Laura Parker vs Alexandria Parker

By: Tainted Angel

"I lost my ass at the slots last night!"

"Doesn’t look like it to me..."

Sandra pointed out to her bulbous comrade, taking every shot he left the opportunity for. The two had been bantering back and forth nonstop since they had gotten set down together three weeks ago. It was now time for the second match of the evening, a battle of the Parkers. One had proven to be an uppity snob, the other a Mistress of the archaic art of BullShitzu, yet both felt they had something to show. Quietly, the arena prepared for the entrance of the two, wondering whom, if either would get their vocal support during the match.

"Tonight, the Parker Sisters face off in a heated bit of sibling rivalry"

"They’re not sisters."

"Tonight, the Parker Cousins face off for the love of another cousin, whom they’ve both had their eyes on since they were toddlers."

"They’re not related"

"Fine then! We have little Miss Charity, Laura Porker vs. High Society, Alexandria Parker. This match is academic. With the experience, strength and power of Alexandria, Sally Struthers doesn’t stand a chance and should hop the next flight back to Africa."

"Oh cut it already. Just because someone in this world believes in giving back to those around her, doesn’t give you a reason to be bashing on them. I think all the wrestlers here should take a page out of Miss Parker’s book, what with the exorbitant salaries they demand. We do have this PPV coming up at the end of the month, if management is listening... perhaps we should dedicate a portion of the proceeds?"

"Yeah, your portion! Charity begins at home."

"Yeah, between food, booze, and sex, it’s all you can do to scrape by..."

"Are you insinuating that I have to pay for sex? That’s atrocious! I’m a celebrity! Women flock to my dressing room door before and after the show to find out why they call me, " Gary Gimmoire, He’ll give what he has, then gimmie more"

"They call you that?"

"Of course? Would I lie?"

Another voice came from behind as the two bantered, lined with spite and cynicism; most out there could easily recognize the harbinger.

"Are you male?"

"Who the hell said..."

Gary spouted while he turned to face her, unsure what he’d find. Sandra leaned down on one arm and watched, she knew from the sound and tone this was going to be rather interesting. Gary’s eyes met with Bianca Dupree, and he quickly turned back around hoping to forgo this route.

"Alright Chubbs, up and att‘em."

Gary, playing innocent looked about his table for someone else who might possibly be deemed Chubbs, nevermind his obvious girth. Finally, resting his eyes on Sandra, she lets it slip.

"She’s talking to you."

Gary took a slow breath of air, then turned back around to face the "FreeStyle" Her stature and build were not surely so menacing as his reaction demanded, but the look upon her face said it all. She transpired mere arrogance, exuding her devil may care attitude for the world at large. Black on Black, with only "BRAT" scripted in a bright pink across her chest. Amused would be an understatement as she watched the announcer look back to her.

"You’ve been relieved for this segment... go fetch us a couple beers."

"What?"

"You heard the girl! And make it quick!"

"I am not..."

"Now..."

Gary begrudgingly gave up his seat and stomped up the aisle, fans laughing at him with every step. Bianca slipped the headphones on and took the seat, trying to get herself into position.

"Go ahead and ask..."

"What are you doing here?"

"Calling this match. Who’s fighting anyway?"

"I wasn’t made aware..."

"Listen, you seem to know who I am and most likely where I come from, are you entirely surprised?"

"No."

"So, who’s fighting?"

"Laura Parker and Alexandria Parker."

"Sisters?"

"I am NOT going over this again."

"Fine, I’ve never heard of either of ‘em... this could prove educational."

And the lights fell down... "She's a Bitch" by Missy Elliot dashes the arena in an effort to raise the crowd from their stupor. The crowd’s reaction varies, from the lovers of honor who grant her very presence with hateful jeers and comments, to those out there merely for the eye candy value, who find what they see now very appeasing. The stage erupts with gorgeous pyrotechnics; the curtains fluttering open to reveal the dynamic beauty known to all as Alexandria Parker. Clad in a pink & white sports bra with matching boots and kicking pads, Her wrestling ensemble is completed with white, skin tight pants with "Rich Bitch" written up the side in silver glitter. Her tightly curled red hair freely bounces as she struts her way down the aisle. As the ring announcer respectfully holds the ropes for Miss Parker, more pyrotechnics explode as she poses for a quick photograph

"Which one is that?"

