My head hurts remembering how I got this horrible scar. I know I deserved it. I also know that do not deserve to be here. Tears well up in my eyes as I think about what happened thus far in my life. I think I should write my thoughts down and maybe if I show them to someone they will help me figure out what I need to do.

I walk over to the writing table and light the candle with the one I was holding. I pull out the chair and sit. Leaning back in the chair I think to myself; if I write this will anyone want to read it? Will they understand? I put my head down on the writing desk and try to think of where I should start. The cool breeze off the ocean washes over me, and the voice of a woman carries up to the room. My eyes start to get heavy and I know that I should go to my bed or I fear I will have a horrid neck cramp in the morn. I get up and, slightly stumbling, manage to make it to my bed. My eyes hurt and I am so tired now.

As I begin to drift off to sleep, I hear a woman scream, a slap, then a new babes cry. I see a doctor handing a baby to a Vodacce man, telling him that it is a girl. His gray eyes swelled with pride, and then tears run down his face as the doctor closes the woman’s eyes. Meanwhile a priest is praying. The priest gets up and crosses himself, gives the woman her last rites and says Amen. The Doctor pats the man on his shoulder and seems to congratulate and console him on the birth and death then walks out of the room. The man walks out of the room and over to a little boy who is sitting in a chair by the fire. He looks up at the man as he walks out and is curious as to why his father is so upset and what he was carrying.

"Father why are you crying, where is mum?" He asks innocently. The man puts the babe down in the cradle and walks back over to his son and wiping the tears from his eyes, he explains that his mother died while giving birth to his sister, Sabene. The little boy gets up shrieking and runs into the room where his mother lies. He puts his head on her chest and sobs. The man gets up and looks at the cradle and kissing the sleeping child’s forehead, goes to console the other.

Many years later, I wake up to a swishing of something pungent over my face. It was my brother waving gardenias over my face as if he were going to run me through with them.

"Marco you are silly." I say sitting up and brushing them out of my face.

"Get up sleepy head, we are going to Ambrogia today." I jump out of bed at that and push my brother out of the way. I put on the red dress that my father bought for me the day before. He told me we are to see the school my brother would be studying at for the next couple of years. I was to go with them, so I would see what made my father the best in Prince Lucani’s Retinue. My father is standing on the balcony overlooking the canals of Gorivari. I run up to my father and hug him around his chest.

"Ah, I see that the lady is already ready for us to go. Except you are missing one thing Sabene." He pulls the red ribbon out of his hair and tells me to turn around. "Your hair is as beautiful as your mother’s was." I swell with pride. He helps tie my hair back and tells me to look at him. My green eyes peer into my father’s familiar steel gray eyes. "Your mother, Esmerelda, would be so proud of you Sabene. You are turning out to be a beautiful rose as the seasons progress."

"Silly daddy you tell me that all of the time." I say giggling. "She is turning out to be an ugly dog," My brother says as he scowls at me.

"Now, now Marco if you keep your face like that it is going to stay that way," my father says. "Go get your sword and your hat. We must be going or we will be late."

The ride to Ambrogia was pleasant. My father and brother were talking about everything that my father had taught him in swordplay. He told him to act like a gentleman when he got there for this was the most wondrous opportunity for him. If he were good enough he would take his place when it is time to retire. The ride to the school wasn’t long, though it was interesting. We passed the Persuigta, where a lady roams the halls of the abandoned house, weeping like a banshee. Father told us to stay away from there at all costs; anyone to step on the land was cursed for the remainder of this life and the next. I believed him. "Ah here we are my children, the school that made me who I am."

The school itself was enormous. The outside looked as if they built it out of a mountain. The flags of our esteemed Prince were flying from the top as well as the crest of the Ambrogia School. I was told to wait outside while Marco and my father went inside. I was not allowed inside because I was not enrolled in the school, or an alumni it. A short time later, my father reemerged with my brother.

"Driver bring the bags in please." He smiled at me like he was a schoolboy again.

My brother on the other hand shot me an evil look. He came down to the carriage as my father was talking to the driver and whispered to me words that I will never forget. "When I finish here we will see who is father’s favorite."

The driver finished unloaded my brother’s things and set them on the stairs leading up to the school. I kissed my brother goodbye and my father did the same. That was the last time I saw my brother as a boy.

