| Title: Personal Author: DM E-mail: [email protected] Feedback: is treasured and always replied to. Rating: PG Category: V, R Key words: Mulder/Scully Romance Spoilers: Two Fathers/One Son Disclaimer: Not mine; they belong to 1013 Productions, FOX, and most importantly, David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson. Summary: �Making it personal isn�t easy, but it sure is rewarding.� Notes: This is the fifth vignette in a series that follows Mulder and Scully through the episodes in Season 6, beginning with Rain King. It�s safe to say that it may be read on its own, but the series goes as follows: �Kroner� �Georgetown� �One Simple Kiss� �We All Make Mistakes� �Personal� They may all be found here: http://www.geocities.com/dmldr42/fanfiction.html All of my other stories may be found at my website: http://www.geocities.com/dmldr42 And, last but certainly not least. . . many, many thanks to Carol A. for, well. . . for everything. Not only is she a fantastic beta, but a wonderful friend too. Thank you. Personal By DM If the past seventy-two hours hadn�t occurred, I�d use my key to let myself into my partner�s home, but not tonight. Not after everything that�s happened. My knock is unintentionally soft. I�m betting she knows it�s me before she answers, though. She always knows. �Scully,� I greet her, feeling her out, testing the waters. �Come in, Mulder,� she sighs and I�m relieved. At least she�s not slamming the door in my face. It wouldn�t be undeserved, but it would be un-Scully. She�s never shut me out, even when I�ve screwed up. �Have a seat,� she gestures towards the couch and I sit down, leaving my jacket on. Like a shield, I muse, protecting me. She�ll understand, I tell myself, but a part of me won�t blame her if she doesn�t. She sits down on the chair opposite me, several feet separating us. Moments pass in utter silence. The air is heavy with tension. I came over tonight to deliver some news, both good and bad. . . and to apologize. I start with the good news, hoping it will put her in better spirits before I remind her of what a jerk I�ve been. Not that she�s likely to have forgotten. �I just received a call from Assistant Director Kersh. We�ve been officially reassigned to the X-Files. . . again.� Her face remains neutral, as if I�ve just expressed my thoughts on the weather. �Providing, of course, that we accept the assignment.� She nods, �I see.� �We have a meeting Monday morning with Kersh; I told him we would consider his request. . . you know, make him sweat a little.� I try to break the tension with a joke even I admit is bad, but it isn�t working. �I�ll think about it,� she says and I do a double take before I realize she�s serious. I can�t believe it and quickly try to school my face so she won�t detect my surprise. �Scully. . . � �I just have to know that we�re fighting the same fight, Mulder, � she starts before I have a chance to open my mouth. �I know you feel differently, but this is a *personal* decision.� Wow. Well, talk about hard to swallow. Yeah, I deserved it, but didn�t expect it. It�s the first time we�ve had the opportunity to talk about what happened at the Gunman�s. I left that night feeling troubled. Scully�s accusations about Diana had caught me off guard, and as I cooled down, I realized my response had left her feeling shaken too. Scully deserved more respect than I�d given her. At the very least, I owed it to her to investigate her suspicions. So, I investigated, not nearly prepared for the truths that were revealed. I�m ready to confess my sins. I know I was wrong; it�s all that I have to offer at this point. �I need to tell you something, Scully.� She just looks at me; her face is guarded, protected by a wall of ice. The warmth that usually exudes from my partner has been replaced by a chill that sinks to the very core of my being. �I didn�t want to believe you. I left the guys� place angry. . . especially in light of--� I�m stuck for the right words. �. . .a part of me believed you were just jealous.� At this she glances down. This is an aspect of our lives that she�s still not familiar enough with to keep up the fa�ade. I know this, and I do it to remind her of what�s truly at stake. Not just the X-Files, but us. �I trusted Diana. . . I trusted that her loyalties were to me, to the X-Files. I couldn�t believe that she would lie to me.� She shifts a little; I assume she feels uncomfortable with what she�s hearing. �But I realized that despite that, I forgot about my own loyalties.� I lean forward far enough to take her hand in mine, �It *is* personal, Scully. I do trust you; I hope you know that. I�m not proud of the way I acted.� She takes a moment, digesting the things I�ve said, but remains absolutely still, her hand limp in mine. I wait, trying to read her, trying to see past the cool exterior she�s mastered over the years. When she still doesn�t say anything, I try again, �Scully?� �Words are cheap, Mulder.� I feel as though I�ve been kicked in the stomach. Hard. I�m suddenly afraid that I might have finally made a mistake there�s no hope of correcting. But then she throws me a lifeline. �But I believe you think you trust me.� Granted it�s not a sturdy line, but I grasp hold of it, not daring to let go. �Scully, I-� She lets out a long sigh, so I stop. I really don�t know what to say anyway. �I don�t know, Mulder.