"That is, Alexandria Parker..."

" Gotcha, Does she do any other tricks?"

Alexandria steps to the top rope and raises her arms, raking in what adoration she can find. Complimented mostly with jeers from the front, her disposition quickly changes into mockery, screaming obscenities and other disrespectful gestures to the audience.

"Well, my information says she’s also a fashion model and a former women’s champion with a now defunct promotion."

"Was is it about models being attracted to the world of fighting? Take your turns on the catwalk, collect your checks and buy enough rabbit food to starve yourself into anorexia."

"I had heard a rumor about you and a certain Supermod..."

"Don’t... All I can say is, I can make this blanket statement because I know somebody is too busy to watch this telecast."

With that having been said, Bianca offered a wink to the camera and then a look back to the ring for the second participant.

The lights go down on the arena once more as Katrina and the Waves’s "Walking on Sunshine" begins to play through the speakers. A spotlight picks up Laura Parker in a strapless floor length, Christian Dior original, gown. Her hair is worn up in a twist with a tiara in it. Her agent William Wienersnitzel accompanies her. Laura smiles to the crowd with that perfect beauty queen smile of hers, the spotlight reflects in little gleams off her teeth. She stops after a bout ten feet. She bounces along with the time of the music to the ring. She walks up to the ring and enters it alone. She walks around the ring posing and waving to the fans very much the Beauty Queen. She stands with her back to Willie. Willie removes the tiara from Laura's hair. Willie unzips her dress and removes it to reveal her wrestling costume. She wears a white bikini top with matching white shorts. The white of her costume shows off her perfectly tanned body. She completes the ensemble with white knee high wrestling boots and white knee and elbow pads. There are silver threads in each so that they reflect the lights of the arena.

She takes the microphone and says: "I am so happy to be here tonight and to enter into friendly competition with that wonderful human being Alexandria Parker Alexandria I have been given a special message to present to you. It's from a little girl name Heather. Heather is one of the countless number of children who suffer from Childhood Onset Neuralgia." Laura walks over to Willie and is given a piece of foolscap paper from him. There is writing, in crayon, on it. Laura raises the paper toward her face and reads.

As Laura reads this she begins to show her emotions. There is a catch in her voice. She begins to sound like she is about to cry. When she finishes the letter she breaks down completely in tears as she walks over to Alexandria to give her the letter. She takes a moment to compose herself and walks over to Willie. Willie hands her a large "all day" sucker. Laura holds the sucker up and says: "Alexandria, as a token of our esteem, for your kind and generous contribution we, the members of Sincerely Understanding, Caring, Kind and Enthusiastically Romantic Selves, Present you with this lollipop." Again she breaks down in tears as she hands Alexandria the lollipop. Laura hugs Alexandria and steps away to return to her corner.

The crowds response to this monologue varies, most are here for wrestling and mudslinging... sure, the gesture’s nice, but how boring. Alexandria looks to the audience and smiles, quickly crashing the sucker down over the head of her opponent, sending shards of sticky confectionery across the ring and Laura to the mat. Alexandria is met with an overwhelming pop, whether she was the favorite or not... the people demanded action.

The stronger of the two wasted little time in pressing her advantage and snatched her still surprised opponent up from the ground, sending her crashing into the far turnbuckle with loud snap. Alexandria tossed the remnant lollipop stick out to the manager and sneered, tossing her red curls arrogantly. Laura stepped out of the corner, wobbling on her feet.

Alex yanked Laura over by the hair in a quickened snapmare and sent a kick into her spine, arching her back away in pain. Laura fell back, trying to place one arm behind to protect against more and the other in front, trying to press her way back to her feet. Alex wrenched her back up at the waste and lifted higher, dropping her forcibly back down upon her head in a Northern Lights Bomb. A haughty cover yielded only a two count and Alex seemed unimpressed.

