then again, maybe not. Sandra: She learned what cretins the Sisterhood are. Brandi has been
badmouthing Alexandra and Nina and Yvette all week. Garry: I doubt that Yvette even understood what that hick was saying. I mean,
that accent . . . Sandra: I doubt Yvette should be making light of ANYONE’s accent. Garry: Oh, I forgot, I invited someone down to sit with us for the match. Sandra: Sweet mother! Who? Or do I want to know? Evonne? Tiffany Lane? Larry
Flynt? Garry: Not at all. I got a phone call from Dr. Cosmo McKinley who said he
wanted a closer look at Brandi. Maybe he’s in love. And how can I belittle
someone in love? Sandra: Grrrrr. Him? Well, I somehow doubt he is in love . . . I hear he only
has eyes for one woman . . . (The curtains pull back and the infamous Dentonvale Doctor and Nurse come
down the ramp. Dr. McKinley, the bald gargoyle and self-styled ‘mental
hygienist’ wears his white pullover coat, with he buttons down his side. His
assistant, the lovely Nurse Ansalong, almost spills out of her uniform as she
seems to be the poster child for ‘Bimbos-A-Plenty. They both descend the ramp
getting mixed reactions from the crowd and make their way to the announcer’s
table. Cosmo seizes a chair and forces the nurse to stand. She turns behind her
and begins waving to the audience.) Cosmo: (after putting on his headphones) Good evening Garry.
Salutations, Sandra. I trust we are all feeling cheery on this fine evening. If
not, my nurse has some lovely pills . . . Sandra: (sternly) No, thank you. And you had better behave, you
faith-healer. Cosmo: (feigning offense, with his hand on his chest) Me? Why, I am
the most trustworthy soul in the world. Ask anybody. Garry: So, Doc, what’s your prediction for the match? Cosmo: Oh, well, I’ll take P.J. Lawrence over Medusa Rage. Ten minutes,
tops. Sandra: Doctor, you are most mistaken . . . (The lights flicker down as the noise of a rattlesnake's rattles fill the air
as the crowd begins to cheer with enthusiasm. 'Bad Company' by the group of the
same name begins to play as a spotlight hits the ring. The symbol 'A8' begins to
fade in to the spotlight as another spotlight hits the entryway. After a moment,
Brandi enters, striking a dramatic pose, causing the crowd to erupt into a wild
frenzy of cheers. She wears black jeans with her wrestling boots, black kneepads
over the pants, a black sports bra, and her 'Aces and Eights' warm-up jacket
opened in the front. Brandi descends down the ramp, eyes straight ahead, focused
on the ring. A crazed and delirious fan catches her attention half way down. She
stops and reaches out and grabs the beer cup he offers. She gives him a quick
smile as she downs some of it and takes the cup with her to the ring.) Garry: Hmm, I hardly knew she was a drunk. Sandra: It’s a beer. Believe me, you are hardly one to castigate others for
drinking! Cosmo: A clever man once said that alcohol is a necessary article. It enables
men to do things at eleven at night that no sane man would do at eleven in the
morning. Garry: Wow! That IS kind of clever. Who said that? Cosmo: (with an arrogant smirk) Me. I just said it. Weren’t you
listening? (Suddenly, the group is cut off from their conversation as the Angeltron
comes to life, flashing in large red letters, ‘Simply Divine.’ Pictures of
Alexandra Parker destroying opponents flash onto the screen, showing some of her
greatest moves, concluding with a montage of her flipping of the audience,
scowling at ‘fans’ and screaming at officials. In short, being, well . . . a
bitch. An explosion occurs from the back and the lights go off, with fireworks
as the next visual treat. Heat pours over the first few rows by the ramp. The
lights come back on and she is seen with hr head thrown back in dramatic and
sinister laughter. Wearing a black, floor-length gown, she brushes past the
booing fans ensuring that no person can touch her "Divine " gown.
