BEAVIS & BUTT HEAD............NOT!! Per usual, Daria--along with Beavis & Butt Head--is a registered trademark of MTV, whatever you like it or not, eh? (Setting: the central hallway of Lawndale High. Background music: Alice Cooper; You & Me. We see Daria and Jane come out of the bathroom, just as The Fashion Club--Sandi, Quinn, Stacy and Tiffany--show up.) Sandi: Quinn, WHAT is your geeky brainy sister doing here?!? Quinn: It's her show, remember? Tiffany: I'll buy that. Stacy: AAA-MEN!! Sandi: Fine. (to Daria) Now, kindly step aside, so that we, The Fashion Club, may enter and tend to our priorites in the bathroom. Daria: You know, we're getting stricken with illness and fatigue from your haughty princesslike manners. Sandi: Illness and fatigue? Jane: Uh huh--we're sick and tired of your behavior. (Hearing that, Stacy and Tiffany laugh, only for Sandi to stop them with her meanest look.) Sandi: Listen you--it's, like, no hype that Jane here is a native of Lawndale.... Jane: I'll buy that. Sandi (continued): ....but you, DAA-RIA, you and Quinn came from some other town. Quinn: That we did. Sandi: So, DAAAA-RIAA, if you claim you're a brain, then why'd you and Quinn come here to Lawndale in the first place? Daria: You truly wanna know? Sandi: I TRULY wanna know!! Jane: Good question, that: why'd you come to Lawndale? Daria: Then fasten your seat belts--it's goin' to be quite a trip. Anyhow, me, Quinn, my pop and mom, we used to live in Highland, Texas, till we had to move out-- largely due to a pair of bad eggs that went to Highland High, where I also went......... Quinn: ..and they were losers, perverts, vandals..... Daria: ....and they made passes at me, Quinn, and all the other girls in Highland.... Quinn: ....and they acted worse than Sandi's brothers and even Upchuck.... Sandi: Worse than Upchuck? Daria: .....and worst of all, they called me a name. Tiffany: Which was? Daria: Diarrhea. Jane: DIARRHEA?!? Sandi, Tiffany & Stacy: EW!!!!!!! (From there, Daria, with Quinn joining in, imitate the Beavis & Butt Head "huh, huh, huh, huh." laugh before playing air guitars while chanting.) Daria & Quinn (imitating Beavis & Butt Head): Diarrhea, cha, cha, cha!!!! Diarrhea, cha, cha, cha!!!! Diarrhea, cha, cha, cha!!!! Diarrhea, cha, cha, cha!!!! Sandi: EWWWWWWWWWWWW, EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, EWWWWWWWWWWWWW, EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! Stop it, Daria, you're going to make me throw up!! Anyhow, what were their names? Daria: Don't laugh, but it's Beavis and Butt Head. (Hearing that, Jane and The Fashion Club--along with Sandi--laugh.) Daria: You're laughing. Jane (laughing): Butt Head? BUTT HEAD....?!? Daria: His mom was high on morphine at the time of his birth. Jane: What else did they do? Quinn: Like Daria said, they tried to hit on her. (imitates Beavis) Huh, huh, huh, huh, kiss me, Diarrhea!! Daria (imitating Butt Head): No way, dummy--she's mine. Come to Butt Head. Huh, huh, huh, huh, huh. Quinn (as Beavis): Huh, huh, huh, huh, we're goin' to score.... Daria (as Butt Head): You said score......huh, huh, huh, huh.... (While the group is roaring with laughter despite themselves, Kevin and Brittany arrive on the scene.) Brittany: Hey, what's so funny? Jane (giggling): Daria and Quinn were telling 'bout two jokers from Highland that were worse than Upchuck named Beavis and Butt Head. Kevin: Butt Head? Quinn (normally): His mom was high on morphine at the time. Brittany: That, we've got to hear. So what'd they do? Daria (normally): To start with, they'd do their annoying air guitar imitations. (She and Quinn resume into Beavis & Butt Head mode, playing their air guitars, headbanging with their hair flying all over the place.) Daria & Quinn (imitating the main guitar riff from Guns N' Roses' Paradise City): Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh!! Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh!! Jane: If only Trent and the rest of his fellow criminales could see that now.... (Already, despite themselves, we see Brittany and Kevin howling with the others in laughter; tears streaming from Jane's face, Sandi is banging her fist on the wall, Stacy is doubled up on the floor, and Tiffany is hanging on the lockers.) Quinn (normal voice): As if that wasn't enough, Beavis would run 'round all over the place, saying that fire was--ugh--cool. (Imitates flicking a lighter, while imitating Beavis) Fire!! Fire!! Huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh, huh........ (Just then Jodie and Mack arrive.) Mack: Yo, what's so funny? Brittany (laughing): Daria and Quinn were doing imiatations of some losers named Beavis and Butt Head. Jodie: Butt Head? All: His mom was high on morphine at the time. Mack: So who were they? Daria (normally): Just a pair of bad eggs from my old hometown of Highland. (imitating Butt Head) I smell like a man.....huh, huh, huh, huh..... Seymour Butts? Anyone here see more butts here? Quinn (as Beavis): Hey, Butt Head......huh, huh, huh, huh......that Van Driessen is a wuss.......huh, huh, huh, huh.....let's go prune some power lines.... (Daria then makes like she's starting a chain saw and aiming it up high.) Daria (as Butt Head): Welcome to the jungle, sweetie.....you're goin' to DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!!!!!!!!! (From there, she and Quinn do their air guitar imitation, only to Black Sabbath's Iron Man, while all the others, including Mack and Jodie roar their heads off.) Hey, Beavis, huh, huh, huh, huh.....let's go see Gwar..... Quinn (as Beavis): GWAR!! GWAR!! GWAR!! That was cool, huh, huh, huh, huh. Daria (as Butt Head): That sucks. Quinn (as Beavis): That sucks, it sucks!! Huh, huh, huh, huh........ Daria (back to her normal voice): And so, that was how it was.....with Beavis and Butt Head. Quinn (back to her own voice): The end. (While the rest of the Lawndalians make their applause, Daria and Quinn take their bows. From there, Quinn and The Fashion Club enter the bathroom, Mack and Jodie head down one hall, Brittany and Kevin head down another hall, and Daria and Jane head down still another hall.) Jane: So that was why you and your family left Highland to come here. Daria: Yup, that was why. Jane: I just hope they don't come here. Daria I doubt that. But if there's one thing I learned, it's that too much Beavis and Butt Head can be hazardous to your health. Jane: I'll buy that. By the way......with those imitations you and Quinn did, you should've been on TV. Daria: Uh, Jane........we're already on TV--MTV, that is. (From there the scene changes to the credits and the alter egos of the characters--Sandi as a chef, Stacy as a Phoenix bird, Tiffany as Martha Stewart, Mack as B. B. King, Jodie as Oprah Winfrey, Brittany as a manticore, Kevin as Welcome Back Kotter's Vinnie Barbarino, Jane as Alice Cooper, Quinn as an eagle, and Daria as Keith Emerson (of Emerson, Lake & Palmer)--while Styx' Plexiglass Toilet plays. OWARI (THE END)