After a somewhat lengthy pause at the scene, (subsequently blamed on an autopilot breakdown!), we return to Sandra and Gary, ready to call the next match.

Sandra: Well, it’s been awhile since we have had a match where one or two of the wrestlers have been a mystery!

Gary: The only mystery here is how bad their going to beat FaceOff!

Sandra: I can see you’re starting early! You’re already giving them no chance and you don’t even know who the opponents are!

Gary: Two of the minis could beat those two!

“ Ladies and gentlemen! First, at a combined weight of 275 lbs., Eden Starr and Peggy Christian, they are FACEOFF!

Suddenly the sound system bursts to life with the Go-Go’s “We Got the Beat”. As the curtain parts Peggy Christian and Eden Starr walk out side by side and begin to wave to the wildly cheering crowd as BRA’s most law abiding team makes it’s way out. Eden is dressed in her usual Texas blue swimsuit and boots, while Peggy is dressed in simple black swimsuit, black tights and boots. They make their way into the ring and stand in the middle, acknowledging the crowd’s applause.

Sandra: These two are all that’s right about wrestling! It’s so good to see them here! They may not have the best record of the tag teams, but they still own the crowd!

Gary: And a winless record!

And their opponents, at a combined weight of 203lbs, THE LIFEGUARDS!!

The sound system picks up again and the theme from “Baywatch” fills the air and the crowd is abuzz with expectation at who the opponents are.

Sandra: Finally, we at least get to see who the Lifeguard’s are!

Gary: If there is a god!

Sandra: What do you mean now?

Gary: If there is a god, let it be Yasmine Bleeth and Pamela Anderson!

The curtain finally parts and as the crowd watches, one figure comes out dressed in a red Baywatch swimsuit and white wrestling boots.

Sandra: Jennifer Christian!! SHE is a lifeguard?

Gary: Not Yasmine, but she will do nicely!

But Jennifer stops just out front of the curtain, doing a couple of poses as the crowd begins to boo, realizing whom it is. After a moment, she stops posing and holds out her hands. As she does, two more figures emerge from the curtains. Each is dressed identical to Jennifer Christian and carries a lifeguard can with them. One more feature of the two new wrestlers, is that they both have red masks covering their faces and heads with long blonde hair braided in a ponytail hanging out the back. All three then walk to the ring, not even acknowledging the fans. As they enter the ring they circle their opponents in the middle before leaping up onto a couple of turnbuckles and waving their cans at the crowd, causing a loud chorus of booing! After a moment, they both somersault off and land next to the little Marquise, who was standing in the middle glaring at both Peggy and Eden.

Gary: Listen to that insensitive crowd, booing the Lifeguard’s like that! They have done nothing to deserve that!

Sandra: Guilty by association! If they are with LPM, it can’t be good!

Gary: The ref is being unfair already! Look, he’s trying to physically get LPM out of the ring! He should be charged for trying to molest her!

Sandra: She should not even be in there! She is not in the match!

In the ring as the ref is distracted with LPM the Lifeguard’s suddenly jump behind their opponents and start attacking them with the lifeguard cans! Eden and Peggy fall to the mat from the assault as the crowd starts to scream and LPM still struggles with the ref. Somehow, the bell goes and one of the Lifeguard’s drops from the ring, taking the cans with them.

Sandra: That was despicable! Jennifer Christian deliberately distracted the referee so her wrestlers could blindside Peggy and Eden! I told you no good would come of this!

Gary: Teamwork! That’s why it’s called a tag TEAM!

Sandra: A team is supposed to be two, not three!

The remaining lifeguard has started the match, stomping on Eden as she lay prone on the mat. Peggy just manages to roll under the ropes and out as the ref cautions the red clad wrestler. This allows Eden the chance to get to her feet finally, somewhat worse for wear.

Eden and her opponent start circling. Eden was the first to move, lunging into her opponent but found herself swiftly on her back, a victim of a rapid armdrag.

Gary: Wow! Say what you want about the masks, it sure does not slow them down any!

Sandra: Quick moves indeed from the Lifeguard!

