An editorial by Freddie Fretwik – of the Committee on Experimental Charms

 When I see children ushered off to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy each year, I get all teary-eyed and sentimental. It reminds me off those days long past when I was a young whippersnapper going off to Hogwarts. Those days may be long gone, but I have remembered every moment of everyday of my seven years there. I was an exemplary student with high marks (in everything except Runes, I just could never get that subject!) and was the most efficient prefect the school had ever seen (In other words, I caught and reported the most juveniles to the professors. I must have taken over 500 House points alone from this one troublemaker…well, that’s another story). However my best subject was Charms, which then was taught by a Professor Yvonne Luvile, a very happy woman who constantly put smiling charms on our faces whenever we frowned too much. Professor Luvile taught me something that I never have forgotten, and I open my editorial with her words of wisdom. “Freddie, never cross your eyes when casting charms! You will end up turning yourself into a frog every time!”

 If you have not guessed by now, my eyes are quite “lazy”. Well, to put it in perspective, they have minds of their own…literally. My friend was trying a new curse on his pet toad, and he swished his wand a little too much to the right where I was sitting, and well…he hit me with it. From that moment on, my two eyes would never look at the same thing. If I wanted to look at a book, my left would read, and my right I will decide to move around so much as to make me sick! To this day, I have yet to find a counter-curse, so my eyes will continue to occupy themselves while I try and concentrate. I have to use a dictating quill to write this editorial now, because my right is looking at the ceiling while my left eye is looking at my secretary! Anyway, the purpose of this editorial is to warn witches and wizards alike about the dangers of charms!

 Yes, charms are our friends. Life is easier when we can put charms on household items and what not, but there is a danger lurking behind EVERY charm that you cast. A Muggle playwright once wrote “Lord, what fools these mortals be!” and even for a Muggle he could not be more right. These days’ wizards want everything instantly. A faster broomstick, a self-stirring cauldron, speedy owls! Nonsense. When people try to hurry through their lives, they never look at what is in front of them! Charms take a lot of concentration, skill, and preparation. Some physical charms require plants, creatures, or minerals to perform. Some require precise incantations and pinpoint wand movements. Charms are very powerful only IF the wizard or witch does it properly. Here are some testimonial of wizards and witches who decided that speed was better than preparation.

Timothy Orwenop, Dublin Ireland –

 When I was at Hogwarts, I wanted to get to the top fast. I was looking forward into turning my parent’s disgusting house into a luxurious castle and even try and create some new potions to astound the wizarding world. But what I never realized is how little I knew. The basics were so boring to me, I did not pay attention to any of my professors, and I paid the price!

 With a false pretense that I actual KNEW what I was doing, when I graduated I returned to my family’s home with an experimental charm. I said the incantation [CENSORED – Do not try this at home, or work, or ANYWHERE!], waved my wand, and these sparks flew out. Well, instead of changing my house into a castle, it turned our house into a matchbox! My mum and dad were little matches with red heads…and when I opened the box up they screamed at me with their little mouths…

 It took the Ministry over a week to put my house and parents back to normal. However, some of the magic was so terrible, my dad will always have a big read head that will flame if he rubbed against a wall. Although I was sparred from Azkaban, I now replant gardens ravaged by Knarls for a living. All of this because I did I was too stupid to realize that charms are very dangerous things and should not be taken for granted!

 Yes, poor Timothy learned all to well when foresight and ambition impede upon the real important things…knowing where you are and what you are doing! These small innocent charms can have large teeth too, you know!

 So now you ask yourself, “What should I do Freddie?” Well folks, not to worry, because here at the Committee on Experimental Charms, we have prepared a short summary some do’s when performing a physical charm.

1) Be sure this charm is legal. Often times, charms that will get you rich, or make you win at something unfairly will get you caught. And we all know what happens to criminals now don’t we? =)

2) Make sure all necessary parts of the charm are collected. This may or may not include wands, ingredients such as plants, creatures, minerals, etc.

3) Have a pouch or jar ready, if you are performing a physical charm.

4) Know the incantation by heart, so there is no confusion or mess-ups with the delivery.

5) Know how to move the wand while you charming an object. This is VERY important, because you could end up like me and have eyes that never ever look straight!

6) Relax yourself. Tense wizards or witches tend to screw up charms the most. You have be at peace, so you can commit your entire self to a charm. This is perhaps the most important point!

7) Don’t be in a rush! The majority of charms you will perform in your lifetime will be for common tasks, and not to defeat someone like He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Delivering a charm haphazardly will invite trouble.

8) When you have mastered all of the previous steps…implement the charm with focus. Be confident, but not cocky. Be alert, but concentrate. Be forceful, but gentle.

9) If you performed the previous tasks adequately, you will have successfully performed a charm. Now, you can celebrate!

So, my fellow wizards and witches…it is not that hard after all, is it? When you prepare, think, and then execute you can do anything. Well, except perform a darn counter course on my eyes. Thank you for reading this editorial brought to you by the Committee on Experimental Charms. Be well.