The scene opens to a camera pan across the arena. The place is packed and the fans are going nuts. Signs all over the arena advertise fans’ favorite wrestlers. Some of the better ones read “I’m the real Rich Bitch!”, “Aces and Eight’s” and “Lindsay is my Hero!” The camera pans to the announcing table as Kenny and Cari begin to speak.

Kenny: Fans, welcome back to Battling Ring Angels action, and up next we have a tag team match that…

Cari: That is really just going to bore everyone. We all know Simply Divine is one of the best teams in this company, and this business. They’re going to kill these rookies.

The Lights in the arena dim as Duran Duran's "Girls on Film" begins to blast through the sound system. The spot lights circle the arena before stopping at the gates of heaven. The Angeltron comes to life showing Simply Divine looking impressive in their matches against Motherhood, The Cheerleaders and the Babe Squad. Flash pots on both sides of the entrance erupt in blinding pyrotechnics. When the smoke clears, Laura Parker and Alexandria Parker step through the curtains. The crowd yells out its usual mixture of boos and catcalls as Laura and Alexandria pose. They are both dressed in skin tight, Red PVC pants with black over the thigh boots that have Simply Divine written on them in Red letters. They show off their tight abs and ample cleavage with a red bikini top. Black gloves complete their ensemble. Their hair is worn up and is perfectly styled, not a strand out of place or a split end in sight. Following Simply Divine is first Vanity, Alexandria's valet. She is dressed in a black micro mini skirt with a black blazer and white silk blouse. Vanity carries a large mirror with her. As they walk toward the ring Laura and Alexandria will turn and check their appearance in the mirror. Following Vanity is Willie Wienersnitzel, Laura's Hollywood agent. He is dressed in his usual "disco" suit consisting of a cranberry suit with an ultra wide collar, a white shirt with the top four buttons unbuttoned. A full Cleveland (matching white patent leather belt and loafers.) And five pounds of gold chain around his neck. On his head is what only can be described as the world's worst toupee. Simply Divine step into the ring and strut around it, posing for the crowd. This brings out a loud outpouring of wolf whistles and catcalls. When they are finished posing, they check themselves once more in the mirror that Vanity holds before returning their attention to the ring.

Cari: That’s what I call an entrance. But I have to ask, what is that thing Willie has on his head?

Kenny: My sources tell me his toupee is made out of some fibers the FDA has deemed to cause brain seizures if exposed to it for too long.

Cari: That explains a lot.

The arena lights go dark and strobe lights begin to hit all over the arena, creating the effect of lightning. Lightning Lindsay Locke comes to the entry way and stands with her hands in a “T”, palms down. Suddenly the pyrotechnics go off and she raises her hands to a “V”, with the palms up. “Immigrant Song” by Led Zepplin plays and Lindsay walks confidently to the ring. She slaps hands with the fans and hugs some of them. The fans cheer her and show their support. Lindsay wears her blue Spandex shorts, with silver lightning bolts on them, and the word "Lightning" on the back in silver letters a silver sports bra style top, and blue boots with silver lightning bolts on them. Blue knee pads with silver bolts on them. She also wears a blue t-shirt that says “Lind’s Kids Charities” on it in yellow letters. On her way to the ring she stops, takes off the shirt, and gives it to a young girl at ringside. The girl holds it up, showing it to the cheering fans, and beaming from ear to ear. Lindsay enters the ring and goes over to Laura Parker. She and Laura exchange a hand shake.

Kenny: Classy move by a classy young lady.

Cari: Whatever, this stripper can’t even keep her clothes on when she’s going to her match.

Kenny: My computer tells me that it was all just a big misunderstanding.

Cari: Your computer is almost as dumb as you. Almost.

“13 Times” by Garbage starts to play and Minty Flavors makes her way to the ring waving to the fans and blowing kisses to them. Some of the kisses seem a bit more passionate than others. She wears a Peppermint striped two-piece and red and white wrestling boots. The fans cheer her. The smallest girl in the ring is making a big impression with the fans. She enters the ring and hugs Lindsay. The two hold their hands up. Minty stretches and gets ready for the match.

Kenny: Lindsay and Minty showing a little unity in the ring. My computer tells me that the team with the best unity has an 87.9%…no…88% chance of winning.

