Sandra: Folks we are back and this match promises to be fast and furious with two very capable athletes.
Garry: That’s right, Sandra, Cyra Min and Samantha Page are about to lock-up and this is gonna be a great one! Cyra Min looks has the size advantage but Samantha Page is a firecracker.
Sandra: ‘Firecracker?’ What, on earth, is that supposed to mean?
Garry: OK, I dunno. I was just trying to sound clever.
Sandra: Well, stop!
Garry: Anyway, Sandra, this is gonna be wild. Samantha Page against Cyra Min? Could it get any better than this?
Sandra: I can think of a few ways . . .
Garry: Ways that don’t involve you insulting me?! My mom is watching tonight, ya know.
Sandra: You have a mom?
Garry: Yes, and she’s a saint!
( Suddenly the lights dim and strobe lights begin flashing around the ring and arena. Rob Zombie's, "What's Lurking on Channel X" begins as the announcer belts out Cyra’s name. The crowd immediately sours and begins to chastise her. Cyra emerges from the back, uncaring about the reaction she is getting, proceeds down to the ring shouting back obscenities to the crowd then laughing. )
Sandra: Even though Cyra has the size advantage here, it is clear that she does not have the crowd behind her.
Garry: Who cares? I mean, these fans don’t know anything. I wouldn’t want idiots supporting me, anyway.
( As soon as Cyra enters the ring, the lights dim yet again and "Know Your Enemy" by Rage Against the Machine blasts through the PA system. Samantha Page wears a royal blue bikini with matching boots. The blue bikini has a glittery look. She wears her hair down. As she makes her way to the ring, the fans go wild with excitement. She waves and throws her first in the air as if a preliminary victory cheer. The camera shows Garry moving to the beat, gyrating in his chair, mouthing the lyrics. )
Sandra: What, my I ask, are you doing?
Garry: Despite the fact that I don’t like Samantha Page, I do like this song.
Sandra: I am surprised that you even know this song.
Garry: Yeah, I know lots about music and even poetry.
Sandra: Poetry? I have a newfound respect for you. What do you know?
Garry: There once was a man from Nantucket -
Sandra: Oh, cripes. I should have known.
( The official is giving some last minute words to both women who stand glaring at one another. As soon as the official gets out of the way, the bell rings and the match is underway. )
Garry: Here we go. The women are looking at each other trying to figure out what to do. Oh, Page just locked up with Min and suddenly she has thrown Min across the ring, giving her quite a shake up.
Sandra: Yeah, Samantha seems to have really done a great deal of studying this week. She looks confident.
Garry: Min has charged Page and hit her with a spear, taking them both to the ground. Page may have had the wind knocked out of her. Min is saying something but I can’t hear what she is saying.
Sandra: I am sure it is something that can’t be put on television.
( The camera shows the ring which is now a flurry of activity. By this time, Samantha has recovered from the blow and has gotten to her feet. She turns around just in time to see Cyra bouncing off the ropes and coming toward her. She throws her arm out, giving the Asian beauty a painful clothesline, taking her close to four feet off the mat, before sending her down. )
Sandra: Good Lord, Garry, did you see that?
Garry: Huh? No. Hey, someone is actually wearing a t-shirt with my picture on it.
Sandra turns, stunned. It is unclear whether or not she is shocked that her co-host is not paying attention or someone would be wearing a t-shirt with him on it. Before she can say anything, Garry speaks.
Garry: It looks like Samantha is getting ready to give a pile-driver.
( In the ring, Samantha takes a very shocked Cyra and begins setting her up. She can clearly be heard saying, “Here, freak, this is called a piledriver. Try it on for size.” However, Cyra manages the strength to escape, kicking Samantha in the legs with a side-swipe as she gets away, taking Samantha to the mat. Cyra can be heard, (“My adorable little blonde bimbo, I am about to show you a whole new world.” )
Sandra: That Cyra is something else.
Garry: Yeah, I love that outfit. Purple makes me think of Lucky Charms.
Sandra: Huh? Oh, don’t bother. Cyra looks like she is about to stand up. No wait, she just stuck her knee into the face of Samantha. The sound reverberated off her skull. Yikes! That seemed kind of dirty.
