Viper vs Lisa Dream
(The camera fades in from commercial. It focuses on a large steel cage that is suspended from the ceiling over the ring. The fans are on their feet cheering wildly. They now what is coming next, a steel cage heel in a cell match. Bach's "Fugue and Cantata in D minor" eerily plays through the sound system setting the proper mood. The Image on the screen changes to show Kenny and Cari smiling at the camera.)
Kenny: Welcome back, everyone. This is the match that the fans have been waiting for.
Cari: There is nothing like the thought of two women beating each other to bloody pulps in a locked cell to get the fans attention.
Kenny: I think this type of match should be banned.
Cari: Are you kidding? This is great! The fans love it. Two wrestlers go in and only one comes out. The winner of the match is the one that makes it through the door, the only way in or out of the cage.
Kenny: The wrestlers will be chained together with eight feet of hardened steel chain.
Cari: In order to win the match, one wrestler will have to beat the other senseless and exit the cage.
Kenny: Hardly what I would call scientific wrestling.
Cari: But something I would call very entertaining.
Kenny: According to my computer 75% of the career ending injuries that wrestlers suffer are caused in this type of match.
Cari: If the wrestlers are too wimpy to survive these matches, they have no business wrestling.
Kenny: (Looking at the screen of his portable computer.) I see that you fought one such match and it took you four months to recover from it. After that you refused to fight in three hell in a cell matches. I believe that was one of the reasons that you were banned from wrestling.
(The table suddenly flips over smashing Kenny's computer under it.)
Cari: Oh dear! Did I do that?
Kenny: You did that on purpose!
Cari: I did not! I was banned from wrestling because I was too good. The powers that be decided that I "unbalanced" the competition.
Kenny: (muttering) I think they said you were unbalanced.
(Cari rises to her feet and takes a fighter's stance.)
Cari: What was that?
(Kenny is saved by the entrance of Lisa Dream.)
(All of the lights in the arena dim as the sounds of twinkling stars and awe music fill the stadium. The blood red letters �THE DREAM' spin and solidify on the large jumbotron monitor located above the exit from the dressing room area, as smoke fills the entrance ramp. Then, there is a burst of pyrotechnics, the music shifts to the opening cords of �NOOKIE', by Limp Bizkit, and Lisa Dream exits the dressing room area. She arrogantly stands on the entrance ramp, surveying the sell out crowd as they show their appreciation for the concieted woman. Wearing her black leather halter top and black leather pants combination, Lisa blows a kiss to her adoring fans, and then arrogantly struts down to the ring like a supermodel walking on a runway. She sweeps into the ring with an arrogant smirk, and struts around the perimeter of the squared circle for the benefit of her adoring fans. Lisa then orders someone at ringside to hand her a microphone, which she quickly gets, and, when the crowd finally quietens down, she raises it to her black painted lips.)
Lisa: "That's right, all you lucky little DREAM-o-phobics, the very reason for your involvement in this event has just set foot into the stadium! So feast your eyes and fantasize, all you lucky little ticket holders! I will not be competing forever�and then you will be back to watching the dull, uninteresting imperfect imposters baboon their way around the squared circle! I will try to put on a decent show for you this evening�but, really, given the state of my competition, that may be an impossible feat! Oh yes, The woman known as Viper may have provoked me into a steel cage match, and a chain match, but it does not really matter what type of match I fight her in! I am going to toss her from one corner of that ring to the next like the rag doll that she is, because I could beat her with both hands tied behind my back and a paper bag over my head! I know it, she knows it, and all the spectators know it! Viper, you are in for a world of hurt here! You will learn never to oppose the Ultimate Image of Human Perfection, and you will beg for my mercy in that cage! Because, darlin, you had best close your eyes�and fantasize�if you EVER think you will top�*perfection*."
(She then tosses down the microphone, and does a little bump and grind dance for the benefit of the audience. Lisa then takes up a reclining position on top of a turnbuckle, arrogantly awaiting the beginning of the match. )
Cari: Lisa makes the best entr5ances of any of the wrestlers in BRA.
Kenny: Entrances don't win matches. She has taken on more than she can handle when she accepted Viper's challenge.
