Lisa Dream vs. Kelly Mase
Match by: Lord Pumpkin
[The commercial for the Dentonvale Clinic fades out as the camera in the arena fades in. The camera pans back to the BRA arena where fans are going wild. The entire arena is filled with signs praising the wrestlers, t-shirts endorsing the 'Body Shop,' Yvette Malreaux, Americana, and Lisa Dream. There is even one girl in the front row dressed exactly like Lisa Dream, getting cheers from the male fans seated around her.]Garry: Welcome back, folks. This next match is sure to be a barnburner, like the last one with Yvette and Little Alexandra.
Sandra: Yeah, Yvette sure knows a lot about burning.
Garry: Well, Misty knows a lot about camera 'shots.'
Sandra: Shut up, 'ton-o-fun.'
Garry: Did you enjoy your encounter with The Marquise before the commercial break?
[Before Sandra can respond the lights dim. The words 'the Dream' written in gold letters appear on the Angeltron. The twinkling bells start up and sparkling lights flash around the arena. Smoke begins to pour through the entrance ramp. A burst of light precedes Limp Bizkit's 'Nookie.' Lisa Dream exists the dressing room triumphantly wearing a black blazer and skirt combination and arrogantly surveys the crowd. She is dressed in a black PVC top, revealing everything except her perfect breasts. Her black, bicycle style shorts ride seductively around her well-rounded bottom. She pulls out a microphone as she strolls down the ramp. She yells to the crowd.]
Lisa: That's right all you lucky DREAM-o-phobics, here is your idol, your role model, your ALL American Sweetheart in the flesh, here to impress and astound you as she has every time she has entered the squared circle! I know why all you are here tonight. Why this is a sell-out crowd . . . you all knew the BRA Icon was on the card, and you all could not pass up an opportunity to see her in the flesh! And I do not disappoint, my little darlings. This is going out to all of you who wish you were as SMART as the Dream, as TALENTED as the Dream and as GORGEOUS as the Dream! Now, I know that all of you think that I am your greatest DREAM . . . but let me tell you right now that I am Kelly Mase's greatest nightmare! That's right, you overgrown insignificant, you think that you have a chance against the incarnation of PERFECTION? I've seen work. I've seen what you've done in the ring and you must have smoking just a little too much wacky tobacky to think that you even DESERVE to step in the ring with me! Now, to all my loyal fans, I guarantee you a good show tonight . . . but it is all dependant on how good Mase truly is, as to how long you get to gaze upon my gorgeous visage. From where I am standing, this is going to be a truly PERFECT domination!
[By this point Perfection has reached the ring and the fans are cheering and jeering. Sandra looks on, upset while Garry is grooving to the music and clapping his hands.]
Garry: Testify, sister! Can I get a witness from the congregation?!
Sandra: Do you realize how stupid you look?
[The lights dim again, red pyrotechnics shoot into the sky, simulating rockets as 'Live and Let Die,' by Guns N' Roses, blares from the loudspeakers. As the smoke clears from the entrance . . . there is nothing. Mase is not present! The lights go completely out. For several long moments the arena is plunged into total darkness, then, just as suddenly, the lights blare back to life and Kelly Mase is standing in the middle of the ring, starring intensely at Lisa Dream.]
Garry: Wow! That was cool!
Sandra: I hate to agree with you but that was way cool! However, it's a shame that she uses Guns N' Roses instead of Paul McCartney.
Garry: That's because you aren't cool enough to appreciate Guns N' Roses.
Sandra: Whatever. Do you even know how dumb you sound?
Garry: Regardless, you aged sponge, this ought to be a good match-up. Even though Mase is a giant compared to the Dream, they approach things differently but it still ought to be classic entertainment. Sandra: Even though Kelly has not been that successful, it has only been a series of unlucky moves that got her in trouble. She is a fierce competitor who is not to be overlooked.
Garry: Shut up, looser, the bell just rung!
[After the bell rings dashed right towards Lisa who has been raising her hands in premature victory. She impacts from behind and Lisa gets pounded against the turnbuckle. Suddenly Lisa's head is driven into the top of the turnbuckle on successive occasions which has had a dizzying effect on Lisa. She stumbles backwards holding her head and falls right into the arms of the waiting Kelly Mase. She flips Lisa backwards and slams her onto the mat, directly on her head.]
Garry: THAT looked painful.