Standing next to her is her valet and assistant, Ms. Vanity, holding a
full-length mirror. As Alexandra approaches the ring, she tosses her ravishing
red locks to the side as she screams a series of obscenities at ringside fans,
ever word bleeped out by quick censors. Cat-calls echo through the arena as
Vanity rips off Alexandria's gown revealing a halter top that ties in the back,
form fitting leather pants and kicking pads all black in color. Alex does a
small pose in the mirror before her light stretch as Brandi looks on with
intense hatred.) Garry: These two may kill each other! It’s a good thing we have a doctor
and a nurse here should something go wrong. Sandra: (watching the brain-dead nurse pose for camera shots from near-by
fans shakes her head) I would hardly put my life in the hands of these two.
Something tells me that the good doctor here has a rather dubious set of
credentials. Cosmo: Harumph! I’ll have you know that the University of Tangiers . . . (As Brandi watches Alexandra make herself look lovely for the evening’s
match, the blonde casually sips her newly found beer, and patiently awaits.
Cosmo, Garry and Sandra continue to bicker back and forth. Alexandra turns
around, twirling several times for the displeasure of the crowd who seems to
detest the ‘Rich Bitch’ more than all else in the federation. As the redhead
turns to face Brandi, she snarls in her usual cruel fashion.) Alexandra: I’m actually surprised you found the arena without the use of
help, sugah. (Brandi smiles and considers saying something, but then shrugs her shoulders
and tosses the contents of the cup into Alexandra’s face, causing the redhead
to fall back, screaming in anger. Brandi runs forward and takes Alexandra down
with a clothesline. Quickly going to work on her opponent, Brandi drops a knee
onto Alexandra’s throat, making the redhead squeal in pain and terror. Up
again and coming down, Brandi drives the knee into Alexandra’s stomach, as the
redhead is reeling in sudden pain. Alexandra tries to wave off the attack but
the sudden beer assault, as well as the burst of energy from Brandi has her too
off her guard to do much else.) Cosmo: Fascinating. It is remarkable how the smaller woman, the blonde, Ms.
Medusa Rage, has the larger redheaded woman, Ms. P.J. Lawrence, at her mercy so
quickly. Sandra: Actually, Doctor, Medusa Rage and P. J. Lawrence are not in this
match. You are looking at Brandi Lynn, the blonde, and Alexandra Parker, the
redhead. Garry: (whispers to Cosmo and hands him some cards) Oh, he’s just
teasing you, Sandra. (As Cosmo begins to look at the items Garry gave him, Brandi has thrown
Alexandra into the far ropes and taken her down again with a clothesline. The
ferocity that the blonde shows, causes the crowd to cheer with pleasure, at the
sight of the arrogant and detested redhead getting ‘what is coming to her.’
As Alexandra wearily comes to her feet, Brandi slams her fists repeatedly into
the redhead’s stomach and chest, causing her to double over in pain. Grabbing
the redhead’s neck, Brandi takes her up for a suplex and instead drops her on
the ropes, her neck impacting with them, executing a perfect ‘hot shot.’ The
crowd comes to their feet in excitement as Alexandra thrashes painfully on the
mat, stunned. Brandi then leans down and seizes Alexandra by the hair, driving a
fist into her face, repeatedly.) Sandra: Alexandra has yet to mount some kind of offense, folks! The beer to
the face seems to have really thrown her off her game. Garry: Yeah, that perfectly good beer was meant quenching thirsts, not for
attacking people! Cosmo: (seemingly reading) Hmmm. Brandi went to TCU and
graduated in three and a half years with a degree in history. For a graduation
present, her father bought her a ranch outside of Fort Worth, which she named
the A8 Ranch. (looking up and smiling) How nice. Garry: See, Sandra, he DOES know who is fighting. (Brandi lifts Alexandra up for a body slam but the larger woman uses her
ruthless tactics to make an offensive run. Glowering in anger, the dazed Parker
spits on Brandi, shocking the blonde, then follows it up with a rake to the
eyes. Brandi screams in pain and the official shouts a warning but the damage
had been done. Brandi instinctively thrust her hands to her eyes in defense,
allowing Alexandra to make an attack. An excellent martial arts side-kick to
Brandi’s head flattens the smaller blonde. The crowd boos with anger at the
act but manage to be impressed be the sheer skill. The furious and fiery
tempered Alexandra bounces off the ropes and executes a guillotine leg drop on
Brandi’s neck, offering pay back for the nasty move Brandi used against her,
mere moments ago.) Cosmo: (apparently reading again) Ah, while Ms. Parker does lack upper
body strength, she seems to tire less easily than most, and she is a very
tenacious fighter. She always takes the fight to her opponent - in this case,
Brandi Lynn. She sometimes relies to dirty tricks such as a quick poke in the
eye to send her opponent reeling in confusion. I believe we just saw that one.
