Alexandria Parker vs. Samantha Staffer
[The picture fades in on the frenzied masses gathered to watch tonight's BRA festivities. Several signs are visible throughout the stands, some of the most notable being "NINA, WHY?????", "PREPARE FOR HELL, LINDS", and "I WANNA ENTER THE TWILIGHT ZONE!". Before too long, the shot focuses on our favorite mismatched couple, Cari Trammell and Kenny Harbor, bickering as usual before being made aware that they're on.]
Kenny: "Good evening, everyone. I'm Kenny Harbor..."
Cari: (cutting him off abruptly) "Alongside the ravishing Cari Trammell..."
Kenny: "And ever modest. Up next, we've got a good one for you."
Cari: "Oh? Where?"
Kenny: "Next on the card tonight: Samantha Staffer versus Alexandria Parker."
Cari: "I thought you said a good one."
Kenny: "I did."
Cari: "Interesting use of the term �good', there, Kenny. Not one I was previously aware of. Folks, I'm not gonna lie to you for the sake of the ratings. This one's gonna be a snoozer. Take a moment to visit the bathroom before the big Celestial Title match..."
Kenny: "Though as usual I am loathe to disagree with you, my computer estimates that this should be a very even matchup. Both ladies have an almost equal chance of winning."
Cari: "A boy and his computer. How touching. Remind me to gag you with it sometime. Alexandria, may I remind you, is one half of the reigning tag team champions, as well as arguably the greatest tag wrestler in this league's history."
Kenny: (matter-of-factly) "This isn't a tag match."
Cari: "Makes no difference. Alexandria is a great in the tag division, which is more than enough to do away with Samantha, a nobody in any realm of life."
Kenny: "I have a feeling you'll be eating your words tonight, Cari."
Cari: "Never"
[The lights dim and Samantha struts out to Queen's "Another one Bites the Dust". She is dressed in a skin tight short suit in shiny black with tall black leather boots, her hair is braided in a single braid down the back to keep it out of the way. She wears a baseball cap with Thirtysomething on the front. She looks cool and confident and greets the crowd with a wave and a smile. Behind her on the jumbotron are glimpses of her past fights, both with Peggy and solo fights. The crowd roars it's approval.]
Kenny: "Samantha Staffer looking very confident tonight."
Cari: "Hmph. We'll see how confident she looks when she's begging Alex for mercy."
[Before the fans even have a chance to boo her, a loud Bam is heard as the ramp explodes with pyros and other fire like fireworks. The fans all jump back as the heat can be felt throughout the arena. In the middle of the entrance ramp stands Alexandria Parker, absorbing the hatred from the fans. She wears black form fitting pants with a fire red image embossed on both sides. Her upper torso is covered by a black, sheer shirt with a fire image across the middle. Standing next to her with a large mirror held high in the air is Miss Vanity dressed in a matching ensemble. Sauntering down the aisle Alexandria's fire red hair dangles down her back in a cascade of curls. The crowd lets out dozens of catcalls as Miss Vanity holds the ropes for Alexandria.]
Cari: "Alexandria looking stunning as always. I think she's going to teach the Cathouse a thing or two tonight."
Kenny: "I doubt the Cathouse would be interested in learning anything she could teach."
Cari: "Hmm, class... sophistication... success... You're right, they wouldn't be interested."
[As the bell sounds, Parker and Staffer lock up in the center of the ring. Samantha quickly gains an advantage, and locks in a side headlock.]
Kenny: "Pretty good start by Samantha here."
Cari: "Just reeling her in..."
[Alex struggles to free herself, pushing Samantha off her and towards the ropes. Staffer rebounds, and is caught by a well delivered clothesline from the Rich Bitch.]
Cari: "What did I tell you?"
Kenny: "One move does not a victory make."
Cari: "Oh, I'm sure some more are coming."
[Alex wastes no time, quickly pressing her boot to Samantha's face before she can get off the mat. She drags the boot down from Sam's face, towards her throat, and increases the pressure, Sam's arms and legs flailing.]
Kenny: "C'mon, ref! Get in there."
Cari: "Relax. She's got a four count to waste."
[The referee starts counting, and Alex lets him reach four before lifting her foot.]
Cari: "It's not cheating until the count reaches five."
Kenny: "Something of a loose interpretation of the rules."
Cari: "And you know what they say about rules."
Kenny: "Alex will do her best to prove that, I'm sure."
[Alex reaches down, and pulls Samantha to her feet by her hair. She whips Staffer into the ropes. Far from done, though, Sam leaps into the air on the rebound, wrapping her legs around Parker's neck before flipping her to the mat, keeping the headscissors secured.]
Kenny: "Great counter by Samantha."
[Alex pulls at Sam's legs, trying to pry her way free, but finds that route tough going. Sam tightens the pressure just a bit further, causing Parker to slap at Staffer's thigh. Alex begins to power her way up, but with one further squeeze Alex falls back to the mat.]