Sandra: Naw, she only got hit in the head. No real damage.
Garry: I will have you know that her head is a PERFECT commodity.
Sandra: Yeah, well, is that why Dr. McKinley thinks she is a certifiable 'emotional cripple?'
Garry: Huh?
[Back in the ring, Kelly has taken control of the situation in earnest. She has picked Lisa up, scooping up the smaller woman and slamming her on the mat. This causes Lisa to arch her back and sputter on the mat, screaming in pain and terror. Kelly bends over to pick Lisa up, however, Lisa throws her remaining strength into kicking Kelly in the face. It sends the larger woman back a few steps and Lisa rolls out of the ring holding her back. As soon as she sees the female fan dressed as her, her pain seems to go away as she begins the accuse the woman of trademark infringement. As she is flailing her arms around wildly, Kelly leans over the ropes and grabs her by one of the flailing arms. As she gets pulled back, Kelly then grabs her by the hair and to everyone's amazement - except Kelly's - lifts Lisa up by her hair and back into the ring, slamming the gothic charmer onto the canvass. Kelly connects with a series of leg drops on Lisa's neck which causes Lisa to jolt up, clutching her neck. However, Lisa is quick to react. She moves around as Kelly tries to grab her again. However, the larger woman is just not fast enough to catch her. Lisa pulls a crafty maneuver and kicks both legs into Kelly's stomach as the woman leans over to pick her up. She sends Kelly onto her back. Lisa, wasting no time, jumps to her feet and throws Kelly into a suplex. When Kelly tries to fight back, after the painful move, Lisa merely kicks the woman in the stomach as she rises and delivers a DDT. Lisa screams a defiant statement toward her fallen opponent. She leans down and bellows, "Ha! I suspect that you regret stepping into the ring with PERFECTION?" Lisa tuns to face her fans and as she blows them kisses, she does not see the powerful form of Kelly Mase rise behind her. Kelly turns Lisa around and punches her, then sends her flying into the ropes. As Lisa bounces back, Kelly delivers a spear, sending the smaller woman to the ground. She delivers a series of leg drops on Lisa Dream who begins to convulse painfully, grabbing her neck in sheer pain. It is clear that Lisa can't breathe.]
Kelly: Nothing personal, Dream, this is just . . .
[Kelly delivers another leg drop that causes the tears to start flowing.]
Kelly: . . . business.
[Kelly pulls Lisa up and sets her up for a DDT, however, Lisa rams her finger into Kelly's eye. Kelly recoils in pain, cursing Lisa.]
Lisa: How dare you lay a hand on PERFECTION?!
Garry: It looks like Lisa is trying to take control of this match for the first time tonight. The fans had her distracted earlier. She had to respond to their desires to see her and address her fans.
Sandra: The creep was grandstanding!
Garry: At least she has the license to. I bet in your career every time you tried to 'grandstand' you got booed.
[Lisa takes advantage and begins to act in a sadistic fashion. She has sat on Kelly's neck, facing her, and begins to pound her little hands of fury into the skull of Kelly Mase.]
Garry: She's gone nuts! Oops. I mean, she is getting rough. I didn't say 'nuts.'
[During the blows, Kelly has had enough and grabs Lisa around the waist and throws her. Lisa flies across the ring and rolls out of the way after a series of missed stomps by Kelly. Kelly chases Lisa around the ring who is rolling out of the way in desperation, avoiding the flurry of stomps. Lisa jumps up but runs right into the ring post. As she turns around she pleads for mercy but is given none by the methodical assassin. Kelly grabs Lisa by the neck, choking her and pounding her fist into Lisa's skull, which, in turn, continues to smash the back of Lisa's head into the turnbuckle. Kelly, satisfied when she sees blood flowing from Lisa's head, steps back and Lisa stumbles forward, punch drunk, and falls to the canvas. Kelly seizes the moment and jumps behind Lisa placing her in the camel clutch - the dreaded submission move. Lisa screams out in pain, blood and tears covering her. Kelly continues to apply pressure to the already injured neck of Lisa Dream. The official asks for a submission, hoping she says yes, seeing the poor state of the woman. Lisa shakes he head in defiance and slowly inches towards the ropes.]
Lisa: [screaming in pain] Let go of me! I don't deserve this! I am perfection! Perfection I tell you! You nasty bitch! You - ack!
