Tiffany Epitaphine vrs Alexandra Parker
By: Tonedef
[The camera fades from black to survey the Battling Ring Angels arena, where the sell out crowd is on their feet, screaming for their favorites and waving their signs. They are all glad that BRA is back from its temporary hiatus, and their fervour is at a fever pitch as they await the next match. Some of the apparent signs say ‘THERE’S TWO SIDES TO EVERY ISSUE, JANUS’, ‘THE SWEET ONE IS BACK!’, and ‘NEW SYNDICATE!’. The camera spins around to focus on the announcers at ringside.]
Kenny Harbor: "Welcome back, Ladies and Gentlemen. This has been a good night thus far, and it has only just begun. This next match…"
Cari Tramell: "This next match is not even fit to be in the same ring as me! As if either of these fools have anything that compares to me!"
Kenny: "Perhaps you should get in there, then, and show them a thing or two…oh wait, were’nt you suspended from any ring?"
Cari: "I can stomp you, pretty boy…keep it coming, and you’ll get a first hand knowledge of the Tramell Crow!"
[The lights dim, and Alexandra Parker exits from the dressing room area to the jeers of the audience. With her is her associate, Vanity, who carries with her the large, full person mirror. Wearing her typical ‘rich bitch’ ensemble, the Sisterhood member surveys the crowd, and then arrogantly makes her way to the ring.]
Kenny: "She looks ready for this match…"
Cari: "As ready as this fool will ever be, I guess…as if she really compares with the Lisa Dreams and Yvette Malreauxs of this league!"
Kenny: "Well, an interesting note would be that, if the cat fight between Wendy Jones and Tiffany Lane a few months back had been sanctioned by the league, that Alexandra Parker would be at the top of the Heirarchy list…"
[Alexandra gets into the ring just as all the lights go off and a red spotlight circles the arena. A woman’s deep voice is heard to say ‘She who has lost her trust in humans, is damned with Wrath.’ A firecracker explodes at the top of the stairs just as Madonna’s ‘Frozen’ blares over the speakers. The red light circles around for a few moments more…then darkness…then an explosion right on top of the ring. The red spotlight is focusing on Tiffany Epitaphine standing in the center of the ring.]
Kenny: "Wow! What an entrance!"
Cari: "Pffft, I am not impressed…theatrics are a cover up for a lack of basic talent…"
[Tiffany glares at Alexandra, and, when the lights come back on, she takes off her black overcoat, exposing her black bikini attire. Vanity exits the ring, and the referee orders the bell to be rung.]
Ding Ding Ding
Kenny: "And here we go! Alexandra and Tiffany square off….Alexandra goes for a kick, but Tiffany was prepared! She grabs the leg, and swings Alexandra to the mat in a single leg takedown!"
Cari: "What a telegraphed blow…what place does Tiffany take on your precious heirarchy, anyways?"
Kenny: "She is 6th overall, not a bad standing at all! Alexandra back to her feet, and a bodyslam from Tiffany takes her right back down!"
Cari: "I have to say that Tiffany is a strong woman, she lifted Alexandra there like she was nothing."
Kenny: "Yes, Alexandra is 1 inch shorter, yet has a 5 pound weight advantage. Tiffany is a brawler. 86 percent of all brawlers can lift those who outweigh them by 15 percent…"
Cari: "Do you ever stop?!?"
[Alexandra has gotten to her feet again, and dashes at Tiffany, but Tiffany was prepared again, and, scooping Alexandra up, she powerslams her to the mat. The referee goes for a count, and Alexandra gets her shoulder up at 2. Tiffany stands, and begins to stomp away on the rich bitch’s knee.]
Kenny: "I don’t quite follow why Tiffany is going to work on the knee here, Alexandra is not that much larger than her…"
Cari: "Here is where your precious statistics can’t help you, Kenneth! Take out the knee, you take out the vertical base, much easier to stomp them then!"
Kenny: "Tiffany stops, hauls Alexandra to her feet….shoves a head under her arm, lifts her up in a vertical suplex…and drives the rich bitch down to the mat!"
