April: During a concert, having already broken one pinky toe, I went running off stage between numbers and slammed my other pinky toe into a light tree, ripping it open and bleeding all over the backstage. I, of course, thought someone had spilled something. Kathy, our director, upon seeing my toe after the show, cries out in good Brooklyn form: "Oh, did you hurt your toe?" It gets better...
May: My then-roommate moved the futon in the basement, which caused two other things to be moved. I tripped over one of these displaced objects one night. With my broken toe. Words cannot describe the incredibly loud profanity that escaped me.
June: After a month with virtually no problems, some butthead at JRs stepped on my toe.
Sole Train: One day in late May, I felt a funny pull under my foot and felt like I had a piece of tape stuck to it. When I finally looked, I discovered my callous had been half-sheared off and I had a quarter-sized piece of skin flapping in the breeze. I wore a sock to class for the next two weeks. And in December, I stepped on my own foot and nearly killed myself in class.
Final Tarsal Tally: one bone break, one muscle strain, four missing callouses (and consequently two new holes), a split toenail, one small split in my sole and two bone bruises (I got the second one by walking funny on my good foot to favor the bad one - go figure)... almost all from my own dance.
In other injurious news: On the AIDS Ride, I managed to pull a scapular muscle putting on sunscreen. Two months later, on my way to a party, I sneezed and pulled a muscle in my OTHER shoulder. I'm still trying to figure that one out.
February: Ling, a classmate in Modern dance who's not quite all there upstairs managed to kick me in the head during class.
July: During office construction, I managed to whack my head on exposed beams the week before I destroyed an entire section of storage and tracked industrial adhesive all over the new carpet.
August: During Victor/Victoria, while backstage, two of the actors ran over my left foot with a piano. As I turned to get out of their way, Sarah, one of the other dancers, comes running from the stairwell and steps on my right foot with the heel of her shoe.
September: As a result of moving boxes, I strained my wrist and wound up unable to open files, lift things or pretty much do anything. Much making-fun of ensues as to WHY a young man would have trouble with his wrist.
November: During the Will Rogers Follies, I tripped on the carpeting in the lobby and jammed my toe.
So what can I say? It was a slow year.
March: Thanks to the fabulous new style of dance I've picked up, I have sore ankles and shinsplints. Bharatanatyam requires one to repeatedly pound one's feet into the floor. So until I get used to it, I'm walking around with magnetic insoles. No shit.
April: Lo and behold, I'm helping out backstage at the Best Little Whorehouse in Texas and on opening night, somewhere between the cast party and bed, I hurt my shoulder and was unable to lift my left arm. Goddess only knows how, but it made the audition I had the next day a complete bitch.
November: While I've managed to not seriously injure myself, my director sent out an email today with instructions for everything. Mine was "Steven will not bump into anything else and hurt himself. Yeah, right.
Cartilaginous: nose, 3 times
Humerus: supracondular, 1983
Right thumb, break, 1987
Left thumb, sprain, 1987
Pinky toes: 2-3 times each over time
Left ankle, sprain, 1997
Right ankle, sprain, 1997
Tendonitis: left elbow, left wrist
Arthritis, hyperextensive joints
It seems I have a bit of updating to do - 2005 is practically nipping at our ankles.