"Princess" Peggy Christian vs. Li'l Alexandra

(The camera fades in after a commercial. It slowly pans the audience. The capacity crowd is on their feet stamping and cheering in hopes of getting the cameraman's attention. Most hold up hand lettered signs reading: "Yvette, make me your maid" "Princess Peg, Wold's greatest wrestling mom" Among the many. The camera stops at the announcers' table. Garry and Sandra smile for the home viewers.)

Sandra: Welcome back Ladies and gentlemen. This next match is eagerly anticipated by the fans here and I'm sure by the ones at home. We have Princess Leg Christian vs. Little Alexandra.

Garry: Who would want to see this match? It's the inmate of the fat farm against the inmate of the funny farm. Who would want to see these two farmers wrestle? Let's get this one over so we can see the good-looking girls.

Sandra: I see thirty years of consciousness raising has not affected you. You are the biggest pig I have ever met. They are not "girls". They are women. Stop being sexist.

Garry: I can't stop it. I was born sexy and I'll die sexy. Unlike a certain co-announcer I could name. What's wrong with being sexy?

Sandra; Not sexy, sexist . . . Never mind. Here comes Peg Christian.

(The curtain parts as "She's a Lady" bursts out and one of the BRA's fan favourites emerges from the back! Peggy Christian walks slowly out, her full length floral kimono brushing her legs as she approaches the ring. She smiles nervously to the fans. She reaches up to the waiting hands, brushing as many as she can on her way to the steps. Peg smiles and waves to her fans as she enters the arena. She removes her robe, revealing her attire of a black leotard with full sleeves, black fishnet stockings and black wrestling boots, and hands it to the attendant.)

Sandra: The fans really like Peg. They recognize a true sportswoman.

Garry: They don't like her. They are all hoping that she would bring Christmas cookies with her. Just like my grandma used to do.

Sandra: Peg is not that old. The fans like her heart. She has the biggest heart in BRA. She will have wrestled five matches in three weeks. Can you name anyone else that has the heart to do that?

Garry: No, I can't. But I don't think it's the size of her heart that made her do that. It was the size of her brain. No one else in BRA is stupid enough to try that. Well here comes the ODD SQUAD.

(As soon as Beethoven's 'Ode to Joy' starts up, Dr. McKinnley and Nurse Ansalong come out. Nurse Ansalong in her tight nurse's outfit and Dr. McKinnley in his pulled over 1930's style psychiatrist's jacket, both smiling. They then both each pull aside one section of the curtain as soon as 'The End is the Beginning is the End' by the Smashing Pumpkins starts, and Little Alexandra comes through with her bowler, tight white outfit, walking stick, white midriff shirt and suspenders. As they go down the aisle, Dr. McKinley and Nurse Ansalong wave to the audience as if they are fan favorites and McKinley signs fans' programs whether they want them signed or not. To one lucky fan, he will hand over a copy of his autographed book, The Road to a Better You, Nurse Ansalong will bend over to sign her name, too, hoping to get the favor of some of the male fans.)

Sandra: The fans certainly have a choice in styles. Peg is a mat technician always working on her improving her scientific method. While Little Alexandra is a brutal brawler, only out to hurt her opponent.

Garry: A lot of differences in the looks department too. Peg looks old and broken down, like she's been ridden hard and put away wet once too often, while Little Alexandra is a pretty hot number. I wonder what it would be like to do the nasty with a nut case?

(SLAP!)

Sandra: Remember there are little children watching this show.

Garry: Not to mention dried up old hags like you.

(SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!)

Sandra: Keep your dirty thoughts to yourself and call the match. There's the bell.

(Ding! Ding!)

Garry: Good I thought it was ringing in my ears because of all the slaps you've been giving me.

(The bell rings. Peg moves to center of the ring with her hands up, wanting a test of strength. Little Alexandra smiles at Peg but runs at her, spearing her in the stomach with her head. Peg gasps and falls backward to the mat holding her stomach.)

Garry: That's using your head Alexandra!

Sandra: Peg is holding her stomach in pain after that.

Garry: Well that stomach is the largest target.

