HELP STOP CHILD ABUSE!

You can see them in the Emergency Rooms of any Smalltown, USA or any Largecity,USA. By the time they get to an Emergency Room pain has usually become its own anesthetic. They look at you with large, hollow eyes, never casting a glance toward the broken bones or cigarette/cigar burns. Usually they don't cry, because crying does no good. The only thing that can stop the hurt - sometimes - is to be quiet, very quiet! They will not answer your questions, sometimes they can't - they haven't learned to talk yet. These are the victims of abuse that someone has finally taken to the hospital - sometimes much too late. The victims of physical abuse!

Then, there are the others - too vivacious, too happy, too nervous, too afraid. Surely these children are not victims, but look closer, there are signs. These are usually the children of sexual abuse of younger children.

There are still others - sad, quiet, withdrawn, ashamed, afraid, rebellious, defiant, denying - these too may be victims of sexual abuse of older children - children who know that it "must be bad" but who can they tell to make it stop.

Still more? - yes the "everyday" abusers - the ones who say "gee, you're dumb!" , "Why can't you be more like so-and-so?", "Mrs. Jones' daughter/son makes all "A"s, why can't you?" "Why didn't I have a smart (beautiful)(handsome) (tall) (short) (skinny) kid - rather than you?" This is usually a parent, grand parent, teacher, etc., who is trying to elicit a better performance by belittling and holding up "perfect" children for them to emulate. What this is called is loving abuse - but it isn't "loving" . It really can't be called the worst abuse - because it doesn't leave scars on the body, the parent/teacher did it with love (usually) but the emotional scars have been made. These scars stay in the mind - sometimes forever.

How can you help stop Child Abuse? Pull your head out of the Sand! Clean up your own doorstep first and look around you. But look in your own house first!

For instance: Spanking your child
NEVER HIT A CHILD IN ANGER
10 TO 50 POUNDS AGAINST 100 POUND+ DOESN'T HAVE A "FIGHTING" CHANCE

Instead, why don't you try one of the following:


USE THE: WHEN...THEN option: When you pick up the toys then you can have the TV on, when you come home from school on time then you can have a friend over, when you mow the lawn then you can go to play video games, when you clean up your room then you can go play. BE CAREFUL tie what you want with what they want to make this work.
Other methods: FINES: Some families access fines for bad habits, rules violated, forgotten responsibilities, etc. Ideally, the "kitty" goes for a family outing, a reward to all in the end. WORK DETAIL: Creative use of energy especially for older (8 years +) to "make up" for rule violations. A list is posted of jobs that need to be done, the child chooses one or more jobs to "work off" the improper behavior: wash the car, wash windows, clean the dog's area, stack wood, weed garden, mow the yard, etc. MODEL: If need be, which is likely, show the child what or how to do the job, chore, or behavior in the appropriate way. Patience and practice can often turn a wrong doer into a new helper.
TIME OUT: Use time out for dangerous and harmful behaviors - biting, aggressive hitting, purposeful destruction - follow these guides:
But on the other hand - REWARD - Children repeat behavior they get ATTENTION for. Give attention to GOOD BEHAVIOR, you will get more of it. Notice when children TRY, not just when they do it right. AVOID: Shaming, threats, belittling.

SEXUAL ABUSE OF A CHILD It IS a crime
Who is around your children? Who takes care of them when you are not there? Abuse is not restricted to any age, sex, or lifestyle. Anyone can be a child abuser - mom, dad, grandmother, grandfather, aunt, uncle, cousin, brother, sister, pastor, priest, babysitter, teacher - most of the time a child abuser is NOT a stranger. How do you protect your child? Be Aware! Don't assume that your child is "okay" in someone's care. Investigate! Surprise the care giver (come when you are not expected). Care about your child and take positive action to make sure that abuse does not happen. And not just your own child! Look at your neighbor's child, the other children at the day care centers or at the baby sitter's house. The abuse may not be happening there but the signs may exist that it is happening elsewhere. Care about all children and learn to look for telltale signs.

FACT: Child abuse and neglect is a national emergency. New cases are reported at the horrifying rate of one every two minutes. The National Committee for the Prevention of Child Abuse and Neglect estimates that more than three million children will be victims of abuse and neglect this year. Child abuse and neglect is the leading causes of death for girls and boys less than three years old. As many as 5,000 infants and toddlers die each year from severe abuse.

WHAT IS CHILD ABUSE?
Child abuse is the willful mistreatment of a child by his or her parents, relatives or guardian. Child abuse is violence to children which includes physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse or neglect. Child sexual and physical abuse is not limited to the family structure. These types of crimes are often committed by acquaintances of the victim, through organizations outside the family such as date rape, abuse occurring at day care centers, schools, churches, boy's clubs, girl's clubs or even in your own neighborhood.

SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS
Although these signs do not necessarily indicate that a child has been abused, they may help adults recognize that something is wrong. The possibility of abuse should be investigated if a child shows a number of these symptoms, or any of them to a marked degree:

Physical Abuse Emotional Abuse
Note: A child may be subjected to a combination of different kinds of abuse. It is also possible that a child may show no outward signs and hide what is happening from everyone

Suspected Abuse If you suspect that a child is being abused seek advice from the police or social services. It is preferable that you identify yourself and give details. However if you feel unsure and would like to discuss the situation there are several options available: talk to the child's school counselor (if the child is of school age), talk to another adult who may be observing the same circumstances, call the local Child Protective Services or the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children Helpline. You can speak to these organizations (and the police and social services) anonymously.

Knowing how damaging abuse is to children, it is up to the adults around them to take responsibility for stopping it. Look in your local phone book - Child Protective Services - Child Welfare - or the national Child Abuse Hotline. In many states suspecting child abuse and NOT reporting it is a CRIME.

WHAT IF A CHILD TELLS YOU ABOUT ABUSE?
If a child tells you about abuse:

  • DO NOT ACT HORRIFIED! DO NOT START CRYING! REMEMBER! You are not important - what you say and do at this particular time can effect this child for the rest of his/her life.
  • Stay calm and be reassuring (and if it is your child you are going to find this to be the most difficult thing you have ever done in your life).
  • Smile at the child - offer comfort if needed - act like it is normal for a child to tell you this.
  • Do not upset the child - do not go running and screaming to the telephone to call "whomever". Sounds easy doesn't it.

    DON'T YOU BELIEVE IT!

    It is at this point that war has been DECLARED - a war to save this child, break the pattern and stop the abuse.