Match by: Lord Pumpkin (and friend) (Even though the night has been wild; even though the night has been intense; even though the night has been, thus far, astounding, he best is always reserved for last and the fans know it. The TV title is on the line between two hardened competitors. The camera shows the fans screaming for more and then it pans down to the hosts, Garry Grimmoire and Sandra Allistair.) Sandra: Folks we have taken our final commercial break and the only thing we have left tonight is action as Americana challenges Tiffany ‘the Wrath’ Epitaphine for the TV title. Garry: That’s right. These two have been playing cat and mouse games all week, taunting one another in their own way. I was uncertain as to the point of that whole GLOW gym thing but at least I learned one thing, Sandra. Sandra: What would that be, Garry, or should I even ask? Garry: I didn’t know Ivory was part of GLOW. I know one of those girls entered porn movies but other than that . . . Sandra: I believe its called ‘adult entertainment.’ Garry: Well, that’s a name for it. Sandra: Oh, wait, something is about to happen. . . (‘God Bless America’ begins to play over the sound system and the crowd goes wild in anticipation. Americana runs out of the back waving an American flag, clad in her clingy, red, white and blue outfit and blue and white cape. The fans scream with elation at the ‘good girl’ and people are marveled at how wonderful she looks. Professional job with make-up, hair and stunning sparkles around her face and chest. A true paragon of the wrestling world. Americana proceeds to run down the ramp and give ‘high-fives’ the fans until she comes to one fan which stares her down. Americana smiles at the red haired woman, but only for a moment. She realizes it is Inside BRA reporter, Candi Kane, who hurls a cup of water at Americana, yelling, "where’s my interview, Puddin’ Ass?" Americana, too good to lose her temper pauses then continues to pump up the fans with chants of ‘USA – USA – USA.’) Garry: I do adore that Candi Kane. She is so sweet. Smart, too. She did an excellent job while you were indisposed last week. What a wonderful journalist! Sandra: I was ‘indisposed’ because she tricked me, the little glory hound. Americana should have slapped Ms. Candyland out of the arena. Hey, wait a minute, didn’t you say something to her last week about how you, she and Yvette Malreaux were friends? Garry: (Looking up) Oh, look, it’s the next contestant! (All the lights go off and many red spotlights circle around the arena as eerie music begins to play. Suddenly all goes dark but quickly three firecrackers begin to explode in quick successions at the top of the stairs above the fans. The red spotlight shows Tiffany coming down from between the fans with a belt in her right shoulder and two folding chairs in each hand. Madonna’s ‘Frozen’ blares. Tiffany mounts the announcer’s table and raises both hands with the chairs. She then places one chair at one side of the ring with the label ‘Bianca the Damned Commissioner’ and the other chair has the label of two eyes. She gets into the ring with a confidant swagger and begins to take off her black overcoat revealing the sexy blonde in all her glory only wearing a skimpy, black bikini.) Garry: Holy crap! She is hot! Sandra: Yes, Garry, she is very attractive. You are way too old for her, though. Garry: I am only . . . uh . . . 25. Sandra: Suuuure. In dog years. (Garry merely looks at his co-host and mentions something about ‘doggie-style’ but then cleverly ducks.) Sandra: Sometimes, I just don’t know about you . . . (Before the bell rings a great surprise occurs. Americana delivers a flying dropkick to the back of Tiffany as the Bostonian looks up to the ceiling, perhaps anticipating a surprise. As Tiffany falls to the ground, Americana pumps her fists into the air and the crowd goes wild.) Garry: Did you see that? That wretched cheater jumped her from behind! Oh well, I really don’t like Tiffany either. Sandra: Be that as it may, Garry, this is an important match and Americana appears to be taking charge early. She knows what the stakes are. Good Lord, that was a powerful drop kick – again. Now she has picked up Tiffany and whipped her into the corner. Now the other corner. Americana is fighting with a zeal I have never seen before. She has seen the gold and she wants it! Garry: I think you may be right, Sandra. Americana is a determined woman tonight. She must want to get this over with and check out ‘Matlock!’ Sandra: Do you even know what you are talking about? Ugh. Anyway, folks, this is really picking up. Americana has just delivered a clothesline like I have never seen before! She is taking Tiffany to school! You are right about one thing, Garry, she wants this to end quickly. Now she has put a headlock around the neck of Tiffany and . . . WOW! What a bulldog! She is trying to keep the youngster out of breath. Americana is going all out for this. She has just put Tiffany into an airplane spin, disorienting her. Down the youngster goes and Americana again throws her fists in the air and the crowd in shouting out the patriotic chant! Garry: Here it comes! Americana is going to throw her ass down on Tiffany! Sandra: Its called a ‘splash,’ you philistine! Garry: It’s over! No, wait! Tiffany has countered with a boot to the groin! Just as Americana was getting ready to land on Tiffany’s stomach, the youngster raised her foot! That must have sent Americana five feet back! Tiffany has jumped to her feet and lifted Americana up! Power Bomb! This is ugly. I have never seen anyone die in the ring before but there is always a first time for everything! Sandra: You are sick! Nobody’s gonna die! I hope. (In the ring, Tiffany has gotten her bearings. She is clearly furious for having a simultaneous attack on her with the ringing of the bell. Tiffany picks Americana up and is putting her into the back breaker when she shouts at the older woman, "Now