( Little Alexandra smiles and walks to Peg placing her large black combat boot on Peg's face. Little Alexandra pushes with the boot on the mat causing her to spin on Peg's face, grinding her boot into Peg's face. Peg screams in agony as a cut is opened up on her cheek. Little Alexandra grabs Peg's hair and forces her to her feet. The ref warns Little Alexandra about the hair pulling but Little Alexandra only laughs. Little Alexandra whips Peg into the ropes. Little Alexandra launches herself into a drop kick but Peg manages to grab the ropes. Little Alexandra crashes to the mat, driving the wind out of her.)

Sandra: Smart move by Peg. That drop to the mat took the wind out of Little Alexandra.

Garry: Do I smell smoke?

Sandra: That Dr. McKinnley just lit a cigarette. He can't smokie in here. It's against the law.

Garry: So call the fire marshal.

( Peg grabs both of Little Alexandra's feet and locks them under her arms. She begins to spin around in the center of the ring lifting Little Alexandra off the mat in a big swing. Little Alexandra screams in terror as Peg spins her around faster and faster.)

Gary: If Peg keeps this up we may all get to see what Alexandra ate for lunch.

Sandra: That's gross! I Haven't seen anyone do a big swing for a long time.

Garry: I did one last night. I had a date with one of the Show girls from the MGM.

Sandra: Like anybody would believe that!

Garry: It's true!

Sandra: Right, Stop telling us about your fantasies and start calling the match.

( Peg finally releases Little Alexandra. Little Alexandra spins a couple more times before crashing to the mat in a heap. Peg runs to the ropes and bounces off the lower rope. She falls flat on her face as Dr. McKinnley has grabbed her foot and tripped her.)

Dr. McKinnley: Oops, dopey me.

Sandra: That crazy doctor just cheated He should be banned from ringside. Peg is going to have a hard enough time beating Little Alexandra without interference from that crazy crew from Dentonvale.

Garry: Get rid of the head shrinker but keep that nurse with the big ho . . .

(Slap!)

Sandra: Don't even think about finishing that sentence.

(Peg and Little Alexandra get to their feet. Little Alexandra, dizzy from the big swing, staggers around the ring like a drunken sailor. Little Alexandra tries to rush Peg but her dizziness causes her to stumble to the side and miss. Peg delivers a kick to the back of Little Alexandra's knee, dropping her to the mat. Peg brings Little Alexandra to her feet by means of a wrist lock. Peg turns the arm, eliciting only a smile from Little Alexandra. Peg hits Little Alexandra in the face with a European upper cut knocking Little Alexandra into the corner. Peg follows that up with a series of punches to Little Alexandra's face, chest and stomach. The European uppercut has stunned Little Alexandra too much to allow her to react. A security guard is talking to Dr. McKinnley and pointing to the cigarette. Dr. McKinnley flicks his cigarette at Peg. Peg sees the glowing ember headed toward and jumps away from Little Alexandra, stopping her corner beating. Peg grinds the cigarette out and kicks it put of the ring toward Dr. McKinnley. The doctor takes out his notepad and writes something in it.)

Sandra: Well that cigarette served a purpose. It distracted Peg long enough to allow Little Alexandra some recovery.

Garry: That doctor may be crazy but he's not stupid.

(Peg scowls at Dr. McKinnley as Little Alexandra staggers out of the corner. Peg lifts Little Alexandra and drops her to the mat in a body slam. Peg leaps and splashes down on Little Alexandra, driving her breath out. Peg goes for the pin.)

Sandra: The match could be over now. What an upset! The fans are one their feet.

ONE!

Garry: The fans are chanty PEG-GY! PEG-GY!

TWO!

Sandra: The cheering by the fans is going to lift the roof off the arena!

THR . . . NO!

Garry: Kick out by Little Alexandra at the two and a half count.

(Peg jumps to her feet and grabs an arm forcing Little Alexandra to her feet. Peg places Little Alexandra in a front head lock and falls backward. Planting Little Alexandra's head into the mat with a DDT. Little Alexandra flops on the mat and lies on her stomach.)

Garry: That DDT was pretty ugly but it did the job.

Sandra: Peg has too many things going on. She needs to train more.

Garry:Have you noticed how she hasn't improved since she joined the Body Shop?

Sandra:What's that supposed to mean?

Garry: Oh nothing.

