Alexandria Parker vs Lana Storm
Sandra: Welcome back ladies and gentlemen. This match features two newcomers to BRA. Alexandria Parker and Lana Storm.
Gary: Two hot babes ready to catfight it out in the ring tonight.
Sandra: This is not a "catfight". It is a regular match. We don't have catfights in Battling Ring Angels.
Gary: That's what's been lacking in the first couple of cards. I'll have to get my good friend Miss Electra Van Driesal to start putting them on the card.
Sandra: You and Miss Van Driesal are friends? You can't mean THE Miss Van Driesal, the owner of Battling Ring Angels.
Gary: Sure we're thick as thieves. In fact she likes the job I'm doing so well she even sent me a dog. A pure bred Daschund.
Sandra: How appropriate a wiener dog for a wiener man.
Gary: MEEEEOOOW! Don't get jealous on me. I go over big with most of the women. I can't help if I got sex appeal.
Sandra: I didn't know you had sex let alone any appeal.
Gary: You're just jealous. You're upset because Miss Van Driesal never gave you a pet.
Sandra: She did too give me a pet.
Garry: When?
Sandra: When she gave me an ass for a co-announcer.
Garry: You can't say ass on the air. Can you?
Sandra: I can when I'm referring to the animal.
Garry: Oh. I thought you were referring to me.
Sandra: Never mind. Here is the first wrestler in the match standing 5' 5" and weighing 113 pounds Lana Storm.
(The PA blares out with B Please by Snoop Doggy Dog and XZIBIT. Lana comes down in a Gold Satin bikini barefoot and shakes her booty back and forth all the way down to the ring then drops something on the ground and bends over to pick it up. The crowd starts screaming and cheering)
Garry: WOOOHOOO! Shake it but don't break it honey.
Sandra: What the hell does that mean?
Garry: Don't worry about that. Nobody will ever say it to you.
Sandra: You have no idea what it means, do you? You never think before you talk, do you? Here comes her opponent. Sanding 5' 9" tall and weighing in at 145 pounds Alexandria Parker.
(As "She's a Bitch" by Missy blares across the PA system the crowd stands to their feet wondering who music is it. As the curtains part the entrance ramp explodes with pyro's, out steps the beautiful Alexandria Parker. The crowd delivers a mild ovation, as the males and some females stand amazed, as Miss Parker (clad in a shiny silver one piece catsuit that snugly clings to her curvaceous form, her black boots and kicking pads complete her wrestling attire. Her long dark hair is neatly tied back into ponytail tied with a silver scrunchee) arrogantly struts down the aisle. The ring announcer kindly holds the ropes. As she enters the ring more pyro.'s begin to explode.)
Sandra: Wow what an entrance.
Garry: Lana's was better.
(The two wrestlers go to the center of the ring to get the referee's instruction. Lana says something to Alexandria.)
Lana: "How dare you step in the ring with the most beautiful girl alive. Your nowhere near as fine as me"
(Alexandria sneers at her and pushes Lana. Lana goes to push Alexandria but the ref steps between them and forces them to return to their corners They do and the ref signals for the bell.)
DING DING DING
Garry: Wow the fur was flying even before the bell. This is going to be a great match.
Sandra: The fur was not flying. How many times do I have to tell that they don't have "catfights" in BRA?
Garry: We'll see about that. My good friend Miss Van Driesal and I will be doing lunch soon.
Sandra: In you're dreams. Can we get back to the match?
(The wrestlers circle each other warily. Lana darts in quickly and lands a kick to Alexandria's nether region. Alexandria's mouth forms and O as her eyes bug out and she doubles over from this. Lana quickly moves in and starts punching her on the head and back. Alexandria is too stunned to react. The ref moves in and pulls Lana away from Alexandria. He begins cautioning her strenuously about breaking the rules. Alexandria tries to walk off the pain during this. Lana breaks away from the ref and Irish Whips Alexandria into the turnbuckle. Alexandria hits the corner hard and her head snaps back. She grabs the ropes to keep from falling down. Lana rushes her and rains kicks into her exposed midsection. Alexandria groans after each kick but manages to hold unto the ropes and stay vertical. Lana manages to get off 4 kicks to Alexandria's unprotected stomach before the ref forces her away from Alexandria. The ref tells Lana she has to stop because Alexandria is in the ropes. Lana gets angry at the ref, but instead of pushing him she begins to strut her stuff around the ring. Shaking her booty to the delight of many in the crowd.)
Garry: WOOOHOO! I love that little bundle of dynamite, Lana Storm. She is outweighed by Alexandria by 30 pounds but the fight has all gone her way so far.
Sandra: Well what do you expect when she starts the match with a cheap shot like that? I'm sure that Alexandria was expecting a real wrestling match not a bunch of cheating and strutting.
Garry: What cheap shot? I didn't see anything. Hey we forgot our usual prematch bet. I'm putting $100.00 on Lana Storm.
Sandra: Oh sure. Wait until the match starts and then pick the one that's get's in the first licks. Don't you feel like a cannibal when eat wieners? You have to give me odds of at least 2 to 1.
Gary: No way. Make it 5 to 2 and you're on.
Sandra: Well, if you insist. (They shake hands on the bet.)
Garry: Hey wait a minute I did that wrong.
Sandra: To late now. We already shook hands on it. Let's get back top calling the fight.
