Quinn	:::	"Nobody told me about any test!"
Daria	:::	"Dont worry. It's a psychological test. You're automatically exempt."
Quinn	:::	"Oh. All right."
Mrs. Manson	:::	"Now, Dara, let's see if you can make up a story as vivid as your sister's."
Daria	:::	"It's Daria."
Mrs. Manson	:::	"I'm sorry, Daria. What do you see in the picture, Dara?"
Daria	:::	"Um, a herd of beautiful, wild ponies running free across the plain."
Mrs. Manson	:::	"Uh, there aren't any ponies. It's two people."
Daria	:::	"Last time I took one of these tests, they told me they were clouds. They said they could be whatever I wanted."
Mrs. Manson	:::	"That's a different test, dear. In this test, they're two people. And you tell me what they're discussing."
Daria	:::	"Oh. I see. All right then. It's a guy and a girl and they're discussing . . . a herd of beautiful, wild ponies running free across the plain."
Mr.:DeMartino	:::	"Daria, can you calmly and unemotionally sum up the doctrine of Manifest Destiny?"
Daria	:::	"'Manifest Destiny' was a slogan popular in the 1840's. It was used by people who claimed it was God's will for the U.S. to expand all the way to the Paciifc Ocean. These people did not include many Mexicans."
Mr. DeMartino	:::	"Very good, Daria. Almost suspiciously good."
Mr. DeMartino	:::	"Ah, Brittany. Can you guess which war we fought with the Mexicans over Manifest Destiny?"
Brittany	:::	"Nnnnno?"
Helen	:::	"Daira, your father's trying to tell you not to judge people until you know them. You're in a brand new school in a brand new town. You don't want it to be Highland all over again."
Daria	:::	"Not much chance of that happening. Unless there's uranium in the drinking water here, too."
Daria	:::	"Don't worry. I don't have low self-esteem. It's a mistake."
Jake	:::	"I'll say!"
Daria	:::	"I have low esteem for everyone else."
Jane	:::	"So, after the role-playing, they put the girls and the guys in seperate rooms and a female counselor talks to us about body image."
Daria	:::	"What do they talk to the boys about?"
Jane	:::	"A classroom full of guys and a male teacher?"
both	:::	"Nocturnal emissions."
Jane	:::	"... I like having low self-esteem. Makes me feel special."
Helen	:::	"What do you think of this one?"
Daria	:::	"It stands proudly and declares, 'I am!'"
Helen	:::	"Really?"
Daria	:::	"That's my sister."
Jane	:::	"Oh. Bummer."
Mr. O'Neill	:::	"Um . . . you. What's a daydream that you'd like to see come true?"
Daria	:::	"Well, I guess I'd like my whole family to do something together."
Mr. O'Neill	:::	"Excellent!"
Daria	:::	"Something that'll really make them suffer."
Jake	:::	"How's the ol' self-estemm, kiddo?"
Daria	:::	"My self-esteem teacher says being addressed all my life with childish epithets like 'kiddo' is probably a key source of my problem."
Daria	:::	"[My self-esteem teacher] says I should think back to circumstances that brought me happiness as a child and replicate them. But I guess Quinn's here to stay."
Artie	:::	"Hi. I'm, Artie."
SSW Reporter	:::	"Artie. Hello. Tell me what brought you here today."
Artie	:::	"It was a cone-shaped craft about fifteen feet long with an airspeed of, oh, I'd estimate mach twelve. They kidnapped and stripped me, examined me briefly, returned my clothes, and dropped me here."
SSW Reporter	:::	"I see."
Artie	:::	"They pressed my pants. Did a nice job."
Mr. O'Neill	:::	[to Jane, who's taken the class six times] "You know, you look familiar somehow."
[Daria and Jane sit before a school assembly]
Daria	:::	"This is really gonna help me gradually ease into student life."
Jane	:::	"Usually when I have this dream, I'm wearing pink taffeta."
Mr. O'Neill	:::	"You know, self-esteem is a lot like your car's brake fluid. You may not even know you're low on it until one day, you go to shift gears and nothing happens."
student	:::	"That's transmission fluid!"
Jane	:::	"I just want to say how proud I am today. Knowing that I have self-esteem gives me even more self-esteem. On the other hand, having all of you know that I had low self-esteem makes me fell kinda bad, like a big failure or something. I . . . I wanna go home!" [runs offstage]
Mr. O'Neill	:::	[chases after her] "Daria, wait!"

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