( Peg is quick to her feet. She grabs both of Little Alexandra's feet and locks them under her arms. She sits on Little Alexandra's back pulling her legs back in a Boston Crab. Little Alexandra struggles against the pressure brought by Peg. Little Alexandra tries to power her way out but Peg leans back further, putting even more pressure n Little Alexandra's back. Little Alexandra tries to reach the ropes, but they are just out of reach. The ref asks Little Alexandra if she submits. Little Alexandra smiles and shakes her head no. Ansalong pushes on the bottom rope so that Little Alexandra can reach it. Peg breaks the hold at the signal of the ref. Little Alexandra uses the ropes to get to her feet. Peg grabs an arm and sends Little Alexandra into the ropes. Peg goes for a backdrop. Little Alexandra stops just in time and delivers a devastating kick to Peg's face. The kick sends Peg into the ropes.)

Garry: Rookie mistake. Peg telegraphed that back drop. If she could get good training at someplace . . . Oh like the Sisterhood of Seduction, she wouldn't do that.

Sandra: Peg seems to be stunned by that kick.

( Peg again manages to wrap her elbows around the ropes to keep from being sling shot into Little Alexandra. Little Alexandra attempts to kick Peg, but Peg grabs her leg. Peg jerks up on the leg quickly and drops Little Alexandra to the mat on her back. Peg quickly drops an elbow to Little Alexandra's stomach. Little Alexandra jerks to the sitting position. Peg sits behind Little Alexandra and wraps her legs around Little Alexandra's midsection in a body scissors. Peg squeezes her legs together as Little Alexandra desperately tries to pry Pegs feet apart. Peg continues to squeeze with her legs. Little Alexandra begins to rock side to side in an effort to break the scissors. Peg tries to resist an attempt to roll to Little Alexandra's right. Little Alexandra uses Pegs resistance against Peg by rolling quickly to her left. The surprise move, causes Peg to loosen her leg scissors. Little Alexandra takes advantage of it and forces Pegs feet apart and gets out of the hold. Both wrestlers get to their feet, the strain of the fight showing in the deep breathing of both.)

Sandra: That fight has pretty much gone Peg's way. I would never have expected her to dominate the younger woman like this.

Garry: But Peg is not in good enough shape to wrestle. She's sucking air now. I don't think she can keep this up for long.

( Peg grabs Little Alexandra by the wrist and whips her into the ropes, No! A reversal by Little Alexandra. Peg is sent into the ropes and sling shots off them into a tilt-a-wirl backbreaker by Little Alexandra. Peg's back slams into the out stretched knee of Little Alexandra. Peg lets out a loud groan. Little Alexandra brings both her fists smashing into the unprotected stomach of Peg in a double ax handle. Peg lets out a gasp as the air is driven from her lungs. Little Alexandra places one hand on Peg's neck and the other on her thigh and presses down, forcing Peg's back to bend in an unnatural position. Little Alexandra squeezes with her hand on Peg's neck, choking her. Little Alexandra keeps the pressure and the choke on. The ref warns Little Alexandra about the choke but Little Alexandra doesn't let go. The ref counts and reaches four before Little Alexandra pushes Peg off her knee.)

Garry: Peg's age and lack of training are beginning to show. Little Alexandra is just getting her second wind, but Peg used all her second wind 20 years ago.

Sandra: It didn't help Peg to be choked like that either.

Garry: That's why the nut case did it.

( Peg rolls on the mat breathing in much needed oxygen as Little Alexandra gets to her feet. Little Alexandra begins to stomp and kick at the downed Peg with those big boots of hers. Peg tries to roll out of the way of them and succeeds in reaching the ropes. Little Alexandra continues to stomp and kick Peg. The ref forces Little Alexandra away from Peg. The ref gets in Little Alexandra's face and warns her about illegal moves. Little Alexandra smiles and shrugs her shoulders. Peg uses the ropes to get to her feet. Little Alexandra runs to her and gives her a big head butt. This staggers Peg. Little Alexandra does it a gain. Peg keeps on her feet, only by grabbing the ropes. The ref calls for Little Alexandra to step away and she does, this time. Peg staggers away from the ropes and Little Alexandra grabs in a belly to belly bearhug, squeezing Peg tightly. Little Alexandra grunts and lifts Peg of the mat, still maintaining the bearhug.)

Garry: That Little Alexandra is incredibly strong for a smaller woman.

Sandra: I don't believe this. Little Alexandra has managed to spin Peg around and has Pegs head between her thighs, going for a pile driver.

