Garry: Sandra loves Garry? Doesn't Sandra? (We hear panting.) Gary loves Sandra too. (Kissing sounds) But sometimes Sandra does things that Garry doesn't like doesn't she? (More panting) But Gary always forgives his Sandra, doesn't he? ( Kissing sounds)

Sandra: I'm back, did I miss anything?

Garry: Nope still on commercial.

Sandra: I can't believe this. He we have a woman's wrestling league and still we can't get potty parity.

Garry: Thank you for sharing that with . . . We're back.

( The Announcers' camera comes on. We see Sandra putting on her headset. Garry is seated holding a daschund puppy on his lap. The puppy is licking the remains of a chili cheese dog from Gary's face. )

Garry: Welcome back ladies and gentleman. This next match promises to be hot hot HOT. Two gorgeous babes meeting in the ring. The lusciously curvaceous "First Lady" Tiffany Lane and the sleek and sexy Mistress Catwoman. I'm going to have a hard time deciding which one to root for.

Sandra: Listen up, you sophomoric sociopath. Both these women are successful wrestlers who have worked hard at their craft. Would you kindly leave out references like . . . well, whatever those sexist terms that you just used.

Garry: My notes say that this is their first match in BRA.

Sandra: That is correct, but if you had bothered reading their biographies you would have seen that they have both had successful careers in other leagues.

Garry: Where did you see these biographies?

Sandra: Right here on the third page of our notes.

Garry: I never realized we had more than one page of notes before. How do you like that? All kinds of interesting information. Hey Sandra, my puppy wants to say hi to you.

( Sandra, leans over toward the puppy. The puppy snaps at her, just missing her cheek. Sandra jumps back. )

Garry: Well, that never happened before. She must sense some of your meanness. She's a smart puppy. It's probably a case of one bitch not liking another.

Sandra: Up yours pigboy. I'll say this about that mutt's intelligence. It's a lot smarter than its master.

Garry: Says you.

Sandra (Sighing) Well here comes the first wrestler. Mistress Catwoman.

( The arena lights fade to a dim shade of violet as "No Exit" by Blondie begins to play. As the beat picks up Mistress Catwoman appears as a silhouette against the dimly lit background. She runs her hand up the side of her body, all the way up till it's pointed to the sky. She begins to walk forward, out of the darkness and into view, she holds the handle of her sleek, leather whip in her right hand, dragging it behind her. She gives the camera a devilish smile as she hops onto the edge of the ring and rolls in. She crawls to the corner where she pulls herself to her feet and climbs to the middle rope, peering out over the crowd. She gets a so-so reaction, as if the crowd is decisively neither for nor against her. She grabs the mic and begins to speak. )

"Tiffany, rest assured that tonight, you will feel a sensation you've never experienced before. It goes beyond pain, and beyond pleasure . . . it's hard to describe really, but it's the sensation one only experiences after a night on the town with the Cat! Ohhh, and by the way, I hope your wearing leather like I asked . . . hehe. So, what are you waiting for Princess? Party time is over, Come on out and get nasty with the Cat!"

Garry: That was some entrance. Wow an outfit. I always loved Michelle Pfeiffer in the movie but this cat leaves her in the alley.

Sandra: You're a dog. I always thought dogs hated cats.

Garry: Not when they look like her. Heeey! I'm not a dog, you're the dog. Isn't that right Sandra. ( Garry lifts the dog to his face as he says the last. The dog gets scared and pees on Garry. ) OH! SHIT!

Sandra: I don't think that is the correct word. But you were right about something. That dog is smart.

( Garry puts the puppy down. He stands up and begins to walk toward the dressing area. The crowd sees the wet spot on his pants and begins raining insults on him. ) Garry: I'll be right back.

Sandra: ( Laughing so hard she can barely speak. ) Don't worry, take your time.

( Garry leaves the camera's view, with as much dignity as he can muster. Sandra continues to laugh. She bends down and picks up the puppy. )

Sandra: You are a good little puppy, aren't you? ( She reaches over and takes a chilli cheese dog that Garry was saving for the match. She feeds it to the puppy. ) Here's a special treat. You'll get one every time you do that to mean old Garry. Well folks here we have Mistress Catwoman's opponent First Lady Tiffany Lane.

