Patricia Flex vs. Alexandria ParkerMatch by: Lord Pumpkin
(Explosions erupt in the arena, inciting the fans to frenzy. Cameras swirl around the arena as signs and t-shirts, blanket the crowd, showing support for the most loved and most hated � Laura Parker, Tiffany Lane, Lindsey Locke, and Viper. Firepots along the sides of the ramp flare off, shooting amazing displays of pyrotechnics in the air, the BRA theme music starting up. After a few moments of taking in the wild affair, the cameras focus down on Cari and Kenny, the erstwhile announcers, both dressed for the occasion and both wearing their headsets. As their names are flashed underneath them, Cari scowls as a few drunken frat boys behind her start making lewd comments. Kenny, unaware of his co-host's predicament, starts the evening off.)
Kenny: Good evening, everyone! I'm the loveable Kenny Harbor along side Cari Trammel. Welcome to another jam packed, action oriented night of wild athleticism, in-your-face excitement, and mind- blowing stunts of power from our ladies here at BRA. What we have in store for you tonight is a series of match ups between the good, the bad, and the ugly! Tonight you'll see Lisa Dream, Viper, Janus and the rest of our talented ladies, compete to eventually attain BRA's top prize!
Cari: (still scowling from the frat boys) When you mentioned �ugly' I knew that the name �Janus' would also be included in the following sentence. But Tiffany Lane? I'll have you know that she and Nina Larue absolutely typify the best of this sport � beauty, charm, charisma and endless talent.
Kenny: You're also forgetting underhanded tactics!
Cari: As I said, they typify the best the sport has to offer.
Kenny: Can you believe the results of the pay-per- view?
Cari: The only thing that surprises me any more is that security lets you past the front entrance without having your ass bounced back on the street, you incompetent! How could I forget the pay-per-view? I was sitting next to you and we have ringside seats every week!
Kenny: Point taken. But still, tonight we will see a continuation of last week with our first match, Alexandra Parker, against Patricia Flex.
Cari: Absolutely. Whereas I absolutely adore Flex, Alexandria Parker has more going for her, right now. Besides, she's a much more ruthless and vicious bitch. With just a little bit of refining, she can someday be as good as I was, when I was a rookie.
Kenny: Was that a compliment or an insult?
Cari: (smirking) Call it like you see it, Kenny . . .
Kenny: Well, without any further ado, I think that-
(Kenny is cut off and he and Cari both look up, as darkness descends upon the arena, the crowd growing silent for a moment, before the speakers erupt with the techno/rave sounds of Praga Khan's �Injected With a Poison.' The Angletron comes to life with a montage of clips, images from past matches: Little Alexandra delivering the Clockwork Orange to Peggy Christian; Dr. Cosmo McKinley dropping a net on Sherry-Ann, Nurse Ansalong wearing a thong bikini and nurse's hat, rolling in 100 dollar bills, and Nurse Becca Blush scowling at Lisa Dream.)
Kenny: DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN!
Cari: Yell like that again, and I'll arrange a meeting between you and He.
(Down the ramp, amid much self-styled pomp and circumstance, the entourage of Dr. Cosmo McKinley, and his two assistants, Blush and Ansalong, approach the ring. The good doctor, bald and eerie looking, wears all white, his medical jacket pulled tightly over his left side, with black buttons running down, beams as the fans jeer him, knowing full well his sinister intentions in the past. Nurse Ansalong, the busty redhead in her pristine nurse's uniform, skirt riding high on posterior, showing off her well- defined rump, blows kisses to the fans. Her counterpart, the rough looking blonde, Becca Blush, marches beside Cosmo, wearing her own nurse's attire and scowling towards the fans.)
Kenny: What does this bunch of miscreants want?
Cari: I dunno, Kenny, but I have half a mind to turn you over to them. Maybe after a lobotomy you'll say something more clever than you usually do.
Kenny: Ignoring you, I am curious where their pitbull, Little Alexandra is.
Cari: I heard that she had to go in for more extensive therepy after her most recent breakdown.