Cari: I am surprised that she agreed to this match. I thought she had more class than the ruffians who fight these kinds of matches.
Kenny: I am surprised too. Lisa is usually too much of a coward to agree to be locked in a cage where there is no escape.
Cari: She is not a coward! She doesn't want *perfection* to be ruined by such barbaric matches.
Kenny: Yeah . . . right.
(The sound of hissing slowly fades up, filling the arena. On the Angeltron, the image of a pit viper, curled up against a wall, slowly shifts its head side to side ready to strike. In a flash it strikes, opening its gaping maw, showing two long fangs before engulfing the lens. At the same time, green and white pryo explode from the wrestler entrance as the sound of George Thorogood and the Destroyers blasts over the loudspeakers. )
"I walked forty-seven miles of barbed wire, I got a cobra snake for a necktie"
"A brand new house on the road side, and it's a-made out of rattlesnake hide"
"Got a brand new chimney put on top, and it's a-made out of human skull
Come on take a little walk with me baby, and tell me who do you love?"
"Who do you love?"
"Who do you love?"
(The crowd rises to its feet as the "Viper" Lesley Magus steps out from behind the pyro. She is dressed in a green spandex sports bra and black martial arts pants, her hair tied tight behind her head in a ponytail. Her hands are partially covered by black fingerless gloves. A tattoo of a Viper curls up her arm and around her shoulder, and as always, a long link of bike chain is wrapped around her neck and down her torso. Behind her she drags a garbage can filled with assorted tools of mayhem and violence. Jet black wrestling boots cover her feet as she slowly makes her way down the ramp.)
Kenny: The fans show who their favorite is.
Cari: Fans! Hah! What do they know? They cheer the guy that sells the pork rinds.
Kenny: Not many cheered Lisa Dream.
Cari: Which proves what I already have said. The fans are MORONS.
Kenny: Maybe we better change the topic. There are more stipulations to this match that we haven't covered.
Cari: That's right. One of them is being carried out now.
(The camera shows the ring as Max Polk attaches eight feet of chain, linking Lisa and Viper.)
Kenny: Both wrestlers are linked by eight feet of steel chain.
Cari: Something that is guaranteed to be used by both wrestlers. Those chains can raise nasty welts and bruises.
Kenny: The other stipulation is that this is a hardcore match. Any weapon can be used.
(Two ring attendants bring a large garbage can filled with items and place it in Viper's corner. Lisa looks at the garbage can and a look of fear domes to her eyes.)
Kenny: I see Viper's weapons but I don't see any weapons for Lisa to use.
Cari: I don't think this is supposed to be a hardcore match too.
Kenny: Yes it is. And Lisa accepted the terms. Remember what she said at the last midweek house show.
(The Angeltron begins to show a tape of Lisa accepting the terms that Viper has made. Lisa is holding a mic and facing a camera at the midweek house show.)
Lisa: Lesley, I accept your terms! With me attached to you with a chain, there is no way that you can escape from my wrath! And I will get back what you stole so wrongfully from me�and I also get to teach you a true lesson in humility at the same time! Baby Doll, you had best close your eyes�and fantasize�because that is the ONLY way you will EVER top�.*perfection*!
Kenny: That answers that question.
Cari: I am sure that Lisa has weapons placed around the ring.
Kenny: She better. Viper is loaded for bear.
(Both wrestlers stand in the center of the ring as the cage is slowly lowered over the ring area. Max Polk, the referee, signals for the bell after the cage is secured into position. Viper gives a violent tug on the chain which draws Lisa to her. She raises her arm to clothes line Lisa but Lisa ducks under it and sends an elbow into Viper's kidneys as she runs past her. Viper groans and drops to her knee as Lisa points to her head, showing her superior brain power to the crowd. Viper is standing quickly and runs pulling the chain. Lisa is caught off guard by this and is pulled by Viper. Viper stops suddenly and whips the chain sending Lisa crashing face first into the steel cage.)
Kenny: Viper decides to play crack the whip with Lisa.
Cari: I don't think either of these women are "playing".
