Malibu vs. Porsha Pembroke
We return to the Battling Ring Angels Pay Per View in San Diego and the fans are on their feet. Row after row, all the way to the rafters, they stand and cheer. Many hold signs and placards. The camera pans across the arena to give a few glimpses of the signs. Some of the more catchy ones say: "I was in Lindsay's Threesome!"; "I came to watch Red Rose Wrestle"; and "Janus is America's Sweetheart." The camera focuses on Cari and Kenny sitting at the announce position.
Kenny: This PPV has been one of our best ever, and Cari, it's about to get a whole lot better. Up next Malibu takes on Porsha Pembroke.
Cari: This Pay Per View just seems to last forever. I feel like we've waited a week for this match.
Kenny: It's been all action so far.
The pyro sets off just after the opening sounds of Malibu's entrance music "Save Yourself" by Stabbing Westward. From the backstage area strides the beautiful, buxom, blonde known as Malibu. She's dressed in her traditional wrestling attire � a red, slightly low cut, one-piece bathing suit with racer-back straps as well as a "three fourths" cut back. Now, one would notice, that she now also wears white, transparent, almost-nude-colored tights underneath the bathing suit, covering her legs. She is also wearing red wrestling boots with white laces. She stops just at the entrance area placing her right hand above her eyes, looking out into the crowd, sort of emulating a lifeguard, while her other hand rests on her hip. Then, fluffing her hair a bit with one hand, she moves towards the ring. Using the steps to gain entry, Malibu steps between the top and middle rope, moving to her corner to jump onto the second rope. There, she raises her arms, fists clenched, high in to the air with an excited yell just before she smiles. Then, with a smile still gracing her face, she adjusts the back of her suit with her index fingers before jumping down from the ropes. Then, she turns, leaning in the corner, awaiting the opening bell.
Cari: I guess "Baywatch" cut some extras.
Kenny: Malibu is not an extra from "Baywatch." She is an excellent technical wrestler and a rising star in this federation.
Cari: Keep telling 'em that.
Kenny: Jeez.
Without warning, smoke starts to gather at the head of the entrance. The smoke gets thick and almost obscures the area, save for the backlighting. As several oddly shaped shadows appear behind the wall of smoke, 'Mississippi Queen' from Mountain booms across the arena speakers. The first to appear is the miniscule Paula Pembroke, clutching a cigarette in her hand. Behind her walks Jessica Estrella, her Hit Squad companion. Lastly, the gigantic Porsha Pembroke appears. The giant is dressed in riding kit, black riding pants tucked at the ankles into heavy black riding boots. She wears a white blouse and her drak hair is pulled straight back. She walks slowly and with purpose, just a few steps behind her sister. The huge woman crests the ring steps and climbs over the top rope into the ring. She eyes the crowd and looks ominous.She regards her sister, who offers last minute instructions. Jessica looks on as Porsha turns and stands ready for the match.
Kenny: (cough cough cough cough) Uhhh, all that smoke.
Cari: Here we have one of the true rising stars in BRA. She is the biggest woman in this federation. She's listed at 6'4" and 179 pounds. But she looks to be taller and heavier to me.
Kenny: Malibu told me that if she has to, she'll clobber Paula Pembroke also. But I think she needs to think more about the creepy Jessica Estrella who is also at ringside.
Cari: The Voo Doo woman. I like her.
Ding Ding Ding
Kenny: There's the bell and we have a collar and elbow tie up in the center of the ring. Malibu trying to gain the advantage�and Porsha pushes her down to the mat.
Cari: Malibu was trying to control the bigger woman. What was she thinking? Well, maybe landing on her butt will help her rethink her strategy.
Kenny: Malibu gets up and uses her index fingers to straighten her suit. She circles the large Porsha and here we go with another Collar and Elbow. And this time Malibu finds the advantage, getting Porsha in a hammerlock and trying to hold on to the giant woman. Porsha is stuck.
Cari: Malibu needs to move Porsha around. This won't work.
Kenny: Malibu turns her hammerlock into a standing side headlock. She is trying to put the pressure on Porsha, but the height difference seems to be making it hard for her to get a clear lock on Porsha.
Cari: Malibu needs to get the big woman off her feet. If she wasn't a beach bimbo she might know that.
Kenny: You're really a heck of a commentator. You know that?
Cari: And I have the "Golden Mic" awards to prove it.
Kenny: Malibu releases Porsha and lets the groggy giant try to recover. And here we go! Running drop kick by Malibu lands flush on Porsha's chest! And she does another! Malibu cranking it up right now! Running clothesline! Porsha is teetering�
Cari: She's still on her feet�
Kenny: Malibu with a flying cross body�oh no.
Cari: Ha! See, I told you. Porsha caught her in mid air and is holding the smaller woman to her chest. Malibu is kicking like a little girl about to get punished. But she can't get loose�
Kenny: Oh! And Porsha power slams her right down to the canvass! Porsha slowly gets back to her feet while Malibu grabs her back and winces. That hurt her.
