My God, it all makes sense now. My baby is some kind of diabolical genius bent on world domination! Bravo Lois, the last horse finally crosses the finish line. Stewie, all these months I should have been paying attention to what you were saying. You're an evil child. Why, why did I have to go smoke pot when I was pregnant with you?!

It's 3:00, where the hell is Louie? Well, you tell me. Louie left his house at 2:15 and has to travel a distance of 6.2 miles at a rate of 5 miles per hour. What time will Louie arrive? Depends if he stops to see his Ho. That's what we call a variable.

Chris: Look what I made for the game! Meg: What's that mean, anyway? Brian: "And The Lord Said: Go Sox".

Mr. Weed, I can't come to work today. I was in a terrible plane crash. My entire family was killed and I am a vegetable. I'll see ya tomorrow.

Say Opie, I'll trade you this baseball for your souvenir bat. Sure! WHACK. What did you learn??

Wow, the business world sure is funny. Hey Dilbert, what do you call it when a guy in middle management moves to upper management? ...A promotion. Oh, thanks. Here's a memo.

Good boy, Conner. Pull!

(Subliminal message in Lassie) SMOKE.

Wow, Imagine me, President!

But Peter, why would they make you president?? Well maybe it's because I can recite all 50 states in a quarter of a second........BLEAH!

Um hi, can I help you? Yeah some company kired me to stand next to you all day so you look better by comparison. Hey Meg, Did you get less ugly?!

Diamonds....Daisies.....Snowflakes....That Guy.

Um, excuse me. Al Gore? George W. Bush? And what's your friend's name? Dick Army Pffffft, hahahahhaahahahahah! Hey Army, what's your wife's name, Vagina CoastGuard? Hey, I'm just kidding you guys. Get in the car, we're going to a skin bar.

Senator....Now listen, you may have killed her when you shoved all those dollar bills down her throat. You may have killed her when you hit her with that stool. I don't know, I'm not a doctor.....but I'll tell you what didn't kill her: Smoking. You have our support Griffin.

Yes they call me Bill, they call me Bill, and I'm standing here on Capitol H....ahhh!

Hey, since I became president, profits have been higher than Alyssa Milano. Hehehehe. Milano: What kind of cheap shot.....Joel!! I'm suing, I'm suing, I'm on it, I'm on it.

Hi I'm Peter Griffin. You know, we've had a lot of laughs tonight, but I'll tell you what's not funny: killing stippers. Stippers are people too. Naked people, who may be willing to pleasure you for a price you negotiate later behind the curtain in a VIP room. Besides, there's no need to kill them, cuz most of them are already dead inside.

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