Cari: "But Tiffany doesn’t release the hold…she gets back to her feet, pulling Alexandra with her…a second vertical suplex! She follows it up with a third vertical suplex, wow! Alexandra must be ailing!"
Kenny: "I think that anyone would be hurting after that…I think that Tiffany is the only one that could pull off a move like that."
[Tiffany goes for a cover, but Alexandra gets out at a 2 count. Rolling the rich bitch onto her front, Tiffany grabs her arms and pulls back in a vicious surfboard. The pain is all too apparent on Alexandra’s face, but, when asked if she submits, she shakes her head. Tiffany increases the pressure, Alexandra cries out, and that is when Vanity jumps up onto the ring apron.]
Cari: "Tiffany doesn’t waste any time, she releases Alexandra, dashes forward…and drives her shoulder into Vanity’s belly, knocking her off the mat to the concrete below!"
Kenny: "Vanity’s success rate is not too impressive in this league, pertaining to sneak attacks…"
Cari: "Tiffany is a one woman wrecking crew in there! Alexandra has started to struggle to her feet, Tiffany grabs her…..and whips her over the ropes to the outside of the ring!"
Kenny: "Tiffany follows…the referee begins to count out both of them…Tiffany wastes no time in grabbing the ring steps, and slamming them down onto Alexandra’s prone form."
Cari: "Ah, a flagrant breaking of the rules…I like that in a woman."
Kenny: "I think that 92 percent of all of the BRA participants have broken the rules before….it is a common occurance in this league. Tiffany grabs Alexandra, and rolls her back into the ring."
[Vanity has gotten to her feet again, and, lifting the mirror, goes to slam it down onto Tiffany. Tiffany, however, sees it coming, and kicks Vanity in the belly, doubling her over and forcing her to drop the mirror. Shoving the valet’s head between her legs, Tiffany hauls her body up and powerbombs her down onto the mirror, breaking it, to the cheers of the audience.]
Cari: "Serves Vanity right for getting in the way….I never had to have anyone help me before."
Kenny: "I think that 79 percent of all BRA combatants are aligned with someone, its always wise to have someone watch your back. Tiffany gets back into the ring, hauls Alexandra to her feet…the rich bitch does not look to be in too good of a shape."
Cari: "Alexandra doesn’t look good period."
Kenny: "A whip into the ropes…..and a backbreaker follow up! Tiffany goes for the cover…..with a kickout!"
Cari: "Maybe I should rephrase that….Alexandra has a lot of durability, but her offense leaves something to be desired."
Kenny: "Well, Tiffany pulls Alexandra to her feet, hauls her head between her legs, grabs her legs and arms…..it’s the epitath!"
Tiffany: "So, can your money ease your pain right now!"
[Alexandra cries out while in the clutches of this deadly finishing maneuver, a mixture of a boston crab, double armbar, headscissors and back rack. The referee asks if Alexandra submits, she shakes her head, but her screams of pain fill the arena. The referee asks a second time, and Alexandra nods.]
Ding Ding Ding
Kenny: "That’s it! Tiffany wins this one sided matchup, bringing her impressive record up to 7 and 2!"
Cari: "What a simple match for Tiffany….She has talent, I give her that, but I’d like to see her challenge some true competition in this federation….like Laura Parker or Tiffany Lane."
Kenny: "Hey, Alexandra Parker is some good talent…"
Cari: "Whatever, my dog could beat Alexandra Parker. Tiffany drops Alexandra to the mat, flips her onto her back….and what is she pulling from her bikini top!"
Kenny: "It’s a dollar bill! Tiffany slides the dollar bill into Alexandra’s mouth, how demeaning!"
Cari: "I think that Alexandra had best thing long and hard before stepping into that ring again."
Kenny: "Ladies and Gents, we have to take a short commercial break…but don’t change that dial! We will be right back!"
[Fade to a commercial for Smirnoff vodka, the choice of champions…just as Lisa Dream! ;p]
Winner: Tiffany Epitaphine.