Kenny: What a tortured soul! Someone needs to take her away from these ghouls!
Cari: Shhh! They've entered the ring. Maybe they're coming for you.
(Attempting to speak, Cosmo waits for the fans to stop screaming obscenities at him. He merely smiles, patiently and raises the microphone to his mouth, crossing his arms until they are finished. Nurse Ansalong continues to smile and wink at the crowd, while Becca Blush appears to be staring down members of the audience. Finally, as the crowd calms, Cosmo speaks, his sly British accent in full effect.)
Cosmo: Well, well, well, I see that in my absence, all Hell has broken loose. Inmates running the asylum, you might say. Fear not, true believers, the doctor is back, and he is in a most giving mood. Pray, do any of you know what kind of horrible things have been happening with your precious federation in the past few months?
(As if expecting the crowd to answer in anything but negative responses, he scowls, realizing that he gave them a chance to respond. He draws his finger across his throat, and the noise from the crowd becomes more quiet as the speakers deaden the sound that seems to have a suppressing effect. He clears his throat and continues.)
Cosmo: Some pathetic Don Corrleone pretender, has taken control of this federation and driven up prices, in a pitiful effort to line his pockets for personal gain. He has made laughable matches, kept the stars that you love so much in the back, and caused chaos in the front office, leading to poor promotionals. This sleazy, yet inept, gangster has also ousted the precious ArchAngel to further his own goals. Well, my fine friends, I am here to put a stop to it. You see, my good friend Gabrielle, the ArchAngel's former assistant, has returned, and handed over certain duties to yours truly.
(Mixed reactions come from the crowd. Some boo, some cheer, and some sit in stunned silence, not able to figure out exactly what Cosmo is talking about.)
Kenny: Oh no! You mean this charlatan and snake oil salesman now is going to be out here every week?!
Cari: You better zip it, pretty boy. Otherwise you may be facing a pay cut.
Kenny: This is a free country! Its journalistic freedom!
Cari: Shh! Go back and reread your contract.
Cosmo: Now then, in an effort to revitalize this promotion and drive Johnny Angel out of power � and reinstalling my good friend, Gabrielle � I will be doing my best to bring the loyal girls together, starting with . . . Alexandria Parker. You see, if the athletes here at BRA band together, we can rid ourselves of this tiresome Mafioso troublemaker. Now, depending on Ms. Parker's response, we may have our first alliance here this evening.
(At the sound of Alexandria's name, the crowd screams in defiance, expressing their hatred for the bad girl. Cosmo merely smiles, as if they are all cheering his name, arrogantly nodding his head.)
Cosmo: Further, I am also proud to announce that my very own, Becca Blush will now be added to the roster of competitors to help me in my quest to �do what is right' for the federation.
(At the sound of her name, Becca merely cracks a half-smile, tightening her body and slightly flexing the muscles in her legs and arms, underneath the white nurse's uniform. Oblivious, Nurse Ansalong throws out a sexy glance to the crowd, licking her lips and winking, driving the males into a lustful frenzy.)
Cosmo: So, Ms. Parker, make sure you stand by a decision here this evening. As my little friends will be watching and . . . cheering you on . . .
(Throwing the microphone down, Cosmo exits with his two nurses at his side. They leave the ring and make their way towards the announcer's table. As they settle in, Cosmo approaches Kenny and rests his hands atop the announcer's head.)
Kenny: Hey! What are you doing?! Don't touch me!
Cosmo: Oh my boy, I am merely studying the bumps in your head � the ancient art of phrenology can tell a great deal about someone's personality, intelligence and acumen.
Kenny: Doctor, that was dismissed as quackery decades ago.
Cari: So, doctor, what's the diagnosis?
Cosmo: (massaging and feeling Kenny's head, Cosmo appears to be thinking, while Kenny struggles to not be touched) This is a highly foolish man, prone to comments of sheer inane bases. He is slothlike and slack-jawed, making predictions. I would not trust him.
Kenny: Not trust me?! Why you-!
Cari: Excellent diagnosis, doctor! I agree fully. Maybe there is something to this field, after all.