Garry: Peg manages to wrap her legs around Little Alexandra's head to block the pile driver. Smart move by Peg. It not only blocks the pile driver but if forces Little Alexandra to carry all that weight.

Sandra: Peg is really squirming around. I can't believe it! Somehow both Little Alexandra and Peg have done a cart wheel! Now Peg has Little Alexandra in a position to pile drive her. I didn't know Peg had it in her to do that kind of move.

Garry: I don't think Peg knew she had it in her either. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

(IN the meantime Nurse Ansalong has climbed to the ring apron. She is shouting to the ref and pointing at something outside the ring. The ref walks over to Ansalong, she bends over giving the ref a perfect view of her ample cleavage, barely contained in that tight nurses uniform. Peg falls backward driving Little Alexandra's head into the mat with a thud. Little Alexandra flops to the mat on her stomach, not moving. Peg slowly gets to her knees and rolls Little Alexandra onto her back. Peg hooks a leg and waits for the referee's count. There is none. Peg looks around and sees the referee talking to Ansalong. The crowd sees it too and begins to boo loudly. Some are throwing crushed beer cups at the ref in hopes of getting his attention. Ansalong sees that Little Alexandra is a bout to be pinned. She grabs the back of the ref's head and forces him to her. She begins to kiss him long and deep. The ref struggles for a second then realizes what is happening.)

Garry: DAMN! Why can't I be ref? Why do I always get stuck with the crummy jobs?

Sandra: This is a disgrace! That woman should be banned from ringside.

Garry: Lucky ref! One of these days I'm going to pass that test and get my referees license.

(The crowd begins to boo even louder as they realize that their favorite should have just pulled off the biggest upset in BRA history. Peg slaps the mat three times in frustration. The crowd begins to count.)

One

Two

Three)

Garry: The crowd can count all they want to. Only the referee's count matters.

(In frustration Peg gets to her feet and walks to the ref. She spins him away from Ansalong and points to Little Alexandra. Ansalong sneers at Peg. Peg rears back and hits Ansalong on the nose as hard as she can. A surprised nurse flies off the ring apron and onto an even more surprised doctor. Doctor and nurse are left sprawled on the floor of the arena. The fans rise to their feet applauding Peg as though she just won the Celestial title belt.)

Sandra:(Calling out as she claps her hands) Good for you Peg!

Garry: Peg should be disqualified for striking a spectator.

Sandra: That nurse was cheating Garry: I'll bet the ref didn't see it that way.

(Peg runs toward Little Alexandra and leaps into the air. At the last second Little Alexandra rolls out of the way and Peg does a big splash to the mat. Little Alexandra gets to her feet as a winded Peg lies on the mat. Little Alexandra pulls Peg to her feet with a handful of hair. She whips Peg into the ropes. Peg rebounds off the ropes and into Little Alexandra, who lift's Peg across her shoulders in a firemans carry. Little Alexandra begins to spin a round in an airplane spin before tossing Peg up. Peg spins once more on her own before she lands face first on the mat. Little Alexandra begins to stomp on Peg's back and legs. Peg groans as each boot hits her with a resounding whack. Little Alexandra grabs Peg's legs and begins to twist them. Little Alexandra succeeds in getting a figure 4 leg lock on Peg)

Sandra: This is so unfair. Peg had Little Alexandra pinned for a 10 count. This referee should be fired for incompetence.

Garry: I think he liked being with the nurse more than tending to the match. I can't really blame him.

(Peg moans from the pain. Little Alexandra leans back putting even more pressure on Peg's legs. Peg screams in agony. The ref asks if Peg submits. Peg grits her teeth and shakes her head no. The crowd cheers her refusal to submit. Peg begins to crawl to the ropes the fans cheering her on every inch of the way. She is only inches from the ropes, when Little Alexandra realizes what she is doing. The fans are on their feet, Peg seems to be getting strength from the support of the fans. Little Alexandra leans back further, putting even more pressure on. Peg is crying from the pain. The crowd boos Little Alexandra.)

Garry: This may be the end. I don't think Peg has the strength to reach the ropes.

Sandra: The fan support seems to be giving her strength.

