**There was, about that time, a sense of uneasy waiting, a pause between movements, a gathering of momentum towards the fiery conclusion awaiting us. None of us wanted to believe that it would come to what it did, but in the thoughts that waited in those dark places none of us wanted to enter, we knew that it was inevitable. The Shadows and the Vorlons moved towards that finale with unstoppable force, and in between, we waited, trying, if not to find a way to victory, to instead, call down an end to the madness.
But before that happened, a great deal of personal pain was visited upon William and I, a mass of sorrow and loss; and it started with..."**
- Paraphrased from "Storm Crossing: The Shadow War, and Other Responsibilities" and other works
* * *
November 15th, 2260; Narhlak System.
In the past several months, the flock of rebel destroyers and cruisers hanging high over Narhlak's equator had grown by over fifty percent, as Rimward commands, unwilling to carry out the hardline and occasionally chaotic orders issuing from Earthdome, had broken away, and through various means, including Ranger contacts, had managed to find their way to Narhlak. Because of those defections, the fleet now possessed the equivalent of close to six carrier groups, and under the watchful eyes of Iain and her other senior captains, things were going well. In fact, since the Assembly of captains had officially elected her Fleet Commodore back in August, she had found herself with more and more free time on her hands.
Bethany sighed, and put down her treasured, antique copy of 'The Two Towers'. That book, and its Four companions, had been passed down from Tikopai to Tikopai for over two hundred years, now; and, in many respects, Tolkien, now dead for over three centuries, could have looked at present day events, and seen a great many parallels with his own work. Would she be able to pass them onto Julia, was the question...
In any case, the hiding continued; even though G'kael had sent the reluctant Na'kal and his Warship to Babylon 5 only twelve hours before, the safest place for her ships, until the threat of the Shadows was SOMEHOW elliminated, was right here. G'kael had been right, from the beginning; Narhlak was so far from anywhere important, that the encounter with the Shadows and Vorlons back in August had been the only one..and now, everyone seemed to be holding their breath, waiting to see what would happen next.
<Beep>
"Tikopai; go."
"Commodore.." Deitrich reported, his voice measurably interested, "One of those Ranger warships just jumped into the system, and is maneuvering to rendezvous with us. Can I suggest that you come to the bridge?"
"What aren't you telling me, Commander?"
"The commander of the White Star, who identifies herself as a Jennifer Clifford, has also requested the presence of Mariallah on the bridge when she arrives. I took the step of looking into the records, and found, ah, that according to Earthgov, LIEUTENANT Clifford was killed at Nighthawk Colony, almost two years ago!"
"Which obviously, she was not." Bethany sighed. "And Mariallah's former posting, was, of course, Nighthawk; which suggests that they may have a history together. Very well, Commander...I'm on my way."
* * *
"She gave me this letter...and then went to deal with Mariallah privately."
"I see." A pause, and then, a raising of eyebrows. "Commodore..message coming in from the surface; N'rothak informs us that G'kael lifted off from the base more then half an hour ago, and is intending to dock with us!!"
"You've got to be kidding; what would bring him up here??"
* * *
Mariallah sat on the far side of the office, her face a cold mask of hurt and anger, while Jennifer leant against the wall, and tried to deal with the guilt and regret that was just about all she was feeling, right now. This woman, one of the only people she had ever gotten close to in her former life of service, had believed in a lie for almost two years, and now, that half-truth had caught up to them both.
"Why?" Mariallah demanded. "Why did you do it??"
"I'm not expecting you to understand the reasons, Mariallah...I barely understand them myself, and this is after living the life I've lived since then; a life of wonder, of change and of terror. You have no idea...no idea at ALL what I went through in those twenty-four hours, the time in which you thought William, Walther and I to be dead, killed by the Shadows."
"Try me, Jennifer; try to explain, please do!! And while you're at it, would you mind, terribly, telling me why you became what you are, all in black, so serious..." Mariallah just about broke down, and then, the anger was gone. "We've changed so much from what we've seen, but THIS!"
"The Shadows, when they attacked us that day, let me live, for reasons I only partly understand; you see, I and a few other humans possess a gift called Observing; the words we write, the words we collect, and make real, stand a real chance of surviving to warn and instruct those that Wait in the centuries ahead of us. And this time period is critical to us all, Mariallah; you may not feel you’re playing an important part, but eventually...
Eventually, we will all play an important part in this conflict, whether it be here, or trying to free Earth from President Clark and his New Order, which, if the Rangers, a army of Light built by both Minbar and Earth, succeed against the Shadows, is a distinct possibility. But I digress...the woman I was really DID die that day, so while it seems a lie, in many respects, it wasn't one, at all!"
