A.J. Johnson vs. Cyra Min
[Fade in]
Sandra: Welcome back, sports fans. Our last match features a newcomer, A.J. Johnson, and a rather underhanded, if not murderous, woman - Cyra Min.Garry: She does what it takes to win.
Sandra: Well, last week, "what it took" got her disqualified against Sweet Misty. Now, let's go ringside.
Announcer: First, from Cape Cod, Massachussets, standing at 5'4" and weighing in at 129 pounds - A.J. Johnson!
[A.J. enters to fanfare. The new wrestler waves to the throngs of cheering people as she makes her way to ringside. She is clad in jean shorts, black boots, black shirt and blue jean vest. On her head is a black headband.]
Garry: [muttering] "Go, go power rangers...."
Sandra: Did you say something?
Garry: [innocently] No. Did you hear something?
Announcer: Her opponent this evening hails from Los Angeles, California. Standing at 5'8" and weighing in at 143 pounds - Cyra Min!
Garry: [excitedly] My baby!
[Cyra storms into the arena, a smile resting on her face from ear to ear. The lights reflect off her purple hair and circuit design body suit. The fans boo and heckle her, but she drinks it up, obviosuly loving the attention.]
Sandra: I've a feeling your baby is going to get rocked to sleep tonight.
Garry: What? You've gotta be kidding. Cyra's a prime wrestler. She's very skilled.
Sandra: In first degree murder.
Garry: It wasn't first degree, and besides, that was a juvenile defense. She served her time. Now she's about to serve up A.J.
[The bell rings. The women circle each other in the ring. Cyra goes to lock up with A.J., but the smaller woman kicks Cura in the midsection.]
Garry: Oh no! Cyra was just too eager to lock up, and A.J. had other plans.
Sandra: A smart move on her part, I might add, since Cyra is taller and heavier.
Garry: And cuter. You forgot cuter.
Sandra: Oh, I didn't forget. A.J. puts Cyra in a headlock - but breaks the hold! A.J. is clutching her side. I think Cyra bit her!
Garry: Atta girl!
[A.J. yells to the ref about Cyra's bite. The referee shouts at Cyra, who laughs at him as she lunges towards her opponent.]
Sandra: Ouch! A right hook from Cyra spins A.J. into the ropes. Cyra delivers a series of kicks to the back of A.J.'s knees.
Garry: Wise move. Keep that bird landbound.
Sandra: Cyra takes a handful of hair and slamsA.J. into the mat. She hooks A.J.'s leg - but only gets a one count.
Garry: Why's she trying to end this so early?
Sandra: Maybe because she knows she'll probalby get DQed if the match lasts too long.
Garry: [dryly] Ha-ha.
[Cyra jumps to her feet and delivers a falling fist to A.J.'s throat. A.J. instictively rolls away after the hit is delivered, but catches a kick to the lower back. A.J.'s fans begin chanting her on.]
Sandra: The fans don't seem to appreciate Cyra's tactics and are rooting her on.
Garry: [noting a few Cyra reporters] But not all the fans are idiots.
Sandra: Cyra closing in on her opponent, but A.J. grabs and yanks Cyra's legs from under her. A.J. is moving at lightning speed and slapping on a figure four leglock!
Garry: Boo!
Sandra: Could you at least try to be impartial?
Garry: [snorting] Hypocrite. Cyra grabs the closest rope, and the referee makes A.J. break the hold. A.J. is up and tosses Cyra with a snapmare. Impressive. I guess she ate her Wheeties this morning.
Sandra: A little "turn-about is fair play." A.J. delivers a kick to the back of Cyra's head. A.J. sits behind her opponent and applies a cobra clutch.
Garry: No - she tries to! Cyra slams the back of her head into A.J.'s face and reaches back to dig her claws into A.J.'s sides. She didn't expect that!
Sandra: Of course not. She came prepared for a wrestling match. Cyra spins around with a backfist. A.J. spills onto the mat, clutching her jaw.
[Cyra doesn't bother standing. She leaps on top of A.J., and again attempts a pin. This time, however, she doesn't ever get a one count.]
Sandra: Cyra is obviously angered by A.J.'s refusal to be pinned. Cyra stands and takes A.J. by the ankles, and begins spinning her around like a sack of potatos!
Garry: And there she goes! Right into a turnbuckle.
[Cyra, a bit dizzy from the manuever, stumbles slightly but is obviously displeased by the throw. She again grabs A.J.'s ankles, drags her to center ring, and begins the spin. Again, she lets go, and A.J. soars into the ropes. Cyra stamps her foot and yells a string of words which the censors block out.]
Sandra: What's she trying to do? Throw A.J. out of the ring?
Garry: That, or make her sick at her stomach.
Sandra: Cyra pulls A.J. to her feet by her hair, and A.J. decks the larger woman across the jaw!
Garry: [panic] Not the face! Not the face!
Sandra: And another blow across the jaw! Another!
[Cyra stumbles back, stunned by the blows. A.J. hauls back for a third hit, but Cyra ducks it and delivers her own uppercut.]
Sandra: A.J.'s going to feel that one later!
Garry: I think she feels it well enough now. Cyra is back in this. The women are trading punches in the center of the ring.