The summer of the year that followed, my father started teaching me how to use the sword. I thought he was doing it out of jest or boredom but I came to realize that he was showing me out of sheer love for the blade. I think that he never wanted to put it down. We practiced with sticks first, then he allowed me to hold his rapier. I was in awe of my father’s sword; a beautiful piece of work. It is a well-balanced sword, the hilt treated black leather. It has a ‘V’ on the crest with a purple and black shield on the background. Father told me that he had planned to give it to Marco when he graduated, but that Marco had received a sword for being the best apprentice to receive journeyman sash at such a young age and that this prize-sword sword would be his when he graduated. It was only later, in the fall a year that I realized what power with a blade my brother had.

In the fall my brother challenged my father to a duel for his position in Prince Lucani’s personal bodyguard. My father accepted the challenge and for the first time in his career in the Prince's Guard he was defeated. My father was so proud. He told me that Prince Lucani was bubbling that the Vallass family was almost as good with a sword as his own family. My father welcomed the retirement due to an illness that was starting to plague him. He constantly complained that his body was ached. Usually, I smilingly told him that he was just getting old. In secret, I was worried about him. We continued our exercises with the sword, constantly working out and he making me see what I was doing wrong. Then he said something I thought a woman was never to hear in Vodacce.

"What if I were to send you to Ambrogia?" He looked at me with sweat running down his face and his salt and peppered hair blowing in the breeze. I just sat there dumbfounded. "If I were to send you, Sabene, you will learn to read and write. You will learn to use the sword like me. You will learn new languages, like Montaigne and Thean. This education will you allow you to go out and do what you like."

"Father, I can’t. They don’t allow girls into that school. I will not be welcomed there. I can’t even get in without a letter of recommendation from the Prince. How am I going to go? Why bring it up if it is never going to happen?" I looked at my father with tears in my eyes. "I want to learn to read and write but if the church finds out I am as good as dead. Father, what if the Prince finds out? He will be so furious with you." I stammered out.

"Prince Lucani already knows." He said softly. My jaw dropped and my eyes grew wide. I started to speak but my father raised his hand. " I asked him the other day, while you were away with your grandmother." He has given me this. My father pulled out a small scroll and showed me the writing on it, which I was, of course, unable to read. He told me that Prince Lucani had given his permission for me to go and that my schooling would be paid for. I ran up to my father, hugging him and jumping for joy. I was going to Ambrogia! He warned me though that my brother was furious and that if anything were to happen to him I would no longer be in the school. I nodded my head in agreement but knew that nothing would happen to my father; if he could talk the Prince into letting me go to Ambrogia he would live forever!

The ride to Ambrogia was nothing like my brother’s. I chattered nonstop about how I was going to be able to read and write, telling my father I would write to him often as I could, as soon as I was able to! I would also write to the Prince thanking him for this opportunity. As we pulled up to the school I was halfway hanging out the carriage and taking in the air that came up off the canals. The school hadn’t changed a bit. The driver came down and opened the door, gently smiling at me and then bowing to my father. My soft-riding boots touched the ground, and I knew that this school would change my life. I would be educated like the ladies I see in the streets from my balcony and be able to use the sword like my father. My father held out his hand and told me to not be too nervous. He said everything would be fine. The wooden doors were twice my size and as heavy as a horse, but they swung open with ease.

There was a gentleman waiting in the foyer for us when we arrived. The man spoke with a southern Vodacce accent that was like music to my ears, telling my father that he would show me to my room and have the bags taken up there. My father looked down at me and smiled warmly, whispering in my ear "You will become what you always want to be." I escorted my father back out onto the front steps and kissed him goodbye. As he walked down the steps, his sword patted his leg and the soft sound of his cane clicked the stones. I knew in my heart that I would make him proud.

The next few years were hard. The boys in the school, saying that a woman has no business with a sword and that I should be at home learning needlework, constantly teased me. I soaked up everything that the masters and instructors were teaching me. Master Velago said that he wished that my brother had paid as much attention to his studies as I, so that maybe he would be able to speak more languages than he does now. With my time at Ambrogia, I learned to fence and understood why my father loved the blade so. I was constantly trying to find someone to practice with. Most of the boys didn’t want to spar with me saying that they didn’t want to waste their time. I did find the occasional person who wanted to say that he had dueled one of the only girls to ever attend this school. As I started to face more and more students, I became one of the only other people in the school’s history to remain undefeated.

While I took my final test in the fall, my father’s manservant was standing by with a piece of paper. I finished off Pierto with a flourish and bowed to him and to my masters standing nearby. I shook Pierto’s hand and walked over to my father’s servant. As I bowed to him he handed me a letter. I will never forget this letter for it was one of the few that my brother had ever written me. It told me that our father was deathly ill and Theus would be coming to take him soon. I should return home so that I may spend time with him in his final days. I went and explained to the Masters what was happening with my father and quickly went upstairs to pack my things. I ran outside to the carriage and urged the driver to get me there as soon as possible.