Mariallah snorted. "A little too symbolic for this girl; but I guess...I guess I can understand the danger we face...the Captain told me about these Shadow things, and I saw the vid of the ships that nearly destroyed us in August...but you...you make it somehow more real for me, Jennifer." A pause, and then, the doctor asked the question that had been weighing on her for some time now. "CAN we stop them?"
"What I and William have become, what we stand for and with, is, along with the work that Captain John Sheridan is doing at Babylon 5, our very best chance to do exactly that. When the greatest battles of this War finally come, we will be there; and if the Shadows win, I suspect that none of us will survive." Jennifer tried to smile. "But that is neither here nor there, my friend; we have a great deal to catch up on, now that the veils have been cast away."
"A great deal indeed.." a familiar voice announced, and the two women turned to see G'kael leaning nonchalantly in the doorway, his stance revealing the satisfaction he felt. "You nearly waited too long, Jennifer, to do what you did, but now it is done, I cannot be anything other then pleased."
She smiled. "G'kael, I think, if you wouldn't mind, that I would like you to join us.." she turned to Mariallah, and said, "G'kael is one of the two, by the way, who rescued me at Nighthawk, and told me I should do what I did..."
"Oh REALLY!" The doctor turned a critical eye on the Narn. "I understand how you have helped us all, but I've only just forgiven Jennie for what she did...might it now be your turn?"
G'kael laughed, and nodded. "By G'quan, Jennifer!...are all females of your race so forceful??"
"Sometimes, yes."
"Then I shall be pleased, as you say, to earn your forgiveness, Doctor; where shall I begin?"
* * *
Bethany sat down in her quarters, and with amazement, and a little bit of shock, once again began to read the letter that Jennifer Clifford had bought with her from Minbar; a letter from Julia, a letter that in its sheer STRENGTH showed her what her daughter was becoming. A single tear ran down her cheek, and she absent-mindedly wiped it away. It would not be the only one.
* * *
August 24th, 2260.
Hello, Mother.
Though separate we may be, I have learned, through various means, that words can transcend boundaries both of space and time, and if words are the only way we can know one another, then if I can make you SEE what has happened, what IS happening, and what your daughter is doing, then I have succeeded. Until the Shadows are defeated, none of us are safe, you least of all; the Shadows would tear your very precious fleet to shreds if you tried to help, and we can't allow that to happen...your destroyers and cruisers are too valuable for the Future, and YOU, Mother, are too valuable a person to lose on so fruitless a Crusade.
But I do not mean to be darkhearted; everything I can see around me suggests that hope still exists. The White Star Fleet continues to grow and train on a daily basis, under the tutelage of William, the Minbari Vikotal, and their growing cadre of lesser commanders. They are trying to cover all possible situations and outcomes, simulated attack practices, not only on targets, but on each other; jump outs in every condition, under every situation...practice, practice and more practice is their key.
William's problem, however, is more in depth. He is growing more and more concerned, as time goes on, that nothing they do will be enough, and that every death that may result through not training ENOUGH will be his fault. It is foolish...it is predictable, and it is very human; but before this is all over, I pray he can survive the pain of what will happen when we engage the Shadows for the first time.
Damn, and I just ignored my own advice; your darkhearted daughter is going to put her pen down until she gets in a better mood...
* * *
September 14, 2260.
I will try and describe to you the beauty of fighting this fight, the way I see it, the way I am living it. My Mistress, the Ranger Observer Jennifer Clifford, is, among the human Rangers, one of the most gifted users of a Minbari weapon called a denn'bok, or, in our language, fighting pike. These weapons were, traditionally, before the coming of this war, only used by the Minbari Warrior caste; but that has now changed. There are a steadily growing number of Rangers who have earned the right to carry this weapon, and the rest strive to equal their ability.
That, of course, is one of the key facets of their training; when you believe you have practiced enough, practice more; when you believe yourself to be ready, you are not, and when your followers believe in you enough to follow you through the Fire and to their deaths, then, and only then, are you ready to fight the Fight that is.
When I first aligned myself with the Rangers, I was unsure even of what the fight was meant to be. That has now changed, and continues to change as time passes. I learn to speak their language, and while it is a challenge, I am already more fluent in Minbari then trainees ten years older then me; a result, as you well understand, Mother, of your daughter's boon and curse. And while it may be years before I earn my own denn'bok, I fare better in close combat training then I did, and under the watchful eye of those who help me, like Jennifer's close companion, the Minbari Dreann, I improve.