[Each punch rings louder than the previous as both women exchange punches. Cyra quickly leans back from one of A.J.'s punches, but the smaller woman uses Cyra's imbalance to kick her feet from under her. Immediately, A.J. elbow drops Cyra in the gut.]
Sandra: A.J. quick on her feet tonight as she puts Cyra Min on her back.
Garry: [whining] That's what I wanted to do.
Sandra: [disgusted] You know, eventually, one of these women is going to tear you apart. A.J. puts Cyra in a Boston crab. The referee checks for a submission, but Cyra refuses. Cyra is dragging herself towards the ropes.
[Cyra grabs the lower rope, and referee tell A.J. to break the hold. As A.J. stands, Cyra rolls onto her back and takes the opportunity for a low blow from behind. A.J., eyes wide and jaw wide open, drops to her knees.]
Sandra: Dear God! She's not a wrestler! She's a guerilla!
Garry: [wistfully] She's all a man could ever want.
Sandra: The referee again warns Cyra about her techniques, but she shoves him out of the way. Cyra scoops the smaller woman up and slings her over her shoulder. A.J. is still too stunned to fight back. Cyra is climbing the turnbuckle! She's - oh God, no!
[A.J.'s supporters burst in a rage as Cyra piledrived her opponent from the top ropes onto the floor outside the ring. A.J. went limp as her body plopped on the floor.]
Sandra: That woman is sick!
Garry: Hey, piledriving is a legal move!
[Cyra walks towards the railing to gloat at some of A.J.'s supporters. Behind her, A.J. stirs slowly rubbing her head in agony. The movement catches the corner of Cyra's eye, who turns to again work on A.J. As she gets closer, A.J. sits up and punches at Cyra. The punch, while intended for the midsection, slightly missed its mark but still made contact.]
Garry: A low blow? I thought A.J. was a good girl!
[Cyra's eyes bulge as she doubles over, her face turning red for the pain A.J. stands, her legs wobbling briefly, then sends a powerful kick into Cyra's face, knocking Min onto her back.]
Sandra: A.J.'s made of something great, that's for sure. She's coming back!
[A.J. kneels over her opponent, who kicks her in the gut. Cyra reaches up and pulls on A.J.'s hair, slamming her head into the hard floor. A.J. slumps to the floor. Cyra stands, wipes the blood from her nose and smiles. All the time, the referee is counting.]
Sandra: Cyra is finally noticing she's about to get counted out. She climbs the ropes and shoves the referee back. I think he's sick of her abuse.
[The referee passionately begins "lecturing" Cyra on her lack of respect for athority. A.J. stirs, and sees Cyra is about to re-enter the ring. Infuriated, she leaps at Cyra's legs.]
Sandra: A.J. takes a hold of Cyra and drags her down! The referee starts the count all over.
Garry: No fair! A.J. should be counted out by now!
[As A.J. pulls Cyra down, Min slams her chin on the ringside, biting her tongue. She wastes no time in standing and kicking A.J. in the face - her eye to be exact. As A.J. rolls over, covering her wound, Cyra spits a mouthful of blood from her self-inflicted bite down at A.J. The woman is now fully enraged.]
Sandra: How disgusting this is becoming. Cyra is now walking to the fans and pushing them aside! She's grabbing a chair from the other side of the guardrails.
Garry: My favorite move is coming up!
Sandra: A.J. looks up in time for Cyra to practice her golf swing across A.J.'s face! Why doesn't the ref disqualify her?
Garry: Because he's too busy counting them ... and counting slowly.
[Cyra lifts A.J. by her hair. A.J. spits a mouthful of blood and saliva in Cyra's face. The larger woman is less than impressed. She again lifts A.J. over her head and walks towards the guardrail. She slams A.J. down, crotch first, on the rail.]
Garry: GEEZ! Cyra does some sorta atomic drop with the guardrail. I bet A.J. hasn't been slammed that hard since -
Sandra: If you're about to make a sexual reference, don't.
Garry: Aw, but I had a good one.
[Cyra picks up the chair and folds it closed.]
Sandra: Cyra takes up her chair and plays some baseball with A.J.'s face. A.J. catches the legs of the chair acorss the nose. A.J. falls into the audience.
Garry: That's it! Now get back into the ring!
Sandra: Cyra is walking towards the ring - just about to be counted out. She's yelling at the referee to shut up. The referee snaps and they're in a screaming match.
[While Cyra "debates" with the referee, A.J. clumsily climbs over the rail with the help of a few fans. She's bleeding from a gash across her cheek. She takes a few steps back and launches herself at Cyra from behind.]
Sandra: A missile dropkick from behind sends Cyra into the ringpost face first! That's going to leave a mark!
Garry: [almost in tears] But her beautiful face.
Sandra: Like that's the part you care about. A.J. lugs Cyra into the ring and hooks her leg up!
Two...
THREE!
[The bell rings and the fans scream. A.J. slumps to the mat, breathing hard. She is too weak to stand, as is Cyra. Both slowly slip unconscious.]
Sandra: That was quite a match.
Garry: [in a huff] Well, Cyra could have won, if A.J. hadn't cheated so much.
Sandra: That's all we have for this week, folks, but tune in next week when - [realizng what Garry said] What?!
[Fade to credits]