| Well, It�s been a damn long time since I�ve updated anything on this site, and I�m sorry to all three loyal viewers out there. I�ve been busy with slacking off mixed in with a little work. Hopefully this mega update will fill you in on the details of what I�ve been up to this past month...or two. Each section will have a heading, in case you already know the details. Well, anyway, let�s move on to the show� Winter Break Starting the day before thanksgiving and ending the first week into the New Year, my vacation was a much-needed respite from the dank vermin infested piss-hole I�ve come to love, called Savannah. Moments with all of my closest family and friends were the bulk of my time, along with a healthy dose of finally playing Final Fantasy VIII (as demanded by Sara- thanks for the advice ^_~) The first half of my break was charted in the journal, along with a section dedicated to the 97x Next Big Thing concert. Shortly afterwards, I decided to take a brief hiatus from my busy web mastering (or space wasting) to concentrate on the people I love most, and rescuing the world from the dreaded sorceress, Ultimecia. The Christmas Party One event that I remember is the Christmas party thrown by my parents for their co-workers� an event laden with booze and poor singing, how could I resist? Well, I don�t have a car. However, the extravaganza was a fun experience, heightened by the massive doses of liquor. From what I remember of the night, my beloved sister and I sang the best damn rendition of Love Shack that has ever been sung live in my parent�s living room. There was also this guy who could sing Neil Diamond pretty good, but screw him, he just wanted to steal my thunder. Christmas Christmas was one surprise after another. The main surprise being that it actually was Christmas, with our 90+ weather and all. As tradition, we opened our gifts shortly after midnight, Christmas Eve being spent with relatives in Sarasota and Midnight Mass. OK, enough of all that family and church stuff, that has NOTHING to do with Christmas� ON WITH THE GIFTS!!! I got FAR too much this year, starting off with the second DVD box set of Fushigi Yugi; I then got Metal Gear Solid 2 and Final Fantasy X. That was more than enough; I could play my PS2 games on Brian�s system� BUT NOOOOO!!!! MY AWFUL PARENTS HAD TO GO AND GET ME A PS2!!! DAMN THEM!!!! THAT IS TOO MUCH FOR ME!!!!! GRRRRRR!!!!!! But, thank you anyway. Then I went to my sister�s house� where I received the ULTIMATE IN ROOM D�COR!!!! That�s right, he�s big, he�s black and he�s hell of tough, A BOBBING HEAD MR T!!!! He is guarding me as I type, looking down at me from my PC monitor, pitying all the foo�s who don�t recognize my greatness for owning him. I am now officially the man who has it all. Be jealous. I pity you. Final Fantasy 8 I did it. I finally sat down, played and beat Final Fantasy 8, and OH MY GOD was it AMAZING!!! Not only the graphics, but the story line and the world around it. I loved the junctioning system, the characters, the magic, the ship� dear God, I loved it all. On a scale of 1 to 10, I give Final Fantasy 8 a 3,000,000,000,067 �. As soon as I beat it, I wanted to go back and play it again from the beginning. There is not one thing I hate about that game. I will shut up now, because this post is starting to sound ludicrous, but look for an FF8 page coming soon. Coming Back to Savannah Well, I didn�t want to do it, but I had to. My two months back home was great, no it�s back to work. We loaded Brian�s brand new big-screen TV (that rich bastard) into the U-Haul and set off for smelly-land. My class schedule this semester includes: Life Drawing II (MORE NEKKID PEOPLE!) Intro to Video, and Intermediate Math (WOO HOO!!! MORE ACADEMIA!!!!) After a long, long trip, I finally made it home to my messy room. The next week, I went to my classes and learned that my LDII teacher is crazy, and my Intermediate Math class is a joke, and my teacher is the most depressed guy in the world. Soon, I would find out that my Video class would have me work with one of my ODDEST co-stars� The Squid Movie As my second assignment for my Intro to Video class, we were assigned groups, and each group assigned an object for which to base the story on. Other groups were assigned objects such as wigs, briefcases, or VHS tapes� our object? A squid. That�s right, a squid. As in tentacles, a beak, suction cups, ink and all, squid. Obviously, it was going to be a comedy. After brainstorming and receiving some ideas from Sara, I was able to write a script, you can read it HERE. May as well read it now, because everything that happened to us while filming was ten times funnier than anything in that script. We began the day searching for squid, going supermarket to supermarket looking for leads on the elusive cephalopod. After much interrogation of the seafood attendants, we were directed towards Russo�s Seafood Market. The small mom and pop seafood stop indeed had the mollusk in question, though they were baffled by the intended use of their sacked invertebrates. We assured them that we were artists, and went on our way. After choosing the Savannah Convention Center steps as the location of our shoot, I filled a cooler with fountain water so that we could thaw out our frozen squidy friends. The initial massive ice clump was incomprehensible, yet still disgusting. Soon the foot-long mollusks were unfrozen, and ready to shoot� soon after, it all went to hell. We began by filming the squid talking (voiced by yours truly) I attached fishing line to it�s two longer tentacles, the contractile tentacles if you will, to give the poor illusion that this disgusting lump of powerful squidittude was alive. After filming our star�s lines, we turned to see that behind us was amassed a small orchestra decked out in tuxedo�s and toting cellos and stand-up basses. I�m sure we gave them all something to think about. Little did we know that it wouldn�t end there. As we began filming more complicated shots that transpired on the steps, where most of this film takes place, we noticed another penguin suit walking up our set. �Excuse me guys, I hope I didn�t ruin your shot.