Her sheer viciousness and refusal to quit will aide her in this match. (looking
up) Oh my. That does sound rather nasty. (As Brandi sputters and chokes from the ruthless attack to her neck. She does
hot have time to react as Alexandra, with a flash of cruel planning, she flips
Brandi over and executes a brainbuster, crushing Brandi into the mat. Alexandra
has become a whirlwind of fury and seething anger. The limp frame of Brandi lies
there, as Alexandra sets the blonde up for a power bomb. Within moments Brandi
goes crashing to the mat, screaming in pain. Alexandra thrusts her arms in the
air, taking in the glory of the boos, and proudly strutting herself around the
ring. As she goes back to take Brandi up for another power bomb, the blonde
thrusts up her legs, surprising the sinister redhead, wraps them around
Alexandra’s neck and drops her to the canvass on her head. The crowd cheers
with excitement!) Cosmo: Fascinating! What an interesting turn of events. You might say things
changed at a ‘breakneck speed.’ Sandra: You got it, Uncle Fester! Brandi has capitalized on Alexandra’s
arrogance! When will these divas ever learn to focus on the match at hand? Garry: It is about showmanship! This IS television, you know, Sandra! (Inside the ring, Brandi is the first to get to her feet, wobbly and dazed
from the rapid series of attacks from the redhead. She nails Alexandra in the
face with a closed fist as she rises. Before she can react in her defense,
Brandi, with methodical precision, grabs a handful of the red locks while
Alexandra is on her knees. Drawing her arm back, she slams her fist into
Alexandra’s face, bit she does not fall back, as she is held tight by the
blonde.) Cosmo: Oh my! That will certainly leave a mark on that woman’s eye. I
believe I brought some steaks. Nurse Ansalong? Steaks? Nurse Ansalong: (turning) Nope. I already ate. Remember? We used that
lady’s credit card you ‘found’ and . . . (After several more shots to Alexandra’s head, the redhead begins moaning
loudly, her body shaking with each hit and each time the crowd cheers in praise
of their blonde hero. As Brandi takes one more shot, Alexandra manages the
wherewithal to clasp her hands together and slam them into the blonde’s
stomach, causing Brandi to scream out in pain and fall over, clutching her
stomach. Alexandra managed to put great force and guile behind the shot, bring
her down with her to the mat.) Garry: Ha! Ha! It looks like Brandi went to the well once too often. You were
talking about other people grandstanding? Brandi just kept on going with no
original moves. Sandra: At least it was a move! Cosmo: Actually, I rather like Ms. Lynn. Let us say (as he turns to look
at Nurse Ansalong angrily) I have had more than enough pesky redheads in my
life as of late. (With both women on their knees, facing one another, Alexandra is the first
to move, getting behind Brandi and locking her arm around her back, trying to
cut off her air. Brandi waves her arms as Alexandra chokes and tugs, shouting
out obscenities and unladylike things, towards her opponent. She is taken by
surprise as Brandi reaches behind her, grabs Alexandra by the head, and flips
her onto the canvass onto her back, with a loud crunch. The evil redhead arches
her back as she screams in utter pain. Her cries of anger and suffering are cut
short as Brandi slams her fists into Alexandra’s chest, placing her on the mat
and going for a pin, quickly. The official goes for the count but Alexandra
surprises Brandi and the audience as she thrusts out, hardly any fight taken
from her. Clearly, the larger redhead will be a tougher opponent than Brandi
expected.) Garry: (laughing) Great! This is fabulous, eh Doc? Cosmo: (sternly watching) No. I think this Brandi person has a future.