(Kenny scowls, unable to fight off both the doctor and his co-host. Suddenly, �Halo' by Texas, cranks from the soundsystem, while lights swirl around the arena. An explosion pops from the entrance ramp, and when the smoke clears, the beautiful figure of Patricia Flex stands confident, basking in her own glow. The fans boo this sinister femme fatale, yet she seems to pay no attention to them. Her electric blue leotard clings to her body, and she does a stretch, showing off her lusty features. Arrogantly, she approaches the ring, with the poise of a supermodel, as the announcer introducers her to the crowd. Seizing the mic from him, she vainly laughs and makes her own announcement.)
Patricia: Oh dear, I JUST had a manicure, so I certainly hope this doesn't take too terribly long . . .
Kenny: What an arrogant-
(Kenny is cut short by activity at the top of the ramp. Before the fans even have a chance to boo her a loud explosion is heard as the ramp erupts with fire and other lighting effect, creating a dramatic scene, as if something from a Greek goddess's appearance. Her music thumps through the arena, heralding her entrance. The fans recoil as the heat can be felt throughout the arena. In the middle of the entrance ramp stands Alexandria Parker, absorbing their hatred. She wears black form fitting pants with a fire red image embossed on both sides. A black, sheer shirt covers her upper torso with a fire image across the middle. Standing next to her with a large mirror held high in the air is Miss Vanity, dressed in a matching ensemble. Sauntering down the aisle Alexandria's fire red hair dandles down her back in a cascade of curls. The crowd lets out dozens of catcalls as Miss Vanity holds the ropes for rich, arrogant, bitch.)
Cari: Kenny, this is looking like it will be one superb match up.
Kenny: Yeah, if egos were talent, this could be a title match.
(As the bell sounds, both women glare at one another. The redheaded Parker seems to tower over Flex, gloating before the match has even begun. The crowd boos both women, as what they seemingly really want to see is both of them either tear each other up or somehow something naughty occur. It is Flex who strikes first as Alexandria suffers a momentary period of distraction from the booing fans. The brunette pounces, throwing herself at the taller woman, driving an elbow into her stomach, knocking Parker back against the ropes. As Alexandria is stunned, briefly, Patricia takes control, locking on a hip toss, slamming the veteran into the canvass, as the redhead moans, loudly, being taken off guard. As Alexandria struggles to come to her feet, Patricia backs into her and as they face opposite directions, surprises Parker again by latching on a swinging neckbreaker. The impact sends Parker driven into the mat, screaming and wailing as she struggles to get to her feet. Already the fans in the front rows are yelling at her, as noises can be head.)
Fan: Get the Hell up, bitch! I have money riding on this!
(Patricia smiles to the fans, bowing in a most condescending manner, like an arrogant diva at royal court.)
Patricia: Oh, dear Alexandria, �Flex' means �success.' The sooner you realize that-
(Patricia is interrupted as the rage from the redhead sends her into an angered assault. Patricia is unable to finish her sentence as Alexandra growls, looking up and driving a closed fist, upward, into the jaw of her opponent. Patricia squeals in agony as she stumbles back. Alexandria comes to her feet, still seething in fury, reaching out and seizing the lovely brown hair of her opponent, pulling her close.)
Alexandria: �Success,' eh? In about ten seconds I'm gonna show you what REAL success is!
(Patricia's response is a wide-eyed look of momentary fear, as Alexandria heaves her into the far ropes. On her bounce back, Patricia is clotheslines from the bog redhead, dropping her to the mat. Alexandria follows with a series of stomps to the head and chest, driving her big boot into the brunette. With a maniacal and evil sneer, Alexandria then drives her boot into Patricia's throat, yelling out some obscenity not picked up by the camera's microphone. As Patricia thrashes about, in obvious pain, Alexandria then bends over, grabs her by the arm and tosses her into the ropes again. With amazing agility and poise, she falls back and connects with a well-executed drop kick to the jaw of the brunette, dropping her to the mat.)
