Garry: Tell it like it is. One’s a hired assassin that put one the fans’ favorite wrestlers permanently out of wrestling. I’m talking about Viper, of course.

Sandra: When did Viper become a fan favorite?

Garry: When she was carried off on a stretcher. Are you going to speak ill of the horribly injured woman?

Sandra: Well, no. . . . it’s just that she was DQed in every match.

Garry: Just bad refereeing.

Sandra: Her opponent is Little Alexandra.

Garry: A nut case from a funny farm, that’s so bizarre that you can’t tell the inmates from the staff.

Sandra: Better be careful of what you say. Here they come.

(The lights in the arena dim. Beethoven’s ‘Ode to Joy’ starts, Dr. McKinnley and Nurse Ansalong come out. Nurse Ansalong in her tight nurse’s outfit and Dr. McKinnley in his pulled over 1930’s style psychiatrist’s jacket, both smiling. They then each pull aside one section of the curtain as soon as ‘The End is the Beginning is the End’ by the Smashing Pumpkins starts, and Little Alexandra comes through with her bowler, tight white outfit, walking stick, white midriff shirt and suspenders. As they go down the aisle, Dr. McKinley and Nurse Ansalong wave to the audience as if they are fan favorites. One member of the audience, booing the loudest, has a program dangling in his right hand. McKinley stops in front of the man and smiles at him. McKinley takes the program from the fan’s hand and signs it, giving it back to the fan.)

Sandra: OHO! I think there’s going to be trouble. Dr. McKinnley has stopped in front of a child wearing a Body Shop T shirt.

Garry: Not only a T shirt, the little boy has a "Sweet Misty for President" sign too. The Doctor seems to be saying something to the Fan.

Sandra: McKinnley is reaching into his pocket. I think this fan is in for one of the "good" doctor’s dirty tricks.

(The camera and microphone, move in close to the doctor and the fan.)

McKinley: Here is my card. By carrying that sign and wearing that shirt, you show a displaced retrograde personality disorder. It is very serious but I can cure that. Call the Dentonvale Clinic, we specialize in personality disorders.

(McKinley grabs another fan’s program and signs it. The fan is too surprised to stop him.)

McKinley: My pleasure. I always treat my fans with respect.

(McKinnley, Ansalong and Little Alexandra make their way to the ring. Alexandra grabs the top rope and flips herself into the ring. Nurse Ansalong, pushes down on the second rope to make it easier for Dr. McKinnley to enter. This gives the fans a good view of the "cheekier" side of Nurse Ansalong. The male fans explode with cat calls and whistles. Dr. McKinnley enters the ring and Nurse Ansalong stays outside the ring. Ansalong turns and winks at the fans. McKinnley takes a mic from the ring announcer.)

McKinnley: Tonight is going to be a special night as I intend to let Little Alexandra loose on Kelly Mase.

(The fans let loose with thunderous boos. McKinnley hands the mic back to the ring announcer and then waves to fans and bows four times. Bowing in each direction as though he has just received a standing ovation. McKinnley takes Alex’s hat and cane as he leaves the ring.)

Garry: That was a weird entrance.

Sandra: It’s almost like Dr. McKinnley is the wrestler, not Little Alexandra.

Garry: I’m having a hard time figuring out who the nut case is and who the doctor is. But I’d know the Nurse anywhere.

Sandra: I think it’s safe to assume they all belong in the Looney Bin.

Garry: I could go a few days in a padded cell with that nurse. Well here comes her opponent.

( As the lights dim, red pyrotechnics shoot into the sky, simulating rockets as "Live and Let Die" blares from the loudspeakers. As the smoke clears from the entrance. No one comes out.)

Sandra: Well the music played and the fireworks went off but nobody came out.

Garry: Don’t tell me she’s a no show.

Sandra: Little Alexandra is looking toward the entrance, as is everybody in the arena.

Garry: The ref is talking to the time keeper. I think He’s going to DQ Kelly.

( Suddenly someone jumps out of the crowd behind Little Alexandra diving into the ring and jumping Alexandra before she knows what hits her.)

Garry: There she is! She came out of the crowd and nailed Alex with a shoulder spear to the back.

Sandra: The ref signals for the bell.

(The force of the attack sends Little Alexandra into the ropes. She bounces off only to hammered in the lower back, once again, with a spinning heel kick. Little Alexandra falls face first to the mat holding her back. Mase puts Little Alexandra into a Boston Crab. Little Alexandra turns her head and smiles at Mase as she grabs the ropes.)

