Kenny: Cari, with the percentages of participants who stretch, manipulate, and
blatantly break the rules, I actually find a match for a good cause to be the
rarest gimmick in this industry. Check the figures, out of roughly a couple
hundred matches, you could probably count on your fingers the number of times no
rules were broken in a match.
Cari: Are you saying I need my fingers to count?
Kenny: I didn’t mean...
Cari: Keep it up ya geek and I’ll break your fingers.
Scanning back to the announce table, a quiet hush fell over the announcers as
they waited for the countdown to “On Air”, nevermind they’ve been on for a
couple moments. Cari munched away at a monstrous wad of gum while staring at
her counterpart, who mindlessly scanned his spreads and sheets, preparing his
data for the ensuing match.
Cari: Welcome back everyone, and for your sake I do hope you didn’t eat anything
during that break, as here comes tonight’s dosage of pathetic niceties. So,
before we start, get the Pepto and pray it’s strong enough.
Kenny: Did you know that Pepto...
Cari: Fascinating. Really...
Kenny: But you didn’t let me finish.
Cari: And you can be assured, there was a reason. Now, let’s get this one going.
Kenny: You don’t want to hear about Pepto?
Darkness. Silence. An audience quietly awaiting it’s next spectacle whispering
from seat to seat, guessing and teasing at the outcomes and tricks to be used.
Strobe flashes pulsed about the house, reflecting and arcing in the simulation
of lightning. Enter Lindsay, walking out to the tones of Zep’s “Immigrant Song”,
absorbing the sudden acclamation granted by the audience.
Cari: And here comes Lindsay, just look at this display. She’s been here what? Five
minutes and already she thinks she can just scramble all the fans with some
flashy displays and a song older than dirt.
Kenny: Lindsay is a newcomer to the sport...
Cari: Duh.
Kenny: Her record stands now at one win in singles competition, and a loss in tag team
meetings.
Cari: Why Laura, who is much more proven than this rookie, would even grant such
a...
Kenny: Neophyte? Rookie? Newbie?
Cari: I was thinking, infant, into the ring with her, is just beyond me. I would
have never granted an “unproven” the opportunity, myself. To fight me was an
honor, not some cheaply given favor.
Kenny: That would pertain to other things...
Cari: That was supposed to mean what?
Strutting confidently towards the ring, Lindsay took a couple moments to revel
in the adoration of the fan, a smile riding high upon her cheeks while she
slapped hands with as many as she could reach. Decked out in blue spandex
shorts and sports bra, each emblazoned with silver lightning bolts and the word
"Lightning" on the back in silver. Over top of the ensemble, a loose fitting
blue shirt bore the words, “Lind’s Kids”, a slight advertisement. Stopping at
the guardrails and removing the piece, she handed it to a brightly smiling
youngster and winked to his glee. Finally sliding into the ring, Lindsay looked
to an attendant and asked for a mic.
Lindsey: I'm sooo glad to be doing this tonight. This is the most important match of my
career. And I want to thank my friend Laura for helping set up this event. Soooo
sit back and get ready for a great match. And no matter who wins, the children
are the ones who win in the end!
Cari: It’s the kids that win in the end... how touching. Someone, pass me a bag. I
feel nauseated.
Spat the tempestuous brat, quietly hitting her head against the table. Kenny
just smirked and offered a mark-out moment, giving a pair of thumbs up to the
rookie challenger.
Kenny: Imagine what the kids who will benefit from this event feel right now...
Cari: Yes, tomorrow, they’ll tell all their Jerry’s Kid’s brethren that they’re all
better because someone beat the crap out of someone else. Sounds like your
hero, Mister Darwin would be highly upset.
The Angeltron crackled to life showing the huge plexiglas box filled with the
donations made to the Charity Challenge Championship. Two of BRA's crack
security team stands guard over it. Lines of people, mostly children, are
dropping money through a hole in the top of the container, making the pile of
bills, coins and checks grow even higher.
Kenny: Isn't that a wonderful sight? My sources indicate that the jackpot is easily
approaching, if not topping the fifteen thousand dollar mark.
Cari: It just proves the old saying.
Kenny: Which one? Do you mean the one about charity starting at home?