The scene before me was grim and heart wrenching. My father lay on the sofa near the fireplace, a bearskin that an Ussuran gave him draped over his now white frail body. My brother clasped his hand as the doctor was examining him. When I entered the room, my father smiled and asked "Esmerelda? You come for me now?"

"No father, it is I Sabene, your daughter." He apologized and said I looked so much like my mother when she was my age. My brother got up and turned to the crackling fire at my father’s comment. I gently grabbed my father’s hand and held it close to my heart. He slowly reached up his hands to touch my hair but couldn’t muster up the strength to do it. I pulled the red ribbon out of my hair and let it fall to his hands instead. He gently pulled on a coil as if I was a child again and I managed to smile through my tear-streaked face and kissed my father on the forehead.

"Father you must sleep, the doctor says you need your rest." I gently told my father. "I have something to give to first and foremost my young rose." He whispered.

I remember that whisper. That was the whisper he used to use when he had a secret that only I was to know about. If anyone tried to listen in to our conversation he always made sure the fates couldn’t hear what was being said. He managed to turn his head towards his manservant who was calmly standing by. "Go get my present for Sabene, Montavo."

"Father you don’t have to." I stammered.

"I know," he simply replied. Montavo came out of my father’s bedroom with a bundle wrapped in silk. From the looks of the parcel I already knew what it was. The gleam of the silver hilt in the firelight caught my eye and I knew what he wanted to give me. I didn’t say anything knowing that if I did I would disappoint him with my foreknowledge. Montavo removed the silk from around the scabbard revealing my father’s most prized possession, next to his own children, the sword that Prince Lucani gave to him for his service in his bodyguard. Tears rolled down my face when my father tried to pick up the sword to hand it to me. It was if a small child was trying to pick it up. I didn’t notice my brother seething with anger by the firelight; the way the light danced over his face as if he was making a pact with Legion himself that I should never see another day.

"Sabene, use this with the skill that I and the school have taught you. Use it to protect yourself and those that can’t help themselves in the Great Game. I will watch over you as your mother has being doing with us for all of these years." He sagged a little when he looked at my brother. "Marco, you do not approve of the sword going to your sister do you?"

My brother just stood there in silence, glaring into the hearth. His breath was harsh and his glare could have lit the fire if it had not already been ablaze. "Father what do you wish me to say? You have been acting if this girl was a man. You think that just because she knows how to use a sword she will be treated as if she can? She should be married already and producing an heir for someone, not going around playing ‘El Vago’ in her nonsense world. I am getting laughed at in Prince Lucani’s court because of her!" He slammed his fist against the hearth startling everyone in the room. He attempted to regain his composure, but still managed to seethe out. "In answer to your question father, no I do not approve."

"She is talked about in Prince Lucani’s courts? Sabene you have come a long way." He smiled and let out a hacking cough. The coughing fit didn’t die down until the doctor gave him a warm herb tea, which put him to sleep. My brother glared at me and then walked out the door, slamming it. Montavo pulled the furs up around my father, and glancing at me told me I should get some sleep before tomorrow. It sounded like sound advice so I took it. I went to my old bedroom and collapsed on the bed.

I awoke to find my brother standing over my bed smiling a grin that I have never seen on his face. He knew something I didn’t know. I knew when he is hiding something from me and the look on his face only confirmed it. "You murdering bitch, are now mine," he sneered out. My eyes snapped wide open.

"What, dear brother, are you talking about?"

"Go see for yourself, and I am now your benefactor, not your brother." I jumped out of bed and ran to where my father was laying. His body was very still, and bone white. A tear rolled down my face as my body already knew what had happened but my mind had not quite caught up. A priest crossed my father, closed his eyes and said Amen. The room started to spin as if I was in a storm.

There was a flash of white and all went dark.

I awoke from a fit two days later, informed by my brother that I was to attend my father’s funeral, then I was to pack my things. I was to go with him to the Lucani estate where he could keep a better eye on me. I later found out that a man was interested in marrying me and he was to see me at the Prince’s home later on in the month. My father was buried next to my mother in an elaborate ceremony. Everyone that had served with my father was there as was Prince Lucani himself. I knew as my father was being lowered into the ground so were my hopes of having a life of my own choosing. I vaguely remember everyone consoling me.