"Alexandria has looked quite impressive thus far, taking it to the newer wrestler in Laura Parker. It looks like strength definitely has given her an advantage early in the fight, and after a two count... One can only wonder how much the opponent has left in her."

"Way too early to write anyone off yet. I think Laura is still sucking wind from the initial shot, a two count was probably needed for her to get a little air."

A huffy Garry makes his way back to the stand, sucking air like a marathon runner. In his hands rest two cups of beer, foam still pouring out from the top.

"I...’m... back... got beer"

"Light Beer?"

"You didn... say light"

"I did so... You don’t expect... What’s your name again?"

"Sandra Allistaire"

"You don’t expect Sandra and I to drink that horse piss you’re carrying do you?"

"This isn’t... fair"

"Run along now"

And the action fell back to the ring, Laura getting pulled back to her feet by the firm grip of Alexandria, laying a loud slap across her chest. Alex looked out to the crowd and pulled back again, placing another loud slap across her opponent’s chest. Laura’s face contorted to a pained grimace as the red mark splayed itself brightly across her chest. A third slap and Laura fell to her knees at the feet of her opponent, who smiled deviously towards her.

Laura felt herself being pulled back up, then tossed towards the ropes as her opponent waited for her to return. Laura clutched at them for life, maintaining her own momentum. Alex charged in without hesitation and found Laura’s foot for her efforts, staggering away, Laura took charge instead with a springboard swinging Hurricanrana that sent Alex sprawling outside to recoup. The crowd seemed to liven some, the match had found some life. Laura stalked the canvas, regaining both energy and air... No longer the actress.

Alex’s face bordered a semblance of confusion of a deserved pout, this match was suddenly not what she was looking for. The people on the outside jeered and stared, laughing and gawking at the socialite and model. Taking a few minutes to offer some verbal quips to Willy Wienersnitzel, her mind worked steadily at some kind of strategy to take charge. The referee’s consistent count did little to encourage her return, but upon the stroke of nine pulled her hesitantly back into the fray.

Laura wasted little time in meeting her opponent, ramming a shoulder through the ropes into the stomach. Alex doubled and Laura hooked her, slinging her back into the ring with a suplex. Alexandria lay prone for several seconds, time enough for Laura to take her feet once again. Measuring up the opponent, Laura dropped a quick leg across the throat of the Socialite. A hook of the leg and a two count, but nothing final from that exchange.

Laura threw back her mane of black hair and took a breath, hauling Alex back up and to her feet and then towards the ropes, crashing her back down with a dropkick. Alex stared at the ceiling and Laura went to work. Lifting her, Laura applied a reverse chin lock and held her firm, keeping the stronger woman from her feet, and more importantly from any leverage. Pressing a knee into Alex’s back, she applied even more force to an already painful hold. Alex’s teeth clenched tightly as she fought to keep from screaming out.

"Laura has taken command now, weakening the neck and back of the stronger opponent. An interesting strategy... "

"Nope, look at the her elbow... She’s choking her out."

"I don’t believe she means to be... "

"Not the point here is it? Strategy or not, she’s definitely making it count. Isn’t that really all that matters?"

"Well, I..."

The referee drew up the arm of Alexandria, watching it fall for the first time as a hush spread quickly among the crowd. Laura offered the sincerest smile possible from a pageantry queen, then yanked back harder for a muffled grunt from the Socialite. A second lifting of the arm, another fall from heights as there seemed to be little life emanating from Alex. A third raising of the hand sparked some interest, an eruption from the crowd when it didn’t fall... They had reached a verdict, they didn’t care who won or lost so long as the fight was worth it. Laura tossed away Alexandria and walked away, carefully taking in a little time to recoup as well.

Alex, using the ropes, climbed back to her feet clambering for air. Laura came back in on the offensive and was quickly met a shot to the jaw. The referee intervened for the use of the closed fist, but Alexandria looked as though she didn’t care. Laura stuck out her tongue over the stripe’s shoulder, only drawing a little more rage from the woman.