� he politely said. �Not at all, we hadn�t begun shooting yet.� �OK, also, I apologize for the busload of people that are about to do the same thing as me.� Sure enough, we turned to see fifty+ people piling out of a bus, decked out in tuxes, suits, and their best Sunday dresses. This fashionable mob sure enough marched past us and up our steps to see a squid spread about the center of the walking area, and myself at the top, holding the �stunt squid� in the palm of my hand, trying to look casual. After many sideways glances and whispered comments, the group was finally through, and we were free to finish our project� or so we thought. Whitney, one of the partners in the project, who previously made many subtle hints that he wanted to be on camera for the project, turned out to be the worst actor ever to grace the lens of any video recording unit, next to Freddie Prinze Jr. I mean, this guy was such a horrible actor; he MUST�VE been destined to take part in the rap industry. After numerous takes of many, many shitty dialogue scenes, we decided to go with what we had before the earth took it�s final, ill fated destiny, and plunged into the center of the sun. However, it may have saved the planet from bearing witness to his �Acting� skills. At this point, I would like to note that Whitney has no knowledge of this website, and most likely never will. That being said, I can continue with what is about to transpire. I�d also like to add, that, despite his totally devoid abyss of acting talent, he still agreed to cover his face with the wonderful aroma and full-bodied flavor of our slimy star. That counts for something, yes? As the shots continued, a Chick-Fil-A worker shamelessly continued walking through the middle of our shots, carrying boxes of the delectable food chain�s goods. After a few passes of him pretending not to notice, he finally piped up and said: �Oh, are you guys filming a movie?� �Was your first guess the camera?� �Oh, I�m sorry� He then proceeded to do the same thing about 27 more times. After he finally went away, we were left wondering what all that was about. Our question was soon answered. A massive group of children came around the corner of the Civic Center, dressed as if there were going to be a ball in the middle of this ghetto. Their supervisor informed us that they were going to be taking a class portrait on the very steps we were filming on. Great, one more thing to add to the list of �What-could-go-wrong?� We decided to start picking up the pace to finish filming before their army usurped control of the steps themselves. We positioned �Mr. Brando� to talk to the squid, as we still needed to get his dialogue taped. His back was to this major crowd, and we were in front of him, trying to tell the kids to get out of the shot. While filming, we noticed more and more kids pointing our direction and giggling. I brushed this off because, hell, we were taping a guy talking to a squid. That�s pretty frickin� ridiculous. The youngster�s response was to something even far greater, we came to learn, as another one of the children�s supervisors plodded down the steps to privately inform Whitney that his drawers were down, and his big fat hairy ass crack was exposed to the children. Now, Whitney is a large guy, and when I say butt crack, I�m talking San Andreas. �YOU�RE FRIGHTENING THE CHILDREN!!!� You can�t make stuff like this up, people. After this whole horrendous, dreary day of taping a bad actor talking to a squid, the thought that warms my heart, is that somewhere in this world, a small pre-teen child actually has a photograph of Whitney�s immense moon-crease tucked away in their �Cherished Memories� photo album. To end this massacre of the movie industry, we finished the day�s shoot with the �Squid Hitting the Windshield� scene. If you read the script, you know exactly what I�m talking about, if you didn�t� re-read the phrase in quotations, and just accept it. We decide to film this from the backseat of a car, looking out the front, while I�m through the sun-roof, gallantly hoisting this slime-ball wreck of a squid that�s left for the world to see, only to splatter it on the windshield when the appropriate time comes. After the first take, this ooze and dirt covered mollusk slipped under the hood, trying to breach the engine. We immediately stopped and pried the little sucker out. After a few more tries, it was decided that it would be better to just fling it onto the car from the street as they drove by. I complied, and waited on a street corner with the star in my hand, dripping his star fluid all over the place as resident Savannians looked at me as if I were an escapee from the local mental ward. (I must�ve been to agree to work on this) As if that sight weren�t odd enough, the very next thing they saw was me, flinging this invertebrate sea creature onto a passing car. The shoot was done, and we packed up. It was a day of ups and downs. The shots were good, though I can�t say the same for the performances (except for me of course, I rocked.) I definitely now have a lot of unique memories, and was part of many other random people�s memories too, though they may try and block them out of their minds once they reach the safety of their homes. The remaining squids� final fate was to be left in a cooler in a dumpster outside of Hamilton Hall, except for the windshield squid, which remained in the bushes by the square where we filmed. Don�t worry, Savannah smells worse than you can imagine, a decaying squid will be roses to the people�s olfactory senses. As for the mental scaring of the young children who bore witness to the largest crack this side of the Grand Canyon, all I can say is� courage. |
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