Samantha Page vs Lovily Heather
Sandra: So, how are you and the wiener getting along?
Garry: (Stuffing half a hot dog in his mouth and then speaking with a full mouth.) Delicious.
Sandra: I was referring to the dog that Miss Van Driesal gave you.
Garry: Oh. You're talking about the gift from my good friend Electra. Yes, I just love that little pure bred dashund that my buddy,Electra, gave me, in appreciation of the fine work I'm doing during these broadcasts. I call her Sandra.
Sandra: Sandra?
Garry: Yes, she reminds me of someone I know.. I just love it when I come home and Sandra jumps onto my lap and starts licking my face.
Sandra: You're a pig.
Garry: What? My favorite part about naming it Sandra is what I do when she barks too much. She starts yapping away in that high pitched bark of hers, and when I get tired of it, I just swat her on the butt with a rolled up newspaper. I say "Shut up, Sandra" and she does. I just love that.
Sandra: You're disgusting. Well our first wrestler is coming out. It's Samantha Page, an experienced wrestler and very active member of the Body Shop.
Garry: Great, another one of Sherry Ann's bimbo's.
Sandra: You better watch out. If Sherry Ann hears you, she may decide to teach you another lesson in humility.
Garry: Yeah, like I'm afraid of her.
( "Know your enemy" by Rage against the Machine blasts through the PA system. Samantha Page wears a royal blue bikini with matching boots. The blue bikini has a glittery look. She wears her hair down. Her eyes have sparkle mascara and her face has slight sparkles on it. She makes her way to the ring slowly, high fiving fans, and kissing some young teenage boy on the cheek.
Sandra: Well, some lucky teenager just realized that the extra prices for ringside tickets were worth it.
Garry: Are you kidding? He's probably got to go and get his face disinfected after that. Who knows what nasty diseases these Biddy Shoppers have? Samantha's in the ring and here comes her opponent, Lovily Heather.
(The jumbotron has a countdown with 10 seconds left. Above the countdown has the word Y2K. After ten seconds come up. The lights go out and the arena is filled with the light of purple strobe lights and purple laser lights shoot out. The PA systems blasts out "what's my age again" by Blink182. Heather comes out followed by her manager, Anne.)
(Heather enters the ring and immediately charges Samantha and spears Sammy in the stomach with her head. The air rushes out of Sammy with a loud OOUUUFF. Sammy doubles over and staggers backward. The ref signals for the bell. Heather follows the spear up with a series of punches to Sammy's head. Heather backs Sammy up with more punches until she is in the corner.)
Garry: Get her Heather.
(Sammy lashes out and nails Heather with a big right hand to the head. This momentarily slows Heather but she comes back with a right of her own. Sammy blocks it and counters with a kick to Heathers stomach. Heather backs away from the corner. Heather is waiving her hands for Sammy to come to her. "Come on, bitch, you're going down." Sammy comes out of the corner and throws a right at Heather. Heather goes to block it. It's a feint. Sammy nails Heather in the gut with another kick. It lands on the same spot as her last on. Heather gasps and doubles over. Sammy puts Heather in a headlock. Sammy yells at Heather. "Aww, did I hurt the little girl?" Sammy falls backwards and slams Heather's head into the mat with a DDT.)
Garry: Big mistake her by Heather. She should never try to brawl it out with Samantha.
Sandra: Your right about that Garry. Heather started well with that Spear but Sammy's size and strength are beginning to tell.
Garry: What is Page doing now? She's rolled Heather over and has Heather sitting on the mat. Heather is still groggy from the DDT. Page sits behind Heather and slaps a full Nelson on her. Now she wraps her legs around Heather midsection in some sort of leg scissors. Page rocks back so far . . . I can't believe this, Page has rolled backward so far she's pinning herself. The ref counts one! No Page rolls forward lifting Heather up and dropping her on her . . .
Sandra: Keister. A Keister bounce! Sammy rolls back and gives Heather a second Keister bounce even harder than the first. I'll bet Heathers keister is feeling a lot of pain now. He face is showing it. Wow a keister bounce, I haven't seen one of those in years.