Tossing him to the side, Alex rushed in with a shoulder block and sent Laura sprawling. Alex fell to her knees and pressed her hand across the throat of her opponent, pressing hard in a definite chokehold. The referee started the count and upon the forth chime, Alex released and then started again, trying to forcibly remove the air and life from her opponent. A second time, released and then a third choke... finally stepping back to admire her work on the gasping opponent.

"You’re no Parker..."

She spit her words ominously, condescendingly delivering their meaning through hatred and conceit. Laura rolled to her knees and was taken again to her feet, pounded back to the ground with a hammering shot from her menacing counterpart. Raising her up a second time, she lifted her above her head in a version of a gorilla press and carried her to corner, dropping her face first across the turnbuckle. A slight trickle of blood found its way from the corner of her mouth as Laura bounced off and to the canvas. Alex took a stride to the second turnbuckle and fell off with a diving head butt, sending Laura into spastic fits. Alex stood again, wiping some of the sweat from her brow.

Willy leapt to the apron to call for a time out, trying in desperation for any way possible to revive his downed warrior. The referee was quick to keep him out, losing his attention from inside the ring. Alexandria scooped Laura from the ground and slung her across her shoulders. Laura kicked frantically in a last ditch effort, reaching out in desperation and raking the eyes of her opponent.

"I think desperation has set in... nasty move from the rookie. I guess everyone can have an accident, she was just trying to counter what was likely going to be the end."

"Convenient her manager had the Goof’s attention, no?"

Laura fell from her opponent’s shoulders and took a breath while Alex stalked away, rubbing at her eyes. Laura latched onto the enemy’s wrist and stepped lightly to the top rope, wrenching the appendage between her hands. Balancing her way out on the top rope and leaping off, she dug an elbow deep into the shoulder of Alex and sent her reeling back to a corner. Laura followed into the corner with a running splash, and stepped back to allow Alex to crash to the mat.

Laura stepped to the top and struck a pose, fluttering her lashes while the flashes darted around the arena. As it died, Laura took to the air, landing a perfect frog splash across her opponent’s body. Quick hook of the leg and a slapping hand by the referee, and still only a count of two. The crowds reaction was a mixture of awe and disappointment, the longer the fight continued... the more they were enjoying it. Laura delivered a quick boot to a stirring Alexandria and went to the corner, getting some advice from her manager.

Alexandria slipped outside the ring for a moment, trying to take in a little air and rest a moment. The crowd began to utter forth more obscenities and jeers, forcing the same response from the socialite. Here eyes shown darkly as she looked back to the ring, for a moment considering just walking away and leaving these matters unfinished. Laura followed, not wanting to see her chances slip away due to a moment of fear.

Like a couple of animals, it digressed... One woman slinging the other into the steel guardrail, and following it up with a reversal. Laura found herself on the receiving end of the impact. Alex quickly took a handful of hair and rammed the Pageantry Queen’s head into it, snapping her back to the concrete. Alex lifted Laura again, raising her high in another show of strength, and letting her fall across the metal.

"Wait here a minute, will ya?"

"Bianca, where are you going?"

Laura crawled away on her knees; hands held firmly at her throat nearly crushed from the drop. Alex followed her up, delivering a solid kick to the side and rolling her over on her stomach, for a follow up elbow. Alex stood back up and grinned, pointing to the foe and mocking her in the eyes of the fans. Alex stalked back towards the ring...

The Referee looked to the side and signaled for the bell, deciding on a double count out. Looking finally at the table, the bellperson pointed to the announcer’s table, and then to his own, where the bell was nowhere to be found. Without the bell, there could be no ending... and as thus the match played on.

"Why in the Heck do you have the bell?"

"Heck? Are you really fooling anyone?"

"What are you doing?"

"The people came here to see a fight, not some cheesy ending. Let them finish this. It’s over when I think it is... "

A louder pant this time, a hoarse voice combined with a couple loud thuds one could only guess were steps. Garry had returned...

"Here’s your damn "LIGHT" Beers, now... what have I missed?"

"Nothing much, say... Sandra, you hungry?"

"Oh no... I am not going back to those lines."

"As a matter of fact, I had to skip dinner..."