Keeping hold of her opponents arm, the beach babe got to her feet and dragged Eden to her knees before stepping over the arm and dropping her weight onto the rookies shoulder! This brought a squeal of pain as Eden dropped to the mat.

Sandra: Painful drop! That has got to really hurt to shoulder, no matter how much weight you put on it.

Gary: Bet she learned that in lifeguard school! You have to be able to keep the drunken louts that hang around the lifeguard stations at bay!

Sandra: You mean like you?

Gary: Hey! I’m rarely drunk when I hang around! And it’s called visiting!

Sandra: Well that explains one thing then!

Gary: Eh? What’s that?

Sandra: Why they started issuing them harpoon guns!

Back in the ring the Lifeguards had tagged up, as LPM pounded on the mat with glee! Eden came flying off the ropes from an Irish whip right into a dropkick from the new wrestler. The Lifeguard quickly got up and dragged her stunned opponent to her feet before slamming Eden’s face onto the top rope and dragging her forcefully along it, burning the youngster’s eyes!

Sandra: That is completely uncalled for! She has no need to do that!

Gary: That looks like a smart move to me! You have to be able to handle the punishment in this game!

Eden stumbled away from the ropes, covering her eyes and screaming! Peggy leaned through the ropes, her hand trying to reach her partner, but she didn’t see it. The Lifeguard grabbed an arm and slung her into the far ropes, but Eden had the presence of mind to grab the top rope and prevent the springback this time.

Sandra: Give the youngster credit! That’s something she learned from Shea London in her last match!

Gary: All she learned in that match was how to lose!

Sandra: It was a very close match. It could have gone either way. Eden just learned not to get too cocky in the ring.

Gary: Yeah, the hard way!

Both wrestlers circled for a moment, giving Eden the chance to get her vision back. As they locked up the Lifeguard went for the quick side headlock, but Eden reacted quickly, wrapping her arms around her opponent’s waist and throwing her forward into the ropes. The masked wrestler bounced off right into a backdrop, but quickly wrapped her arms around Eden’s waist as she flipped over.

Gary: Sunset flip by the Lifeguard!

Sandra: No! Wait!

The Lifeguard had gone to the mat, but Eden remained on her feet, arms flailing as she struggled for balance! Beneath her the Lifeguard was trying to pull her down, then finally, Eden let herself go, dropping directly onto the chest of the unfortunate girl beneath her! Eden reached forward and placed her hands on her opponents shoulders as the ref dropped to the mat, but before he could even get a one count the Lifeguard had brought her legs up and hooked them under Eden’s arms, dragging her off.

Sandra: Fast action! Eden Starr is starting to make a match of this.

Gary: Only until she makes the tag.

Sandra: That’s not fair! Peggy was winning matches since the very beginning of BRA!

Gary: Rumor has it the only reason she is still here is because of her partner! Amanda Strike would have sent her packing if it were not for her partnership with Eden! I wonder if the little rookie knows that!

Sandra: You wouldn’t dare spread a rumor like that!

Gary: I don’t have to! Watch!

Both wrestlers had tagged and Peggy was now in the ring with one of the Lifeguards. Peggy lunged in for a lockup, but was easily sidestepped by her quicker opponent. It took barely a second for the larger woman to find herself trapped in a full nelson and on her way into the opponent’s corner. At the corner both the other Lifeguard and LPM were on the apron. Getting to the corner, the Lifeguard in the ring threw her weight forward, slamming Peggy’s head into the top turnbuckle and releasing the hold a second later. Outside the ring both girls had grabbed an arm and draped them over top the rope, pulling down and trapping the big woman. As the ref started to count the girl in the ring grabbed both feet and yanked them off the mat before driving a boot directly into the larger woman’s crotch! A loud scream came from Peggy as simultaneously all three released their holds and the Canadian princess slammed painfully belly first to the mat!

Sandra: Oh my gosh!! That was terrible! And the ref didn’t even see it!

Gary: He was too busy with the other two! That’s what I call great teamwork!

Sandra: That’s what I call disgusting! That’s not wrestling! They should have been disqualified!

