Gary: That’s right! It should really be Rilly Ronka, not Willy Wonka. The writer had a lisp!

Sandra: Rilly Ronka? Are you sure? I thought a lispth, I mean lisp meant something else?

Gary: It’s just like the guy in The Life of Brian, remember! Welease Wodger!

Sandra: Maybe, but the other guy thpoke with a lithp like thith.

Gary: Maybe, but that’s not a lithp…I mean lisp..

Sandra: (finally clueing in) And welcome back, we’re already here for the next match.

Gary: Ah yeth!…. I mean yes! A real pair of lunatics involved in this match!

Lights dim and lights begin to swirl. Ludwig Von Beethoven’s ‘Ode to Joy’ belts out from the sound system. Little Alexandra appears from behind the curtain with a wild stare and ghoulish disposition. ‘The End is the Beginning is the End’ by the Smashing Pumpkins starts, the dreary and depressing voices and lyrics, setting the tone. She walks down the ramp with her bowler, tight white outfit, walking stick, white midriff shirt, exposing her abdomen, and suspenders going over her breasts, tightly, latching on her trousers. She descends the aisle smirking and giggling, swinging her walking stick through the air. She is like a woman possessed, furiously and maniacally prepared for the match at hand.

Watching and booing, the crowd voices their opinion of the British brawler. Moment’s later, as Little Alexandra approaches the ring, the curtain again parts, and a small black and red golf cart emerges with gold leaf on the sides. The cart appears to be filled with a wide variety of electronic gizmos and devices. The plastic shield, protecting the occupants from hurled drinks and popcorn reads ‘Dentonvale.’ Driving is the buxom redhead, Nurse Ansalong, keeping her attention focused on the ramp, and the passenger is Little Alexandra’s therapist and director of the Dentonvale Clinic, Dr. Cosmo McKinley. The bald doctor appears as a character from an old horror film, with his thick glasses and white coat pulled over to the side, buttons going from shoulder to waist. They follow Little Alexandra to the ring and park on the side opposite of the announcers, waiting for their own diabolical purposes.

As soon as Little Alexandra reaches the ring, she stops at the bottom of the stairs, and turns back to give her doctor and nurse a look of indifference. She then looks up, smirking to the camera. Horrifically, as if getting things started properly, withdraws a knife, and slowly draws it across her arm, causing herself to bleed, while giggling and rolling her eyes into her head.

Sandra: As always, an entrance like no other!

Gary: I think I’m starting to feel faint, maybe I’ll go and let that nurse have a look at me!

Sandra: I think you would fit in very nicely with their…establishment! Shall I book you a room?

Gary: Sure! I mean wait!..I mean…

All the lights go off and a red spotlight circles around the arena. A

woman's deep voice says, "She, who has lost her trust in humans, is

damned with Wrath." A firecracker explodes at the top of the stairs

above the fans. Madonna's 'Frozen blares over the speakers. As the loud

humming starts, the red light sets on Tiff coming to the ring from

between the crowd. Getting right to the announcer’s table, she climbs right on top and stands there looking around.

Gary: Great view from where I am sitting!

After a moment of standing and listening to the cheering crowd, Tiffany takes off her coat in a quick gesture and flings it aside revealing her black bikini to the leering mob. Jumping from the table, she runs right into the ring and circles menacingly, flashing a wicked grin at Alexandra.

“You think YOU are the twisted one here, little girl!”

DING DING

Tiffany’s circling brings her close to Alex as the bell goes and she wastes no time. Lunging quickly for a large girl, Tiffany scoops her smaller opponent up and slams her to the mat before Alex can move!

Sandra: No messing around with Tiffany! Alex looked very slow on that one!

Cosmo: Just a very coy maneuver on the part of Dear Alex!

Gary: What?? Who said that??

Sandra: It sounded like…

Both announcers turn their heads at the same time to the direction of the golf cart, where a smiling Dr Cosmo waves back at them.

Gary: How did HE do that?

Cosmo: It was obvious to all, surely, that you needed some…ummm…expert commentary on the finer points of Little Alexandra’s style! Get me another drink nurse, there’s a good girl!

In the meantime Tiffany has repeated the body slam, following it up with an elbow drop to the chest of her opponent. After getting back to her feet, she is surprised to see Little Alex in a sitting position, smiling.

“Oh goody-woody! That was just the most fun, can we do it again!”

Snarling, Tiffany quickly bends down and drags Alex to her feet by the hair. Thrusting her head under her arm Tiffany shows her power by hoisting Alex up into a vertical suplex and down hard! Alex bounces from the impact and finds herself in it again and then a third straight suplex!

Sandra: What incredible power! Three of them in a row!

Gary: Even the loony will be slow getting up from that!

Tiffany wastes no time again and immediately throws herself across Little Alex and hooks a leg. The ref drops to the mat and begins the count;

ONE

T…

Sandra: Kickout Little Alex!

Gary: There was a lot of power in that! She may be a loon but she’s a deceptive loon!

Cosmo: Wonderful insight, however we would hardly be describing her as a bird now, would we nurse?