Cari: No the one about a fool and his money.
Kenny: I don't think I know that one.
Cari: Hmmm. Let me tell you about this bridge in New York I just inherited. I think
you may want to buy it.
Interrupted by a change of the screen, Laura Parker with Jenna Jamestown,
chatting up on the effects of this matchup.
Jenna: Laura, it is a pleasure meeting you.
Laura: I am so thrilled at the public's reaction to the Charity Challenge
Championship. I never dreamed that Linda and I could raise so much money.
Jenna: That's Lindsay . . .
Laura: Whatever. I am so proud to see all my fans come through for me. I will not let
them down. This will be a clean match and the fans will be treated to a display
of sportswomanship. No matter whose hand is raised at the end of the match, the
real winners will be the kids that we have raised this money for.
Jenna: Thank you, Laura Parker, and good luck tonight.
Laura: Thank you for allowing me to be interviewed by you, Jean.
Jenna: That's Jenna.
Laura: Whatever.
The images faded, leaving only the impressions on the minds of those in
attendance.
Cari: How could Laura stoop so low as to do something like this?
Cari lamented, shaking her head in disgust before the entrance of the second
participant and with that, The lights fell again. Duran Duran's "Girls on film"
begins to play through the speakers. A spotlight picks up Laura Parker. She
wears a strapless floor length, Alexandria Parker original, gown. Her hair is
worn up in a twist with a tiara in it. Accompanied by her agent William
Wienersnitzel, Laura smiles to the crowd with that perfect beauty queen smile of
hers, the spotlight reflects in little gleams off her teeth. She bounces along
with the time of the music to the ring. She walks up to the ring and enters it
alone. She walks around the ring posing and waving to the fans very much the
Beauty Queen. She stands with her back to Willie. Willie removes the tiara from
Laura's hair. Willie unzips her dress and removes it to reveal her wrestling
costume. She wears a white bikini top with matching white spandex pants. The
white of her costume shows off her perfectly tanned body. She completes the
ensemble with white knee high wrestling boots and white elbow pads. There are
silver threads in each so that they reflect the lights of the arena.
In a show of good sportsmanship, Lindsay quickly crossed the ring to give her
opponent a good luck hug and a tender smile, truly wishing for the best woman to
win. Laura gave her normal, emotionless, horse toothed, glamour girl smile and
wished desperately that Lindsay would let go, fall over, and die. Not getting
her wish, she settled quietly for watching her opponent return to her corner for
some last minute stretching.
Cari: Tell me the cuteness is over...
Kenny: Well, after some research, I am sure that our marketing department saw that
with increased levels of friendly competition, they could tap a market that
wasn’t so reliant solely on the need for blood. I figure those numbers to be
almost 3 percent higher, which would add at least a tenth of a point to our
total...
Cari: I’m not sure what’s worse... them, or you? Cutesty and Fair... Dull and
Geeky? Sounds like one of our tag teams. Anyway, let’s see this thing get
going. If we’re lucky, a fan might jump in and draw blood.
A ring of the bell is met with the obligatory circling in the middle of the
ring, each woman’s eyes affixed to the other to search for a flaw, an opening, a
weakness. Lindsay is the first to bite, sweeping in a with a quick clothesline
over the head of a ducking Laura, who darts towards the ropes and comes back
off. Lindsay hits the canvas and Laura steps over, Lightning back to her feet
and then springing into the air to again watch Laura duck the attack.
Lindsay fell to her back, rolling up for an attempted monkey flip which was met
with a rolling dive from the veteran who stood back to her feet, arms raised to
the adoration of the crowd, both women having yet to touch the other. Laura
looked a bit annoyed with this turn of events and with Lindsay’s pride, but
shrugged it off when she felt eyes turned her direction.
Offering one hand in the air, the universal sign for “Hey, Let’s Tie Up!” Laura
waited for her foe’s response, which was to do the same. Stepping closer and
hunkering over, both women tapped fingertips in an attempt to mentally play
with their opponent, finally locking the fingers of one hand. Eye to eye, hand
in hand... they raised the other in almost the same fashion, the women’s other
hands slowly asserting the same grip upon one another.