Garry: I'll bet you'll say those exact words if you ever get a date.
Sandra: (Furious) You pig. I don't have to sit here and take this abuse from you. I suppose you think you're clever with your juvenile innuendo. Your prepubescent fantasies. There is not one adult in this audience that finds your comments in the least bit humorous. I going to contact Miss . . . (A loud swat is heard) Owww.
Garry: Shut up Sandra.
Sandra You . . . You ..
Garry: Oh. Sorry, wrong Sandra. You both do sound a lot alike though. Well back to the ring.
( Heather is still in trouble, after rolling away from the second keister bounce, Sammy bull dogged Heather to the mat. Sammy has just rolled Heather over and applies a stomach claw to Heather. Heather screams in agony and flails her arms and legs. The ref checks to see if Heather wants to submit but she refuses. Sammy places her free hand over the hand with the claw increasing the pain. Heather cries out again. Sammy leans in on the claw. Heather reaches out and gives Sammy a double ear slap. Causing her to become slightly disoriented and to break the hold. Heather rolls out of the ring and stands outside bent over holding her wounded midsection. Sammy looks out into the crowd and yells "Damn! That looked like that hurt." The crowd roars back it's agreement. Heather walks over to her manager Anne, who hands her a majorette's baton. Anne begins to yell at the ref, distracting him. Sammy continues to play to the crowd. Heather sneaks around the ring and enters it behind Sammy's back. Heather quickly moves to Sammy and swings the baton up between Sammy's legs from behind. Sammy's smile changes into a look of sheer agony. She drops to her knees holding her wounded groin. The crowd boos Heather for this low blow. Heather throws the baton out of the ring just before the ref turns around to see what he missed. Sammy slumps down so that her head is resting on the second rope. Heather jumps on her back and begins doing a bronco buster.)
Garry: Typical Biddy Shop maneuver showing off for the crowd instead of tending to business. Now Heather has the upper hand when two minutes ago Page could have put this match away.
Sandra: Well that baton trick didn't help Sammy at all. When will this ref pay attention to what's going on INSIDE the ring?
Garry: Well the ref is doing his job now as he forces Heather to stop the bronco buster. Heather stops but she pulls Sammy away from the ropes and clocks her with a right hook to the face. Page's head snaps back and she appears to be bleeding from the lip.
(Heather forces Sammy to her feet by means of a handful of hair. Heather Irish whips Sammy across the ring. On Sammy's rebound Heather goes for a clothesline. Sammy ducks under it, rebounds off the rope again and takes Heather down with a drop kick to her back. Heather lands face first on the mat. Sammy gets up and grabs one of Heather's ankles. With her other hand she grabs Heather in a one handed chin lock. She stands with both her feet on Heather's back and pulls on heather's ankle and chin. She then slowly rolls backward And lifts Heather into the air in a BOW AND ARROW. Sammy now has her back on the mat and his holding Heather in the air balanced on her back by Sammy's feet. Sammy pulls back on Heather's ankle and chin. Heather is screaming in agony. The ref asks Heather if she wants to submit. Heather can only shake her head yes. The ref calls for the bell. Sammy drops Heather to the mat.
Sandra: The Winner Samantha Page by submission.
Garry: Hey, wait a minute, what is Page doing now?
(Heather is lying on her back on the mat. She has her back arched upward and she is massaging it. Sammy is strutting around the mat, waiving to her fans. When she passes Heather, she suddenly drops her knees on Heather's shoulders and sits on Heather's face. Sammy is signaling for the ref to do a three count. The ref refuses. Heather is struggling to get out from under Sammy. Her struggles grow weaker. The ref finally drops down and hits the mat three times rapidly. Sammy gets off Heather, who is lying on the mat gasping for breath.
Sandra: Well, after a good match Sammy did something that was totally uncalled for. I'm surprised that a Body Shopper would stoop to such tactics.
Garry: I'm not. Actually, for a biddy Shopper, Samantha showed some interesting moves out there. She aught to leaves those other hags and go out on her own. Well don't go away we'll be right back after these commercials.
Winner Samantha Page by submission.