Shea London vs. Lisa DreamMatch by: Lord Pumpkin
(Returning from another commercial break, the crowd is alive in a heightened frenzy of excitement, topped off with the loud music, pumping the audience, and spectacular explosions, providing a thrilling atmosphere. The ring stands in the center of the arena like a diamond set in a pendant. Strategically off to the side, the announcers, Kenny and Cari bicker until the camera man informs them that they are live and in front of millions of viewers. Cari scowls at the camera while Kenny accesses something on his laptop computer.)
Kenny: Welcome back everyone! I�m Kenny Harbor, along side Cari �The Brat� Trammel. We have another exciting match headed your way!
Cari: Absolutely correct, Kenny. We have the increasingly obscure and enigmatic Lisa Dream, trying to defend her pride against the so-called �Sensational� Shea London.
Kenny: We�ll see if Shea�s technical expertise can match up against the wily and underhanded tricks of Lisa Dream. Whereas Lisa has the experience and the ruthless cunning, Shea has the heart of a true competitor!
Cari: (vicious smirk) We�ll see if that heart gets ripped out by the sting of the snake of Lisa Dream.
Kenny: Must you be so nasty?
Cari: Whatever do you mean . . .?
(As the pair continues to bicker back and forth, explosions erupt from the rampway, and Praga Khan�s �Injected With a Poison� erupts from the sound system. On the Angeltron, images of Dr. Cosmo McKinley, Little Alexandra, Nurse Ansalong and Nurse Blush can be seen, each of them in some of their greater moments. The curtains part and McKinley, along with Blush and Ansalong appear, making their way down the ramp. Nurse Ansalong, wearing her tight nurse�s uniform, waves to the fans, and in return receives catcalls and whistles for her efforts.)
Kenny: Oh no! These people frighten me!
Cari: Frighten you? I bet you wet your bed still, too.
(Before Kenny can defend himself, Cosmo, Ansalong and Blush approach the announcer�s table. Cosmo offers his hand to Kenny but retracts and laughs viciously when Kenny extends his. Quickly, the bald scientist snatches a nearby chair and plants himself in it, putting on a headset. He smiles, broadly, at the camera, reveling in the fact that he is on television.)
Cosmo: Good evening, everyone in TV land. I thought I would come down and share my insights on this match. There is so much to comment on.
Cari: Pleasure to see you, as always Cosmo. For the record, Kenny wets his bed.
Kenny: I never said-
Cosmo: Tisk Tisk, Mr. Harbor. That is a clear sign of an inferiority complex, coupled with the inability to perform at critical moments.
Cari: Listen to him, Kenny! Its like he knows you, already!
Kenny: This is SO humiliating.
Cosmo: (cackling) And I haven�t even started yet . . .
Cari: Congratulations on Nurse Blush entering the competitions, by the way.
(At the mention of her name, Nurse Blush casts a sinister glance towards the commentators.)
Cosmo: (smiling, knowingly) Oh, Nurse Blush will be quite the competitor, I assure you. She has that certain . . . drive.
Kenny: The journalist in me has to inquire about your recent alliance with Gabrielle. What does all this mean? What are you two planning?
Cosmo: Can you keep a secret, Kenny?
Kenny: Of course!
Cosmo: Well, so can I, my boy.
(Before the group can continue, there is a sudden movement from the top of the ramp. The lights dim, as pyro displays along the walkway start to blast and Elton John�s �Made in England� begins to blare over the PA. After a few seconds, Shea London and Tara Sawyer appear side by side in the entranceway. Both walk briskly down to the ring, both slapping hands with the cheering fans. While smiling, Shea's expression seems a bit harder than usual, her anger towards recent developments involving the Sisterhood and her friends within the Cathouse certainly playing a role in that. Tara, meanwhile, seems in bright spirits as the two get closer to the ring. As they reach the ring, Shea dives through the bottom rope, sliding into the ring, curling up into a ball before springing to her feet. Tara, meanwhile, stays at ringside, clapping and cheering for her friend and partner.)
Cosmo: Ugh! How hideous! This young lady is one of my countrymen and she has the talent of a grape.
Cari: I�m so glad we agree on it. I find that Bedwetter over here always seems to stick up for the talentless hacks.
Kenny: Hey! You can�t-
(Cosmo nods to Nurse Blush who approaches him, with a menacing glare.)
Cosmo: Oh, but I can . . .
(As Tara and Shea seem to discuss Shea�s game plan, Nurse Ansalong, bored with not having said much, glances down at Kenny�s computer.)
Ansalong: Oh, goodie! Can I download music from there? Maybe check my eTrade account?
Kenny: No! This computer is only for cleverly researching BRA statistics on the competitors. Nothing on it is used for �downloading� anything like copyrighted music!
Cosmo: Oh, since you�re online now, may I suggest a peek at bedwetters.com and getting some of the useful tips for-
Kenny: I am NOT a bedwetter!