Pressing chest to chest, the women clenched their teeth and fought to get the
first advantage in what was starting to look like a much longer and bitter
battle than either was really hoping for.
Kenny: The numbers say that Laura’s giving up around ten pounds to her opponent, but
I would think her experience could easily make up that difference. The average
weight of Laura’s opponents seem to center right at her own, but her experiences
against heavier opponents have yielded very promising results.
Cari: In other words, She’s holding her own rather easily because if you’re paying
attention to her left foot, you’d see she’s standing on Lindsay’s.
Kenny: Well... I was commenting on this display, actually.
Laura’s stature began to falter, the force of her opponent finally starting to
overwhelm her frame. With a quick thought, Laura fell to a knee, dropping
Lindsay’s chin across her shoulder in a move reminiscent of “The Bareback” an
inverse stunner of sorts, but definitely breaking the hold and giving Laura an
upper hand. Clutching her knee for a moment, Miss Parker pretended not to
notice that her “fall” had any impact upon her friend/opposition.
Kenny: Oh, that was a nasty fall. I hope Laura’s alright.
Laura quickly got back to her feet and looked at Lindsay, offering her hand to
the recovering woman as an apologetic sign. Lindsay shook her head and stared
questioningly before taking the offered hand. Laura pulled forcefully upon the
down woman, not only pulling her to her feet, but over her own, tripping her
back down, face first to the canvas. Laura, in a moment of feigned shock and
surprise, bent over quickly to check on her opponent, “slipping” and falling
with a remarkably aimed knee drop to the back of the prone target.
Lindsay cried out in pain from the attack, her breathing slowed as she eyed her
opponent, now backing away with a look of guilt across her features. Slowly,
albeit maybe too late, Lindsay was beginning to see exactly what she was in the
ring with. Getting back to her feet, Laura’s whispered apology did little now.
It was on.
Laura put her hand up again, smiling demurely at the prospect she could
possibly repeat her last bout of clumsiness.
Laura: Are you alright?
Laura questioned, getting a cautious nod from Lindsay. Lindsay reached up
again, finger tip to finger tip before allowing their fingers to lace. Laura
offered the second and Lindsay present her own, then quickly dropped to the mat
drop with a drop toe hold, wrenching Laura’s still clenched hand behind her back
in a tight hammer lock. Laura scrambled for ropes, forcing the break and
leaving her soured.
Kenny: Great bit of technical skill from Lindsay, taking the veteran to the canvas.
Cari: Oh, looks like Goody Two-Shoes Barbie isn’t all she seems. Afterall, Laura
was offering an honorable...
Kenny: Well, by the statistics, almost ninety five percent of ties ups that occur
within a matchup, for the second time, by the same athletes, is someone trying
to initiate and take advantage of the other character.
Cari: And Lindsay played it well.
Kenny: It’s called a pre-emptive strike.
Back in the ring, Lindsay had begun to take charge of the match, backing Laura
into the corner with a series of forearms. Whipping her across the ring, Laura
snapped hard against the protective turnbuckle coverings and stumbled slowly out
only to be caught with a spinning heel kick from the rookie. Lindsay jumped
across the ropes, falling back and over with a split legged moonsault across the
former Tag Champion. Hooking a leg, her efforts were met with only a count of
two.
Pulling Laura up by the arm, Lindsay hooked one arm over her head and lifted
her opponent vertical and falling back in a picturesque suplex. Laura grunted
with the impact, staring at arena lights while trying to the catch the very
breath that Lindsay was determined to take from her. Blinking, the last thing
she really wanted to see was the face of her opponent gazing down upon her.
Kenny: Well, it looks like the rookie has been doing some research on her opponent,
she seems to have her scouted well.
Cari: Scouted well? What would you know? She’s using a barrage of very basic moves
after a cheap shot, when in theory this is supposed to be a match of honor and
respect. Shame on Lindsay. I hope her kids don’t take her too seriously as a
role model.
“Helped” to her feet, Laura fell under a barrage of right and left hands,
teetering after a fourth and finally collapsing against the ropes on the fifth.