( A sultry female voice speaks: "Ladies and gentlemen, The First Lady." Pyro. pots explode just as white, fire works soar through the air. "Miss World" by Hole blasts through the PA system. There is a mixed reaction as the curtains part, revealing "First Lady" Tiffany Lane and "The Goddess" Nina Larue. Nina wears a slinky, leopard-print, mini dress and matching boots. Her long, black hair is tied in a ponytail that falls to the small of her back. Tiffany wears a white, silk, floor-length robe. Her long, blonde hair falls down her back in a cascade of delicate ringlets. The two women pose on the ramp way, their hands placed on their hips, as they arrogantly survey the crowd. Finally, they both saunter to ringside, arrogant smirks upon their flawless visages. The two beauties are careful not to let any of the fans touch them as they make their way to the ring. The ref holds the ropes for the two women as they enter the ring. Tiffany does a playful striptease, tugging on her robe, before allowing the flimsy garment to drift to the mat. "The First Lady" wears a tiny, leopard-print, thong bikini, that barely contains her ample cleavage and shows off her sleek, curvy figure, with matching boots. Needless to say, both Nina and Tiffany are showered with catcalls and wolf whistles as they pose sexily for the crowd! Nina exits the ring as Tiffany stretches seductively, causing even more commotion from the male fans. )

Sandra: (Sarcastically) Gee, I'm so sorry Garry missed this.

( The bell rings and Tiffany and the Cat circle each other. Tiffany sneers and says: "How dare you think that you could even step in the same ring as "The First Lady!" The cat lunges at Tiffany but Tiffany dances out of the way. Tiffany grabs the cat's arm and whips her into the ropes. On the rebound she nails the cat with a Dragon Suplex. She quickly moves to the Cat and scoops her up for a Minchinko Driver. The Cat lands hard on the mat. Tiffany quickly runs up the ropes and leaps into the air in a moonsault. At the last second the Cat curls her legs up and Tiffany lands squarely on the Cat's knees. The air leaves her lungs in a loud "OOUUufff". Tiffany rolls on the mat holding her stomach. Mistress Catwoman is slow to get up. That landing took a lot out of her even if she didn't get the worst of it. The Cat goes to Tiffany and begins to stomp on her. Tiffany tries to roll away but the Cat keeps stomping. She finally stops only to drill Tiffany with an elbow drop. Tiffany rolls out of the ring and tries to regain her bearings while standing on the arena floor. The Cat climbs to the tope rope and yells at Tiffany: "How does that feel Princess?" She dives at Tiffany with a missile drop kick. She nails Tiffany but also hits the floor hard. Tiffany falls back into the guardrail. )

Sandra: A high risk maneuver by Mistress Catwoman. But once again it did a lot of damage to both of them. Don't you agree, Garry? ( There is silence ) Oh that's right Garry is changing his pants after his unfortunate accident. I was wondering why the conversation had gotten so much better. Both Tiffany and the Cat are up and moving now but the ref is counting both of them out.

( The cat attempts a high kick on Tiffany but Tiffany ducks under it and nails the cat with a dragon suplex on the concrete floor. Tiffany grabs the Cat by the hair and hair mares her. She sits on the Cat's chest and begins to choke her. The ref's count is nearing a double count out. Nina jumps up to the apron and begins to flirt with the ref. He is having none of that as he continues the count. Nina bends over toward the ref and unbuttons the top three buttons of her blouse. That got his attention, he stops the count and stares at Nina. )

Sandra: Well I suppose you could call Nina's action professional. Just not Professional Wrestling. The only good thing about this display is that Garry is not around to see it.