Ansalong: That’s right! None of those nice English gentlemen from the golf club called HER a bird!

Cosmo: Yes, quite, although, NURSE, as usual, you are missing the point by equatorial dimensions.

Gary: Tiffany is far from through, she’s getting the weirdo up to her feet again, looks like she’s setting her up for something nasty!

But as Alex gets to her feet she suddenly unleashes several quick jabs to the exposed stomach of her shocked opponent. Tiffany drops gasping to one knee and is instantly rocked by a sharp headbutt, knocking her over to the mat. Alex immediately sets to work on her stunned opponent with her feet, stomping the thighs, the groin, and the midsection continuously until the referee almost counts her out. As quickly as she started, Alex stops the attack, leaving a dazed Tiffany writhing on the mat.

Cosmo: As you can see, the little angel was just playing possum…

Sandra: Isn’t there anything we can do to stop this guy!

Gary: What’s that lunatic up to know! She’s got Tiffany at her mercy!

Little Alex has wandered over to the far corner and stares into space, a vacant look on her face.

Sandra: It usually happens! Something has distracted her attention from where it should be! Tiffany won’t be down for long!

Gary: She had better wake up soon, because here comes Tiffany!

Tiffany has gotten up and with a quick shake of her head, seems to fly into a rage. Charging at the corner where her opponent stood still staring into space, Tiffany drives Little Alex hard into the corner.

“Do you feel the wrath? No, not yet? Have some more!”

With that she hoists the smaller woman up and into a standing over the shoulder backbreaker. Jumping up and down and shaking her opponent, Tiffany smiles as she finally sees the first traces of pain in Alex’s face! Turning to the center of the ring, Tiffany runs a few steps then slams her hard to the mat!

Cosmo: Nurse! Painkillers please…no! Not for her!!

Ansalong: Sorry doctor!! Hehe!

Sandra: You just can’t give a wrestler like Tiffany a chance like that! She’ll take it every time!

Gary: This looks nasty! Military press! What power in that woman!

Tiffany has hoisted Alex back up and walks to the ropes, right by the announcer’s table. With a quick flash of an evil smile at the golf cart, she drops Little Alex over the ropes and crashing through the ring attendant’s table, breaking it clean in two!

Gary: Ouch! Good thing there was no beer on that table!

Sandra: What table! It’s kindling now.

Gary: We seem to go through a lot of those here!

Tiffany rolls under the ropes and out of the ring. The official wastes no time and starts to count. But instead of heading to her opponent Tiffany moves menacingly to where the golf cart is parked.

Sandra: Well, things are starting to look up around here!

Gary: I see I’ve got time for a little break! VENDOR!!

Seeing the imminent danger, Cosmo starts to look a little nervous.

Cosmo: Uh, nurse, remember telling me you thought you would make a better wrestler than Alex!

Ansalong: (looking at her nails) Huh?

Cosmo: I think now’s a great chance to prove your theory!

Ansalong: Theory? Oh, you mean the one about where babies come from!

Just as Cosmo decides it’s a good idea to cut his losses and run, Tiffany stops, glaring right through him! Nurse Ansalong opens her eyes and starts to speak, but is cut off abruptly by the doctor!

Cosmo: Ah good Miss Epitaphine! How are you!

Sandra: Look out Tiffany!!!

She never saw what hit her, but she felt it! The recuperative powers of Little Alex had proven her undoing as she lay on the floor dazed from the chair! Alex grabbed her and dragged her over to the ring smashing Tiffany’s head into the ringpost!

Gary: Good night Tiffany! She’s going to have one helluva headache in the morning!

Sandra: But she better get back in the ring soon, the ref is still counting, that’s twelve!

Gary: I doubt that psycho can count!

As Little Alex ran her into another post, she started to speak to her opponent

“You seem like a rotten and loathsome creature! I like you already!”

As the count reached fifteen Alex took her stunned opponent and hoisted her up on the apron and rolled her back into the ring under the ropes.

Sandra: About time! She was cutting that close!

Gary: Wait! NOW what!!

Instead of rolling back in herself, Alex smiled and rushed over to the front row of the crowd, right up to a little girl holding a bag of candy.

“Oh goody-woody!! I love candy!”

Sandra: She’s lost it!

Gary: That’s not all she’s going to lose!

The referee stood at the ropes, right beside where Tiffany was rolling up to a sitting position, holding her head. Little Alex just stood and beamed at the girl vacantly.

Sandra: I just don’t believe it!

EIGHTEEN!

Gary: Where’s the vendor, I’m really going to need a beer now!

NINETEEN!

Cosmo: Umm, nurse, did you remember to feed our little angle before the match like I asked??

TWENTY!

Ansalong: Huh?

DING DING DING

Sandra: They don’t come much stranger than that!

Gary: I don’t think Tiffany even knows she won!

The ref waited for Tiffany to get to her feet, then raised her hand to a roar of approval! Alex finished staring at the girl and having grabbed the bag of candy, skipped away in the direction of the dressing room.

WINNER: Tiffany Epitaphine by countout