(Lana has finished shaking her booty for the crowd. Alexandria is moving about, stunned by the fury of the assault so far. He legs are wobbly. Lana poses for the crowd one last time and charges into Alexandria. Alexandria moves out of the way at the last second and Lana runs past her and into the ropes. Alexandria nails Lana with a spinning heel kick to the face as Lana rebounds off the rope. Lana is sent backward onto the mat. Alexandria stomps Lana in the stomach. This brings Lana into a seated position on the mat holding her stomach. Alexandria follows that up with a savate kick to Lana's face sending Lana's head crashing to the mat with a thud. A trickle of blood flows from Lana's lip. Alexandria helps Lana up by means of a handful of Lana's hair. Alexandria scoops her up into a German suplex and drops her down hard enough to make the ring shake. The air is driven from Lana's lungs in a loud OOUUUFF.)
Sandra: Well what do you know? Now that Alexandria has gotten her second wind we are finally seeing some real wrestling moves.
Garry: Lana is showing some good stuff out there too.
Sandra: I'm not talking about skin.
(Alexandria goes to the nearest turnbuckle and climbs to the top rope.)
Garry: Oh Oh! This looks like trouble for Lana.
Sandra: I'll say. It looks like Alexandria is setting her for some sort of flying maneuver.
(Lana gets slowly to her feet. She does not know where Alexandria is. She turns slowly around and suddenly is greeted by the flying feet of Alexandria who waited for Lana to face her before she launched her missile drop kick. The kick nails Lana squarely in the chest sending across the ring where she lands on the mat with a thump. Alexandria get's up but before she can get to Lana, Lana slides out under the bottom rope and onto the arena floor.)
Garry: Smart move by Lana. She needs to get her breath after that assault.
(Lana waits outside the ring. Alexandria climbs to the top rope and poses for the crowd. The fans go crazy over this. Lana seems to be getting her bearings when Alexandria leaps off the top rope delivering another missile drop kick that sends Lana into the guardrail. Lana grabs the rail and is able to prevent herself from going over it and into the crowd.)
Sandra: Spectacular move by Alexandria but I don't think it was worth it. These suicide leaps sometimes do as much damage to the attacker as the victim.
Garry: I agree with you on that Sandra. Lana hit the steel guard rail but Alexandria also landed on the concrete floor. Both wrestlers are slow to move. Alexandria has gotten to her feet and she moves over to Lana and puts her in a front headlock.
Sandra: It looks like Alexandria is preparing to suplex Lana onto that hard concrete floor.
(Alexandria's face contorts with pain. She releases the headlock and screams in agony.)
Garry: Is that what I think it is?
Sandra Yes it is. How disgusting. Does that woman know any wrestling holds.
Garry: YES!! Lana has Alexandria in a crotch claw. The ref can't DQ her because they are both out of the ring. He is counting them out though and has reached ten. Lana better get back in the ring soon if she want's to win this match.
(Lana maintains the claw as Alexandria swings fists wildly in an effort to hit her. Alexandria makes one last lunge pointing a finger at Lana and nailing Lana in the eye with her finger. That succeeds into getting Lana to let go of the claw. Lana's hands go to her face to rub her injured eye. As Lana releases the claw Alexandria slumps to her knees. Alexandria notices the count by the ref and walks on wobbly legs to the ring apron she begins to climb into the ring. Lana realizes what Alexandria is doing and runs after her. Lana grabs one of Alexandria's feet and tries to drag her out of the ring. She pulls Alexandria back about a foot when Alexandria lashes out with her free foot and nails Lana with a boot to the face. Lana releases Alexandria's foot and staggers backward holding her nose. Alexandria get's into the ring. Lana realizes that time is running out and runs and slides headfirst into the ring just beating the count. Both wrestlers law on the mat. The ref begins counting them both out again. Lana and Alexandria slowly get to their feet at the same time. They circle each other looking for an opening and at the same time trying to regain their energy. Lana moves in quickly and knees Alexandria in the stomach. Alexandria doubles over. Lana gets on Alexandria's back and executes a victory roll into a pin. The ref drops to the mat ad counts.)
ONE
TWO
Kick out by Alexandria.
(Lana slaps the mat in frustration over what she considers a slow count by the ref.)
Garry: You were saying about a lack of wrestling moves?
Sandra: Shut up and call the fight.
(Lana moves in to attempt another pin but is met with a closed fist punch from Alexandria to the jaw. Lana's head snaps back and Alexandria gets to her feet. The ref cautions Alexandria about using a closed fist.)
Garry: Yeah, you tell her ref. This is wrestling not boxing.
(Lana is groggy as she gets to her feet only to be meet by a spinning heel kick to the face from Alexandria. Lana goes back down. Alexandria climbs the ropes. Lana is too stunned to move. Alexandria leaps off the rope to deliver a guillotine leg drop to Lana's throat. She nails Lana right across the throat. Lana gasps and holds her throat. She rolls around the mat in agony, trying to get air into her lungs. Alexandria grabs a handful of Lana's hair and brings her to her feet. She places Lana in a front headlock and then elevates her with fisherman's suplex. Lana hits the mat hard on her back. Alexandria hooks a leg a goes for the pin.)
ONE
(Lana struggles in the pin but Alexandria has the leg hooked tightly.)
TWO
(Lana's struggles become noticeably weaker)
THREE
Sandra: She's done it. Alexandria has gotten the three count. The winner by pinball: ALEXANDRIA PARKER. And you owe me one hundred dollars.
Garry: Yeah , yeah. Don't rub it in. We'll be right back after these announcements.