I just sat in silence, my face of stone. I couldn’t let my brother win. I made a vow to myself that I would forever be like my father, strong and courageous. When most of the people had left the graveyard, I asked for a few minutes alone with my father. I pulled out my father’s rapier from the scabbard, ran it over my hand and made my vow official. I let the blood from my wound run over the fresh grave and watched it sink into the dirt. Ripping off a part of my black shirt, I tied it around my hand. I then straightened my Ambrogia pin and walked with my head held high towards my brother’s waiting carriage. The ride back to the Estate was somber and deathly quiet though my brother smiled and drank wine all the way there. It was almost as if he had just conquered the Montaigne and upheld The Wall himself. I leaned back in the seat and pulled my cloak over my head, ready for what awaited me at the Estate of the Lucani Family.

It wasn’t as bad as I imagined it was going to be; it was worse! My brother took away my sword, and replaced it with sewing needles. My soft riding boots were replaced with silk slippers. My poet’s shirt was replaced with a corset and a bodice. The man my brother wanted me to marry was a bloated Vodacce merchant. He was a Montaigne blockade-runner and that is where most of his wealth was. He showered me with gifts, paid my dowry and then some. The mere sight of him made my flesh crawl. I was told he wouldn’t marry me until my time of mourning for my father was done so I constantly acted like I was mourning, needless to say. And indeed, I did mourn my loss.

When suitors or maidens weren't accompanying me I practiced my stances by shadow dueling in the candlelight of my room. One night while I was mock dueling an idea came to me: I am good. My father, my masters, and even Prince Lucani said I was good. Maybe I could humiliate my brother into letting me go. If I beat him in a duel, he would be very embarrassed, not to mention laughed out of the country. I could try and win my freedom! I prepared myself over the next couple of days waiting for the opportunity to arise.

My opportunity came in the following form: My brother was holding tryouts later on in the week to replace another retiree from the Prince's guard. I was going to tryout. I have a writ and a pin to show for my eligibility and I am more than qualified.

The day of the tryouts I awoke to find my old clothes sitting on a chair along with another bundle. I instantly knew what it was and couldn’t contain my surprise The portrait of Elena, Prince Lucani’s daughter seemed to move as I started to dress. And then, much to my amazement it did! I began a scream, but a jeweled finger was pushed to my lips. The hooded figure before me took her finger from my lips and pulled back her cloak. It was the Princess Lucani! I stammered out "My Lady" and bowed deeply. Only then did I realize with embarrassment that my shirt was wide open and my chest hanging out freely. I quickly pulled my blouse up and began to bow again when she spoke in her melodic voice. "Do not worry Sabene, I will not tell the men about this." She smiled.

"My Lady if you pardon my rudeness, what are you doing here?"

"I am here to make sure you succeed on what you are planning dear child."

I looked down at my clothes. "If you are the one who brought me back my clothes, I am most humbly grateful."

"Well I couldn’t have you fighting in a dress. That would only make us look more vulnerable than we are already are. You are doing something I have not heard of in my time. You are able-minded and quick thinking, and if what my servant’s tell me is true, quick with a blade as well. Almost as good as my husband from what they say. Young Sabene, I know what you are up to. I know that you want your freedom. I know you want out of Vodacce now and with your father gone you have no reason to stay."

Standing there with my mouth agape I stuttered out, "Begging your forgiveness, but how do you know this?"

"You should know that all Vodacce women go through this same dilemma; knowing that we are pieces of property for the rest of our lives. Only the ones with strong will and determination ever get what they truly want. You seem to be one of those. Although I don’t see what dueling your brother will accomplish. I do have a way for you to make it out of Vodacce if this plan does not work. We will see. You must hurry; the tryouts are beginning now." With that she turned and disappeared behind the painting of her daughter.

I sat and pondered what was just said to me. Different thoughts were swirling around in my head. I thought about them some more as I dressed. While I was putting on my Ambrogia pin, I was giving myself a talk in the mirror, reassuring myself that I could do this. I wiped a curl out of my face and took another look at myself in the mirror. I looked like my mother in her painting. I put my sword on my belt and glanced at my in the mirror for the final time without the mark that would mar it later that day.

I walked down the hall, riding boots clicking against the marble floor to the exercise room where the tryouts were being held. I got to the oak doors and took a breath. Reaching for the door I hear En Guard! I knew that was my signal to go inside. As I opened the door, gasps arose through the observers and a smile Prince Lucani. Meanwhile, my brother flicked a man’s belt dropping his pants to his knees and then sliced open his thigh in the same motion. He flipped his sword in the air and then sheathed it. He turned and bowed to the boy that was trying to pull his trousers back up and bow at the same time. His rump hit the floor with a thud and a roar of laughter arose from the crowd. My brother bowed to the Prince and then turned around to face the direction that the Prince was staring when he realized that he didn’t have the Prince’s full attention.

The look on my brother’s face was of sheer surprise, hatred, and embarrassment. He stormed up to me demanding to know what I was doing.

