[Fade in from Christmas Crap commercials]
Tina Dream vs. Yvette Malreaux
Sandra: Welcome back, sports fans. Next up in our pre-Holiday card is a face-off between the Shop's Tina Dream and the nefarious Yvette DeSade.
Garry: A woman so beautiful, it's evil!
Sandra: Yes. Well, the evil part is correct, at least. Tina, like most her Shop Sisters, has found her way onto the bad list with Yvette, though, and I've a feeling Yvette's out to avenge her honor.
Garry: As well she should! The rotten swine! Frankly, I think it would be great to see Yvette doll her up in a little French maid suit. [eyes widen] Oh, I hope she does! That would be great for my site!
Sandra: What's this site you keep talking about?
Garry: Oh! Can't talk now! Match is about to start!
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, our next match features, first, from Virginia Beach, Virginia, standing at 5'4" and 124 pounds - Tina Dream!
[Tina's music, "Sweet Virginia Breeze," plays over the PA as a silver pole slowly drops down from the ceiling in the center of the ring. Pyrotechnics go off at the ringposts as lights play across the ring. Tina enters slowly, sliding down the pole from the ceiling, wearing a Cheerleaders 2000 uniform. slowly as the music changes into "Black Velvet" by Alannah Myles.]
Garry: Ah, yes, nothing like celebrating the innocence and glory of the birth of our Savior Christ Jesus than a Tina Dream Pole Dance.
Sandra: Now... uh... oh, to Hell with it.
[ Tina begins a bump and grind, coyly playing and flirting with the fans as she gracefully starts to perform a striptease.]
Garry: Sandra, isn't this where you normally defend the girl against my comments?
Sandra: Well... uh... [lowers head] okay, I admit it. This is all just wrong.
Garry: [pats Sandra on the back.] It's okay, sweetheart. It's okay.
[Working her way down to a bikini made of a black velvet material as Tina removes each piece of the cheerleader's suit, she twirls it around over head and throw it out to the crowd. Once the outfit has completely vanished, Tina takes the microphone from the announcer.]
Garry: Lo, the Lady of Bath speaks.
Tina: Yvette! I have nothing to lose here! But you do! This is nothing but a win/win proposition for me! Because win or lose you still will have to face what you consider to be the embarrassment of fighting me! That is if you've got the guts instead of sending some silly lackeys like Nina Ragu and Tiffany Lame of the Baby Squad to do your dirty work.
Sandra: Nina Ragu?
Garry: It's better you just don't ask, dear.
Announcer: Ahem. Yes. Her opponent this evening, from Rennes, France, standing at 5'7" and 124 pounds - Marquise Yvette DeSade Malreaux!
[The first few bars of the French National Anthem play, then it is suddenly cut off. The lights go out and explosions, fireballs and spotlights go swirling. The Angeltron shows scenes of terrorism, violence, sex, and explosions, followed by the Lords of Acid�s �Out Comes the Evil.� Yvette appears from the curtains, clad in her white S&M style outfit with white crop and cape, then throws her head back, laughs and extends both arms, forming a �Y� (for �Yvette, of course). She is then followed by Merci, Kayla, and Misty. As Yvette approaches the ring, the music is playing in the background while Merci and Kayla seem to be keeping a watchful eye on the back of the Marquise, giving scowls to members of the audience. Yvette holds the microphone to her lips and speaks while approaching.]
Yvette: So, you people still chose to cheer for cheaters and low-lifes? Disgusting! And this one,� pointing to Tina, �is the worst of the bunch! She is typical of the Body Shop! Pretending to be such a champion of
righteousness and fair play! Mon Dieu, it makes my French blood boil! Her sickening displays of so-called �sportsmanship� will be shown for what they are tonight! Watch her carefully. She will attempt to
best me in some way aside from �fair play� because she is a cowardly sort who knows she could never, EVER, beat me fairly. However, if it is �dirty play� she wants, it shall be exactly that, I assure you!�
[As Yvette makes her way closer to the ring, she spies a group of rowdy fraternity brothers, wearing t-shirts of the arrogant French Terror. Yvette cautiously walks over to the drunken males and looks with slight disgust.]
