Cammy

[[The Battling Ring Angels Monday night show returns, to a camera shot of the announcers’ table, where Kenny Harbor and Cari “The Brat” Trammell are sitting in anticipation of the next match.]]

Kenny: Well, it looks like we have another excellent match cooked up for the fans tonight. My statistics indicate that the upcoming match has generated 40% more fan interest than the previous match.

Cari: No surprise there. My nailpolish remover generates more interest than Peggy Christian. And this match involves a newcomer to BRA who I’ve heard great things about.

A cloud of pink fog starts to pump out the entranceway and suddenly the Lenny Kravitz remake of 'American Woman' starts to play over the Arena's loudspeakers. Then Cammy emerges from behind the curtain wearing short jean shorts and white top. She slowly struts down the aisle to the ring, waving at the fans along the way. The fans wave back and cheer loudly.

Kenny: I’ve heard some great things about Cammy Masters as well. She’s had some growing pains, but my computer graph shows her skills are making major progress. In fact, at the current rate she has a 35% chance of winning a title by the end of the year.

Cari: You pathetic idiot, I was talking about Janus! For details, let’s go to Jenna Jamestown backstage.

[[The camera cuts to the backstage area, where Jenna Jamestown stands outside the dressing room of the newcomer Janus. The door opens, and out steps Janus.]]

Jenna: (smiles sweetly) Hello Janus, on behalf of the Battling Ring Angels I’d like to welcome you to your first...

Janus: Shut up! You and all the pretty girls here who think they can wrestle are about to find out what evil is all about. You’d better believe that you and the living embodiment of evil are about to come face... (she turns to expose her scarred side)... to face.

[[ In the hallway, “Sensational” Shea London happens to be walking by. Janus immediately runs over and blindsides her with a bulldog on the hard floor. She then spits on Shea, who is rolling on the ground in pain.]]

Jenna: (horrified) Oh m-my g-goodness! B-b-back to you Kenny and Cari.

[[The camera cuts back to the announcers’ table. Kenny is speechless, his mouth wide open. Cari nods approvingly, with a wide grin on her face.]]

Cari: Now that’s the kind of thing I like to see from a newcomer, sending a message to instill fear in all the pretty little wimps around here. Janus clearly has the kind of attitude that will take her far in this federation.

The arena goes completely black, and "War Pigs" by Black Sabbath plays. Lights turn on over the right part of the Arena, leaving the left side dark. The crowd begins a loud chorus of boos, as Janus walks out with a spotlight on her. She wears a dark blue velvet long sleeve shirt and black leather pants. She wears her signature black and blue cowboy boots and black gloves. She is swinging a "Barbie Doll" by the hair. As she enters the ring she pulls the head off the doll and throws it at Cammy.

[[As Cammy watches the doll’s head in horror, Janus charges over and clotheslines her to the mat. Cammy hits hard, but before Janus can follow up her attack, the smaller girl quickly rolls to the outside, trying to regain her bearings. The referee for this match, Lynette LeBrie, picks up the doll’s head and chuckles quietly in appreciation before beginning to count Cammy out.]]

Kenny: Smart move on Cammy’s part to stop the momentum. Based on the latest actuarial figures for reaction time and choice of maneuvers, she’s 20% more adept than she was in her last match.

Cari: Whatever, she’s only delaying her inevitable destruction at the hands of Janus. I wonder why Cammy came out without her chain-smoking cousin today.

[[Cammy jumps back up on the apron, and Janus once again charges over with her fist cocked.]]

Cari: Closed-fist swing to the face by Janus, but the Georgia peach ducks and drives a shoulder into the larger woman’s gut. The rookie’s got good quickness, I’ll give her that.

Kenny: Janus is doubled over, and the lovely Masters girl grabs a leg and trips her up. Cammy is tugging on the rope... Wow! A slingshot senton right on top of the monster. You’re right about Callisto though, my computer says Cammy’s chances would be a full third higher if her cousin were at ringside.

Cari: (smirking) of course I’m right. Look at her now, she’s wasting time like the stupid little baby girl she is.

[[Cammy jumps up on the second rope and pumps her fists toward the crowd, who are cheering loudly. Meanwhile, Janus rolls over on her stomach and shakes her head to clear it. Cammy climbs up to the top rope and raises both arms in the air, as Janus gets to her feet.]]

Cari: Hey nerd boy, I bet your computer’s telling you that the Georgian is going to try a high-flying maneuver.

Kenny: Well, it says there’s an 80% chance she’ll try a flying cross-body... oh no!

[[Janus catches Cammy mid-air and spins her into a power slam, making a loud “boom” that reverberates throughout the arena. Cammy’s shoulders hit the canvas hard, followed by her head, which snaps backward as she lands.]]

Cari: Looks like Janus saw it coming just like the rest of us did, and was well prepared for the telegraphed maneuver.

[[Janus methodically gets to her feet. She grabs onto the hair of Cammy and uses it to drag the Georgia native to her feet.]]