"You should being doing your needlework and leave this to the men!" He said angrily. To which I tartly replied, "The only needles that will be used today will be the ones used to stitch you up after I am done with you." This brought laughter from the onlookers.

I walked past him to the steps of the throne of Prince Lucani. I bowed to him and presented my writ of duel to his advisor. "Prince Lucani, I seek the position of protecting you in your respected bodyguard as my father and his father before him has done and as my brother does now." I lowered my eyes and bowed deeper and awaited his response. I heard his advisors as they spoke in Montaigne. They stated that if I was to beat my brother then I would be well feared and one to be bargained with. "Let her fight", one said, "and if she wins we will see what we are to do. Until that time let us not worry about it, she more than likely will not beat him."

Prince Lucani tugged his goatee and thought for a moment. "Sabene De Vallass, I will allow you to duel for the position, but the circumstance is you have to duel your brother, Marco. When one Vallass beats the other, then I will know there is weakness in your family."

I smiled and thanked him. Taking my writ back, I calmly said "Merci, Monsieur’s." in perfect Montaigne to his advisors, leaving their jaws agape and Prince Lucani roaring with laughter. I bowed to the Prince then spun on my heel to face my brother. The crowd hushed as I removed my cloak and handed it to an attendant. I handed my writ to my brother and he acknowledged it. The official told the crowd, and us that this bout was to three touches. Understanding, I nodded. I bowed to my brother who stood there and awaited the handkerchief to be dropped, signifying the start of the duel.

The official dropped the handkerchief and my brother’s sword sang as it came out of his scabbard. I barely managed a parry. His face was in mine, pure hatred for me oozing out of his pores and mixing with his sweat. I pushed him off and lunged with my rapier. Out of nowhere his main gauche sliced me across my right forearm, the blade biting into me like a hunting dog onto a rabbit.

I dropped my main gauche from my right hand and went back into a defensive stance. I waited for him to come to me. When he did, it looked as if he was going for my thigh but actually the lunge turned into a stop thrust into my right shoulder. Dropping my sword, I grabbed my shoulder, my brother’s blade still sticking out of it. He twisted his hand and the blade bit into my shoulder even more.

Using all the strength I could muster I grabbed the blade with my gloved hand and backed off of it. Picking up my sword I lashed out and managed to score his right arm with a blow. He didn’t flinch. He lunged at me again and I blocked the blow with the force of my rage. Once again we were face to face.

Under his breath he uttered these words that will haunt me for the rest of my days, "I will make you so ugly that only the ugliest of thieves and street thugs will want you for a common whore. You don’t deserve to look like a woman you never knew and that you killed while being brought into this world!" With those words he pushed me off of him with such a force I fell onto my back hitting the cold marble floor with a smack, my sword skittering out of my hands and bouncing across the floor towards the throne of my Prince.

I remember looking up as I saw my brother holding the sword near my jugular. With a flick of his wrist the words he told me came true. He cut me open as if he were a surgeon, splitting my face from my forehead, across my nose, and to my left jawbone. I cried out in pain and the crowd shouting in disgust. All went white and I blacked out.

I awoke to the rocking of a ship and pain that ran throughout my whole body. The Castillian nurse taking care of me told me that I was on the Maiden’s Voyage that was sailing to Freiburg in Eisen. Lady Lucani had kept her word. If I didn’t win the duel she would get me out of Vodacce. I found out by talking to the nurse that I had been passed out for a week’s time due to fever from my wounds and that she had sneaked me out of her home and to the Sisters of Sophia.

Then they put me aboard this ship to Eisen, the last place in Theah that my brother would look. My things were aboard this ship, including my father’s sword and a bank note for a weekly allowance from Lady Lucani. I asked the nurse how bad my wounds were and she regretfully handed me a mirror.

What I saw in the mirror crushed my heart. My brother had split my face in two, leaving a long slice with hundreds of stitches throughout my face. I threw the mirror up against the wall and started to wail like the woman I have heard in the Pursuigta.

I stayed in bed for a week after that allowing my shoulder and arm to heal. I worked aboard the ship to pass the time but stayed as far away from the crew as I could. I just hoped we could get to Eisen in time and just maybe I could find a doctor that can truly help fix what my brother had done to me…

I shot up in bed. My scar felt as if were freshly opened and I thought I felt blood rushing down my face. I wiped my hand across my face fearing the worse only to feel sweat on my hand. I get up and say to myself, "Maybe I will take some of Miriam’s tonic, it will help me sleep."

A little girl giggles down the hall and I know that I must go and find out what the ghost child is up to now….

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