Triple Threat Match
Sandra: Welcome back to BRA, everyone! You're in time to see a triple threat match which will decide who gets a shot at the TV Title Match.
Garry: Which means you get to watch Alexandria Parker kick some butt!
Sandra: During the commercial, I had a chance to interview Americana.
Garry: [sarcastically] Did she share her recipe for Apple Pie with you?
Sandra: No, but she definately shared something.
[Cuts to clip.]
Sandra: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here with wrestling legend Americana. Now, Americana, what do you think your chances are in this Triple Threat match?
Americana: First I'd like to say hello to all of my fans and thank them for their support. Both of my opponents tonigt are talented young girls and in great shape... so I'm sure it will be a tough match. But I've competed in a few Battle Royals while I was the GLOW champion, so i know what it's like to have moe than one girl in the ring. I don't think either one of these youngsters knows how to deal with that, so I think I have an advantage.
Sandra: People have questioned your conditioning, Americana. There are rumblings that perhaps you are not in the best shape....
[Before Sandra can finish, Americana interrupts]
Americana: I'm in great shape! I have the body of a mature woman.... which is different than body of these young girls in the BRA, and I'm proud of it. So let this be the last time you ask that question..... GOT IT?!?!?
[Americana then storms away. Camera cuts back to Garry and Sandra.]
Garry: Wow - lovely lady. You know, I really don't envy you.
Sandra: She's a little touchy about the weight thing, I guess.
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Triple Threat match! The winner of this event will earn a shot at the TV Title belt! Now, let's bring out the combatants! First, from Buckhead, Georgia, weighing in at 145 pounds and standing at 5'9", Alexandria Parker!
[The arena lights all dim as the crowd anticipates the arrival of the next BRA superstar. Suddenly, the words, "Rich Bitch" appear on the Angeltron and "She's a Bitch" begins to blare as the entrance ramp explodes with pyrotechnics. Out steps the divine Alexandria Parker, clad in a pink and black sports bra , matching ultra-short short's, boots and kicking pads, Alexandria pauses, collect's a small ovation and then divinely saunters down the aisle. She throws her silky, back length locks from her face as she entices the crowd by squating over the bottom rope before entering the ring.]
Sandra: Ms. Parker seems to be enjoying the adoration of the fans tonight.
Garry: Of course. Notice she came out first, by the way. That won't be the last time tonight - I guarantee you.
Announcer: Next, from Skokie, Illinois, weighing in at 172 pounds and standing at 5'9", Americana!
[Wearing her clingy, red whie and blue outfit and a blue and white cape, Americana enters the arena to the song "God Bless America" by Kate Smith. She carries an American flag, smiling, waving and saluting to the fans.]
Garry: Well, my stomach is lurching.
Announcer: Last, but not least, from Los Angeles, California, weighing in at 130 pounds and standing at 5'11" - Samantha Page!
["Know Your Enemy" plays as Samantha Pages come down the aisle in a sparkled blue bikini and matcing wrestling boots. Page seems to be very determined on the match at hand, ignoring her fans. Her face is sparkeld. She is followed by Buffy Lawrence who is drssed in black spandyx shorts and a black muscle T-shirt reading, "Slayer" on it in red writing.]
Sandra: Well, all the women are in the ring and - whoa! Alexandria starts the match off early, missile dropkicking Americana from behind while she is waving to her fans! She didn't see that coming!
Garry: Neither did Old Glory. She'd not handed it to the ring attendant yet.
[The flag clatters to the floor outside the ring. Americana is driven face first into the turnbuckle. Page wastes no time, leaping with a legdrop at Alexandria while she's on her back, but Parker nimbly backrolls out of the way. Page is obviously hurt as she slams into the canvas.]
Sandra: Parker delivers a serious of kicks to Page's midsection! She misjudged her opponent there. Parker pulls Page up by her hair and grabs Americana by hers - ow! Slams the two together face first!
[Garry begins to sing, "Getting to Know You."]
