"Viper" Leslie Magnus vs. Princess Peg
[Fade in. Sandra has an obviously horrified look on her face.]Sandra: Doesn't it hurt?
Garry: Naw! Once you manage to swallow the first-
Sandra: [notices camera; blushes] Hello, and welcome back!
Garry: [realizing he's on the air; horrified] Oh, God.
Sandra: Next up, the young and defiant "Viper" Magnus squares off against Princess Peg. Both had an excellent showing on the BRA Premiere -
Garry: Of course, one of them had an excellent showing that involved a win. Guess who that wasn't.
Sandra: [glaring] While Peg may not have won, she was a prime example of sportsmanship.
Garry: And how far that'll get you in the nineties. Match is starting.
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome back to BRA! Our next match is at hand. First, from Dead Wood, South Dakota - standing at 5'8" and 130 pounds, I give you Leslie Magnus, also known as - Viper!
[The lights suddenly dim down. There is the sound of a snake hissing. The jumbotron roars to life with a shot of a pit viper curled up in a corner. As the camera moves in, the snake strikes, it's mouth covers the camera. Then a series of green explosions explode from each of the ring posts. The image of a painted Viper appears on the jumbo trong. In the ring ,Viper sits, crouched in her corner, staring at Peg's empty corner.]
Garry: [nervously] Okay, I have to admit. She does sort of put my nerves on edge.
Sandra: Yes. Yes, I can appreciate that.
[Viper wears a green sports bra and matching lycra shorts. Her hands are covered with black, fingerless biker gloves. Her boots are black and green with a Viper written on the side. Lesley also has a tattoo of a viper than runs down from her shoulder and wraps around her arm to her wrist. Viper kisses the head of the snake (which is on her wrist), then returns to her wait for Peg.]
Announcer: Her opponent tonight! From Edmonton, Canada! Standing at 5'4" and weighing in at 155 pounds, she is Princess Peg!
[The Princess walks down the aisle, acknowleding the few cheers with a nervous wave as Tom Jones' "She's a Lady" thumps out in the background. Peg enters the ring and immediately removes her black kimono to reveal a lavender one piece swimsuit with light blue trim, sheer tights and white soft leather wrestling boots. She faces the corner as she tries to prepare herself mentally for the match. Viper stares intently at Peg.]
Garry: I thought Canadians played hockey. I don't remember them wrestling.
Sandra: [annoyed] Don't give me that. There are countless great Canadian wrestlers.
Garry: Hmmm..I guess you're right. It must be all that logging they do.
[The bell rings, and immediately Viper snaps to action.]
Garry: Dear Lord! The demon is at it already! Viper does a great football manuever and slams into Peg, shoulder first! Peg is plowed right back into her corner.
Sandra: That attack took some wind out of Peg's sails. This is not good. She's facing a taller, younger opponent who's been fighting a lot more than her.
Garry: Viper holds Peg in the corner with a choke hold. The referee counts up to three before Viper breaks it - just to resume the choke. This girl and Cyra should get together. [pauses] You know -
Sandra: Shut up, Garry. The referee forcibly pulls Viper off of Peg and gives her a last warning. Viper is greatly angered by the referee's interference.
Garry: Brave guy to mess with a woman named Viper.
Sandra: Viper moves in on Peg, but the princess drives her elbow into Viper's stomach. She may be inexperienced, but she's got some force behind those blows.
Garry: You mean weight.
Sandra: It's all in how she uses it. Another elbow to the midsection. Now it's Peg's turn to pretend to be a football player as she plows into Viper, landing on top of her. Peg goes for a pin, but doesn't get a one count.
Garry: That was a lot of optimism on Peg's part.
Sandra: Can't blame a girl for trying. Peg pulls Viper to her feet and shows her how to do an Irish Whip! Peg catches Viper in a clothesline! The crowd's loving it.
Garry: Eh, most the crowd is drunk, though.
Sandra: Peg is allowing Viper to get to her knees just to give her a hip toss!
Garry: Whoa! This wasn't the Peg from last time.
Sandra: No, this is a more confidant Peg. Peg is moving, but Viper's already at her feet. The two women lock up. Peg is beginning to overpower the lighter woman.