Yvette: These . . . boys . . . represent my �fans?' And people wonder why I would rather be hated than
loved.� Yvette snaps her fingers and Merci hands them some money. �Buy Body Shop merchandise. You louts are better suited for such tarts!
Sandra: You know, Yvette's probably got a pretty little mouth underneath all that foaming.
[Disgusted, Yvette throws down the microphone, makes her way to the ring, and ascends the steps. Merci quickly helps remove her cape and takes the riding crop.. Merci, Misty and Kayla await at the steps, in Yvette�s corner. Tina and Yvette exchange hateful glares. Peg Christian, Zantara Underworld and Veronica Millions make their way to Tina's corner, staying close in case they're needed.]
Garry: Well, this should be quite a hoot, eh?
Sandra: Quite. Two women in the ring, six on the outside. I've a feeling this is going to become an all out war.
Garry: The good matches always do.
[The bell rings.]
Sandra: The women begin to circle each other. Looks like words are being exchanged.
Yvette: You are about to enter a world of pain, mon ami.
Sandra: The women lock up - no, Yvette goes for a nerve strike on Tina's neck! Tina counters with a knee to Yvette's midsection!
[Both women slowly back away, again circling each other and glaring. Tina slowly holds her hand up to offer a test of strength. Yvette gingerly reaches for the hand, but instead launches her boot at Tina. Tina catches the leg and drives her elbow into it as she drops to the mat. Yvette yelps and latches onto a rope.]
Garry: Oh, Tina, you shouldn't have! You're only going to make her madder.
Sandra: Getting Tina back would require her to release the ropes.
[Tina gets up and grabs Yvette in a headlock. Yvette drives her fist between's Tina's legs. The older Dream releases the headlock and wobbles off, moaning. The referee warns Yvette against further low blows.]
Sandra: There's the Yvette we know and hate.
Garry: You know, I'm surprised she was the one to get the first one off.
Sandra: Oh, shut up! Jumping spinkick snaps Tina's neck back! Tina's down and - hey, the kick didn't look that bad!
[Tina's eyes roll back as the harder-than-normal boot impacts with her temple. She falls back, blacking out for a couple of seconds. As she comes to, she feels the same boot impact with her soft belly.]
Sandra: That last kick actually jump started Dream! She's up to her feet - but Yvette leaps on her back for a Bulldog Lariat!
Garry: Go home team!
[As Yvette pulls Tina backwards, Yvette's hold slips from Tina's neck and she alone is dumped to the mat. Tina shoots forward, but manages to turn and lunge for Yvette.]
Sandra: Double foot stomp to Yvette's midsection! Tina pulls Yvette to her feet - not all the way though! Scissor kick for Yvette! Yvette's kneeling before Tina.
Garry: Something we'll never see again, I assure you.
Sandra: Tina lets Yvette stumble up so she can give her a flying karate chop! She's really softening the proud princess up!
Garry: She's a Marquise, thank you!
Sandra: She's going to be toast the way this is going!
[Yvette wobbles to her corner, shaking the cobwebs off. Merci calls to her a warning as Tina storms towards her. Yvette spins about face and plant her hard boot into Tina'st hroat. Tina's eyes water up as she coughs. Her legs weaken from the blow as she starts to slide to her knees, a second kick to the gut raises Tina inches off the mat.]
Yvette: [between the kicks] Your younger, smaller sister was able to make a mess of you. I shall finish where she left off.
Sandra: Tina tumbles back. Something seems fishy here. I know Yvette's strong, but damn it, not that strong.
Garry: Your problem is you undersestimate the might of nobility. Yvette lifts Tina - jawbreaker! Yowzers! Who's getting softened up now?
[Yvette raises, pulling Tina up by her silky brown hair. She places her over her shoulders in a backbreaker and walks to her corner.]
Yvette: Welcome to Hell!
[Yvette lobs Tina over the ropes into the concrete below. As Tina's mates jump and run towards the scene, Yvette has jumped over the ropes and landed boots first onto Tina's midsection, the heroine being held down by Yvette's lackies. As Veronica, the first of the three, rounds the corner, Merci liftsa shocked Misty over her head and barrel throws her at Millions. Veronica slams face first into the hapless maid and falls backwards into the charging Zantara and Peggy Christian. Yvette and Kayla, meanwhile begin body stomping Tina. As Tina's mates get to their feet, Yvette lifts her opponent by the hair and lobs her, bloodied-face first, back into the ring, leaving Merci and Kayla to deal with the others.]