Garry: Naw, I know dirty when I see it.
( Back in the ring, Cyra gets up on the third rope as Samantha is still disoriented. Cyra glances at the crowd, taunting them before she jumps. However, in the brief moment that it takes for Cyra to stroke her ego, Samantha, while not fully recovered from that shot to the face, sees what is going on. As Cyra dives off the top ropes, Samantha sticks out her arm, like an iron bar. Cyra’s face is frozen with shock, as she descends, unable to stop. As soon as she the impact occurs, it sends Cyra hurtling back close to three feet through the air. )
Sandra: Mercy, that looked terrible. Kind of reminds me of when the Coyote’s plans go awry against the Road Runner. Their facial expressions were the same.
Garry: That is just plain mean. What did Cyra ever do to you?
Sandra: You do realize that she killed her own father?
Garry: Exactly. That is why you should be nice to her.
Sandra is about to say something, holds up her finger but then seems to realize that Garry, who is often wrong, may have a good point this time.
( Back in the ring, Samantha begins to really take control now. After whipping Cyra into the corner of the ring, she throws herself, full weight, into her opponent, dazing Cyra even further. Samantha climbs the ropes and begins striking Cyra in the head repeatedly. The crowd chants along with every strike. After ten, she jumps off Cyra and shouts, “You think you are so bad, bitch, well, look and see what happens now!” She takes Cyra by the back of the head and throws her face first into the mat. Cyra’s head bounces like a ball with such force that it flips her on her back. ) Garry: You mentioned the Coyote earlier, Sandra. If you look closely I think you can see stars and birds going around poor Cyra’s head.
( Not wasting a moment, Samantha realizes that she has to capitalize on the situation. She begins to apply the dreaded figure four, and Cyra is too stunned to even realize what is happening. As soon as Samantha has it locked, and drops herself to the mat, Cyra is very aware of what is going on, as she begins to scream in utter pain. The official asks Cyra for the submission and she vehemently denies, giving Samantha some frustration. )
Sandra: Cyra is one of those girls which is never likely to submit. I think Samantha will have to change her strategy.
Garry: You may be right. However, if I know Cyra, she has tricks.
Sandra looks at Garry with disgust and says: You don’t know Cyra at all.
Garry, shrugging off the slur: Wait, Sandra, Cyra, using her powerful strength, is dragging herself to the ropes.
Sandra: I can’t believe it! You’re right! She must really have the adrenaline pumping. She’s desperate!
Garry: She got the ropes! The match continues!
( Samantha looks upset and reluctantly gives up the lock. She gets to her feet before Cyra can, whose legs are weakened anyway. Samantha goes for a claw hold against Cyra’s face, but Cyra manages to dodge, offering a swift punch to Samantha’s nether regions. The official warns her about low blows, but Cyra merely spits at him. She then wastes no time in throwing Samantha to the ground and begins delivering a series of blows to the face, head, neck, and chest, screaming that Samantha, “will pay in blood for what she did” to her. )
Garry: It looks like the momentum has really shifted to Cyra’s favor.
Sandra: Never count Samantha out.
( Almost as if on cue, Samantha raised her legs and gives Cyra a kick, with both feet to the face, sending her flying back on the mat. Samantha jumps to her feet and pounces. Samantha then picks up Cyra and hurls her across the ring, having Cyra bounce off the ropes. As Cyra comes toward Samantha, the determined blonde kicks her in the stomach and applies the DDT. Cyra falls to the mat and looks exhausted. )
Sandra: This could be it. This could be over!
Garry: I know Cyra can pull through!
( Garry speaks too soon. The official dives to the mat as Samantha rolls Cyra on her back. The official begins to pound the mat - 1 - 2 - 3! The match is over with the ring of the bell. Samantha is raised off Cyra by the official and holds her arm in the air. As her arm is held up she gives Cyra a look and spits at the fallen foe. )
Sandra: Well, Garry, it appears that Samantha Page is the winner by pinfall.
Garry, sounding despondent, replies: Yeah, it sucks, doesn’t it?
( Fade to a commercial )