Cari: You can’t be this much of a geek.

Kenny: Your thoughts on young Minty Flavors.

Cari: Shut up.

Ref Lynette Labrie is in the ring and it will be Lindsay and Alexandria to start this match off. The two women lock up in the center of the ring. Lindsay quickly hits Alexandria with an arm drag takeover. Alexandria goes down to the mat and smacks it a few times in frustration and anger.

Kenny: Quick move by the rookie there.

Cari: Alexandria is going to destroy this stripper tramp.

Alexandria gets back to her feet, but is immediately met by a drop kick from Lindsay that puts her back down on the mat. As she struggles to get back up Lindsay whips off the ropes and hits her with a flying forearm that puts the Rich Bitch on her back. Lindsay follows that up with an elbow drop.

Kenny: Lindsay off to a fast start. And my computer tells me that the team that starts out fastest has a 73% chance of winning.

Cari: I’m 73% closer to throwing your computer off this desk.

Lindsay pulls Alexandria to her feet by the hair and walks her over to the corner. Lindsay tags in Minty and the little girl enters the ring. Both women drive elbows into Alexandria’s back, and then Lindsay gets out of the ring at the ref’s rather late instruction.

Kenny: Good use of the double by the new tag team.

Cari: Are you crazy? This midget can’t even hold a candle to Alexandria.

Minty grabs Alexandria by the arm and whips her to the ropes. When Alexandria comes back, Minty nails her with a jumping clothesline that takes the bigger woman off her feet.

Cari: Come one Alexandria, kill that reject from the Wizard of Oz!

Kenny: That was made long before Minty was born. My computer tells me most of the original munchkins are dead.

Cari: I honestly don’t know how you survive in the real world.

Minty reaches down and stands Alexandria up by the hair. When she almost has the bigger woman up, Alexandria quickly sticks her finger in Minty’s eye. Minty reaches up and grabs her face, only to be hit by a short arm clothesline. Minty goes down as Alexandria tries to recover from the beating she’s been taking.

Cari: See, I told you. These two goody goody girls are no match for Alexandria and Laura.

Kenny: My computer tells me that cheaters never prosper.

Cari: Jeez, you are a loser.

Alexandria grabs Minty by the hair and pulls the smaller girl to the corner. She tags in Laura and both members of Simply Divine begin to give Minty a corner beating, sending kicks and stomps into her midsection. The ref lets this happen for a while, and then orders Alexandria out of the ring, almost as a formality. Alexandria complies, but not before sending an elbow to Minty’s face.

Cari: Now that’s how you execute a double team.

Kenny: Simply Divine in control of the match right now, and right now Laura taking over.

Laura: Does this hurt? You really need more training dear.

Laura sends Minty to the ropes and hits her with a tilt-a-whirl belly buster on the return. Minty hits against Laura’s knee and goes right down to the mat holding her stomach. She curls into a ball of pain. Laura struts around the ring and plays to the crowd.

Kenny: Simply Divine, in the person of Laura Parker, really showing off the power moves here.

Cari: This Minty is just too small. She has no business being out there. In my day, I would have destroyed her.

Kenny: My computer tells me you always had trouble with short, fast opponents.

Cari: Further proof your computer has more bits than brains!

Laura hooks Minty’s leg and tries for the pin . The ref gets in position. She gets a two count before Minty is able to get a foot on the ropes.

Kenny: Only a two count.

Cari: Slow count if you ask me.

Kenny: That’s why I’m not.

Laura stands Minty up, and whips her to the turnbuckle. She follows in and hits Minty with a knee lift. Laura tags Alexandria and both women send knee lifts into Minty’s midsection. The ref orders Laura out of the ring and she complies. As she exits the ring she puts her hands up to say “Did I do something wrong?”

Cari: True sportsmanship by Laura.

Kenny: Are we watching the same match? Alexandria taking control of Minty right now.

Alexandria: Welcome to BRA bitch!

Alexandria grabs Minty and whips her to the ropes. She drops her head to execute a back body drop, but Minty is able to control herself and executes a sunset flip on the return. The ref gets down to count.

ONE

TWO

And Alexandria manages to kick out, sending Minty half way across the ring.

