OK, so the mother of us Clams, as she is wont to do, just kind of makes up tidbits of wisdom as she goes. This became the topic of conversation between father Clam and the oldest of the Clams (That Damn Clam, who will be 40 in the year 2005). Father Clam said, "You know, there's just something about your mother's expressions, they're not quite pearls of wisdom, they're..." and TDC jumps in with "Clams! They're CLAMS of wisdom!" Much hysteria followed, Mother Clam's head exploded, and an idea sprouted in the subconsciousness of the Clam progeny.
Before the first public performance by us Clams, we had no official stage name. A flurried discussion commenced where nominations were discarded as quickly as they were submitted. Bafflement followed these name refusals, and the world will never be entranced by "The Pinheads," "Buffy and the Slayers," "One Ton Tomato," "Westcott Winds," or even "Folk and Knife."
In a moment of desperation, the youngest of the Clams (Shazam Clam, the trusty webmaster) says, "It has to do with Mother Clam. How, oh how can we invoke her name to much hysteria without her killing us in the process?"
Hence, the Clams of Wisdom were born.
Unfortunately, during the first performance, I had a goatee. The inevitable and nasty question regarding Clams and their potentially bearded state was yelled from the audience and all hell broke loose. Things haven't been the same since.
The Clams are an ever-evolving group. Original requirements for membership were that you had to be related to us by blood, or insane enough to marry into the family. As it stands, we are the clam siblings (by age!): Lisa, Lynne & Steven. We've recently added Scott, our dear friend, who everyone thinks is married to Lynne.
Yeah, right. |