(All of the lights in the arena dim as the sounds of twinkling stars and the awe of music fill the stadium. The blood red letters �THE DREAM� spin and solidify on the large Angeltron monitor located above the exit from the dressing room area. Smoke fills the entrance ramp. Then, there is a burst of pyrotechnics, the music shifts to the opening cords of �NOOKIE�, by Limp Bizkit, and Lisa Dream exits the dressing room area. She arrogantly stands on the entrance ramp, surveying the sell out crowd as they show their appreciation for the conceited girl.)
Lisa: That�s right, little darlings, I have returned, and I know exactly what is preying on all of your one-dimensional minds! You are all hoping, dreaming, wishing that you would see just as much of me tonight as you did when I was last in the squared circle! Well, let me dissuade all of you horny fools of that ridiculous notion, because you do not deserve, NONE of you deserve, to see more of me than I deem fit! Did you really think that I was going to come out here, and strip down for you, just because all of you have seen it before? Give me a break�.you are all stupider than I gave you credit for!�
Kenny: Wait a minute. Who said she was supposed to strip down?
Cosmo: Ah, well, Lisa does have several �issues.� As my former patient, she clearly has a combination obsessive compulsive/self loathing complex and-
Cari: As she a bedwetter, too?
Kenny: Argh!
Lisa: Of course, as ignorant and ridiculous as all of you DREAM-o-phobics are, you don�t hold a candle next to the two fools in the ring! Tara Sawyer is some poor excuse for a . . . Hell, even I am not completely sure what she is supposed to be!. As for Shea London, I suspect that some cheapened tart like yourself � while horrible and without a modicum of anything resembling talent � has not even fathomed the extent of the beating that you will get tonight, my dear! Your loathsome type makes me violently ill just pondering your wretched inability to do anything resembling competition. Tonight, you pathetic limey, you are going to suffer. I am going to toss you from one end of that ring to the next, and force you to beg me for forgiveness for your actions!
(The crowd reacts with mixed emotions from the gothic princess.)
Nurse Blush: What a �has been.� A sad, self-absorbed, blinded, �has been.�
(The official sounds for the bell. Lisa Dream, slightly distracted upon her viewing of Nurse Becca Blush � her bitter rival � is unable to react as Shea London launches into her, planting a well executed missile drop kick, to start the match. Lisa, stunned and angered, his the mat, her arms flailing about in surprise. As Shea brings the gothic princess to her feet, Lisa swats out, defiantly.)
Lisa: You disgusting troll! Take your hands off me! I am Perfection! I am a goddess! I am the America�s Sweetheart!
Shea: Shut your cakehole, wanker!
(Shea delivers a shop to Lisa�s upper body, sending the raven- haired girl into the turnbuckle with a merciless impact. Dazed, Lisa attempts to escape the situation, but a well-placed shoulder into her midsection has her reeling. Shea then takes Lisa by her arm and whips her to the ropes. On her return, a vicious clothesline from the sensational Brit puts Lisa in a 360-degree flip, planting her on the canvass. On the outside Tara cheers her friend on as Shea begins a new series of moves. Lifting her into a standing motion, Lisa�s arms hang down as she is unable to say anything or do anything, too dazed from the attack. Again Shea throws the gothic princess into the ropes and as she returns, pulls off an amazing wraparound DDT. Lisa drops to the canvass, and Shea goes for the quick cover.)
Kenny: This could be the fastest pin ever put on Lisa!
Cari: Think again, bedwetter. Lisa�s too wily for that. There! She just kicked out.
Cosmo: Oh! I taught her that move, actually. It was under my tutelage, when she was my patient-
(An unbelieving stare from Kenny, causes Cosmo to just laugh, knowing he�s been caught. Back in the ring, Lisa struggles and gets up as Shea throws herself from the far ropes. Lisa ducks in time to get out of the way, as Shea finds herself unable to stop before ramming into the turnbuckle. As Shea quickly tries to shake off the attack, Lisa pounces, taking advantage of Shea�s mistake. Turning her so that they face one another, Lisa mounts the second rope and begins hammering way at Shea�s forehead, aggressively attacking the woman that took the early advantage upon her. After six horrible blows, Lisa proudly kisses her fist in an erotic display of wicked sinfulness and drops the last hit on Shea, before leaping up and grabbing hold of Shea�s hair as she then allows gravity to take its course, planting her head into the canvass, as Shea�s head bounces off the mat.)
Cari: Lisa is a amazing when it comes to rapid-fire attacks, wouldn�t you say so, Kenny?
Kenny: She�s amazing. But Shea is hardly one to just give up.
(After subjecting Shea to several humiliating slaps, Lisa rises from the mat, like a ghoulish beast, absorbing the energy from the crowd. Closing her eyes and slowly writhing her hands her body, she gives the audience a small show; some perverse scene of self- gratifying glory, before turning back to toe downed Shea. However, Shea has regained her senses in the time it took Lisa to act out her arrogant fantasies. Quickly thrusting out her foot, Shea lands a kick directly to Lisa�s head, spinning her neck and arching the gothic woman�s back. She stumbles backward, growling in furious anger.)