Janus: Get up baby.

[[Janus whips Cammy into the ropes, and catches her on the rebound with a scoop slam, once again dropping her to the mat with tremendous force. Janus holds her there for the pin, and Lynette begins her count]]

ONE!

TWO!!

[[Just as the count reaches two, Cammy manages to get one of her shoulders up.]]

Cari: Ha, I knew Janus was the kind with real championship potential, she and I think alike. She didn’t get her this quickly like I would have, but good force on that slam.

Kenny: True, a computer comparison shows 72% correlation in your approach to a match, though your own style had more variety built in.

Cari: I just said Janus is talented. Of course she’s still far from being my equal. She whips Cammy into the ropes once again... not... smart...

[[Cammy rebounds off the ropes and surprises Janus with a lightning-fast Hurrican-rana, sending the larger woman’s head down to the mat with a loud crash. The crowd comes alive, as Cammy springs to her feet and bounces around, trying to shake off the damage she received.]]

Janus: (angrily getting to her feet) Your beauty can’t save you.

[[The evil one charges in, but is caught by a quick boot to the gut, causing her to lean over. Cammy follows with a DDT, planting Janus’ forehead on the mat once again. Cammy celebrates once again, waving to her cheering fans.]]

Cari: (rolls her eyes) I wonder what it is that’s rolling around inside that Georgia girl’s head, because it sure isn’t brains.

[[Janus lies still on the mat, and Lynette LeBrie comes over to check on her. With her hateful eyes focused on Cammy, Janus churlishly swats the referee on the leg, with a loud “smack.” LeBrie grabs her thigh, and her expression slowly contorts, eyes narrowed and lips pursed.]]

Kenny: Uh-oh, it’s not a good idea to get the referee mad at you.

Cari: (arrogant smirk) Under most circumstances I would consider that statement idiotic on your part, but Lynette LeBrie is a referee I’ve come to admire for her fairness and understanding of the finer points of wrestling.

[[Cammy sets herself to lock up as Janus gets to her feet.]]

Kenny: Understanding? More like underhanded!

Cari: Like I said, the “finer points.”

[[As the two combatants are about to lock up, Janus rakes Cammy across the eyes. The evil one then closes her fist, steps in, drops down to one knee and...]]

Kenny: (he cringes) Low blow!

Cari: Just like I used to do. Ahh, the memories.

[[Janus whips Cammy into the corner, and the pretty girl’s head snaps back as she hits. Janus turns her face so the disfigured side is facing Cammy, who cups her face with one hand and her privates with the other, her mouth wide open from the pain.]]

Janus: (in a low growl) See the face of evil coming for you.

Kenny: Janus comes charging in...wait, it looks like she just tripped and fell flat... on both her faces! Hold on a minute, did the referee just trip her up?

Cari: (she chuckles) Like I told you, Lynette is one of the fairest referees in the game, and she understands the way things work in the squared circle.

[[As Janus attempts to get back to her feet, Cammy fights through the pain and quickly scampers up to the top rope to do a flying dropkick, which nails the double-sided monster right under the chin. Janus flies backward and lands hard on her back, bouncing twice before skidding to a halt.]]

Kenny: If Cammy can keep up this pace, my current read-out says she has a 60% chance of taking this match.

Cari: If you don’t shut up with those stupid statistics, there’s a 99.9% chance of me putting my foot so far up your backside that I could pick your teeth with my toes!

[[Cammy clamps her legs together and takes a few deep breaths. She then charges over at Janus, who is just getting up, and performs a flawless tornado DDT, slamming the evil woman back down to the canvas. Masters hooks a leg and goes for the cover.]]

ONE!

TWO!!

[[Lynette LeBrie is counting quickly, but Janus still powers out of the pin attempt before the three count can be reached.]]

Kenny: Almost!

Cari: Yeah, right. The little Masters girl is going to have to do a whole lot better than that to pin Janus.

[[Cammy lifts Janus to her feet and delivers a hard forearm to the head. She follows up with a loud chop to the chest, and the crowd gets to its feet. Cammy backs up and bounces off the ropes. She runs under a clothesline by Janus, bounces off the ropes on the other side and executes a flying bulldog, eliciting cheers from all corners of the arena.]]

Kenny: whoah, if Janus’ head keeps hitting the canvas like that, there’s a... (he looks at his laptop and looks at Cari) ...a high likelihood that soon she won’t be able to get back up.

Cari: (she smirks) Watch and learn.

[[Cammy quickly lifts Janus to her feet, and delivers a right handed punch to the gut, followed by another right to the gut and a left-handed European uppercut to the chin. Masters bounces off the ropes again and goes for a flying clothesline, but Janus ducks underneath and lifts the smaller girl onto her shoulders. Janus then executes a brutal sidewalk slam and leans backward for a pin attempt.]]

ONE!

TWO!!

Kenny: Almost had her, but Cammy kicks out at two and a half!