[Locked shoulders to shoulders, it looks as though Peg will overpower Viper. Instead, Viper rolls back, and monkey flips the surprised princess onto her back.]
Garry: Peg never saw it coming! Ha!
Sandra: Peg is up, but Viper gets Peg in a wristlock. Peg painfully drops to a knee.
[Peg holds back vocalizing her pain as Viper proudly stands above her, leering down. Viper promptly delivers a few kicks to Peg's stomach and chest, but Peg refuses to make a sound. She continues to clench her teeth and take the pain.]
Sandra: Viper punches Peg across the side of her head, but releases the wristlock. Peg is nursing the arm and trying to scuttle to a corner.
Garry: It's going to take more than a ringpost to keep Viper away. Viper pulls Peg into a headlock.
Sandra: [disgusted] That's more than a headlock.
[Viper purposely tries to walk Peg from the referee's view. As she does, she eye gouges and necktwists Peg, who struggles to get out of the headlock. Eventually, Viper stares at a turnbuckle, smirks and rams Peg's head into it.]
Garry: Timber!
Sandra: Viper goes for a pin!
Two...
Kick out!
Sandra: That's Viper's sentiments. Viper rolls Peg onto her stomach and yanks up, clawing into the nerves on Peg's neck.
Garry: [winces] That's just mean.
Sandra: Viper rams Peg chest first into another turnbuckle.
Garry: Sorta like a choo-choo train!
Sandra: Choo-choo?
Garry: Mind that match. Peg's looking tired.
Sandra: She's taken quite a beating. Viper slings Peg to the mat and kneels on her side, applying an armbar. Peg's foot wraps on a rope.
Garry: That seems to mean more to Peg and the ref than Viper. She doesn't want to break the hold. She's staring at the ref.
[The referee angrilly pulls at Viper to get her to release the hold. Viper stares coldly at him, finally rising. Peg again finds herself cradling her arm. Viper stomps Peg's head for good measure.]
Garry: Viper's mistaken Peg's head for a good ol' country ho-down.
Sandra: Peg doesn't seem to like being Viper's square dancing partner, either.
Garry: Viper's dragging the heavier woman to the center of the ring. I figured Peg would have given up by now.
Sandra: You didn't give her enough credit.
Garry: I gave her too much credit. A smart woman would quit.
[Viper climbs onto Peg's back, applying a double toed leglock. As Peg scratches at the mat, attempting to pull herself towards the rope, Viper slams punches in the back of Peg's head. Peg is becoming sluggish as Viper then grabs Peg by the hair and slams her, face first, into the mat over and over again.]
Sandra: I don't know how much she can - Wait.. Peg's trying to fight back. She's trying to push Viper off!
[Princess Peg straightens her arms on the mat and bites her lip as she attempts to straighten out her legs. Suddenly, in a burst, Peg's legs push the unsuspecting Viper off, who tumbles backwards. Peg lunges for a rope and pulls herself up.]
Sandra: Peg sees Viper rising and rushes her. Peg slams into Viper and knocks her on her back again. Peg body splashes Viper!
Garry: [covering eyes] Sweet God! She'll be a pancake.
Sandra: Peg is not that heavy! Peg pulls Viper up and Irish Whips her again, greeting her with a body block! Viper's down again. Another body splash on Viper!
Garry: Ugh! Pancake!
Sandra: Peg pins Viper!
Tw- Kickout!
Sandra: [astonished] That cheating-
Garry: Desperate times, desperate measures.
Sandra: The referee doesn't seem to agree! Look at this!
[The referee motions to the time keeper, and the bell rings. Peg stumbles blindly. Viper is obviously confused.]
Announcer: The winner, by disqualification, is Princess Peg!
Garry: What?! The ref can't do that!
Sandra: He certainly can. He warned Viper not to cheat again.
[Viper stumbles back, in shock, then stares through the referee and Peg. Security sets upon the ring to make sure Viper does not do anything drastic. After a long stare at Peg, Viper leaves the ring.]
Sandra: Well there you have it folks. Once again the refs here at BRA will not tollerate breakings of the rules. So your winner by D.Q. is Princess Peg!!!
[The camera fades to a commercial.]