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Jeff's Review of:
The 13th Warrior

September 2, 1999

1999, 1 hr 54 min., Rated R for bloody battles and carnage. Dir: John McTiernan. Cast: Antonio Banderas, Omar Sharif, (lots of guys you never heard of).

The action is engaging, the pacing fervent and the dialogue is solid. Top that with likeable characters and a promising plot, and you've got two good hours of pure entertainment.

Antonio Banderas had to enjoy this role since he is given the chance to be charming, funny, poetic, and wield a fierce sword. It was tailor-made for him, reminiscent of last summer's The Mask of Zorro, but not to similar or he would risk falling into a stereotype.

The plot involves Banderas as an Arab who is sent away as an ambassador for making goo-goo eyes at the wife of a nobleman. He then is drafted to become the 13th warrior, joining a group of rowdy Vikings to rescue a Norse village from a mysterious enemy (so evil that it can't be named--*cue ominous music*) that comes in the mist, kills everything in sight and leaves without a trace. The movie was adapted from a novel by Michael Crichton called "Eaters of the Dead," which would have been a really cool title if Disney weren't so chicken.

Some random notes on the film:

The Vikings are pure cro-magnon men, eschewing personal hygiene and having lots of booze and sex, willing to kill friends and family for power while protecting women and children as their most precious comodity. These are my kinds of guys! When Banderas joins the group, the Norse men tease him about his smaller white horse, "only an Arab would bring a dog to war!" Of course, when Banderas finds a convenient steeplechase nearby he proves his worth as a competitor.

Director John McTiernan spends quite a few minutes in a montage that shows Banderas learning the language of the Norse men, which is a bit long but nonetheless intriguing. I'm not sure anyone could really learn a language as such, but it still works, and has to for the film's sake.

One aspect that had me worried was that I expected a lot of gore, which is to be expected considering the bad guys routinely decapitate victims and even gnaw on their rotting corpses. Naturally I thought I would see many grotesque sights. I was wrong, such scenes were very limited and easy to recognize in advance, so there was time to peek through my scrunched eyelids and not see, say, a severed arm fall out of a hammock. I've seen much worse, and there was plenty of bloodshed in the battles, but I'm okay with violence in that context. I just don't appreciate blood and guts for grotesque effect.

Don't get me wrong, though. There is a head yanked right off and many spears and swords are thrust into torsos, limbs and heads. So those with weaker stomachs than me (which should be a vast minority) may want to steer clear of this picture.

Because of these moments where fear is so important, The 13th Warrior uses a lot of shadows and silhouettes for effect. It helps give an aura of eeriness, while providing several opportunities for humor as well, as the Vikings are generally in the mood to joke around when danger approaches.

It really was good fun, and I'm not sure why McTiernan and Crichton had disagreements. Whatever the reason, the finished product is worthy giving a stab in the dark.

The verdict: -- Entertaining turn of the millenium (meaning 1,000 years ago) sorcery and swashbuckling tale.

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