(The ref asks again if she will submit. The crowd yells NO! In one voice. Peg seems to hear them but can only nod her head no. Summoning the last of her strength. She manages one last push. It is enough, barely, for her to reach the ropes. The crowd lets out a deafening cheer. The ref signals for the break. Little Alexandra refuses to let go, leaning back once agin. The crowd boo Little Alexandra and begin throwing cups and popcorn boxes into the ring. The ref begins the count as Peg is screaming in pain. Little Alexandra finally breaks the hold as the ref almost says five. Again the ref warns Little Alexandra, as Peg can only lie on the mat, getting her legs to straighten. Nurse Ansalong steps to the ring apron again. She leans over, saying something to ref and pointing to her bloody nose. The ref can't hear Ansalong and so he goes to her to hear what she is saying, not coincidently getting another perfect cleavage shot of Ansalong in her tight nurses uniform.)

Sandra: I can't believe it! The ref is falling for the distraction from that nurse again.

Garry: Lucky ref. Damn! I got to pass that test someday.

( Little Alexandra takes the opportunity to raise Peg to her feet, by means of a handful of hair. Little Alexandra begins to kick Peg in the stomach. Peg, whose legs were wobbly already, grabs the ropes to keep from falling to the mat. Little Alexandra continues to kick Peg in the stomach and on her thighs. Peg groans as each kick strikes her. Little Alexandra steps away from Peg and lets her hang on the ropes by her elbows. She then quickly steps forward and kicks Peg right between the legs. The crowd groans at this abuse of their favorite. Peg squeals and falls to the mat on her knees. Again the fans begin yelling at the ref. This time he does turn around but only sees Peg on her knees. Little Alexandra follows the kick up with more punches and kicks to Peg's face, making the cut on it open up even more. Little Alexandra steps back as Peg falls to the mat face first, barely moving.)

Sandra: This is so unfair! Peg is a good wrestler. She shouldn't have to take this kind of abuse and cheating every week. She needs some time off.

Garry: She can have next week off. There won't be a card because of Christmas.

( Little Alexandra forces the non resisting Peg to her feet. Little Alexandra spins Peg around in a clockwise direction and brings her down in a neck breaker. Peg flops to the mat, not moving. Little Alexandra rolls Peg up for the pin. The ref jumps to the mat and begins to count.)

ONE

(The fans cheer for the fallen Princess, hoping for some miracle.)

TWO

Sandra: Come on Peg! You can do it

THREE

(Ding! Ding! Ding!)

(The fans break out in thunderous boos as the ref raises Little Alexandra hand in victory. Little Alexandra shakes off the ref and begins to stomp on Peg once again. Dr. McKinnley and Nurse Ansalong rush into the ring. Ansalong pulls a syringe out of her uniform and hands it to McKinnley. McKinnley injects it into Little Alexandra's arm. Mckinnley and Ansalong lead Little Alexandra to their corner. Peg slowly sits up, trying to get her bearings.)

Sandra: It was a close match. If it hadn't of been for that cheating by the Dentonvale people, Peg would have won this match.

(After the match, the fans are still in an uproar as "The Goddess" Nina Larue races to ringside clad in a slinky, black, mini dress, kicking her heels off in the process. She slides in the ring and attacks Peg with a quick flurry of martial arts kicks, chops, and palm thrusts.)

Garry: What's this? Nina Larue has run out of the crowd and is attacking Peg.

Sandra: After all that poor woman has been t5rhough! How could Nina do such a cowardly thing?

Garry: Nina is hot.

Sandra: She does seem to be angry over something.

Garry: No, I mean she is one of the hottest babes in BRA. She's an actress too.

Sandra: Well, I'm never going to see any of her movies.

(Nina sits on Pegs chest as she pummels Peg's face with martial arts punches. Suddenly Nina shrieks as she is raised off Peg's chest by two hands grabbing and pulling her up by her hair. Nina turns around and finds herself face to face with a smiling Little Alexandra. Little Alexandra speaks some gibberish to Nina, before kicking her in the groin. Nina shrieks again slumping to the mat, holding her crotch. Little Alexandra tries to kick Nina in the face but Nina grabs her leg and drops Little Alexandra to the mat on her rear. More referees enter the ring and separate, the combatants. Nina leaves quickly. Little Alexandra again joins Dr. McKinnley and Nurse Ansalong as they leave the arena. Peg is helped to her feet by a ref and leans on his shoulder as she limps out of the arena to the cheers of the fans.)

The winner: Little Alexandra, by pinfall.