Gary: You can’t disqualify what you can’t see!

In the ring the legal wrestler started to stomp the prostrate form of the Peggy, driving boot after boot relentlessly into her back. Eden started to lean through the ropes and yell at the referee, complaining about the tactics. Finally, sensing it was for the better, the official started to count and succeeded in finally getting the Lifeguard to cease the attack.

Eden was still hollering invective when she suddenly found herself falling face first through the ropes, the result of a tug on her ankles from LPM who had sneaked around behind her.

Gary: Look what’s going on over here! LPM has the little face on the mat! She’s dragging her to the ringpost! This is going to hurt!

Jennifer had pulled Eden back, both legs either side of the ringpost causing Eden to scream in fear as her fingers dug into the mat, desperately trying to stave off the inevitable. The referee, hearing the screams, turned his attention away from the action in the ring. He was just in time to see LPM give a mighty tug and pull Eden hard to the post, causing a piercing scream to echo down the beach!

Sandra: Oh my god! That is truly despicable! She’s not even in this match! That little brat should be banned from ringside!

Gary: Have you not heard! This is sports entertainment, and I found that very entertaining!

Sandra: And not at all sporting!

With the referee distracted, both Lifeguards were now in the ring. They hauled a hurting Peggy to her feet and turned her around. With one on either side they heaved the big woman up and down hard in a vertical suplex! The whole ring shook from the blow as the housewife took the full effect of the drop! One Lifeguard swiftly dropped out of the ring as the referee, wakened by the shock, turned his head from the melee in the corner to see Peggy laying gasping on the mat and one Lifeguard standing triumphant. Seeing everything in order he resumed trying to get Jennifer to stop, but as soon as his back was turned Peggy was dragged to the ropes and her head shoved over the bottom one. Outside, the Lifeguard had grabbed one of the floats and smashed it over Peggy’s head!

Sandra: What is that referee doing! He is ignoring the two legal wrestlers and Peggy is being double-teamed over there!

Gary: I call that great teamwork! Not that one of this Lifeguard’s couldn’t handle Miss Piggy on her own!

Sandra: Seems we may never get the chance to find out!

LPM finally released the hold on the young wrestler and backed away with her hands in the air! The referee stooped over the now curled up form of Eden Starr to check her out. On the other side of the ring the Lifeguard’s had unwrapped the rope from the metal float and wrapped it around the neck of the larger woman, pulling it down hard! Peggy gasped and kicked her feet as her windpipe was choked off from the rope. The ref finally finished in the corner with Eden and turned to look in the ring, but the legal Lifeguard blocked his sight. By the time he got over the rope had been removed from their opponent’s neck and LPM had removed the offending article.

Sandra: I don’t know who these Lifeguard’s are, but their tactics are worthy of the Sisterhood! I would not be surprised if Yvette Malreaux had a hand in this!

Gary: Or Sherry Ann! She’s no angel either! She’s a worse kind of cheater, a cheater who claims to be innocent! At least these newcomers aren’t hiding behind a lie!

Sandra: No, they’re hiding behind masks!

As Eden returned to her feet and stood wincing in the corner, her partner was going from bad to worse. With the referee watching things carefully now, the Lifeguard in the ring was giving a display of pure wrestling. A very wobbly Peggy Christian was thrown into the ropes and met with a tremendous dropkick to the chin. There was no rest though for the struggling housewife as she was dragged to her feet and tucked between her opponent’s legs. With a mighty heave the small woman lifted her foe and dropped her down into a devastating piledriver! The Lifeguard got to her feet and kicked Peggy in the ribs as she tagged in her partner who was standing on the top turnbuckle.

Sandra: This is where mistakes are made! They had better be sure of what they are doing!

Gary:: Are you kidding!! Miss Piggy won’t be getting up for a week! She is hopelessly outclassed here!

True to Gary’s words, the new Lifeguard leapt from the ropes….

Gary: Inverted rana! SMASH!! Right on top of Peggy Christian!

Sandra: These girls sure know how to wrestle! Why do they have to resort to such foul tactics! They obviously have the skills!