Sandra: Americana curls in a ball on the mat! Parker backs Page into the opposite corner and delivers a knife edge chop across the chest followed by a kick to the midsection! Page felt that. Parker suplexes Page! Ow!
[As Samantha thuds against the mat, her fans begin to jeer Parker. Parker leans on the ropes and calls out a few heckling calls to the fan, followed by a gesture that is fuzzed out by the censors. She turns her attention to Americana, who is still slumped against the turnbuckle.]
Garry: Parker decides to finish off the goat - no! Page is up and baseball slides her! Parker falls backwards on top of Page! Americana is up and tries to stomp Parker - HA! - who rolls out of the way!
Sandra: Dear God! Page takes a boot to the back, and Americana looks a bit sheepish about missing her mark. [A large crack sounds.] Parker rams her elbow across Americana's face! Parker gets Americana in a headlock - hey, she's raking Americana's eyes!
Garry: I don't see anything! [mutters] Neither does Americana.
Sandra: Parker bulldogs the larger woman! Americana is getting winded already. She looks dead. Parker rolls Americana over for a pin!
Two-
Two-
Garry: Puts Americana's career in perspective for me, really.
Sandra: This match, at least. Americana crawls to a corner, barely holding her head up, while Page and Parker slug it out!
Garry: Bad decision of Parker's part. This is Page's area of expertise - fighting like a street thug.
Sandra: Page lands a good right hook across Parker's jaw, and the woman spirals! Page grabs Parker and whips her around into the ropes and catches her in a Hurricanna. That looked painful! Page goes for a pin, but doesn't even get a one count. Page pulls Parker up to her feet and piledrives her! Ow! Parker flops to the mat like a load of wet laundry.
[Samantha bends down and lifts Parker up again rearing back to whip her into the ropes.]
Samantha: Face it, Alex. You've been out classed, out wresleted and out looked.
Sandra: Page whips her opponent into the ropes, but Parker leaps on the rebound and props herself on Page's shoulders - huge ear clap! Page is stunned! Parker pulls her weight back - Hurricana! Parker goes for a pin!
Kickout!
Garry: And Americana mightly cowers in the corner.
Sandra: You aren't the only one who notices. Parker is leaving Page to go work on the larger woman. Parker drives a kick into Americana's midsection - why didn't she even try to avoid that? Parker pulls Americana to her feet and Irish whips her - Americana trips over Page as she's trying to stand! Both women are on the mat now, and Parker's laughing her head off.
Garry: It was sort of funny.
Sandra: Parker bounces off the rope and elbow drops Americana in the back, crushing Page under Americana's weight! Very effective use of the situation. Parker lifts Americana -
Garry: How, I'll never know.
Sandra: - and rolls her out of the ring. Parker returns her attention to Page -
Garry: Who's weighing with a dropkick! Ow, baby! You gotta watch your back! Page lifts Parker up and powerbombs her! Page goes for the pin - wait! Parker's got a bodyscissor on her! Parker's squeezing the life out of Page!
Sandra: Remember what you said about never turning your back on the opponent?
Garry: Is that Americana?! She's climbing the turnbuckle from outside the ring!
[Americana slowly climbs the ropes and perches atop the turnbuckle, waiting.]
Sandra: Page drives her fist into Parker's throat! Parker's struggle stops and Page goes for the pin!
Garry: And Americana goes for a splash!
[Americana initiates a top rope body splash, crushing both women under her weight. She stands and pulls a stunned Page off of Parker, slinging her from the ring. With suprising speed, Americana runs up the turnbuckle and salutes, then delivers her finisher - the United Splash of America.]
Sandra: Americana hooks up Parker's leg for a pin!
Two...
Three!
[Americana immediately bounds up, her arm raised in a salute. Her fans begin chanting, "USA! USA!"]
Garry: I guess it's true what the say after all.
Sandra: That is?
Garry: Age before beauty.
[Fade to commercial.]