Kenny: Good recovery and hustle shown by the rookie.

Both women are struggling to their feet. Her partner Lindsay, who is stomping her foot and clapping, trying to rally the crowd to Minty’s side, is spurring on minty. She stretches out and Minty makes a last second dive, tagging in Lindsay. Lindsay gets right in the ring and goes after Alexandria, hitting her with a flying forearm.

Kenny: Lindsay has been waiting to get back in this match, and my computer tells me when a team can get a fresh wrestler in a match they win 83% of the time.

Cari: This girl is such an act. Kill her Alexandria!

Lindsay stands Alexandria up and hits her with a knife edge chop, and another, and on more. Alexandria stumbles across the ring and hangs in the corner. Lindsay signals to Minty. Minty gets in the ring and Lindsay goes down to all fours. Minty gets a running start and uses Lindsay’s back as a stepping stool, getting airborne and landing her body on Alexandria in the corner, a la the Hardy Boys.

Kenny: Great athletic move, and teamwork by Lindsay and Minty!

Cari: What? This is a flagrant double team! Where’s the ref?

Alexandria falls down in the corner. The ref ushers Minty out of the ring as Lindsay covers Alexandria. The ref gets in position and gives a two count before Alexandria gets her foot on the ropes.

Cari: Dumb Rookie! You can’t get a pin that close to the ropes. Maybe if she wasn’t a topless dancer bimbo she’d know that.

Kenny: Don’t you even buy a newspaper.

Cari: Sure…the National Inquisitor.

Lindsay reaches down to stand up Alexandria, but Alexandria sends a quick shot between Lindsay’s legs. The blond goes down to her knees, with her hands between her legs. Her mouth goes wide open in an “O”. Alexandria shakes off the cobwebs and has a brief discussion with the ref.

Kenny: Low blow by Alexandria has Lindsay down.

Cari: I love it!

Alexandria walks over to the kneeling Lindsay and sends a knee right to her face. Lindsay goes down to the mat, rolling in pain. Minty tries to rally her partner.

Minty: Get up Lindsay! Show ‘em what Lightning can do!

Alexandria stands Lindsay up and puts one hand between her legs and the other on her throat. She lifts Lindsay up and executes a scoop slam. Lindsay’s back hits hard on the mat. Alexandria stands her up and executes a release German Suplex. Lindsay is down as Alexandria goes for the cover. The ref can only get to two before Lindsay kicks out.

Cari: How did she do that?

Kenny: She’s a fighter!

Cari: Can’t she just give up?

Alexandria hauls Lindsay to her feet by her hair and drags her to the corner. She tags in Laura and both of them send Lindsay to the ropes, setting her up for a double clothesline. But Lindsay ducks this and turns them around. She comes off the ropes from the other side and hits both members of Simply Divine with a double clothesline. All three women are down. Lindsay gets to her feet first and grabs Alexandria by the hair. She tosses her out of the ring.

Kenny: Lightning Lindsay Locke is really fighting here. And my computer tells me that the team with the most heart can win in 67% of the matches.

Cari: This is making me sick.

While Laura struggles to her feet, Lindsay gets up and goes top rope. She waits until Laura is standing and then she executes a cork screw dive, knocking Laura down. Lindsay goes for the pin.

ONE

TWO

Kenny: Ohhhh! Alexandria Parker breaks up the count! She dropped her elbow right on the back of Lindsay’s head.

Cari: Now that’s a competitor!

Lindsay rolls over and rubs the back of her head while Alexandria gets out of the ring.

Alexandria: I’m not done with you yet slut!

Lindsay gets up and drags Laura to her feet. She sets Laura up and executes her Spicoli Driver. Lindsay slams Laura into the mat. She goes for the cover.

Kenny: The Spicoli Driver! The move made famous by the late great Louis Spicoli…here’s the cover…

Cari: And this is what I like to see! Alexandria reaching into the ring and pulling Lindsay off her partner!

Lindsay tries to shake Alexandria’s hand off her foot. She argues with Alexandria a little and then goes to her corner and tags in Minty. Minty steps in the ring and finds Laura trying to get to her feet. She sweeps her legs, and then drops a perfect head butt right into Laura’s shoulder. Laura rolls over, holding her shoulder.