Lisa: You hopelessly detestable creature! I am Lisa Dream!
(Shea�s response is to simply flip towards Lisa as she is trying to regain her bearings. Lisa attempts to duck but is too sluggish and slow after the shot she took to the head. As Lisa tries to wave off the attack from Shea, the British girl merely lunges out, catching Lisa�s arm and using her own momentum to shoot her into the far ropes. As she bounces off, London then leaps towards her, taking her head and planting her into the mat, face first.)
Kenny: Wholly Moley! Did you see that!?
Cosmo: Why did you ask us that? We�re sitting right here. Was it a rhetorical question?
Cari: Trust me, Dr. McKinley, he belts that out at least twice a week and I wonder the same thing.
Ansalong: Did I see what? I was looking over at a cute guy in the audience who-
Cosmo: Silence, child! We�re on television!
(Going for the pin, Lisa is barely able to kick out before the official counts to three. She attempts to squirm her body away, but Shea is pumped and ready to take control of the match. Lisa swings out, missing her opponent, but Shea uses that as the opportunity to strike out at Lisa�s exposed midsection. A boot to Lisa�s ribs causes her to scream out, cursing and making strange threats to Shea, as well as members of the first row of the audience. As Lisa struggles, Shea locks on a suplex and slams the gothic girl into the mat, the entire ring shaking.)
Kenny: Shea London slams Lisa Dream into the mat with intensity, folks! Tara is cheering her on! What an upset this could be!
Cosmo: Hmmm. I predict that Lisa�s resourcefulness will shine through. I AM her psychiatrist, you know.
(Desperate, Lisa tries to get up but it is clear that the power moves and energetic agility from Shea has taken its toll on her. As she wearily comes to her feet, her eyes narrow into slits, showing anger and her more ruthless parts of her brain working overtime on some nefarious scheme. It seems evident that she is increasingly nervous about her opponent and her mind is clearly racing for some kind of trick.)
Cosmo: Look at poor Lisa. She seems backed into a corner. Some of the most deadly moments come when a creature finds no other alternative.
(As Shea bobs and weaves, approaching Lisa, the gothic girl is obviously trying to dodge, placing the onerous on her opponent, trying to wear her out. Lisa strategically backs up placing herself dangerously close to the hard turnbuckle. Shea moves in for the kill with enough momentum to take Lisa out. But the gothic princess dodges, allowing herself not only the escape, but also sees to it that Shea lands directly into to turnbuckle, meeting with sharp and sudden pain upon impact.)
Kenny: Lisa�s plan worked!
Cosmo: Then perhaps you will listen to your Uncle Cosmo, henceforth, yes?
(Lisa bends down and slaps Shea in the face, perhaps trying to humiliate her or to regain some of her lost dignity that she felt Shea stripped from her in the match, thus far. Lisa throws her head back, cackling, as sheer dementia can be seen on her face, the gothic princess glowering over her opponent. A boot to Shea�s midsection, followed by more laughing seems to energize Lisa to a frenzy of arrogance and gloating.)
Lisa: Oh, sweetie, why don�t we show the crowd what they REALLY want to see . . .
(As the sadistic and vile Lisa Dream bends down to seize her opponent, Shea knows that the mind of the gothic girl is warped enough to do nearly anything. In one desperate ploy, she locks her ankles together, retracts and fires out, catching Lisa in the midsection, knocking her into the center of the ring, showing how strong Shea�s lower body is. The crowd comes to their feet with excitement, as Shea bounces up, landing in her boots. She throws herself backward against the ropes, in order to gain momentum and launches off. As soon as Lisa comes to her feet, she is met by Shea�s elbow, landing to the side of her head, a strange cracking sound coming from the gothic princess as she falls off her feet, landing on her back, like a led balloon. She writhes in agony, as Shea then comes over, and places her in a camel clutch submission move. Cosmo looks shocked, and yanks on Nurse Ansalong�s skirt, desperately, waving for her to do something. The redheaded airhead merely shakes her head, pointing towards Tara who appears to be guarding against any attempts from anyone to soil Shea�s would-be victory. The stalling from Cosmo and Ansalong prove fatal.)
Kenny: My God! Lisa is tapping out!
Cari: Dammit! Lisa almost got to the ropes for protection.
(The bell sounds as Shea releases Lisa, and her arms are thrust into the air victoriously, as Tara soon joins her. Lisa rolls out of the ring, angered, and begins to sulk back up towards the dressing rooms. As Shea�s entrance theme begins to play, Cosmo yanks off the headset and slams it down, barking at Ansalong, while Nurse Blush, watches, amused.)
Kenny: You�d think that by the way Shea and Tara are celebrating, they had just won Celestial gold!
Cari: Trust me, Kenny, it will be a long time before either of these two TOUCHES it, other than maybe shining it for a real winner.
(Cosmo and his entourage slink towards the locker rooms, as he keeps watch on the two celebrating women, glaring at them, as if they had done something most heinous. The camera focuses in on Shea just as it cuts out to a commercial break.)