| Chapter 25
'No, Ike' Zac stopped him before he headed in Taylor's direction, where the guy was pansily checking himself out in the mirror, in view from the room they were in.
'What? Why not?' Ike inquired although he believed he was already aware of the answer.
'Are you crazy? If Tay finds out that she's pregnantů.If anyone finds out Tay got that no good teenage accident waiting to happen pregnant, well all be in deep crapola' Zac rationalized.
'So now what?' Ike asked exasperatedly since it seemed like no matter which alternative was chosen, it would land someone in trouble.
'Nothing for now, lets just wait and see how the story unfolds'
'Hey Selina', came a voice greeting on one end of the telephone line. It was Taylor and an arrangement for a third date was made. She agreed reluctantly for the profit of her job, feeling lethargic from all the going-ons around, inside and to her and her incapacity to handle them, primarily whether she still loved him since she wasnt allowed to and because of all the symbolisms. The only way for her to know was to meet him again and inspect the feeling. Now she had a motive to go.
The day ended casting twinkling oddities in the sky.
'You've been quiet all night. Something on your mind?' Taylor questioned with a concern. Selina considered but she knew she couldn't let a peep about her conversion to prostitution out, so she ignored the question pretending not to have heard it. Indifference seemed like such a comfortable thing. Her test was still on but nothing had occured to prove either ways. They lay on the grass, looking up at how the invisible clouds, which were blended into the night, passed by the fullness of the moon, changing its shape into various patterns, making it look like the moon was the one which were changing shapes.
Selina knew something lethal would arise from her disclosure, whether from Taylor or her housemates. The latter being foreseeable. Instead of a prostitute, she'd be destitute, out in the cold again from losing a hard cash client. She smiled occasionally not knowing whether Taylor already knew her true identity but how could he? And given that small five percent chance that he did, why was he keeping mum? She was clueless to any of the questions so she watched her words with microscopic precaution and told herself to upkeep it till she was given a sign from Taylor that he was all right with who she was. Till then, it was a no go.
There was a certain claustrophobic distance between them partly due to this and Taylor sensed it. Every opportunity to try to get close to her, would result in her pulling away with detachment. She didn't know what to do with this blessed curse of silence, any allowance from that being only superficial reponses. Taylor on the other hand had queries that she had given up on him and found someone new. Who was he except an ordinary guy with washed out fame a compared to the stunning, intelligent beauty before him.
He placed one of his hands on one of hers. His hand, soft, padded and warm as if launching your body into a really comfortable cushion, even though you would expect after years of playing the piano, bongos, tambourine and whatever acoustic instrument he could get his hands on, his palm would be budding with calluses, cuts and roughness.
"Ahhhhhh,' Selina screamed internally. She so wanted to hold him, touch him back, tell herself she wasn't imagining all this. That Taylor Hanson, the rock star from the legendary band Hanson really picked her out of the millions of girls out there to be his first serious steady and she couldn't reciprocate that love for fear that her sisters would find out as they always did and tear her up and step on the pieces till they were nothing but sogginess. She had to face it that she could not fall in love with the one and only person she could love.
She snapped her hand back in effort to reserve herself away from him. Slowly, in time, she wouldn't need him at all if she pursued this technique, she thought. A hurt filled Taylor's face, and she witnessed it. Would she tell him? Would he not love her anymore if he knew she was now a low class street pick-up and why would she care if she was trying to rid her ownself of him? She admitted to her fear, no matter how much she tried to prevent herself from loving him, she had an immense fear of the same feelings overcoming Taylor. She was an escort before without him knowing about it, so whats changed? It was still a secret, only now it made a transition from 1 lie to another.
From the park, they adjourned to the movies. Half the time, the movie was just moving colours, everything was blurred and uncaptured cause of the dilemma that was swirling around her head. She would not let it go. How could she when it consisted if the two most important possessions of her life? Occasionally, she would drop out of the trance and glance at the screen only to see onscreen characters that reminded her of one or another person in real life which only made things worse for her. She thought the movies would be a getaway from reality where her problems dwelled but it only brought on more pain. Taylor's growing concern was insatiated by Selina's persistent silent approach.
'Maybe she doesn't like me anymore,' he concluded. He turned to rectify but could see that Selina's eyes were tear-filled. Practically sat there crying her eyes out, from the looks of the puffiness around her eyes, he thought.
'You've got to tell me, Selina. Whats troubling you?'
'I... I....'she considered and speculated the different reactions that would be elicited from him and all of them seemed to lead to bad ones. There was no way she could tell him that his brothers called up a whore house and hired an escort because they thought he was companion deprived and now the girl he's in love with is not only an escort but a prostitude as well. No one could swallow that in one gulp so she thought maybe progress was a better way to go instead of shuving all this in his face which kind of contradicted her earlier plan to simply stay loner. She was so confused, she decided to numb her mind for the mean time, and pretend nothing ever happened and make her number one motto to lie to everything. It was way less of a hastle.
'I... just lost a pet a few days ago'