Gary: Not as if they need them tonight though!

Peggy lay groaning beneath the Lifeguard as the ref dropped hopefully to the mat.

Gary: Night night Miss Piggy! Her comes the count!

ONE!

TWO

THR….

Sandra: No! The lifeguard has pulled Peggy’s shoulder off the mat!

Gary: Why! She had her cold! The match was over!

Sandra: I have a feeling it’s far from over.

The lifeguard has dragged her helpless opponent to her feet and rammed her headfirst into her sides corner! Peggy convulses from the impact, and is then spun around so she is slumped in the corner. Her opponent proceeds to stomp the housewife’s stomach several times with her boot before tagging out just as the ref started counting. The incoming lifeguard proceeded to repeat the performance of her predecessor and again stops just as the ref starts to count. Eden is on the other side getting furious as she is unable to get in and help her partner out. The lifeguard tags again and the new one this time starts to throw forearms at the chest of her hapless opponent.

Sandra: Hey, what’s going on over there? It looks like one of the lifeguards is trying to draw Eden off the apron?

Gary: The way Eden is yelling, you would have think she already did! Look she’s going up! ..and..Oh noo!!

Eden’s screams brings the refs attention to the far corner as the young Texan is covering her eyes and stomping her feet!

Sandra:: Did you see that!! The Lifeguard threw sand in Eden’s eyes!! What a rotten trick!

Gary: What do you mean! The ref didn’t see anything! How can you prove that!

Sandra: Oh shut up! These newcomers have done nothing but use cheating and dirty tricks to gain the advantage here! And that referee has done nothing about it!

Gary: That’s because their teamwork has been outstanding! I’ve told you time and time again! If you don’t get caught, it ain’t cheating! See. Look in the other corner!

Sandra: Poor Peggy! She’s being double-teamed again…..WAIT!

Gary: Hehe!

Sandra: There are TWO masked wrestlers in the corner with Peggy and another one by the ref? What’s going on here??

Gary: Teamwork!

Sandra was right as two masked wrestlers stomped Peggy into a heap on the mat a third one was arguing with the ref in the opposite corner. Eden, finally clearing her eyes again, noticed the infraction and tried to get the ref’s attention. This gave time for one of the tandem to slip out before the official could turn in time. All he saw was a masked wrestler hauling a thoroughly beaten Peggy Christian out of the corner and wrapping her in a side headlock. He failed to notice the third red suited person also had a mask on!

Sandra: Jennifer Christian should be disqualified! She has sunk to new lows here today! She has no right to be involved in this match!

Gary: But which one is she? I’ll bet she’s not in the ring!

Sandra: Oh yeah! That’s her right there…..no wait…..that one??

Gary: Oh this is priceless!

As the ref tried to keep control between Eden’s ravings and the crowd’s less than helpful comments, Peggy finally found a burst of energy and dug her feet in and drove her opponent right into FaceOff’s corner and right into Eden’s boot!

Sandra: BRAVO PEGGY! You go, girl!

Barely on her feet, Peggy reached a hand and was instantly tagged by her partner. Eden nearly dove through the ropes and at the lifeguard. Spinning her opponent around, Eden snap mared her quickly to the mat. As the lifeguard tried to get up a suddenly vicious Eden Starr met her with a spinning neckbreaker.

Sandra: That’s more like it! The rookie is showing some good recuperative skills here! I think she is still angry about the sand!

Gary: Have to admit, she is making the match more interesting than her partner.

Sandra: That’s because Eden is facing only ONE wrestler at a time!

Gary: It’s only fair! Miss Piggy weighs as much as two of them!

Sandra: That’s cruel!

In the ring Eden has gotten the lifeguard up and body slammed her to the mat, bringing a large cheer from the crowd! She drops right in behind her and wraps her legs around her opponent’s waist and squeezed!

Sandra: Great wrestling from the rookie! Even with the mask you can tell the scissors is having quite an effect on the red suited woman.

Gary: Looks like it might not last long! Trouble is afoot outside again!