In fact, I rather like her. She is quite admirable. Besides, (Cosmo looks
down at the note cards) Brandi's major strength is her toughness, she can
withstand and deal out a great amount of punishment. Her main weakness is her
anger. This anger has cost her championships and wins in the past - or so I have
heard. In spite of this anger, Brandi has mainly an easy going, down to earth
attitude and a fierce loyalty to those she befriends and those who befriend her.
That is quite sweet, actually, don’t you think so, Nurse Ansalong? Nurse Ansalong: Well, sure. It sounds like a totally tubular attitude to
take! Anyway, I kind of like that redheaded lady. She is kind of like me. Cosmo: (shaking his head and sighing) Well, you are an idiot. (Angered yet determined, Brandi has gotten Alexandra to her feet and dragged
her over the turnbuckle. She shows her merciless abilities as she slams
Alexandra’s head into the unforgiving post over and over, each time with more
force and fury. Alexandra jabs backwards with an elbow to the blonde’s
stomach, but it seems to have a minimal effect. Brandi continues to attack,
doing her best to wear down the larger redhead. Frustrated that the ‘Rich
Bitch’ still shows few signs of going down, she attempts to throw her into the
far corner. Alexandra manages to reverse and it is Brandi who goes for the ride,
instead, slamming into the corner. From behind, Ms. Vanity wraps her arms around
the blonde, choking her and punching her on the head, and stops only when the
official threatens her with the DQ of her boss. She releases Brandi but
unfortunately for her it is just as the slightly reinvigorated Alexandra has
flipped towards her, slamming her body into the blonde, crushing her under the
force which Alexandra has used in her attack. The crowd lets out a sigh as
Alexandra jumps back, ravenously watching Brandi as she falls to the mat. She
then scoops her up and throws the blonde into the ropes, applying an atomic drop
as she catches her on the rebound, over her knee. As Brandi screams in pain,
jumping up, Alexandra follows through with a kick to the chest, flattening the
blonde on the mat. The sinister redhead climbs the top ropes, much to the
chagrin of the crowd.) Garry: This is all she wrote! Alexandra is about to crush this tiny
pretender. Sandra: Fat chance! Cosmo: Actually, her timing is off. She will fail. I can see it in her eyes.
I AM a psychiatrist, you know. (Alexandra pauses for a moment as the lights go off. She executes a perfect
senton bomb. It is without error. It makes her look like the best professional
in the business with its precision. Sadly for her, however, Brandi had moved
seconds before. The pain meant for the blonde, was now on the redhead.) Cosmo: (smiling) As -I- predicted . . . (As Alexandra screams, whines, fusses and cries, she slowly gets to her feet
but is met by Brandi who kicks her in the side of the head, followed by several
brutal stomps and kicks to the stomach. The crowd cheers as Ms. Vanity jumps up
and down, furiously trying to get Alexandra to respond. Somehow Alexandra
manages to surprise the blonde brawler by latching onto her foot and throwing
her backwards. Brandi lands on her back and Alexandra wearily gets to her knees.