Little Alexandra: "Welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, well. I viddy that you are real horrorshow. I like that, little sister.

Garry: The ref signals for the break. Kelly refuses. Kelly is pulling back on Little Alexandra legs as the ref is counting for a DQ on Kelly. The nutcase is just smiling and spouting her nonsense.

Sandra: I wonder what our acting commissioner was thinking, when she let in a cracked pot like Little Alexandra.

Garry: Like that Bianca isn’t one fry short of a Happy Meal. She wants to fill the Battling Ring Angels with people just like her.

(Kelly releases the hold at the four count. Alexandra uses the ropes to get to her feet. Mase backs away And lets Little Alexandra expend her energy getting up. Mase charges in but Little Alexandra drops her to the mat with a backdrop. Mase springs to her feet angered at this unexpected show of speed by Little Alexandra. Little Alexandra and Mase lock up. Little Alexandra bings up a knee to Kelly’s midsection, She places Mase in a headlock then falls backward planting Kelly’s head into the mat in DDT. Little Alexandra quickly gets to her feet and begins to stomp on Kelly’s back. Kelly rolls on the mat until she rolls out of the ring. Kelly stands on the arena floor and holds her back. McKinnley and Ansalong move toward Kelly, who backs away from them. Little Alexandra stands in the ring smiling at Kelly. Suddenly the French National Anthem plays through the sound system.)

Sandra: What the hell, did they screw up the sound cues again. Yvette’s match isn’t until later tonight.

Garry: Look! It’s my good friend Marquise Yvette DeSade Malreaux.

Sandra: Now that’s a strange pairing. The Marquise and the assassin. I wonder who’s paying whom?

Garry: HUH! The Marquise doesn’t need any money. If you had enough class, you would be invited to her castle. That way you could see how rich she is. I’m sure that the Marquise is just repaying some debt. She’s really a very generous person.

Sandra: (Sarcastically) I’m suuuure she is.

(The ref has forced Little Alexandra into the center of the ring, allowing Kelly to reenter. Little Alexandra moves quickly to Kelly and tries to kick her in the stomach but Kelly sidesteps the kick and delivers on of her own to Little Alexandra’s back. Mase grabs Little Alexandra in a fireman’s carry and falls backward in a Samoan drop. Little Alexandra writhes on the mat as Kelly gets to her feet. Mase helps Little Alexandra, by means of a handful of hair, to her feet and raises her up and drops her down with a side suplex.)

Sandra: Kelly Mase is really taking it to Alexandra.

Garry: Yes she is. Wait a minute Nurse Ansalong has climbed up on the apron. She seems to be saying something to Kelly Mase. The curvy nurse is trying to climb into the ring.

Sandra: What did she just do?

Garry: I don’t know how she did it, but she somehow has got her hands tangled in the bottom and middle ropes.

( Nurse Ansalong is standing on the ring apron bent over with her hands caught in the twisted bottom and middle ropes. She squeals for help in an incredibly annoying valley girl accent. Her short Nurses uniform fails to completely cover her posterior. The fans cheer widely at this unexpected display. The ref goes to Ansalong to help her get untangled. Kelly and Alex get slowly to their feet. Dr. Mckinnley moves to the side of the ring and throws Little Alexandra her cane. Kelly is watching the antics of the tangled nurse and the ref.)

(Meanwhile back in the ring, Little Alexandra has the cane in both hands and is raising it to strike the unwary Mase. As Little Alexandra moves in, Kelly strikes with a mule kick that connects with Little Alexandra’s crotch. Little Alexandra shrieks, drops the cane and falls to her knees clutching her crotch. Mase laughs at Little Alexandra and lifts her head.)

Kelly: There's your tolchock, nutcase.

Little Alexandra: A devotchka like you is about to creech out in pain, little sister.

(Back to the lovely nurses troubles. Yvette moves quickly and swings her riding crop at the large and inviting target of Nurse Ansalong's rosy cheeks. Ansalong squeals at the sting of the crop on her exposed rear. Yvette follows it up quickly with two more.)

(Back in the ring. Kelly drives a right into Little Alexandra’s face just as Little Alexandra drives a right into Kelly’s crotch. Little Alexandra is driven backward onto the mat bleeding from the lip. Kelly shrieks and doubles over. Both wrestlers are breathing hard and not attacking for the moment.)