Trying to shake off the blows, Laura watched her opponent charge in and going
with the natural instincts of gravity, fell, taking the top rope down with
her. Too late to stop herself, Lindsay tumbled over the ropes and fell to the
protective matting over the concrete. Laura slumped further, getting the much
needed break.
Laura, with aid from the ropes, pulled herself back to her feet and watched
over the ropes as her opponent did the same. Stepping away from the entrance
point, Laura dashed back in with a well-placed knee against the re-entering
Lindsay. Stopping her forward momentum, Laura delivered a quick forearm shot to
her opponent’s back and yanked her into the ring, further whipping her across
and into the ropes, sending Lindsay up into the air with a back body drop.
Climbing the ropes, Laura spun quickly and dove off, stretching herself out
after a tight frog splash. Hooking a leg, Laura looked out to the thousands of
“her” fans. The hand fell twice, but delivered no verdict as Lindsay’s
shoulder came away from the mat. Shaking the hair from her face, Laura stood
back up, Lindsay in tow, to continue this fight.
Wrenching Lindsay’s arm, Laura pressed down the shoulder with an elevated
armbar. Forcing her opponent to step with her, she made her way towards the
turnbuckle still pressing Lindsay’s arm in a direction it just wasn’t meant to
go. Stepping lightly across the sagging ring ropes, Laura lined herself up
in the middle and paused for the polite round of “boos” the fans rewarded her
with.
Cari: Laura’s setting her up for something.
Kenny: My records indicate she’ll come off with a basic elbow to the shoulder. It’s
what she does every time in this position. No variations.
Loosening her grip, Laura came off as spoken with an attempted elbow drop.
Sensing the ease against her arm, Lindsay quickly turned the hold into a version
of an arm drag, sending Laura down to her back. Lindsay got back to her feet,
tenderly rotating her arm to test its mobility. Laura grumbled as she regained
her feet, muttering to the referee something along the lines of “She pulled my
Hair.”
Shaking off the previous encounters, the women circled again, a little more
leery of the abilities of the other. Laura came in first, trying to bury her
shoulder into Lindsay’s gut. Catching a glimpse of an opening, Lightning
sidestepped and turned, wrapping her arms around Laura’s waste instead, then
snapping her over and double, in a perfectly executed German Suplex. Pressing
up on her back, Lindsay held for a bridge.
Cari: 1...2... Yes!
Exclaimed the excited Brat, giving a quick punch to Kenny’s arm when Laura
breaks the pin attempt.
Kenny: You do know that it is our jobs to remain fair and impartial in calling
matches, so as not to give a biased account to our viewers?
Cari: Are you saying I’m biased?
Lindsay pulled Laura back from the mat, looking to the crowd for a burst of
energy and enthusiasm. A moment was all that was needed as Laura hooked onto
Lindsay’s back and leg, lifting her into the air for a belly to back. Laura
stumbled from signs of fatigue, her feet unsure. Unable to hold her opponent up
any longer, Laura “Accidently” brought her opponent down, straddling the top
rope and forcing a low groan from the lips of Lindsay Locke.
Laura collapsed in the corner and looked towards her manager for advice,
guidance, and maybe a Diet Coke? Willie’s eyes were elsewhere, strained as he
wishfully stared at a blonde woman in the front row. Watching Lindsay regain
her feet, Laura went for the kill.
Snatching her hand out quickly, Laura brought back a hand full of toxic fuzz,
better known the world over as “Willy’s Toupee.” Arranging it on her hand,
Laura tried not to look at it, not to catch even a waft of the nauseating fumes.
Lindsay stood to her feet, back to Laura, shaking her head to remove the last
effects of the “mistake”. Laura reached back her hand in a melodramatic effort,
her hand masqueraded as Mini-It, the other hand tapping Lindsay on the shoulder.
Cari: It’s over! Eat Furburger!
Kenny: YOU CAN’T SAY THAT ON THE AIR!
Cari: What? Furburger?
Kenny: Wait a second, what’s Willy doing?
Lindsay turned back around to watch the living rug come towards her and her
gaping gullet, only to gasp in relief as Willy reached over the ring to snatch
the beast, resulting in a minor tug of war. Shaking off the shock and
checking for her opportunity, Lindsay waited for the end of the tug of war.