Kenny: The head butt from little Minty. No one was expecting that!

Minty: I love your movies…no one can fake an orgasm like you Laura!

Cari: She better watch herself insulting Laura Parker.

Kenny: My computer tells me 50% of this sport is winning the mental game.

Laura rolls outside the ring to get some rest. Meanwhile Alexandria is pointing at Minty and yelling at her. The ref is distracted by this argument as Laura goes over to Willie. She kisses Willie, surprising everyone, and while he’s enticed by the kiss she grabs his Toupee, leaving him bald as a bat.

Cari: That’s something I never wanted to see!

Kenny: My computer tells me 62% of males suffer from pattern baldness.

Laura rolls back in the ring and while Minty is arguing with Alexandria she turns the smaller girl around and sticks the toupee right in her mouth.

Cari: It’s the mandible hairball! Laura has it locked on!

Kenny: That thing is dangerous!

Minty starts coughing and shaking as Laura keeps the toupee in place, getting the smaller girl down to one knee, and then the other. The ref sees the illegal toupee, but does nothing. Laura gets Minty down on her back and has her pretty much out. She pulls the toupee out of Minty’s mouth and tosses it out of the ring. Willie runs around to where it landed and quickly snatches it up, just before a fan can reach over the guard rail and grab it. He tries to reposition it on his head, but this just makes it look worse.

Kenny: Didn’t the ref see the use of that poison toupee?

Cari: You mean poison to look at, right? Jeez, that thing is terrible!

Laura covers the still stunned Minty and the ref gets in position. She counts.

ONE

TWO

THREE!

Kenny: It’s over! Laura Parker gets the pin on Minty Flavors, under shall we say, “hairy” circumstances.

Cari: I bet you think that’s funny?

Lindsay and Alexandria both enter the ring from separate sides. Lindsay goes over and helps the downed Minty to her feet. She tries to help Minty rally. The two of them are about to leave the ring when Laura touches Lindsay on the shoulder. Lindsay turns and Laura hugs her. She grabs Lindsay’s arm and holds the rookie’s hand up.

Laura: Fans of BRA, you have just seen a match that proves that women can compete cleanly in the wrestling ring and remain friends. This is just a preview of the Charity Challenge Championship that my good friend Linda . .

Lindsay: That's Lindsay.

Laura: Oh sure . . . whatever . . . Lindsay Locke and I will be fighting in the near future. Won't you join us by contributing to: Charity Challenge Championship, in care of Battling Ring Angels, P. O. Box 111 Las Vegas NV 12005.

Lindsay: And remember, no matter who wins, the children win !

While Lindsay and Laura hug in the ring Alexandria quickly grabs the mirror from Miss Vanity. She sizes up the still a little wobbly Minty and nails her right in the head with the mirror, cracking it in half and knocking Minty to the mat. Minty goes right down in a heap. Lindsay sees this and runs to the aid of her partner, pushing Alexandria out of the way.

Lindsay: Leave her alone!

Alexandria: Stay out of this stripper trash! Think about that for a while Minty!

Alexandria leaves the ring with her entourage in tow while Lindsay tries to help the downed Minty.

Kenny: I’m just shocked with what I just saw.

Cari: You really are an idiot.

Kenny: We’ll…ummm…we’ll be right back.

As Alexandria and her entourage reach the entry way the lights go dark and darkness takes over the arena. When the lights go back on Alexandria is cornered by Janus and Sasha. Both wear matching black leather raincoats and carry kendo sticks. They have Alexandria cornered so she can't go either way. She looks one way and then the other. Deciding Sasha is more of a mark, she charges at the Dragon Lady, only to be hit from behind by Janus with the kendo stick. The shot puts her on her knees, and Sasha smacks her in the head with the other stick. Alexandria goes down, rolling on the entry way. Sasha bends down and lifts Alexandria up while Janus threatens Miss Vanity with the Kendo stick. Sasha whispers something in Alexandria's ear. She drops Alexandria and walks away. As Alexandria struggles back to her feet, Janus gives her one more shot with the stick on the back.

Kenny: My God! Will this carnage end!

Cari: I hope not! This is great!

Kenny: Commercial! Go to a commercial!