"GIRLS!"

"Here’s a twenty... pick us up a large Supreme pizza"

"No Olives"

"You heard her, no olives..."

"I am not... "

"Do you really want to argue?"

"What kind of crust...."

"Thin"

Was the response in unison, more of a game really... they had to make him understand his place in the scheme of things and it seemed to be working relatively well. A giggle generated from the table as both women returned to their views of the match

At ringside, Alexandria had claimed the letter read before the match by the illustrious Laura and began moving back towards the downed woman. Positioning herself above the head of the opposition, she slowly tore from end to end... a harsh ripping noise, then again and again until the child’s hand drawn note lie in confetti upon the head and face of one, Laura Parker.

Alexandria raised her hands in victory and picked the inanimate Laura up from the ground, carrying her unceremoniously over her shoulder back towards the ring and depositing her upon the apron. Alex slid back into the ring, to again try and end the match with her infamous "Bitch Bomb". Lifting Laura back across her shoulders, it was only a matter of time now. As a last ditch effort, the black haired beauty swung herself around and down, crashing Alex down in a wicked DDT. The rest became academic...

"And a Wicked DDT!"

"That’s the thing I’ve always found annoying about you announcers, you’re continually stating the obvious. Everyone out there saw her bounce on her head like a pogo stick, do you think you stating it actually made it hurt worse? Nope, just sit back and let the look on that woman’s face do your job for ya..."

"Pass me that beer will you?"

Laura stood for a moment, wiping away small amounts of blood and sweat as she gazed at the opponent, trying to work her way back up. A kick sent her back down, then a second... keeping the counterpart at bay. A low, sweeping roundhouse brought Alex from her knees back to her face and Laura went up high, waiting patiently for Alexandria Parker to get back to her feet.

"Oh grab a chair or something already!"

"That is highly frowned upon here, Miss Dupree."

"Not for long... Not for long..."

Alex staggered back to the corner and into the grasp of Laura, who with another feminine pose, delivered her opponent into dreamland with a reverse, somersaulting DDT. Throwing her hair back one more time, Laura gathered the legs of the opponent with a matchbook pin and waited for deliverance.

1...2...3

Laura snapped up quickly, bouncing happily around the ring while the announcers proceeded to bleat her name again. Willy made his way into the ring as well to help in holding the hand of his meal ticket, oh... and friend too. Almost out of habit, Laura began to wave her hand in the traditional manner of pageants, a slight twisting of the wrist.

Willy handed the victor the microphone and stood back, prepared for their endless scam to come off once more before the crowd of thousands.

"Here, ring this... I have one more thing to do."

"OH (bleep), what now?"

"We’re on National Television you know?"

"Ughhh...." *DING DING *

Laura paraded around the ring for a couple moments, basking in the adoration provided for her by the fans. A genuine smile on her lips, and the thought of green on her mind, she held tightly to the limelight provided by such sport, and for the opportunity to earn more.

" As a member of SincerelyUnderstanding, Caring, Kind and Enthusiastically Romantic Selves, I would like to ask each of you to take the..."

And though, she continued the motions... There would be no more words heard by any but the closest of spectators. Whether or not she realized what couldn’t be heard, nobody knows... but the emotion spent trying to tug the heart strings was little more than a mime display, generating hints of laughter from the audience.

Back at the announcer’s table, Bianca returned twirling the loose end of a microphone cord, grinning like a devious child. The Camera’s had left the match and returned to watch the continuing interloper and outsider, along with their Announcer, causing a little havoc.

"Here’s your Pizza... is... the match over?"

Garry staggered back to his perch, pizza in hand and tongue dragging the ground. His entire body read of fatigue, from the sweat perched on his brow to his shaky manner... crowd fighting was not his specialty.

"Want some Sandra?"

"Not really, I lost my appetite..."

"Me too... Oh well, I guess the fans would like it."

"Eh..."

The scene fades with Garry fighting back tears of rage as Bianca and Sandra pass out pizza to the people behind them, while the overweight putz drooled at the mere thought...

Winner of the match, Laura Parker.