Laura’s attention had left the ring at the moment, most unhappy that Willy
would interfere and stop what would have likely been the deciding factor of the
match. Willy threw his weight behind his final effort, yanking the piece from
Laura’s hands and taking a violent bump through the bell table. Laura smirked
satisfactorily and turned back around, right in the waiting arms and fireman’s
carry of Lindsay Locke.
Cari: This looks bad.
Kicking and fighting, Laura found herself hauled into the middle of the ring
and then swung out and dumped in a Spicolli (R.I.P) Driver from Lightning
Lindsay Locke. Lindsay jumped to her feet and signaled for the end, sensing the
end. Looking down at the dazed Laura Parker, Lindsay quickly hurried up the
ropes and raised her arms in the sign of victory, waiting for the fans to chime
in and release her.
Louder they grew, standing from their seats as they prepared to witness the
“Lightning Strike”. With her arms outstretched, Lindsay leapt from the
turnbuckle, end over end, driving an elbow into the freshly revealed canvas
where seconds before Laura Parker had lain. Lindsay grasped her elbow tightly,
rolling on the canvas as Laura got back to her feet. Shaking the cobwebs loose,
Laura drove a kick into the back of her opponent, then a second, then a third.
Laura threw her hair wildly from her eyes, and continued her onslaught,
eventually pushing Lindsay from the ring once again. This time she wouldn’t
wait and immediately went for the top rope. Lindsay pushed back to her feet and
watched Laura come off. Sidestepping, she pushed a fist into the smaller woman’s
gut, then brought her arms down across her back, sending Laura to the
protective mats.
1
Lindsay leapt to the ring apron, then onto the middle rope, crashing down with
an springboard moonsault to the downed Parker. Rolling around, both women were
feeling the pressures.
2
Lindsay took to one knee, watching Laura roll away, gasping for air.
3
Lindsay followed, driving a sharp kick into the side of Laura and then scooping
her up from the coverings, ramming her face against the apron.
4
Laura countered with an elbow the ribs and then a short clothesline, dragging
them both back to the ground. Both women gasped for air, exhausted...
5
Lindsay stared at the ceiling with Laura’s arm draped loosely over her. Laura
stared out towards the crowds, trying to get up and renew her offense.
6
Lindsay pushed the arm away, rolling from beneath the Sisterhood Member. Laura
forced herself to one knee, eyes cast towards the recovering opponent.
7
Both women grasped the bottom ropes, attempting to pull themselves up and back
into the ring to break the count.
8
Both women had now climbed to the apron, unsteady on their feet. Laura moved
closer to Lindsay, swinging her arm wildly to knock her opponent’s chance of
victory out of reach. Lindsay reciprocated, battering at Laura as both women
struggled to get through the ropes.
9
Lindsay swung another shot across the back of Laura, knocking her off the apron
and to the floor watching in horror as Lindsay shot between the ropes. A final
effort from Laura as she grasped at straws, or more literally, Lindsay’s legs
firmly yanking one from it’s base on the apron.
10
Lindsay crashed to the ground beside Laura, having never made the one step that
granted the victory or continuance. Both women gasped in horror as they heard
the fateful ringing of the bell, signaling the end of the match.
Cari: What? It’s over? Just like that?
Kenny: Yes... I would say it is, so that means... it’s a tie? They split the money?
Let’s get the official decree and bestowing of the money.
Cari: Oh, here goes the way too sweet act...
Standing outside the ring, Laura and Lindsay both look at each other and shake
their hands, congratulating each other with a firm hug while the audience
cheered them on. The audience’s applause and cheering begins to quiet down,
the impatience starting to present itself as all waited for the decree and
splitting of the money. Finally one of the BRA security guards, that was seen
earlier guarding the money, runs into the arena. He is bleeding from a large
gash on his head. He runs into the ring and grabs the microphone.
Security Guard: The money for the Charity Challenge Championship has been stolen out of the
lobby of the BRA arena... if anyone knows anything, please stop by a security
desk and let us know.
With a wave of the man’s hand, four police officers lead by the mammoth known as
KillDozer, climbing into the ring. Shaking his head, Killdozer allows the men
to cuff the women and lead them away...
Winner, Neither. Double Countout.