Kenny: Oh crumbs! Did you see that!? That was amazing! (clicking on his laptop, he mumbles) My statistics say that a shot like that, is enough to really daze someone! Cari: (in disbelief) You actually . . . have . . . a statistic . . . on something . . . like that? You ARE a dork!
(Alexandria looks down at Patricia who is moaning and trying to get to her feet. The redhead approaches and gives her a shot to the ribs, then slams her boot down on her back, standing like a jungle queen, atop a prey, playing to the crowd. She throws her head back and laughs, arrogantly basking in her own success. However, Patricia manages to recover enough for her to roll out. As Alexandria growls � her pride now in trouble � Patricia recoils both legs, then suddenly striking out, offering the redhead a shot to her chest, and sending her back amid cries of agony and foul language.)
Kenny: Such language! Decent people will be offended.
Cari: (smirking) �Decent' people shouldn't be watching. �Everybody Loves Raymond' is on. They should be watching that.
Kenny: Now wait a minute! Ray Romano does a VERY good job with-
Cari: (pulling his hair) Shut up!
(Patricia, back in the ring, has taken Alexandria from behind, and locked on a full Nelson. As Alexandria struggles to free herself, the brunette, drives the redhead into the corner and has straddled the corner ropes, using the leverage to slam the redhead down � face first � into the turnbuckle, keeping the larger woman under control. Slamming her down again and again, it is clear that the brunette is doing her best to wear down the redheaded powerhouse. Suddenly, she releases the hold and tosses the groggy redhead into the opposite corner, watching with glee as her back smashes into the turnbuckle with a loud crack. Alexandria's entire body cringes in pain as Patricia descends upon her. The redhead stumbles forward but is met with a kick from the brunette. As she doubles over, Patricia then locks on a German suplex, executing it decisively, and planting the redhead onto the mat, screaming in agony. Quickly going for the pin, Patricia covers, but he official merely gets �one' out of his mouth, before Alexandria kicks out with extreme authority, pushing the brunette off her body.)
Kenny: Did you see that!?
Cari: Why on earth do you constantly ask me if I had �seen that?!' Do you think I'm asleep over here, you ass-clown?!
(Rolling over and glaring at Patricia, Alexandria screams as she comes to her feet.)
Alexandria: Why you worthless little NOTHING! How dare you try and pin me! For that, I'll scratch out those buggy little balls you call eyes!
(Swinging for Patricia's eyes, the redhead misses as the brunette ducks, a slight cringe of anxiety on her face. As she ducks to the side, she belts out a jab to the redhead's side, causing Alexandria to stumble. Swinging wildly, Alexandria turns on her heel, missing the brunette with her wide swing. Backing off, Patricia launches a kick but misses. Alexandria, the wily veteran, catches her foot in mid kick, lifts up and slams her to the mat, attempting to hyper-extended the girl's leg. Patricia lets out a scream as she hits but swings out her other leg, catching the big redhead in the side of her face, sending her back. As Patricia tries to get up, it is clear that the attack to her leg, causes her to limp. She proceeds to back away, yet Alexandria rises, seeing her limp.)
Alexandria: Surrender now and I MAY not disfigure you, witch!
Patricia: To Hell with you, sweetie! Just get some! I have some surprises for you, yet!
(Mortified by her defiance, Alexandria charges, yet Patricia is prepared. She backs up, her arms locking onto the turnbuckle and lifts herself as Alexandria closes in. Her legs lock around the redhead's neck, as she stays balanced on the turnbuckle, squeezing slowly. Alexandria's hands try and pry Patricia's legs free, but it is clear that it is not having the desired effect. Finally, Alexandria grabs hold of Patricia's ankles and backs off, quickly, swinging as hard as she can. The brunette's grip on the turnbuckle collapses and she goes into a spin, rounding the ring before coming lose and landing on her back on the canvass.)
Alexandria: Now, prepare to suffer!
(The dazed Patricia tries to rise but Alexandria has beat her. Taking the brunette's left leg and left arm, the redhead plants her boot into her ribs, pressing down, squeezing. She pulls Patricia's arms up in a bow, planting a painful submission move on her.)
