Are You A Fop?
Are you STYLISH enough? Are you CHARMING enough to be a Fop? Find out now by taking this quick multiple-choice test!

1.) Your hair is:
a. you mean the stuff on my back?
b. "Wash and go".
c. Pampered worse than an in-bred lap dog.
d. Women plot my demise out of abject envy.

2.) When you first heard about this test, you:
a. started humming "I'm too sexy".
b. Thought "Hey, I know the sharp end of a rapier and can match an
outfit."
c. Composed a new suggestive sonnet to a passing maiden and added three more feet of lace to your ensemble while blinding passers-by with the sparkle of your new gem worked rapier hilt.
d. Turned up your nose at the King's new regalia.. God's teeth, those
seed pearls are SO fourteenth century.

3.) You are spending an evening with Ladies of distinction. How do you
pass the time?
a. Challenging the women to a wine chugging contest followed by
limericks.
b. Poetry followed by a rousing game of "strip badminton".
c. Stylish hors d'oeuvres, rare vintages, rarer wit.
d. Character assassination of that foolish courtier who dared to let his
unworthy personage contact your new small cape hand-woven by blind,
virgin nuns from Madagascar.

4.) Someone calls you out. How do you react?
a. Leave town.
b. Knee him in the codpiece and kick him in the head until senseless.
c. Kill him.
d. You mock him until he is a sodden wisp of a man, too ashamed at his effrontery to do more than mewl like a newborn.

5.) What is your hardest chore?
a. Finding a good rhyme for "Glasgow".
b. Fighting off droves of people who keep mistaking you for a handkerchief.
c. Looking comfortable and at ease under twenty-odd layers of silks, velvets, satins, and lace with the noonday sun bearing down.
d. Getting your blood to the proper point of freezing so you ARE comfortable and at ease under twenty-odd layers of silks, velvets, satins, and lace with the noon-day sun bearing down--mustn't perspire even a drop. You know how raw silk is.

6.) How do you like to bathe?
a. ARG!!! WATER! IT BURNS!. IT BURNS!
b. Swimming in a handy lake or pond.
c. A good hot tub liberally treated with rose or violet water.
d. Imported spring water heated in a copper kettle to three degrees above body temperature, poured into an oaken tub sanded to petal-smoothness, an assortment of the very best fragrances, and a winsome maiden to scrub the hard-to-reach areas.

7.) What is your favorite hobby?
a. Drinking.
b. Reading books, playing an instrument.
c. Court intrigue.
d. Collecting things: Courtesans and fine art from Vodacce, silks from the Crescent Empire, Ladies from Avalon, Contessas from Castille, wine and lace from Montaigne...

8.) You view a documentary on "Fashion in the early Renaissance". You:
a. Go to the library or search the Web for more information on that era.
b. Daydream nostalgically about "the good old days".
c. Immediately begin planning a new, stunning wardrobe to show those upstart puppies the real meaning of "Fashion".
d. Mentally mark that you already have every outfit the narrator mentions, but on you, they are works of art.

9.) How big is your wardrobe?
a. Can you consider a couple shirts a wardrobe?
b. A small chest's worth
c. only 2 or 3 small closets
d. "I asked my valet to retrieve my sapphire tags a month ago, he hasn't emerged since."

10.) You go slumming in a tavern and drink some ale. When do you think you have drunk enough?
a. When my companion is out of money.
b. After the brawl, before the guard arrives.
c. After the fifth duel over which of the peasants is most revolting.
d. When you started the evening in Charouse only to wake up in Carleon.

11.) You are invited to the palace to attend a ball. How do you arrive?
a. On foot with an open bottle in your fist as the servants are setting up so you can stake out the good booze.
b. Upon a stallion with a flawless parade prance.
c. Fashionably late in a carriage, escorting the chaste, eldest daughter
of the wealthiest family in the area, whom you have been tutoring in etiquette.
d. Regaling Her Majesty Queen Elaine with a humorous anecdote from your latest trip abroad.

12.) What is the best thing about women?
a. They kick less than sheep. (This one if for the High Marches folks...)
b. They smell good.
c. They are the finest work of creation, temperate, graceful, and lovely.
d. They are the ultimate fashion accessories.

13.) What would you bring to a duel?
a. All my friends, a case of swords, a breastplate and a priest.
b. My second, a sword, and a buckler.
c. My valet, my second, my weapons, and a surgeon for my opponent.
d. My rapier, my second, a case of champagne and my tailor.

14.) What is the finest fragrance?
a. Sweat and yesterday's wine.
b. Rose or violet water.
c. The scent of a woman's skin.
d. Class.

15.) How important is style?
a. Quite.
b. Very.
c. And how important is air?
d. "Are you implying that I might lack style? Blasphemy! I demand satisfaction!"

SCORING -- Total your answers, giving yourself
1 point for each "a",
2 points for each "b",
3 points for each "c",
and 4 points for each "d".

If your score is:
53 to 60 = People squint as they approach lest your beauty strikes them blind!
47 to 52 = Emperor Leon du Charouse feels chummy with you.
41 to 46 = You could petition for a place with Elaine's Royal Guard.
23 to 40 = Maybe Montegue's army will have you, hard to bollix up a uniform too much.
15 to 22 = Fop? You? Go wrap yourself in a plaid and head for the
hills of the High Marches or board a long ship to Vesten before they think the middens have risen in revolt!

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