[Kelly has heard enough and applied more pressure causing Lisa to be cut off. However, Lisa, a hardened veteran of dealing with pain and suffering opponents, from her off and on battles with Kayla Vandergriff, has managed to reach the ropes with surprising veracity. The official calls for the break but Kelly waits until the last possible moment before releasing.]
Sandra: This is getting brutal.
Garry: I agree. This is brutal. Is this kind of match the reason why your face got so screwed up?
[Suddenly, the crowd begins to scream in anger. The camera pans to the entrance ramp which shows Nurse Ansalong and Dr. Cosmo McKinley from the Dentonvale Clinic descending the ramp. They both wave and smile to the crowd, acting as though they were fan favorites. Nurse Ansalong looks a little worse for wear from her altercations before the break. She is still wearing her tight nurse's uniform with plenty of chest and rump showing to the audience. The males in the audience, go wild, as the nurse is quite a fan favorite - of sorts. Nurse Ansalong points up to Kelly Mase and scowls, almost threateningly. Mase faces them, but Dream is unaware. She is on her knees, bleeding facing Kelly as the assassin is about to go to work on the gothic woman's head. Kelly is distracted briefly enough, as the medical staff comes down the aisle. The official is shouting at the medical staff, telling them he wants no trouble. Lisa makes the best advantage of the situation and drives her hand right up into Kelly's crotch, clamping down as tight and as merciless as possible. This causes Kelly to scream out in pain and fall to her knees. Still clutching Kelly's nether regions she rises as Kelly falls. With her boot, she delivers a series of kicks to Kelly, finally releasing her clutch. The pain Kelly has received has her on the floor.] Sandra: What the Hell is the Scare Pair doing down here? This can't be good for anyone.
Garry: I don't know, they are qualified medical experts! Dr. McKinley and I have talked on occasion and he has some very good theories on the medical conditions of some of our wrestlers.
Sandra: You were talking to him, huh? Under what circumstances? Official appointment?
Garry: NO!
[Back in the ring Lisa, although bloodied and hurt, has begun a string of obscenities and low blows to Kelly, who is jolting with every blow and thrashing around on the canvass. She lifts Kelly up and begins a series of chops to the breasts and chest. She kicks and screams like a woman insane. She has gone wild with rage. Kelly is dazed, almost delirious. This is when 'the Dream' decides to strike with fury and force. She whips Kelly into the turnbuckle, then flips over toward her. Before Kelly can move, Lisa has delivered a kick to the nose, as an explosion of crimson follows. Kelly stumbles forward, a look on her face as if from another world, and falls right into the waiting arms of Lisa Dream. Lisa puts Kelly's head between her knees, sets her up for a dangerous move, flips her up, and falls backward, with Kelly's head cracking into the canvass. Lisa stands about to pin her opponent but decides to blow kisses to her many fans, before delivering the final attack. By this time, however Lisa notices Dr. McKinley and Nurse Ansalong and ceases her attack on Kelly, furious, that these two nitwits would dare show themselves to her on her night! A night of PERFECTION.]
Nurse Ansalong: [sneering] Lisa, Lisa, Lisa, what do you think you are doing? You should be in a hospital. Those wounds do not look good! It looks like 'the Assassin' has done a number on you.
Lisa: [taking her attention away from Kelly - a dangerous mistake] Listen, you top-heavy, no-good, mindless, charlatan, I dare you to step in this ring - only for a moment - and face PERFECTION.
Dr. McKinley: Now, now, Lisa, there is no need for such hysterics. Nurse Ansalong in merely showing concern and compassion. You are an emotional cripple and you need help.
Lisa: 'Emotional cripple?' Look, Baldy, I will just make you crippled!
[Lisa jumps over the ropes and begins to chase the pair down. Dr. McKinley pushes past the nurse and uses her as an escape route, leaving her to deal with 'the Dream.' Before Nurse Ansalong can make her own escape to the other side of the ring, Lisa is upon her, delivering a blow to the head. Nurse Ansalong falls back, unto her rump, and is clearly dazed. Lisa, unsure of whether to continue with a barrage of attacks on servant of master, decides to get the Doctor, the one she really wants. However, unbeknownst to her, as she takes chase, Kelly has predicted her actions and rolled out on the other side. The Doctor quickly rounds the corner, fumbling for something in his lab coat and passes 'the Assassin' who contemplates giving him a punch for good measure but decides to save her strength for Lisa Dream. As Lisa rounds the corner, Kelly impacts with a clothesline, taking Lisa off the ground with such force that her feet go above head level as she falls.]