you wish that Colonel would have killed you, rather than getting into this punishment." As Tiffany lands, a crack can be heard. Tiffany jumps up with great satisfaction, sneering to the crowd.) Garry: Tisk. Tisk. Tisk. I told ya’ somebody is gonna die . . . Sandra: (Flashes her co-host a dirty look) You are morbid! Sick! But you may be right. (Tiffany rolls over onto Americana for the pin, but the official belts out two shouts before Americana thrusts her shoulder up. Tiffany looks angered but jumps up. As she reaches down for a hand full of Americana’s black hair, Americana delivers a boot to the blonde Bostonian’s face. This knocks Tiffany on her back and Americana slides to the side of the ring, using the ropes to prop herself up. She uses the opportunity wisely. She flies across the ring, throwing caution to the wind, using her body as a battering ram as Tiffany is getting to her feet. It has winded them both, but Americana, the seasoned veteran, gets up first. She takes the blonde and chokes her, dragging her to the turnbuckle. She slams her into the unforgiving corner and mounts the second rope, delivering a series of fists to the head, then concludes with flipping the woman on her back. Tiffany’s bounce elicits a cry from the audience. She goes for the pin but the youthful blonde throw her off with her waning strength. As Americana bends over to deliver another series of moves, Tiffany reaches up, grabs Americana but the front of her suit and tosses her into the ropes.) Garry: Ugh, that toss from ‘the Wrath’ has knocked Americana to the outside and I think she hit her head. Sandra: Tiffany has bounced off the ropes and performed a baseball slide into Americana. That knocked the veteran off her feet. She’s dazed. Oh no, Tiffany has gone for a chair. (Tiffany, true to Sandra’s word, hoists a metal chair over her head and Americana dodges. However, the second attempt connected with the raven-haired beauty’s head, knocking her into the turnbuckle. The official is barking out orders for them to get back into the ring. With a sinister smile Tiffany complies, dragging the older woman into the ring.) Garry: Now what antics does Tiffany have in store for Americana? I think Granny is spent! Sandra: Oh no! Tiffany is not doing what I think she is doing! Garry, get out of the way! Garry: Huh! (Tiffany has wrapped her arms around Americana’s and has her in a back clutch. She jumps off the mat and onto the announcer’s table, going face first! Swiftly, Sandra was able to get out of the way but Garry got tangled up in wires. The two women fly right into the table, crushing it under their weight. The last thing Garry remembers is seeing the two barrel down on him. The are turns into chaos. The table is merely destruction and the blood is flowing from Americana’s head. The crowd has gone silent. Garry is unconscious or perhaps his prediction that someone would die came true – him.) Sandra: Folks, I have never seen this before. I am in the trenches. Tiffany is not letting up and the whole area is a mess. I think Garry is down for the count in his own way! (As Tiffany is hoisting Americana up to deliver yet another blow, BRA journalist, Candi Kane comes out of nowhere dragging Garry out of the way, at first looking like she was trying to save him, but then it is revealed that she merely wanted his headset. She puts it on and pushes Sandra out of her way.) Candi: Puddin’ Ass just got the bejesus knocked out of her. I have not seen a hit that good since Sonny got whacked in ‘The Godfather.’ Sandra: You have no business being here! Go on, you evil pixie! Candi: Never! I want to call the match when Puddin’ Ass looses. I didn’t get to last week! I think there is gonna be a mess! Look at the blood! Look at the carnage! Sandra: You are worse that Garry! Candi: Maybe, but I am not on my back! Sandra: Enough of you! Tiffany has dragged the bleeding, broken, and busted Americana back into the ring. The bloodied woman has been placed on the second rope. The official should put a stop to this! (Sandra has looked over and Candi has swiped the bell and put it up her shirt.) Candi: No! The show must go on! Ms. Carmikal and Ms. Van Driesal would want it this way! Sandra: (Considers fighting the smaller woman for the bell but watches in horror as to what goes on in the ring.) Tiffany has just flipped Americana on the mat and the older woman is unconscious. She has to be. Now Tiffany has put her in the youngster’s finishing move, ‘The Epitaph.’ Candi: (Screaming in orgasmic pleasure.) The bitch is done and I have the bell! Tee-hee! (The official clearly sees that Americana is unconscious and calls for the bell. However, the time keeper merely shrugs his shoulders and points to Candi. The official screams at Candi to hand it over as Tiffany is still applying pressure. She shakes her head and clutches her stomach, guarding the bell. Sandra has had enough and grabs Candi and forcibly takes the bell from the smaller, younger woman. Candi: (Growling) Don’t ring that bell, bitch! Ms. Van Driesal wants a good match! Sandra: I’ll ring it over your head if you don’t get away! Candi: (Coward that she is backs off.) Well, OK, but Garry wouldn’t do this! Sandra: (Pointing to the ground) Do you wanna join him?! (Sandra begins to ring the bell and the official breaks the hold.) Candi: Spoilsport! Tiffany Epithaphine wins by . . . by . . . knocking the crap out of Americana! (Sandra takes a swipe at Candi but she is too fast. She throws the headset down and takes off. Emergency crews storm the ring as Tiffany holds the belt above her head in glory to the cheers and jeers of the audience. Americana is moving but slowly.) Sandra: (Quivering voice) Folks, that is all we have time for, tonight. Tiffany Epithaphine has retained the TV title. For Garry Grimmoire – Garry: (Moving on the ground) Uuuh. Ouch. Sandra: - and Sandra Allistair, we’ll see you next week. (Camera fades out as Sandra helps Garry to his feet.)