Cari: Hmmmm. Looks like Patricia may be in some trouble.
Kenny: YIKES! That looks painful.
Cari: Admit it, Kenny, you would actually pay money to have Alexandria do that to you.
Kenny: . . .
(Alexandria increases pressure, screaming at Patricia to submit, but the vile brunette refuses. Instead she swings her arm back, her elbow landing directly in the redhead's crotch, luck being in her side. The submission move collapses, as Alexandria suddenly releases, backing off, rubbing her . . . pained area. Patricia wearily comes to her feet, desperately looking around for something to do. Seeing that Alexandria is too large for a piledriver, she bounces off the ropes, sending her body flying, and landing -�cross body � atop the moaning redhead. Both women fall to the mat, and Patricia begins hammering away with closed fists as Alexandria squeals, thrashing about desperate for escape.)
Kenny: Alexandria Parker is taking a HORRIBLE beating at the hands of the vicious and merciless Patricia Flex!
Cari: Yeah, well, just wait. Parker is a vile and nasty bitch, herself. That's why I like her.
(True to Cari's words, Alexandria reaches down and jabs upward, catching Patricia in the stomach. It is unknown whether she used some type of weapon or just her hand. Regardless, Patricia backs away in screaming agony, holding her stomach, with a look of sheer revulsion. Parker rises from the mat, like a ghoul from the grave, looking about as nasty and evil. As she towers over Patricia from behind she throws down both hands upon the brunette's shoulders, slamming her down to the mat on her back. Stepping over her, she takes both her opponent's legs and pulls up, With cheers from the crowd, she falls backward, taking Patricia's legs with her, almost snapping the brunette's already injured pelvis. The crowd, although hating Alexandria, cheers her on, loving the sheer brutal actions of the redhead. Further, on the outside, Cosmo delicately claps as if approving some civilized golf put. Nurse Ansalong does a leap in the air, splitting like a cheerleader as comes down, while Nurse Blush stares on, emotionless.)
Kenny: Now that was a fantastic move. I am not certain if it was legal, but it was still fascinating!
Cari: Yeah, I suppose it had a certain . . . beginner's charm.
(Parker, sensing now that the victory is hers, looks down at the moaning brunette. As she is about to hurl some snide insult, Flex thrusts up a defiant elbow knocking Alexandria in the side of the head and pushing her back. Alexandria screams in anger and backs off, as Flex comes to her feet. The brunette comes out swinging, yet stumbling on her bed leg. She bends down, and sweeps Alexandria off her feet in one action. Alexandria stumbles back, finally falling in her rump. As Flex comes in for the kill, preparing some submission attack, Alexandria sees it, ducks and thrusts up her fists. The impact, catches Flex off guard and launches her headfirst into the turnbuckle. The surprised brunette impacts with the corner, her head bouncing off in a most painful way. As she screams out, her eyes flutter as she stumbles back, into Alexandria's waiting arms. With one mighty attack, Alexandria places her into a Bitch Bomb from behind, planting the senseless Flex on her back on the canvass.)
Cari: That's it! Flex is out!
Kenny: Jeez, that was rough! With the official's three count, it pretty much seals it, too!
(As the official counts three, the crowd shouts out in semi-cheer. Alexandria stands up, bowing to the audience, before stumbling back, the fight clearly taking wind out of her sails. Miss Vanity is there to help her, ducking under the ropes. Cosmo and his crew take this as their cue to exit, and he backs up the ramp, bowing and blowing kisses to the powerful redhead. Alexandria's confused stare gives Flex enough time to escape, as Miss Vanity was clearly pondering some horrible fate for her with the mirror she brought to ringside.)
Cari: A fabulous match.
Kenny: Just a warm up to our next bout. Lisa Dream seems to always bring the crowd off their feet for a certain amount of fun.
Cari: I think that Dream ends up being a Nightmare for most of her opponents. However, I think I could do a lot to spruce up her image. Generally I am nervous of anyone who speaks about themselves in the third person . . .
(Camera cuts out, going to commercials of the new line of exciting BRA action figures . . . )