Cari: That would hurt anyone. Kenny, I would like to take this opportunity to point out that Pembroke Cigarettes are the smoothest.
Kenny: What? You don't smoke.
Cari: Uh�and look at Porsha put the boots to Malibu's hurt back. Good move here by Porsha, using her huge boots to further wear down the bleach�I mean beach girl.
Kenny: Cari, you don't smoke. Did they pay you much to say that?
Cari: yes�No! Define "much?"
Kenny: Malibu struggling back to her feet as Porsha gets a handful of her blond hair and whips her to the ropes�and a side walk slam on the way back. Malibu's back is being punished.
Cari: I think Malibu needs to adjust her suit again.
Kenny: Isn't it time you had a cigarette?
Cari: I don't smoke�
Kenny: Gotcha!
Cari: Damn!
Kenny: Porsha reaches down and pulls Malibu to her feet. Malibu is in a good bit of trouble. But she's still fighting�sending kicks to the midsection of the giant Porsha.
Cari: This'll work. Right.
Kenny: It is! Porsha letting go of Malibu and Malibu is on the move. Slingshot off the ropes�and she sends a chop block to Porsha's right knee. And another! And another! Porsha is on one knee!
Cari: She's cheating!
Kenny: Legal moves. Malibu going to the second rope�and a missle drop kick! She lands it perfectly and has Porsha down on her back!
Cari: That can't be�
Kenny: Now Malibu gets up and adjusts her suit with her index fingers. Running start and�a big splash to the prone Porsha! Cover�1�
Cari: And Porsha simply throws this little girl off of her. Porsha is slowly getting to her feet while Malibu springs up and�adjusts her suit again? Maybe she should buy one that fits?
Kenny: Porsha still struggling back up�and Malibu nails her with the swinging neck breaker! Again she has Porsha down!
Cari: No one has ever put Porsha down like this!
Kenny: Malibu with yet another big splash on the downed Porsha! Cover�1�2�kickout by Porsha!
Cari: Malibu is just too small. Small of mind, that is.
Kenny: Malibu is back up. She adjusts her suit and is eyeing her next point of attack. Wait a second. Paula Pembroke is on the ring apron.
Cari: She's just checking on her sister.
Kenny: She's distracting the ref.
Cari: This is giving Porsha a chance to get back to her feet�and Paula blows a little smoke in the ref's face. See, what a nice lady.
Kenny: Trying to give a BRA official second hand smoke is not nice. Both women on their feet�Malibu gets a running start again and�flying headsci�no!
Cari: No indeed. Porsha got her and�boom! Brainbuster!
Kenny: Malibu is down as Porsha seems to still be sucking wind and trying to regain her strength.
Cari: Porsha needs to slow the pace of this match.
Kenny: Malibu is trying to roll out of the ring to get a break. She is on the arena floor�adjusting her suit�
Cari: I'll pay to get her one that fits.
Kenny: Here comes Paula�and the�small woman blows her cigarette smoke right in Malibu's face. Malibu is not happy and she looks about to pummel Paula.
Cari: She's barely 4 feet tall. Leave her alone!
Kenny: She shouldn't have done that. Malibu has her and the crowd is cheering for the punch�here we go�oh no!
Cari: Low blow from Jessica Estrella to save Paula. Malibu needs to adjust more than her suit after that.
Kenny: What's that supposed to mean?
Cari: I shouldn't have to explain it to you.
Kenny: Jessica rolls Malibu back into the ring and she lays on the mat, still feeling the effects of the low blow. Porsha is upon her and this looks bad.
Cari: Porsha pulls little Malibu back up and places the bleach baby�beach baby;s head between those massive thighs�
Kenny: This could be it! She cranks Malibu up�high above her head�and the sit out powerbomb! She calls that the Iron Lung!
Cari: I call it the end for Malibu. She's too out of it to adjust her suit again.
Kenny: That is a breathtaking move.
Cari: Literally.
Kenny: Porsha folds Malibu over into a matchbook pin. 1�2�3. Malibu controlled most of the match, but the numbers were against her from the beginning.
Cari: The ref raises Porsha's hand in victory as Jessica and Paula enter the ring.
Kenny: What is Jessica doing? She's standing over Malibu and just acting weird. Malibu is still hurt from the move, and now she has Jessica to deal with?
Cari: That's not all! Porsha lifts Malibu back up�could it be?
Kenny: She's not going to do this! Stop her! Oh! Another Iron Lung to Malibu! Stop this right now! Malibu put up a great fight�she doesn't deserve this.
Cari: She's out cold. And look at Jessica. She has a spray can. She's spray painting the "H" and "S" for Hit Squad right on Malibu's chest.
Kenny: Jessica looks like she's in a trance. She's acting really weird. Finally, the Hit Squad members take off and leave poor Malibu to recover and walk out of the ring. A good match for Malibu and it was a shame it had to end like that.
Winner: Porsha Pembroke