One of the other masked wrestlers has again slipped to the opposite corner and distracted the ref with her taunting, this time at Peggy. This time though, an enraged though still suffering Peggy drops to the sand and launches herself at the lifeguard. She manages to catch her off guard and the two go tumbling to the sand to a roar of approval from the gathered audience! The ref looks desperately back and forth and finally decides to try and break the two in the sand up.

Sandra: Where’s he going? The match is in the ring!

Gary: To save Peggy from the little Lifeguard! And by the looks of things, she needs it!

Sandra: After the unfair beating she took, I’m surprised she has the energy she does! It was pretty bold of her to try and attack her tormentor!

Gary: Pretty stupid! Look at her now!

Peggy was now on her back in the sand as the Lifeguard pinned her very effectively schoolgirl style and started to rain fists down onto her head. The ref had acted fast though and was breaking the two up quickly, but as his back was turned, the inevitable happened in the ring.

Sandra: Oh no! Hasn’t the ref figured out what’s happening yet!

Gary: If he has, he is ignoring it, but he was doing the humanitarian thing saving Miss Piggy from another beating!

The third masked wrestler had slipped in the ring and stomped Eden in the back, causing her to wince in pain and let her scissors slack off. Her opponent drove an elbow into Eden’s face as she rolled out of the hold. Getting up quickly, the Lifeguard dragged Eden up to her feet and hauled her to her corner. The third Lifeguard waited in the corner with one of the cans and stepped in as the other two arrived. Handing the can to the legal wrestler, she then grabbed Eden’s head, ramming it into the turnbuckle before dropping out of the ring and quickly removing the mask. The legal Lifeguard looked over her shoulder and saw the ref coming back in, so she threw the can back out quickly to LPM.

Gary: That’s the one I thought was LPM!

Sandra: Not me, but it doesn’t matter anyway!

The ref had finally broke the other two up and got in the ring, and of course was just too late to catch anything illegal! But just as he saw nothing wrong, a piercing scream from the far corner drew his attention again and he turned to see Peggy being choked on the ropes. Once again he tries to break them up but as he does LPM hands the can back in the ring and climbs in to hold Eden in the corner. The Lifeguard grabs the can and swings…

Sandra: Eden ducks! She’s hit Jennifer in the head with the can! What a heads up move by the rookie!

Gary: Now the ref wakes up!

The masked Lifeguard sees the ref turn and jumps from the ring in a panic with the can. Eden is angry now and snap mares a groggy LPM to the mat. The ref starts to say something but is distracted again, this time by Peggy who has the Lifeguard by her ponytail and is trying to swing her around with it.

Sandra: Finally! Great thinking by Peggy! It’s their turn now!

Gary: She can’t do that! She’s cheating! And LPM is not a legal wrestler!

Sandra: But she deserves everything she is getting right now! Eden Starr is ON FIRE!

Eden Starr is on fire. With a still groggy Jennifer Christian in the ring, she lets loose many frustrations! LPM is slung into the ropes and met with a dropkick to the chest! Eden quickly drags her up and bodyslams the little Marquise hard to the mat!

Sandra: This is terrific! I knew that Eden was capable of handling Jennifer!

Gary: Sure, after being hit in the head with that can!

Eden does not stop as Peggy does a masterful job creating havoc in the other corner. A spinning neck breaker is followed by Eden hoisting a very wobbly LPM to her feet and holding her in a front headlock.

Sandra: Look at her! One hand in the air, the crowd is loving this!! Her it comes! DDT!!

LPM’s head is driven into the mat with force and Eden drops across the limp Marquise! She hooks a leg and pounds on the mat, leaning her body over top of Jenn’s face, obscuring the lack of a mask! Peggy sees this and finally lets the Lifeguard go, pointing to the middle of the ring as the crowd starts to chant……1….2….3..!!!

Sandra: I love it!!

Gary: I hate it, the ref can’t let it happen! LPM is not a legal wrestler!

Sandra: It ain’t cheating if you ain’t caught!

The ref dives down to the mat as the crowd keeps chanting….1…..2…..3!!!!

Sandra: he hasn’t seen she doesn’t have a mask!!