( With the ref distracted, Tiffany continues her choke. The Cat's face is turning blue. The cat begins to buck. She manages to get her legs up and her feet around Tiffany's chin. She rolls forward and takes Tiffany down to the floor. She actually has Tiffany pinned, but they aren't in the ring. She starts to choke Tiffany. Nina sees what happens. Nina stands up straight and closes the top of her blouse with one hand while pointing at Catwoman with the other. "Look ref, she's cheating." With his view ruined by Nina's action the ref turns to the wrestlers and starts counting them out again. )

( Mistress Catwoman continues to choke Nina sneaks up behind her and nails her in the back of the head with a double axe handle. This knocks her off Tiffany. Nina helps Tiffany to her feet and helps her into the ring. The ref continues to count. The Cat manages to get into the ring just before being counted out. Both wrestlers lie on the mat catching their breaths. The ref begins counting again. Tiffany slowly gets to her feet, followed by the Cat. They begin to circle each other warily. The Cat. offers a test of strength. Nina moves toward her as though to accept it but nails the cat with a kick to the stomach. The cat moans and doubles over. Tiffany sneers at her and says: "Some Mistress you are! They should have called you Mistake Catwoman!" Tiffany moves in and nails her with a tornado DDT. The cat hits hard and lies on the mat stunned. Tiffany climbs to the top rope and leaps out with a frog splash. No! The Cat rolls out of the way and Tiffany hits' nothing but the mat. )

Sandra: That's the second high risk maneuver that Tiffany tried and it failed both times. You have to stick with the basics.

( Mistress Catwoman gets to her feet. Tiffany is rolling on the mat moaning. The Cat gets Tiffany to her feet by means of a handful of hair and whips her into the corner. Tiffany hits hard and her head snaps back. The Cat charges in and nails her with an elbow smash to the chest. The Cat steps back and begins to pummel Tiffany with kicks to the stomach Tiffany is holding the ropes with both hands to keep from falling to the mat. Leaving her belly open to the kicks. She groans as each one lands home with a sickening thump. The ref moves in and forces the Cat to break off the attack. The Cat steps back and the ref checks with Tiffany to see if she can continue. With the refs back to her, Nina runs into the ring and nails The Cat from behind with a drop kick. Nina hits the mat hard. Tiffany runs out of the ring, just before the ref turns around. Tiffany moves to the Cat and drops an elbow across the back of her head. Nina climbs to the ring apron and again tries to distract the ref as Tiffany climbs on to the Cat's back and slaps on a sleeper hold. The ref checks the hold and finds it legal. The ref looks at Nina who has again unbuttoned the top three buttons of her blouse. The ref ignores Nina. Nina calls to the ref as she takes off her blouse and drops it to the floor. This, the ref can't ignore. Neither can the fans as they whistle and make cat calls. As the ref walks over to Nina, Tiffany turns the sleeper into a choke. The Cat tries to get out of it but this time Tiffany is on her back so she can't use her legs. The ref turns away from Nina to see what's going on. Nina spins him around and loosens her dress so that it falls to the ring apron. The ref stands transfixed staring at the lovely wrestler and actress. The Cat meanwhile has passed out from the lack of oxygen. Tiffany rolls the Cat onto her back and pins her in a school girl pin. Nina turns the ref around so that he sees this. He rushes over to the wrestlers and slaps the mat. )

( Tiffany stands and the ref raises her hand in victory. Nina enters the ring and Tiffany and Nina give each other high fives. The leave the ring with Nina leaving her clothes lying at the ringside. Mistress Catwoman slowly regains consciousness and leaves the ring. Garry returns to the announcer's table. He wears his tux jacket and bow tie but now he has on a pair of ripped jeans. )

Garry: Did I miss anything good?

Sandra: Not really. Tiffany Lane won by a pinfall.

( Garry looks around and see Nina's blouse and Skirt at the ringside )

Garry: Did I miss a strip tease?

Sandra: Oh, that's right. There were a couple of those.

Garry: ( Grabbing the puppy by the scruff of the neck and holding it to his face.) You bad puppy. You made me miss a cat fight. (The puppy gets scared again and pees on Garry again. This time getting his shirt, jacket and jeans soaked. )

The Winner by Pinfall. "First Lady" Tiffany Lane.