Genie
Two friends were in a bar drinking a beer when one pulled out a cigar. He didn't have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one.
"I sure do," he replied and reached into his pocket and pulled out a 10-inch Bic lighter.
"Wow!" said his friend. "Where did you get that monster?"
"I got it from my genie."
"You have a genie?" he asked.
"Yes, he's right here in my pocket."
"Could I see him?"
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a very small genie.
The friend looks at the genie for a while and then asks, "I'm a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?"
"Yes I will," the genie replies, so the friend asks him for a million bucks. The genie hops back into his master's pocket and leaves the man standing there waiting for his million bucks.
After a few seconds a duck walks into the bar followed by another. Then more ducks come pouring in. Before long the entire bar has ducks everywhere.
The friend says to his buddy, "What is going on here? I asked for a million bucks, not ducks!"
He answers, "I forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 10-inch Bic?"
From Whowantsabalti.co.uk
Holy Land
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A guy
goes on vacation to the Holy Land with his wife and mother-in-law. While
they are there the mother-in-law dies. They go to an undertaker who explains
that they can ship the body home for $5000 or they can bury her in the Holy
Land for only $150. The guy thinks for a while and then says, "We'll ship her home." "Are you sure?" the undertaker asks. "That's an awfully big expense and we can do a very nice burial here." The guy says, "Look, 2000 years ago they buried a guy here and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance." |
From Whowantsabalti.co.uk
Comdom Week
| LIST OF POSSIBLE
SLOGANS PROMOTING NATIONAL CONDOM WEEK
1. COVER YOUR STUMP BEFORE YOU HUMP 2. BEFORE YOU ATTACK HER, WRAP YOUR WHACKER 3. DON'T BE SILLY, PROTECT YOUR WILLY 4. WHEN IN DOUBT, SHROUD YOUR SPOUT 5. DON'T BE A LONER, COVER YOUR BONER 6. YOU CAN'T GO WRONG IF YOU SHIELD YOUR DONG 7. IF YOU'RE NOT GOIN TO SACK IT, GO HOME AND WHACK IT 8. IF YOU THINK SHE'S SPUNKY, COVER YOUR MONKEY 9. IF YOU SLIP BETWEEN HER THIGHS, BE SURE TO CONDOMIZE 10. IT WILL BE SWEETER IF YOU WRAP YOUR PETER 11. SHE WON'T GET SICK IF YOU WRAP YOUR DICK 12. IF YOU GO IN HEAT, PACKAGE YOUR MEAT 13. WHILE YOU'RE UNDRESSING VENUS, DRESS UP YOUR PENIS 14. WHEN YOU TAKE OFF HER BLOUSE, ZIP UP YOUR HOSE 15. ESPECIALLY IN DECEMBER, GIFT WRAP YOUR MEMBER 16. NEVER DECK HER WITH AN UNWRAPPED PECKER 17. DON'T BE A FOOL, VULCANIZE YOUR TOOL 18. THE RIGHT SELECTION WILL PROTECT YOUR ERECTION 19. WRAP IT IN FOIL BEFORE CHECKING HER OIL 20. A CRANK WITH ARMOUR WILL NEVER HARM HER 21. NO GLOVE, NO LOVE 22. IF YOU'RE GONNA HAVE IT OFF, HAVE IT ON |
From Whowantsabalit.co.uk
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5 presidents are on a plane |
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Five presidents are on a plane: George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, George W. Bush, and Bill Clinton. George Washington says, "I will make someone happy!" and throws a dollar bill off the plane. Then Abraham Lincoln says, "I will make five people happy!" and throws 5 one dollar bills off the plane. Then Thomas Jefferson says, "I will make 500 people happy!" and throws 500 one dollar bills off the plane. Then George W. Bush says, "I will make the whole world happy!" and throws Bill Clinton off the plane. |
From Jokes.com
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Saddam's Bumperstickers |
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"My Army invaded Kuwait and all I got was this lousy bumper sticker" "Dukakis-Bentsen in '92" "If you don't like the way I reign get out of small, neighboring countries" "Bomb me, I need the insurance" "Shi'ites happen" |
From Jokes.com