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| And, as I always say, "If it's not Baroque, don't fix it!" - Cogsworth [Beauty and the Beast] |
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Genie: Rule number three, I can't bring people back from the dead. It's not a pretty picture. I don't like doing it!
Prince Achmed: You are a worthless street rat. You were born a street rat, you'll die a street rat, and only your fleas will mourn you.
Aladdin: I'm not worthless! And I don't have fleas!
[Aladdin scratches his head]
Iago: [taking the lamp] Boy, Jafar's gonna be happy to see you.
Iago: [as Jafar] Excellent work, Iago.
Iago: Ah, go on.
Iago: [as Jafar] No, really. On a scale of one to ten, you are an eleven.
Iago: Oh, Jafar, you're too kind. I'm embarrassed. I'm blushing.
Aladdin: [saving Jasmine from an irate merchant] Thank you, kind sir. I'm so glad you found her. I've been looking all over for you.
Princess Jasmine: [whispering] What are you doing?
Aladdin: [whispering] Just play along.
Man in market: You, uh, know this girl?
Aladdin: Sadly, yes. She is my sister. She's a little crazy.
Man in market: She said she knew the sultan.
Aladdin: She thinks the monkey is the sultan.
Princess Jasmine: [bowing to Abu] Oh, wise sultan, how may I
serve you?
Aladdin: Tragic, isn't it? But, no harm done. Now, come along, sis. Time to go to the doctor.
Princess Jasmine: [to a camel] Oh, hello, doctor. How are you?
Aladdin: No, no, no. Not that one.
Genie: I'm free. I'm free. Quick. Quick, wish for something outrageous. Say, "I want the Nile." Wish for the Nile. Try that.
Aladdin: Um, I wish for the Nile.
Genie: No way!
Genie: [laughs]
Genie: Oh, does that feels good!
Genie: I'm telling you, nice to be back, ladies and gentlemen. Hi! Where you from? What's your name?
Aladdin: Uh... Aladdin.
Genie: Aladdin! Hello, Aladdin. Nice to have you on the show. Can we call you Al, or maybe just Din?
Genie: [turns into a Scotsman]
Genie: Or, how about Laddie? It sounds like, "Here, boy!"
Genie: [whistles]
Genie: C'mon, Laddie!
Genie: [turns into a dog]
Aladdin: I must've hit my head harder than I thought.
Iago: I can't take it anymore! If I gotta choke down on one more of those moldy, disgusting crackers... Bam! Whack!
Jafar: Calm yourself, Iago. Soon I will be sultan, not that addlepated twit.
Iago: And then I stuff the crackers down his throat.
Genie: What would you wish of me?
Genie: [as Arnold Schwarzenegger] The ever impressive...
Genie: [as if trapped in a box] ... the long-contained...
Genie: [as Se�or Wences] ... the often immitated, but never...
Genie: [multiplies himself]
Genie: ...duplicated... duplicated... duplicated... duplicated... Genie of the Lamp!
Genie: [as Ed Sullivan] Right here, direct from the lamp. Right here for your very much wish-fulfillment. Thank you.
Genie: [as tailor] First, that fez-and-vest combo is much too third-century. These patches. What are we trying to say? Beggar? No. Work with me here.
[after taking measurements, turns Aladdin's rags into fine clothes]
Genie: Ooh, I like it! Muy macho! Very nice.
Princess Jasmine: Please, try to understand. I've never done a thing on my own. I've never had any real friends.
[Rajah grumbles]
Princess Jasmine: Except you, Rajah. I've never even been outside the palace walls.
Sultan: But, Jasmine, you're a princess.
Princess Jasmine: Then maybe I don't want to be a princess anymore.
Sultan: [Exasperated] Ooooh! I... I...
[to Rajah]
Sultan: Allah forbid you should have any daughters.
Aladdin: Wow. The palace looks pretty amazing, huh?
Princess Jasmine: [disappointed] Oh, it's wonderful.
Aladdin: I wonder what it'd be like to live there, and have servants and valets.
Princess Jasmine: Oh, sure. People who tell you where to go and how to dress.
Aladdin: That's better than here. You're always scraping for food and ducking the guards.
Princess Jasmine: You're not free to make your own choices.
