Why Ryan the Rambunctious
is now Ryan the Rhino:
Tips on Safe Dueling
by Angelina Adamson
Introduction:
Dueling has been a favorite
wizarding sport for ages; possibly since the beginning of time. There are
three main reasons why this sport has such a wide following: it is showy,
often exciting, and, most of all, very dangerous.
It is this last aspect of
appeal that concerns me most in this book. Though having an ear blown off
will bring you many oohs and aahs, most prefer to avoid a nasty injury
while dueling (if at all possible)
This book focuses on prevention,
not cures. If your ear has already been blasted off I suggest you try St.
Mungo's.
If, on the other hand, you
have been challenged to a duel, and are now fearing for your life, I suggest
you stop Reading this long-winded introduction and skip to the important
stuff, starting with Chapter One. Oops, too late-- you're already there.
Chapter One
As you may have guessed
from the title of this book, my example of bad dueling techniques is Ryan
the Rhino. Not because he is a Rhino, mind you; that happens to the best
of them, and besides, he could have died! No, Ryan is my example because
he made every classic mistake that I feel is important to point out to
you.
Here's the beginning of
our case study, the first mistake:
When Ryan came to meeting
site of the duel, he brought nothing but his
trusty wand, Rhonda.
Okay, besides having a totally
dumb name for his wand, Ryan made one other huge mistake. Can you guess
it?
I won't leave you struggling;
the answer is, he forgot his second.
A second is a very important
element in a duel. Not only will your second take over for you should you
die, they will also make every attempt to keep you from dying in the first
place.
Never forget your trusty
second. And always choose one you could bet your life on-- because that's
exactly what you're doing.
Chapter Two
When Scynar the Scary cast
his first spell, Ryan stood there, hoping his deflecting charm would keep
him from injury.
This scenario will be covered
in two chapters, as Ryan made two very crucial mistakes.
The first one is quite obvious:
Ryan didn't try to duck. No matter how macho he wants to seem, no sane
wizard would purposely take a direct hit. This is basically suicide.
Luckily for Ryan, Scynar
was just warming up his wand, and Ryan ended up with nothing worse than
bright purple spots all over.
If you really look at it,
though, it's amazing that Ryan's still alive. Most wizards start off the
duel with a very powerful blow, to test the opponent, then use smaller
curses to try and keep the opponent off guard until their full strength
returns.
Also, Ryan had screwed up
his deflecting spell, so if Scynar was really as frightening as his name
implies, who knows what might have happened.
Chapter Three
Look back at the scene in
Chapter Two. Actually don't; I'm rewriting it here for lazy people:
When Scynar the Scary cast
his first spell, Ryan stood there, hoping his deflecting charm would keep
him from injury.
Can you see Ryan's other
mistake?
Well, I can. He just sat
there.
No, no, no, this isn't what
I talked about last chapter, this is a whole new area. Another major rule
of dueling is to keep the curses coming.
No matter how weak you are,
you need to send a constant stream of curses, however minor, in the other
wizard's direction. This helps keep them from focusing their full attention
on cursing you.
I don't know if Ryan's "your
turn, my turn" attitude was some strange code of etiquette, or just plain
stupidity. Possibly both. But pausing in between curses to the other bloke
a chance is like turning your back on a hippogriff-- most people only do
it once.
There was a case in Norway
where a jelly-legs curse won a duel. So you see, you never know. . .
Chapter Four
Ryan took time to clear
away the purple spots before turning to counter-curse Scynar.
This mistake is quite obvious
and painfully common. You should never attempt to heal injuries in the
middle of a duel (the only exceptions are given later) especially incidental
ones such as spots.
Often, when an unfortunate
victim of a curse stoops to replace missing toes or unlock legs, they are
swiftly struck with the conquering blow.
Had Ryan been dueling with
an expert or any kind of formidable wizard, he would have been reduced
to dust within the first five minutes. Even so, as he corrected the spots,
Scynar used the opportunity to inflict an overdose of Cheering Charm on
the poor man, rendering him unable to do anything but laugh for about ten
minutes.
There are three cases in
which healing current wounds would be optimal to preventing further ones:
if your injury is quickly making you weaker, if your opponent is taking
time to see to their own wounds (though many wizards choose this time to
strike) or after you have beaten your opponent and before the second has
taken over.
Chapter Five
Ryan finally struck back
through his storm of giggles, aiming his wand at Scynar's ankles and inflicting
an Eye-Popper Curse.
AIM FOR THE PART OF THE
BODY THAT THE CURSE IS SUPPOSED TO AFFECT. I cannot stress this point more.
Ryan's opponent ended up with an extra set of eyes in his left ankle, which
helped him greatly, to Ryan's surprise. This is a very crucial and yet
often overlooked point of dueling.
If the charm affects the
whole body (such as a Full Body Bind), the best place to aim is either
the head (the brain) or the chest (the heart)
A poorly aimed curse can
have it's own set of bad effects, but in most cases, these are not to the
cursor's advantage.
In most cases, the place
affected by the charm is stated in the name of the charm, but sometimes
you must know the charm to know what it does, which leads us into Chapter
Six.
Chapter Six
Ryan, still a rambunctious
human up until this point, attempted a curse that he had not practiced
or studied but had read about once in his favorite book series. The curse,
Malfio Cerus Rhinocio, had been invented for the purpose of the novel,
and did not make Scynar near- sighted, as Ryan had expected it to. Instead,
it bounced off of Scynar and struck Ryan full-force, changing him into
a Rhinocerus.
Curses are dangerous and
unpredictable in the best circumstances. They must be studied, practiced,
learnt by heart. They must come from a reliable source (reliable and proven)
or they will lead only to trouble.
Ryan, obviously, had not
forseen the effects of an untested curse. His sad incident serves as a
warning to other uppity wizards who think they are above the laws of spell-casting.
The outcomes of duels depend
on many things; luck, skill, and courage are a few, but the driving force
behind it all is knowledge. You must have a knowledge of the material you
are dealing with. The more spells and curses and charms you know, the better
prepared you are for a challenge. This principle applies to many things
in life, not just duels.
Conclusion
To review, the top six rules
of safe dueling are:
1. Bring a second
2. Duck, don't take curses head on
3. Keep the curses coming
4. Don't heal yourself until the duel is over
5. Aim for the area you want to curse
6. Know the curses!
While there is more advice
I could give you, most of it is common sense: don't duel with a broken
wand, never turn your back on your opponent, don't accept a duel against
Voldemort unless you have no other choice, etc., etc.
Dueling will never be completely
banned worldwide, and if it is, the law won't often be observed. Any day
you might be forced to duel. Hopefully, these tips will help you. If they
do, advise all your friends to buy this book, because I'm very poor.
No, I WONT edit that out!
It's true! You. . . can't. . . make me! What? A duel? Hmph! Fine! See you
there!
Uh-oh.