(Lisa bounces off the steel cage and staggers toward the center of the ring. Viper begins to run in circles around the stunned All American Sweetheart. Wrapping the chain around her. After circling her twice, Viper pulls the chain tight around Lisa's body. Lisa screams as the links of the chain grind into her body. Viper smiles broadly as she grabs the chain with both hands. She gives the chain a mighty pull which sends Lisa spinning like a top in the middle of the ring. Lisa staggers around the ring dizzy from the spin. Leslie pulls the chain again forcing Lisa to run toward her. Lisa leaps into the air and spins so that she is facing away from Viper. She sends an elbow into Leslie's nose, causing blood to spurt from it. Viper is stunned by the surprise. Lisa jumps to the second rope and springs off it, flipping herself in the air and wrapping her legs around Viper's head. She then drives Viper's head into the mat with a beautifully executed hurricanrana. Lisa plays to the crowd.)
Lisa: Who is your greatest dream and her greatest nightmare?
(The crowd reaction is mixed some yelling out the names of wrestlers not even in this match. Lisa runs toward the door of the cage. She has to reach her hand through the steel bars on it to get to the handle. Her hand barely touches it when she is pulled back to the center of the ring by Viper. Lisa swears at Viper and then runs toward her leaping into the air to deliver a drop kick. Viper rolls out of the way and Lisa falls to the mat on her *perfect* rear end. Viper gets to her feet and goes to her garbage can full of weapons. She rummages around in it for a second before taking out a mop.)
Kenny: It looks like Viper plans to mop the mat with Lisa.
Cari: Very funny! That mop looks like it is still wet.
Kenny: You're right! I think that is the mop they use to clean to clean the restrooms with.
Cari: YUCK! It is absolutely filthy.
(Lisa gets to her feet and shakes the cobwebs out of her head. She turns just as Viper swings the mop.)
SPLAT!!
(A shower of dirty water sprays from the mop as it strikes Lisa in the face. Viper swings again and again hits Lisa with the business end of the mop. Lisa screams and sputters as her face is smacked with the dirty, wet end of the much used mop. Lisa turns her back to Viper as she tries to wipe the filthy water from her face.)
Lisa: My face! My beautiful face!
(Viper runs up behind Lisa and hits her over the head with the mop handle, snapping it in two. Lisa drops to her knees, holding her head. Viper hits Lisa in the back of the head with a spinning heel kick that drives Lisa's head into the mat. Viper grabs both of Lisa's feet and tucks them under her arms. She then squats putting Lisa in a painful Boston Crab. Lisa screams and slaps the mat. Viper keeps the hold on applying even more pressure.)
Kenny: Lisa is in a world of hurt now. She can't even submit. The winner is the one that gets through the door first.
Cari: If Viper is smart, she will keep this hold on until Lisa passes out from the pain.
(Lisa continues to scream in agony as Viper shows no sign of letting go of the hold. Lisa swings her arms wildly in hopes of hitting Viper. She twists herself around some and manages to grab a small handful of Viper's hair. She pulls on it for al she is worth. Viper screams and uses one hand to try to pry Lisa's hand from her hair. This causes one of Lisa's legs to be released. Lisa kicks with it, driving it into Viper's ankle. This causes Viper to release the other leg. Lisa releases the hair and squirms out from under Viper. Lisa lays against the steel cage and tries to massage her back. Magnus gets to her feet and towers of Dream. Lisa raises her hands pleading with Viper to stop. Viper sneers at Dream as she stands over her. The sneer turns inot a look of sheer agony as Lisa drives a foot into the groin of Viper. Viper staggers back a few steps and drops to her knees. Lisa gets to her feet and drives a snap kick into Viper's face, causing her to fall to her back. Lisa is too far from the door to make a run for it, but she is close to Viper's garbage can full of weapons. She goes to it and begins to reach around inside. She throws a blow torch on the mat and continues looking.)
Cari: What could Viper possibly want with a blow torch?
Kenny: You never know when a little fire might come in handy.
(Lisa takes out a pair of chocks, tow blocks that are linked together to keep trucks from rolling backward. She begins to swing them over her head like a bolo. Viper sits up on the mat and Lisa lets fly with the chocks. The wire catches Viper around the head and the blocks spin around it until they both strike Viper on opposite sides of her head. Viper lumps forward dazed by the attack. Lisa plays to the crowd again.)