Aladdin: Sometime you feel so...
Princess Jasmine: You're just...
Aladdin, Princess Jasmine: ...trapped.
Jafar: Gazeem was obviously less than worthy.
Iago: Oh, there's a big surprise. That's an incredible... I think I'm going to have a heart attack and die, from that surprise.
Aladdin: Provisos? You mean limitations? On wishes? Some all-powerful Genie. Can't even bring people back from the dead. I don't know, Abu. He probably can't get us out of this cave. Looks like we'll have to find a way out of here.
Genie: Excuse me? Are you lookin' at me? Did you rub my lamp? Did you wake me up? Did you bring me here? And all of a sudden you're walking out on me? I don't think so, not right now. You're getting your wishes, so sit down!
Iago: Oh, boy. He's cracked. He's gone nuts. Jafar. Jafar! Get a grip!
[Jafar grabs Iago by the throat]
Iago: Ack! Good grip.
Genie: It's all part and parcel of the whole genie gig: phenomenal cosmic powers, itty-bitty living space.
Merchant: [holds up lamp] Do not be fooled by its commonplace appearance. Like so many things, it is not what outside, but what is inside that counts. This is no ordinary lamp. It once changed the course of a young man's life. A young man, who, like this lamp, was more than what he seemed. A diamond in the rough.
Genie: But oh, to be free. Not to have to go "Poof! Whaddaya need," "Poof! Whaddaya need," "Poof! Whaddaya need?". To be my own master. Such a thing would be greater than all the magic and all the treasures in all the world.
[to Jafar]
Princess Jasmine: At least some good will come of my being forced to marry. When I am Queen, I will have the power to get rid of *you*.
Sultan: Well, now. That's nice. All settled then. Now, Jasmine, getting back to this suitor business... Jasmine? Jasmine!
[the Sultan notices that Jasmine is running out of the room, and runs after]
Jafar: If only I had gotten that lamp.
Iago: [mocking Jasmine] "I will have the power to get rid of you." Grrrr. To think we gotta keep kissin' up to that chump, and his chump daughter, for the rest of our lives...
Jafar: No, Iago. Only until she finds a chump husband. Then she'll have us banished. Or... beheaded.
Jafar, Iago: Ewwww...
Iago: Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute, Jafar, what if *you* were the chump husband?
Jafar: What?
Iago: Okay, okay. *You* marry the princess, all right? A-and then... oh, then *you* become the sultan!
Jafar: Marry the shrew. I become sultan. The idea has merit.
Iago: Yes, merit. Yes! And then, we drop papa-in-law and the little woman off a cliff..."Yaaaah! Kersplat!"
Jafar: [laughs] I love the way your foul little mind works.
[the Genie and the flying carpet are playing chess]
Genie: So, move.
[the carpet makes a move]
Genie: That's a good move.
[a la Rodney Dangerfield]
Genie: I can't believe it. I'm losin' to a rug.
Genie: Yo, Rugman! Haven't seen you in a few millennia. Give me some tassel.
Jafar: You're speechless, I see. A fine quality in a wife.
Genie: All right, sparky, here's the deal. If you wanna court the little lady, ya gotta be a straight shooter. Do ya got it?
[as a female tour guide]
Genie: Thank you for choosing "Magic Carpet" for all your travel needs. Don't stand till the rug has come to a complete stop. Thank you. Goodbye, now. Goodbye. Goodbye, thank you. Goodbye.
[back to normal]
Genie: Well, how about *that*, Mr. Doubting Mustafa?
Aladdin: Oh, you sure showed me. Now about my three wishes...
Genie: Dost mine ears deceive me? "Three?" You are down by one, boy!
Aladdin: Ah, no, I never actually wished to get out of the cave. Heh. You did that on your own.
[the Genie's mouth drops]
Genie: Oh. Well, I feel sheepish.
[turns into a sheep]
Genie: All right, you baaaaaad boy. But no more freebies.
Sultan: Prince Ali Ababwa! Of course! I'm delighted to meet you.
[he shakes Aladdin's hand]
Sultan: This is my royal vizier, Jafar. He's delighted, too.
Jafar: [*very* dryly] Ecstatic.
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