That is, of course, the only option open to us; if we are to fight this war, and win it, then we must all be the best at what we do. And even though I will not be a Ranger until I grow older, I can get to within striking distance of that goal, and be satisfied.
* * *
September 28th, 2260.
I will now turn to a subject we have been avoiding for some time now, 'some time' being the majority of my life, to date. It is difficult to write this, but it HAS to be dealt with, and along the way, I can continue to deal with a problem of my own, a problem of sudden loss, the sadness I felt at the passing from this place of a great man; a man named Jeffrey Sinclair.
This man was not born here, but in the end, the City of Sorrows became his home more then anywhere else. The place he came from has now become the core of what we are becoming, and in the end, he was able to return there, one last time, before passing on to carry out the duty that was his...whatever that might be, no one I know will talk of it. But when I was adrift and lost, he stepped forward, and made me welcome, invited me into his inner circles to see his view of the Rangers, and to teach me, I guess, a little bit of patience and humility, virtues I was sadly lacking in when younger. For this I must apologize, but that leads me into the core subject I am writing on today...OUR problem.
I do not blame you for doing what you did, Mother, only that you made it very hard on us both. In your darkest, secret thoughts, did you feel relief, to know that my impending birth prevented you from fighting, and dying, on the Battle of the Line?? And then, did you run from me, for all those years, between the stars and along the Rim, because you still think you should have stood on the Line, if you could have??
I do not ask you to respond to these questions now, there is too much at stake and too much else to worry about for them to be important. But there will come a time, if Valen allows it, in the none too distant future, when the guns fall silent and the darkness is banished once more, that your ship and mine shall meet in the far reaches, and we will talk on this.
We must. We are family, Mother, even if sometimes it hasn't seemed like it, and family shares something important, beyond names....
* * *
The lights were purposefully dimmed now, the only illumination coming from the single, clean burning candle that Julia had sent with her letter. But that was enough to see, enough to read the words that were; the message had long ago hit home, and how right it was...
* * *
October 27th, 2260.
I must apologize, Mother; a longer gap it has been, this time, but things have been very busy, here, of late; training for the future has been replaced, instead, with the practice of my other, greater gift, and for a very good reason, but one that you must, as you already understand, keep the secret on until the time is right.
The White Star fleet, that class that started with one, now number many many dozens, most of which are considered as ready for battle as we can manage. The orbitals continue to build, but the main push is now complete, for building more at this stage would outtax William and Vikotal's abilities in crewing them. The end result of our long, hard road has finally, it seemed, borne fruit.
They are beautiful, Mother; but deadly at the same time for what they can do. And that beauty is, at the same time, a hitch; for the commanders and crews of those ships have grown to be as one with their ships, and what will happen when it is their turn to come under the forceful gaze of a Shadow warship?? Will they go with their command, to their deaths, or leave it behind, to fight another day?
I will not try to answer that question; I would think the answer, for you, should be obvious.
* * *
In the glittering light of the candle, Bethany sighed, laid the paper down, and nodded somberly. That, it seemed, was the way it was with all the great commanders and Captains of history; fight not only to succeed, but to keep YOUR ship alive; she protected you, but you had to try and protect HER, as well.
Unless there was no other choice.
* * *
And so, I come to the end of this road, the Wait of the Watched that is; I read the reports that pass through this nexus, and guess that the Storm we have been waiting for is clearly about to break. This long, constant series of harrowing attacks is pointing towards a conclusion, and William has decided it is nearly past time for him and Vikotal to act. The only thing, as far as I can determine, that is holding him back is the present lack of an Entil'zha for the Rangers, the role that Jeffrey Sinclair, until August, held with honour.
That this will soon change is not debatable. Who it will be, I am not sure, but I have my suspicions. And that, for now, is all I can say, all I want to say. After the Storm is past, if we still live, I will come and see you again, and we will talk; but until that time comes, guard this letter well, and know that even after all that has happened, all the battles, the tragedies, the pain, that we are both doing the right thing.
And that I love you.
In Valen's Name I write, this Ninth Day of November, 2260.
Julia
* * *
November 16th, 2260...NIOBE, the Morning watch.
"Forgive me if I intrude..." Deitrich inquired of his commodore in passing, "But you appear..more at peace with things today. Can I assume the letter that your daughter sent you helped??"
"Yes, Commander.." Bethany replied, managing a small smile, "It did; and even if we don't survive what is to come, we both know that we're doing what we're supposed to.
And that's enough for me."
* * *
NEXT...The countdown to Armageddon concludes, as, among the terror of the Shadows herding innocents into Sector 83, the Rangers and their White Stars stand on the edge of the Fire!"Masters, Servants and Warriors", coming soon...