Lisa: Feast your eyes and fantasize, my little DREAM-o-Phobics!
(Lisa goes back to Viper and sneers at her.)
Lisa: What chance have you against the Ultimate Image of Human Perfection?
(Lisa sits on the mat behind Viper and forces Viper into a sitting position. She then wraps a sleeper hold on Viper. Viper struggles weakly against the hold. The sleeper soon has its effect and Viper is out like a light.)
Cari: A brilliant move by Lisa. With Viper out, she can just walk right out the door.
Kenny: I think this move was unexpected. It may just be the one to win it for Dream.
(Lisa drags Viper toward the door. Making sure there is enough slack in the chain, Lisa leaves Viper and arrogantly struts toward the door. She takes her time reaching through the steel bars to open the door. The door swings open and Lisa takes a little time to sneer at Viper.)
Lisa: Baby Doll, you just wish you're the All American Sweetheart.
Cari: A brilliant match by Lisa Dream. She going to win.
Kenny: She really didn't use all that many wrestling moves.
Cari: It doesn't matter how many she used because she is going to win this match.
(The crowd reacts loudly. Some cheering Lisa on others yelling for Viper to wake up. Lisa foot steps out of the cage but before it can touch the floor the chain goes taught. The crowd gasps as they realiz3e that Viper has awakened and is pulling on the chain. With a mighty pull, Lisa goes flying back into the cage and across the ring. The chain tightens again and Lisa crashes into the mat at the end of it. Viper gets to her feet and begins to move toward the door, dragging Lisa with her. Lisa fights back digging her heels into the mat trying to prevent Viper from exiting the ring. Viper is forced to work hard as she moves slowly toward the open door. Lisa suddenly jumps to her feet and runs forward. The chain goes slack for a second and Viper stumbles from the unexpected lack of resistance. Lisa runs toward the door as Viper hits the mat. Lisa reaches the door and gets her toes out of the cage when Viper grabs the chain and pulls Lisa back in. The crowd cheers these near finishes. Both wrestlers stand eight feet apart, the chain tight between them. Lisa is nearest the door. Both wrestlers strain against each other. Lisa trying to get out the door and Viper using all her strength to keep her in the cage. The contestants use all their strength in this deadly tug of war. Lisa gains an advantage and inches closer to the door but it is soon won back by Viper. The tug of war goes on between the two wresters. Each one digging down for inner strength to continue it. Suddenly Viper lunges toward Lisa. The sudden slack in the chian causes Lisa to lose her balance and fall to the mat. Viper runs toward the door but instead of going out, she grabs Lisa and rolls her onto her stomach. Lesley hook her legs down around Lisa's ankles and them quickly falls forward, grabbing Lisa's right arm and pulling it back while hooking her free arm around Dream's neck. )
Cari: Instead of leaving the cage, Viper has put a crippler cross face on Lisa.
Kenny: It's Viper's variation on the crippler cross face. She calls it the coil. Her legs are entangled in Lisa's to keep her from powering out of the move. Also the arm is around Lisa's neck, acting as a sleeper.
(Lisa screams and struggles against the hold. Her struggles become weaker as the sleeper has its effect on her, cutting off the flow of blood to her brain. Lisa's struggles finally end. Viper keeps the hold on a little longer than gets to her feet. She leaps out the open door and both of her feet touch the floor. Max Polk raises her hand in victory. He takes a key out of his pocket and unlocks the chain. Viper reenters the cage and goes to her garbage can. She pulls out a pair of handcuffs and walks to Lisa. Lisa is still out from the coil. Viper caries Lisa to the cage and leans her against it. She then handcuffs Lisa to the cage and demands a mic from the ring attendant.
Viper: No more of this, no more fools coming into my den. Janus, it's time you and I got face-two-face and see just who's rage is that much darker, who's thirst is that much deeper and who's that more willing to go beyond what's expected and take the title �.Fallen Angel.
Kenny: I think Viper is right. It is time for her to fight Janus for the title.
Cari: That isn't yours or Viper's decision to make.
(The camera fades to commercial.)
The winner, LESLIE "VIPER" MAGNUS.