[[Cammy again manages to roll out of the ring for a breather before Janus can catch her.]]

Cari: The count was slow. But don’t worry, soon Janus will learn to respect a superior referee like Lynette LeBrie, and she’ll win these matches a little more easily. After all, Lynette is clearly the best referee in the BRA at this time. Why they gave the title of senior referee to she who will remain nameless, I will never know.

Kenny: You mean Vicki Tas...

Cari: (growls) I said she will remain nameless!

[[Having regained her bearings, Cammy circles the ring, looking for an opening to get back in. As she slides under the ropes, Janus catches up with her, stomping furiously on the pretty Georgia girl’s back. Lynette begins to step in, but then changes her mind and backs off.]]

Kenny: (frowning) That was pretty fierce, but I guess LeBrie decided that her score with Janus has been settled, so she didn’t interfere.

[[Janus picks Cammy up by the hair and whips her into the ropes. Cammy rebounds with a jumping spin kick, which sends Janus down hard. Cammy runs to the corner and once again mounts the top rope, waving joyously to the crowd.]]

Cari: (disgusted) These stupid rookie mistakes are giving me indigestion. That little girl has to have some sense beaten into her.

Kenny: I’m sure you’d be happy to oblige.

Cari: You *bleep*in’ bet I would!.

[[On the mat, Janus begins to stir, reaching one hand into her pants pocket while Cammy poses on the top rope for her fans. To the roar of the crowd, Cammy lifts her hands high in the air. She bends her knees and takes off in a high arc through the air, landing a frog splash hard on top of Janus.]]

Kenny: I think she hit it!.

Cari: Think again, geek! Look at little Cammy’s forehead.

[[Indeed, Cammy rolls off of Janus, screaming in pain and holding her head. A smattering of boos and hisses can be heard from an otherwise silent crowd.]]

Kenny: (worried) My god, it looks like she’s bleeding! What’s that silver thing in Janus’ hand? It looks like a...

Cari: FORK! (laughing) Cammy Masters just got FORKED!

Kenny: (whispers) Are you allowed to say that on the air?

[[Both combatants have taken a lot of damage from the last move, and they both roll around on the mat, trying to regain their bearings. Janus crawls over to where Cammy is, gets her in a headlock and begins to dig the kitchen utensil deeper into the wound. The fans boo some more, and begin to throw things.]]

Cari: I don’t give a FORK if it’s allowed! And neither does referee Lynette Lebrie, who throws her head back and laughs! She seems to be enjoying this FORKING match as much as I am!

Kenny: (rolls his eyes) Oh brother.

[[Janus tosses the fork outside the ring and slowly makes her way to her feet. She pulls Cammy up by her blood-soaked blonde hair, and punches her again in the forehead. The Georgia girl moans and tries to lash out, but the larger Janus holds her at a distance.]]

Cari: This one’s over. All Janus has to do now is finish her off.

Kenny: (rolls his eyes) Sadly, my computer agrees with you, with... a fairly high level of certainty.

Cari: (smiles) You’re learning, geek.

[[Janus holds Cammy by the hair with one hand and delivers two more punches to the face with the other. Cammy’s knees begin to wobble.]]

Janus: You are no match for me, child.

[[Janus tightens her grip and Irish whips Cammy face-first into the near corner, exacting a cry of pain from the Georgia girl and a gasp of horror from the crowd. As Cammy rebounds, Janus grabs her around the waist, spins and plants her bloody forehead face-first on the canvas, in an inverted spine-buster]]

Cari: The “Faces of Pain!” I think I invented that move a few years back, but great minds do think alike. That’s all she wrote for this one.

Kenny: Maybe not! there’s someone running down the entrance ramp!

[[Janus rolls Cammy over and places a boot in the center of her ample chest. Lynette LeBrie drops down to count, while a streak of red, white and royal blue charges down the lower half of the ramp toward the ring.]]

ONE!

[[The woman, sheathed in a full-size flag, gets to ringside and picks up the discarded fork]]

TWO!!

[[The woman rolls into the ring and charges straight at Janus. Just before she gets there, Lynette’s hand hits the mat a third time.]]

THREE!!!

Kenny: It’s “Sensational” Shea London! Looks like she’s taking offense to that earlier unprovoked attack by Janus!

Cari: She doesn’t look all that “Sensational” to me, but at least she’s decided to get the FORK into the ring and mix it up!.

Kenny: Ugh, not this again. Shea London and Janus are exchanging blows in the ring, while Cammy rolls out and staggers toward the exit. Ring attendants are storming into the ring to try and separate Janus and Shea, but my computer tells me there’s a 87% chance... I mean, this fight probably isn’t over.

Cari: Indeed! As I predicted, Cammy was no match for the brutality and power of Janus. We’ll be back after a word from Super Steel Silverware, the official silverware of the Battling Ring Angels. You won’t find a better FORK anywhere!

Kenny: Good grief.

Winner by pinfall: Janus