(Ansalong is squealing and jiggling to the delight of the crowd. Dr. McKinnley finally comes to the aid of his Nurse. Yvette points the crop at him. Mckinnley reaches into his pocket and takes out a business card and hands it to Yvette. Yvette looks at the card then tears it up. She throws the pieces at McKinnley then moves away.)

( Little Alexandra stands up and sends Mase crashing to the mat with a knee lift. Little Alexandra grabs her cane She appears to be dancing.)

Garry: What is that Nutcase doing?

Sandra: It looks like a song and dance.

Garry: The wrestler’s name is KELLY Mase, not Gene Kelly Mase.

(Little Alexandra is doing a sort of song and dance with the cane on Kelly Mase. She is alternately striking her with the cane and kicking her.)

Little Alexandra: I’m singing’(Thwack) in the rain (Crack)

Just singing’ (thwack) in the rain (crack)

(The doctor and the ref, finally succeed in freeing the stricken nurse. Ansalong rubs her rear, much to the delight of the males in the crowd. The ref decides to start earning his paycheck again. He turns just as Dr. McKinnley loudly clears his throat. Little Alexandra throws the cane out of the ring, before the ref can see it. Kelly Mase gets slowly to her feet as Little Alexandra leans against the ropes smiling.)

Little Alexandra: Feel that feeling in your guttiwuts, little sister? That is from seeing me crast you of a victory.

Garry: Dam! The show’s over.

Sandra: What are you talking about? There hasn’t been a pin yet?

Garry: O that’s right, there is still a fight going on.

Sandra: You’re a pig. There has been a fight going on all the while you were watching that overdeveloped fruit fly trying to remember how to stand up.

Garry: Jealous?

Sandra: Shut up and call the match.

(The toll the match has taken on both wrestlers is beginning to show. They are now watching each other, breathing hard, trying to summon up enough energy to finish off the other. Kelly bleeds from a wound above her eye, Little Alexandra bleeds from her lips and nose. Kelly is trying to get the cobwebs out of her head as Little Alexandra grabs Kelly from behind and drags her to the ropes. She climbs to the top rope, with her back to the audience, carrying Kelly in the reverse bear hug. With a grunt Little Alexandra raises Kelly in the air and they both fall backwards in a Superplex off the top rope and through the Spanish Language Channel’s announcer’s table.)

Sandra: What an insane move. That mentally unbalanced woman should never have been let out of the funny farm.

Garry: Little Alexandra calls that her "ultra violence."

Sandra: What gets me is, that the doctor that is supposed to be curing Little Alexandra is smiling with approval at what she just did.

Garry: Who cares what he’s doing. I’m enjoying Nurse Ansalong’s jumping up and down and cheering at this.

Sandra: You would. Those of us whose brains are above our belts disapprove of this. The mentally ill shouldn’t be exploited like this.

Garry: You’re just jealous because you could never bounce like that.

(Slap)

(The two wrestlers lie in the ruins of the announcer’s table, neither moving. The ref begins to slowly count them both out. As the count reaches 15 Little Alexandra begins to stir and head toward the ring. She grabs Mase and pushes her toward the ring. Little Alexandra manages to get both of them into the ring just before the double count out. Both wrestlers lie on the mat as the ref begins a new count. Both manage to get to very wobbly legs before being counted out. The two size each other up and try to get their bearings. Little Alexandra moves toward Kelly and grabs her. She throws Kelly into the ropes and on Kelly’s rebound, nails her with a swinging neck breaker, in the clockwise direction.)

Garry: Little Alexandra calls this her "clockwork orange"

Sandra: (Sarcastic) Oh isn’t that precious?

(Little Alexandra rolls Kelly up for the pin.)

One

Two

Three

DING, DING DING

Garry: The winner Little Alexandra.

(Little Alexandra stands and begins to stomp on the downed Kelly. Dr. Mckinnley and Nurse Ansalong enter the ring. McKinnley smiles approvingly as he makes notes in a small notepad he carries. Ansalong bounces up and down encouraging Little Alexandra. The ref tries to stop Little Alexandra, but she just pushes him out of the way and continues stomping. Yvette jumps up t the ring apron and begins climbing through the ropes. Upon seeing her, doctor and nurse grab the patient and exit the ring.)

Sandra: THAT is one strange group of people.

Garry: We’ll be right back after these important messages.

The winner . . . LITTLE ALEXANDRA . . . by pinfall