ONE!

Gary: The other two are screaming at him!

TWO!!

Sandra: LPM is not getting up from this one!

THR…

Gary: He stopped the count!! He finally noticed!

The referee was staring very puzzled at the Lifeguard’s corner, seeing two masked wrestlers there. Peggy stomped on the mat with her foot, driving the crowd to keep chanting…..1…..2…..3……………1…..2…..3…….!!!! The ref looked back and forth as Eden kept the pin. Finally the ref, likely driven by the crowd, started the count again..

ONE!

TWO!!

THREE!!

Sandra: It’s over!! FaceOff have done it!!

Gary: NO it isn’t!! Look!!

The referee was quickly waving the bell off before it rang! Eden was a little too quick to roll off of LPM and the ref saw she was not a legal wrestler and waved the pin off!

Gary: Thank goodness for that! That would have been a travesty!

Sandra: No worse than anything else that has gone on.

LPM is finally rolled out of the ring, massaging a bruise on her head and Eden tags with Peggy, who is met instantly with a dropkick as she emerges from the ropes by a legal Lifeguard! She follows quickly, wrapping a figure four leglock on the housewife! Peggy struggles, her face twisted with pain! The Lifeguard works the hold as the ref asks Peggy for a submission. Peggy shakes her head but its clear she has little left. Straining with her might, she manages to grab a rope with her outstretched hand and the ref forces the break.

Sandra: Good effort from Peggy, but I don’t think she has anything left!

Gary: She had nothing to start with!

The red suited wrestler now drags an exhausted Peggy to her feet, throwing her into the ropes and executing a perfect flying headscissors to take the big woman down again! The housewife kicked weakly in the smaller girls strong legs, her suffering plain. LPM once again slunk out to the opposite corner, finally recovered from the beating Eden gave her. As Eden turned she was met with a lifeguard can to the side of the head and she fell through the ropes into the ring in a heap. Meanwhile, Peggy was hauled gasping to her feet again and nearly carried to the opposite corner. Jennifer ran away from the scene of her crime as the ref turned to see Eden slumped on the mat. In the other corner both masked wrestlers got on either side of Peggy and with a mighty heave, lifted her up and down in a devastating double vertical suplex. Peggy lay unmoving on the mat, but the Lifeguards hauled her up once again. One of them starts to lift the large woman up, straining into a power bomb pose, then the other grabs Peggy’s neck and….

Gary: Diamond cutter power bomb!! What a great move!

Sandra: Poor Peggy! Double-teamed again! I guess this one is finally over!

The ref turns to see one red suited wrestler in the ring and she does a facesit on the prostrate housewife.

ONE!

TWO!!

THREE!!!

DING DING DING

Gary: The Lifeguards win! Right on!

Sandra: What a sham! Those poor women!

The other Lifeguard goes to the ropes and sits on them, allowing Jennifer Christian to enter with the lifeguard cans. She then grabs the still unmoving form of Eden Starr and drags her beside Peggy where the other masked wrestler does as her partner. The referee finally gets them to stop and raises their hands in the air to major heckling and catcalls from the crowd. With LPM holding their hands in the air, both wrestlers place a foot on the chests of their unconscious victims. Then, as everyone looks on, the take their other hands and at the same time, begin to remove their masks..

Gary: C’mon Yasmine!!

Sandra: Finally we can see who are the next wrestlers to be banned!

A gasp is heard around the crowd as the masks finally come off, and the two wrestlers stand triumphantly amid the silence..

Sandra: JENNY AND LINDA!! OH MY GOD!!

Gary: The Cheerleaders!..I mean Lifeguards!….Oh! This is too much!!

The crowd is awe struck as Jenny and Linda Anderson each lean over and give the little Marquise a kiss on the cheek! Picking up the cans again the twins start to rain a couple more blows to their downed victims before leaving the ring to a chorus of booing!

Sandra: I…I….don’t know what to say! Sherry must be furious!!

Gary: Better bring in the stretchers! FaceOff is not walking anywhere! We’ll be right back!

WINNERS: Lifeguards by pinfall