She flashes Miss Vanity a knowing look. The redhead’s assistant begins to
fidget around in her pocket until she produces a whistle. Alexandra makes her
way to Brandi, who offers her a kick in the head, as Alexandra closes in. She
grabs her face in blind response and stumbles back. The official watches
intently but Miss Vanity leans over, blows the whistle right in his ear, causing
him to turn and begin screaming. While his back is turned, Alexandra withdraws
from her tights a small sap, whacking Brandi on the head as she rises. Throwing
the sap onto the outside of the apron, Brandi crumples holding her head, the
crowd boos and jeers in displeasure. The sinister Rich Bitch covers for the pin,
but a sudden tug on Nurse Ansalong’s skirt from the doctor and a casual
pointing to the ring, has the redheaded nurse waving for the official’s
attention. He glances over, taking a moment from yelling at Miss Vanity, and
watches as the seductive nurse begins to erotically writhe her body, rubbing her
hands over herself in a sensual manner. He watches with mystified interest as
the nurse slowly whips herself into a frenzy, tossing off her nurse hat,
allowing her long red hair to flow free while Cosmo makes a steeple of his
fingers and leans back, smiling. Miss Vanity begins to scream as Alexandra
begins counting back and forth, slamming her hands on the cnavass, wildly
furious over her plan gone wrong.) Cosmo: (with a broad smile, he speaks as if narrating from a nature
program) Watch as the Red FullBrested Dodo Nurse uses her feminine wiles to
attract the male, while the Red Ravish Slutling continues her life and death
struggle with the FairFeathered Texan Swallow, furious that the BlackWited
NitWit Bird on the outside desperately tries to bring order to the situation. Is
the Dodo not an amazing thing? Garry: (staring at the nurse lustfully) Great day in the morning! Sandra: This is absurd! Put that nurse of yours on a leash. Cosmo: I think that has been done, actually. (The official finally turns around at the insistence of Miss Vanity. He sees
Alexandra covering Brandi and begins to count. The damage by Nurse Ansalong has
been done, however. Brandi kicks out in two slaps of the canvass and Alexandra
jumps up, livid with everyone and everything. She flips the official off and
screams a series of obscenities at him. Miss Vanity shakes her head and points
down to Cosmo and Nurse Ansalong. Suddenly she redirects her anger at the pair.
However, within moments Brandi seizes her from behind. Cosmo waves ‘good-bye’
cutely as Nurse Ansalong blows a kiss to her. Alexandra goes for the backwards
ride as Brandi rolls her up into a package, but the lusty redhead is able to
shortly kick out, furiously swearing revenge and a great deal of other unkind
words. As she turns around to face her blonde opponent, she gets kicked in the
stomach and sent for a bulldog, landing face first on the mat. Stunned, she is
unable to react as Brandi lifts her up, the redhead’s arms flailing. Alexandra
wearily stands but as she turns, Brandi slaps down the ‘Boot Hill,’ a
reverse DDT. Alexandra crumples to the mat and is covered by the blonde who gets
the three count. The crowd comes to their feet, cheering. Brandi raises her arms
as Miss Vanity begins to scream and yell, protesting anything. Nurse Ansalong
races to the side of the ring, attempting to congratulate Brandi, but she is too
busy receiving praise from the audience.) Garry: Well, damn . . . Sandra: Brandi Lynn picks up her first victory against Alexandra Parker! Cosmo: Ah, yes, that reminds me of a nice connection . . . You do, of course,
realize that I am the host of the new program, D-TV? It is sure to be a
delightful program, filled with whimsical amusements and joyous mirth, catering
to lovers of all things interesting. Our first guest is slated to be Amanda
Sinclair. Then we - Sandra: How does this ‘remind you’ of the Lynn victory? Cosmo: Er, well, um, actually, it does not have a LITERAL connection, no . .
. more of a . . . plug, I suppose. (As Brandi celebrates, Nurse Ansalong points a trigger finger, winks and
hands the blonde a card with the Dentonvale logo and phone number on it.
Alexandra bounces up, livid with the loss. She stares at Brandi, the official,
Nurse Ansalong, Cosmo, Miss Vanity and the fans. She seems so angry that she
cannot figure out who to assault, scream at, flip off, or insult first.
Seemingly she is seeing white. She seizes the ropes and begins to jump and down,
throwing a tantrum like a spoiled child. At that moment, Cosmo senses her anger,
as a Doctor and takes Nurse Ansalong by the arm, escaping up the ramp, quickly.
Deciding that discretion is the better tactic, Brandi makes her exit as well. As
the camera fades out, Alexandra can still be heard screaming and yelling.)