Garry: That was one of the greatest clotheslines I have ever, and I mean EVER, seen!
Sandra: Again, I hate to agree with you, nimrod, but you are right!
[Kelly, furious that she has been the recipient of several punishing blows, decides to take matters to a whole new level. Lisa is not moving on the concrete and Kelly swipes a metal chair. She sizes it up, and as if she were merely doing as simple a task as gathering the morning news, delivers a blow to Lisa, who is on the ground. Then, she has an idea. She takes the chair and appears to be ready to drive it into Lisa's neck when Dr. McKinley has a look of fear and revulsion on his face. He screams in defiance and sees Nurse Ansalong who is still rubbing her head, and unknowing of where she is. She has stumbled close to the action and McKinley decides to push her into 'the Assassin' which takes off her balance, dropping the chair. Lisa is spared. The official, all the while, is furious. He has been screaming, yelling, and demanding that the women get back in the ring and insisting that Doctor and Nurse remove themselves from ringside. Dr. McKinley stumbles into the ring, excited and jumpy, as if a plan has gone wrong. He realizes he may be in for it now as he has just upset two dangerous women. Kelly, not sure of what to do next, decides that the Doctor and Nurse can wait. She pulls Lisa up by the hair and throws her into the ring. She intends to put Lisa - or what is left of her - into a submission move which will seal it.]
Garry: I have no idea what is going to happen next! This is wild! I am so glad I have this job!
Sandra: I wish that Kelly Mase would punch you with a chair, ton-o-fun!
[Lisa lies on the canvass, broken, unmoving. And Kelly moves in for the pin. McKinley tells something to Ansalong who looks frightened and she shakes her head in the negative. McKinley pushes the woman into Kelly, for the second time, and prevents her from a pin. Ansalong is in trouble however, as she decides that these two miscreants have gotten in her way enough - both this week and last week. She grabs Ansalong by the neck and choke slams the nurse onto the mat. McKinley, nervous and frightened hides behind the official and grasps a whistle from his pocket. He proceeds to blow it frantically into the official's ear and use the referee as a barrier between he and the enraged Kelly Mase. As soon as the whistle is blown, four men in white coats come running from the back, all carrying butterfly nets and one carrying a straightjacket. They charge the ring and McKinley slides out.]
McKinley: [pointing at Lisa] Arrest that woman! She's committed to my care! [He then pulls out a document from his pocket and begins waving it frantically.]
Sandra: Oh my God, they are finally seizing Lisa Dream and taking her away!
Garry: I doubt PERFECTION will like this.
[Lisa, not even knowing where she is anymore has decided to roll out of the ring and into the waiting arms of the orderlies. One of them captures her with the giant butterfly net and two more cut off Kelly Mase from charging her opponent. She is kicking and screaming but the two orderlies are threatening her with being 'taken away,' as well. On the outside one of the orderlies had helped Lisa into the straightjacket.]
Kelly: What kind of nonsense is this?! This is bullsh*t!
McKinley: Ms. Dream is a sick woman! You can't possibly expect the woman to compete in her . . . condition.
Kelly: I'll show you a 'condition' you bald freak!
Sandra: She is right, you know. McKinley looks like he walked off the set of 'Dark City.'
McKinley: [smiling in the most condescending of manners] Temper, temper, Ms. Mase. I can just take you along with me, too, you know. You look as if you could use some shock treatment, Missy.
Garry: Look at that! Those guys in the whit coats are taking Lisa away in a straightjacket! Now I have seen everything on BRA! Lisa is kicking like a mule and now I have heard new and inventive ways of swearing. For a little woman she sure has a big mouth!
[The official is trying to explain to Kelly what is going on. McKinley has taken this opportunity to sneak out of the ring and as an afterthought drag Nurse Ansalong with him.]
Sandra: The official orders for the bell and he is declaring Kelly the winner by DQ.
Garry: Oh, gosh, Kelly is NOT happy about the way she won this one. She is furious, in fact!
Sandra: Yeah, she wanted to win by legitimate pin. She really looks like she wants to punch somebody.
Garry: Yeah, we better go to a commercial before we have to end up editing out the next few minutes anyway.
[The camera fades out and in flows a commercial for the latest 'Pokemon' garbage.]