� She shakes her head in defeat and rises from the chair. She walks across the room, keeping her back to me. �Maybe we shouldn�t have made it personal. Maybe this is just one more reason why we shouldn�t be doing this.� I sit up straight. I don�t like where this train of thought is taking her. �You trust me to watch your back; you trust me to traipse all over the globe with you in search of the truth. . . you trust me as your partner, but not when it gets personal.� I open my mouth to speak, but she turns around and for the first time I can see the look on her face. She�s serious and I�m seriously about ready to be sick. �I�ll admit it; I don�t like Agent Fowley. Part of those feelings are personal, yes, but that�s not why I called you to the Gunman�s. That�s not why I don�t trust her. I had proof, Mulder. I had enough proof to warrant suspicion and you wouldn�t listen; you wouldn�t trust me.� I�m up and out of my seat by the time she�s finished. I�m standing right in front of her, but afraid to touch her. I did trust her, I just had a hard time admitting I could be wrong, admitting that Diana was capable of such deceit. �I-� �Don�t, Mulder.� She looks deep into my eyes, piercing my soul with her gaze. �If we weren�t. . . involved,� she swallows the word, searching for a way to describe what we�ve become. �Would you have listened to me? Would you have assumed I was jealous? I know you trust me, Mulder, just not in the way we need to make this work.� I need to clear things up now, or something tells me there won�t be a second chance. �I trust you, Scully. I just didn�t like what I was hearing. I was stubborn.� She rolls her eyes, obviously disbelieving my sincerity. �Mulder-� �I went to Diana�s apartment after I left the Gunman�s. The things you said, I didn�t want to believe them, but you were right. There were too many unanswered questions, so I went looking for answers.� I pause, waiting for some kind of reaction, but she doesn�t say a word. �I didn�t find any proof, but proof found me.� �What did you find?� she asks, not quite believing me yet. �Spender, the smoking man. He paid Diana a visit while I was looking through her apartment. Let himself right in, made himself at home.� �CGB Spender?� I think I see a smidgen of shock register across her face as she begins to put the pieces together. She�s had her doubts, and they�ve just been confirmed. �We had a nice little chat.� �He directed you to El Rico Air Force Base. . .� I nod my head. �Claimed he was looking for his son, Agent Spender.� �It was a trap, then. . . he knew all along. . .� �No,� I shake my head, I�ve been thinking about this. �I don�t think so. It was a trap, but not orchestrated by Spender.� �Do you think he�s dead, one of the victims?� A hope shines through her eyes and it almost hurts me to tell her what I�ve just now discovered on my way over here. �No,� I say, squeezing her hand. �Scully, we�ve been reassigned to the X-Files, but we won�t be able to use our office for a while.� She looks confused, silently waiting for me to explain. �The basement will be considered a crime scene until further notice. An Agent was shot there this afternoon, and from the amount of blood found, appears to have been killed.� �What? Who?� �From blood tests, they�re assuming it was Jeffrey Spender, although they�ve yet to turn up a body.� I feel a surge of sorrow for the agent I spent so much time despising. He was just another pawn in the game, not willing to play by Their rules and he paid the price. I have to wonder sometimes why my own life has been spared. Scully is physically taken aback by the news, she leaves my side and this time, takes a seat on the couch. �I can�t believe what I�m hearing, Mulder. You think Spender killed his own son?� �That surprises you?� I approach her, taking a seat on the couch close to her, so close that my thigh brushes against hers. �No,� she looks up at me, eyes wide. �It�s disconcerting how many things don�t surprise me anymore.� �Hazard of the trade.� She pauses for a moment, and I wait, thankful that we�ve reached this point. I�m relieved; I think things are going to be okay. Then, as if my relief isn�t enough, she extends her version of an olive branch. �I�m sorry about Diana, Mulder. I just couldn�t bear seeing you hurt.� �I�m sorry I didn�t listen. . . you have no idea how sorry.� �I didn�t make it easy for you either. I know she�s your friend.� �Don�t ever make it easy for me, Scully.� She smiles and it�s not until I see it travel to her eyes that I *know* we�re going to be okay. I bring her forehead to my lips and suddenly I�m struck with how fortunate I am to have her in my life, to be able to kiss her in moments like this. I pull away but only to move my lips over her own. This is right; this is where I need to be. After several moments she rests her head on my chest. �Does this mean we�re okay?� I ask, needing to hear her say it. �I think that�s a safe assumption.� �Do I have to tell Kersh that I�m flying solo? � She pulls back and looks into my eyes, then smiles. Her lips making their way back to mine is all the answer I need. Making it personal isn�t easy, but it sure is rewarding. End. |