Sandra: Looks like a three on two is going to occur outside the ring.
Garry: A three on three, unless Misty wants a punishment later!
Sandra: Maybe so. Yvette's clutching Tina's hair and kicking at her tail bone! Tina's fighting back tears there! I swear, something -
Garry: The referee gives Yvette her final warning, and the French noble obliges and lets go of Tina's hair. Tina counters with a round-heel kick to the unsuspecting Marquise!
Sandra: Tina grabs Yvette by the side of the head - sitdown slam! Ow! Tina is back!
Armdrag into an armlock hammerlock submission hold! Yvette goes down to her knees!
Garry: Tina's usual position.
Sandra: Yvette slugs at Tina's belly, but Tina takes the blow - another scissor kick! Tina takes Yvette by the feet and monkey flips her into the turnbuckle chin first!
[Yvette slinks down to all fours, shaking off the blow, as Tina strides up behind her. Tina scoops her up for a backflip cradle. Yvette lands and rolls across the mat. She skids out of the ring, just opposite the side where the six other women are finally losing interest in beating each other. Tina goes towards Yvette, but the referee intercepts, telling her to let Yvette back in. Yvette reaches into her boot and pulls out a palm-sized canister of pepper spray. Veronica sees this and begins to move, but Merci brings a chair down against her back, starting the brawl up again.]
Sandra: Yvette's got something in her hands! What's going on there?
Garry: I don't see anything. Yvette climbs into the ring and shoves past the referee.
[Yvette kicks at Tina's legs, knocking her knee out. As Tina falls, Yvette grabs her in a headlock and pulls her away from the referee's sight. Yvette sprays a good dose of pepper spray into both of Tina's eyes, then yanks her up by the hair and backhands hear across the face. As the hand pulls away from the hit, and the sight of the referee, Yvette allows the canister to disappear into the sea of fans.]
Yvette: You like to cheat and play games, eh? Let us see how well you do against the master of manipulation!
Sandra: I think Yvette did something to Tina's eyes! Tina can't seem to focus! A nerve strike by Yvette floors Tina! Again the boots plant themselves in Tina's belly!
[As Tina falls to the mat, Yvette assualts Tina's face with a series of ten strong kicks. By the time she's done, most of Tina's face has become red with blood. Outside the ring, Peg and Zantara turn their attention towards Tina's plight. Before either can acts, Merci pepper sprays Zantara and Kayla wraps her arm around Peg's neck and puts a handcloth doused with chloroform. Peg struggles before slowly dropping.]
Sandra: Yvette's setting Tina up for her finisher - the Bastille! Oh God, Tina, fight more!
Garry: Yes, Tina - drag this out more!
[Yvette takes the limp Tina Dream and places her knee in Dream's center back. She pulls the woman's arms back and leaning with all her weight.]
Garry: The referee checks for a submission - but Dream doesn't seem to want to - wait!
Sandra: No!
Garry: Yes! Yvette wrenches up the pain and Tina - Tina submits! Tina submitted!
[The bells rings as Merci and Kayla lung into the ring. Yvette begins driving kicks into Tina's ribs. Merci, pulling a pair of brass knuckles from her pocket, executes a falling fist onto Tina's head as Kayla stomps on Tina's knees. Not but moments afterwards, Zantara, her eyes cleared, and Veronica, now come to, enter the ring. Veronica sets onto Kayla and pulls her from Tina by the hair, flinging her from the ring. Zantara yanks Merci by the arm and kneelifts the woman in the face before launching her from the ring. Yvette does not wait for her turn and rushes from the ring. She pulls Misty by the arm as her two lackies follow after. The referee and the remaining women see to Tina, helping the bloodied woman stand.]
Announcer: The winner, by submission, Yvette DeSade Malreaux
Sandra: In one of the most sickening displays we've seen, I might add!
Garry: Ah, it coulda been worse - but, one things for sure. This time, the match was fair!
[Sandra glares daggers into Garry, who grins.]
[Fade to commercial.]