Kenny: "Samantha, trying her best to wear Parker down."
Cari: "It'll take more than this to enter to beat Alexandria."
Kenny: "And Staffer is definitely up to the task."
[Again Alex starts to power her way up. This time, before Staffer can increase the pressure, Parker sends a double axe handle shot... whether it was intended for Staffer's midsection was certainly debatable, but the blow landing directly south of the navel was a fact.
Kenny: "Oh, give me a break!"
[Staffer releases the scissors, rolling onto her side in pain. Quickly getting to her feet, Alex sends stomps and kicks all over Sam's body, causing her to try and cover up as best she could. Ending the barrage, Parker again pulls Staffer to her feet and sends her into the ropes. This time, parker catches her with a perfectly executed dropkick to Staffer's face.]
Kenny: "I do have to give her this much: excellent elevation for a big woman."
Cari: "How dare you insult Alexandria like that. She's one of the most beautiful women in this league."
Kenny: "No insult at all. Quite the opposite. You expect that sort of move from a Moonspell or a Jenn Christian or Shea London. NOT from an Alex Parker."
[Parker climbs back to her knees, hands on hips, glaring arrogantly over at her dazed opponent. Slowly climbing the rest of the way to her feet, she saunters over to Staffer, before dropping a knee across her forehead. She again starts to pull Sam to her feet. This time, Sam sends a punch to Parker's midsection.]
Kenny: "Sam's not finished yet."
Cari: "Matter of time."
[Staffer sends another punch to Parker's stomach, causing her to stagger back a step. Taking hold of Parker's arm, she snaps Alex down to the mat, quickly rolling atop her back, wrenching Parker's arm back with her.]
Kenny: "Does Samantha have an amateur background we don't know about?"
Cari: "Samantha IS an amateur, what are you talking about?"
[After a few moments, Sam decides to pulls Alex back to her feet. Whipping her into the ropes, she catches her on the way back, lifting her into the air and dropping to one knee, slamming Parker's back across her outstretched leg.]
Kenny: "Brutal backbreaker back Staffer."
Cari: "Come on, Alex!"
[Samantha lets Alex roll off her leg, before again starting to pull her back to her feet. Alex, not for the first time in the match, counters with another shot below the belt, causing Staffer to stumble back before dropping to her knees.]
Kenny: "Oh, look, this is getting monotonous."
Cari: "What?"
Kenny: "That was the second low blow of the match."
Cari: "I didn't see anything."
Kenny: "Why doesn't that surprise me?"
[Alex shakily gets to her feet, before sending a kneelift into Staffer's face, sending her falling back to the mat. Approaching Sam, she pulls her into a standing headscissors.]
Cari: "Gutwrench powerbomb!"
Kenny: "I have to admit, that's likely to take some of the fight out of Samantha."
[Alexandria sits up, and looks over her shoulder at Sam lying on the mat, her limbs splayed to all sides. Smirking, she got to her feet and pulled Alex up. Once more she sends Sam into the ropes, catching her on the rebound...]
Cari: "Spine buster!"
[Alex made her way to her fallen adversary, taking hold of her hair. Staffer wasn't about to give up, and sent another punch to Parker's stomach�this one, though, with much less behind it than the previous effort. Alex, winded but otherwise unfazed, responded by raking her fingers across Samantha's eyes, ending that offensive. Bringing Staffer back to her feet, she locked in a half nelson.]
Kenny: "A wear down hold after such a high impact assault."
Cari: "Think again, oh innocent one."
[The nelson still in place, Alex leans back, launching Samantha into the air.]
Kenny: "Amazing half nelson overhead suplex. Alexandria is definitely asserting control."
[Confidently, Alex got to her feet, and stood behind Samantha, waiting for her to do the same. Slowly and certainly unsurely, Samantha did her best to get back into the fight. Alex waited, waited for her to turn around, and once she did, she nailed Staffer with a superkick.]
Cari: "Fatale kick! Put this one in the bag, baby."
[Parker draped herself across Staffer's body, hooking the leg.]
Kenny: "Cover. I think that might be it..."
ONE...
TWO...
THREE...
DING! DING! DING!
Kenny: "An excellent effort by Samantha, but a little too much Alex."
[Getting up, Alex helped Samantha to her feet as Miss Vanity slid into the ring directly behind Staffer. The crowd reacts with definite skepticism as Parker offers her hand to her defeated opponent.]
Kenny: "Don't buy it, Samantha!"
Cari: "What, you against good sportsmanship?"
Kenny: "With Vanity sneaking up behind her, I doubt there's much good to come."
[Samantha regards the hand wearily, before looking up at Alex, shaking her head. Alex shrugs her shoulders, just before Miss Vanity sends the mirror crashing into the back of Staffer's head, dropping her back to the mat in a shower of glass and a sprinkling of blood.]
Kenny: "An outrage! Someone has got to put a stop to her."
Cari: "Yeah? Whose going to?"
WINNER: Alexandria Parker.