~J'ai Tant Rêvé De Toi~

I've dreamed of you so much that you're losing your reality.

For the last half of school, the whole year after graduation, and all that time you were in Azkaban, I dreamed of you so much that I couldn't concentrate on anything. You consumed every moment of my life, and you never knew it. You never guessed that it was you who was invading my dreams at night, you taking over my thoughts during the day, your face tattooed on the insides of my eyelids every time I blinked, your voice I heard in every late-night murmur, your touch I felt with every breath of wind that caressed my cheek when we were flying.

And now, since your escape, our lives have turned upside-down. You've suddenly begun to notice me, to flirt with me, and I don't think I can do it. It's too late to reach out and kiss the voice I love so much into life, because you're too much like a ghost. I've dreamed of you so much that I think I've become accustomed to hugging your ethereal dream-form close to me at night, only for my arms to cross over my bare chest. If it was really you, the flesh and blood you, here in my bed with me, I don't think my arms would be able to fold around the contours of your body, because I've dreamed of you so much that flesh seems alien and nothingness seems right.

You look at me with such intensity now; I can't help but notice it. Maybe you're dreaming as much of me as I do of you. Maybe we could become a reality instead of a wish, but as much as I want you, as much as I need you, I couldn't do it. Faced with the presence of the one who's haunted me for all these days and years, I think I'd become a shadow myself. I've dreamed of you so much that I always feel like the time for waking must have come and gone, and I'm asleep on my feet. I think you want me... although perhaps not quite as much as I want you. But how can I touch the lips of a phantasm? How can I trail my lips over a spirit's forehead? Any lips, any forehead will be easier for me to touch than yours.

I've dreamed of you so much, walked so much, talked so much, slept so much with this achingly beautiful mirage, that perhaps that's all I can be now -- a ghost amongst ghosts, a hundred times more of a shadow than the one that day casts across the sundial of your life. Can you live without me? I think so. Can I live without you? No. But I can't live with you either, because I've dreamed of you so much that you don't exist any more.

~END~

J'ai tant rêvé de toi que tu perds ta réalité. Est-il encore temps d'atteindre ce corps vivant et de baiser sur cette bouche la naissance de la voix qui m'est chère? J'ai tant rêvé de toi que mes bras habitués, en étreignant ton ombre, à se croiser sur ma poitrine ne se plieraient pas au contour de ton corps, peut-être. Et que, devant l'apparence réele de ce qui me hante et me gouverne depuis des jours et des années, je deviendrais une ombre sans doute. J'ai tant rêvé de toi qu'il n'est plus temps sans doute que je m'éveille. Je dors debout, le corps exposé à toutes les apparences de la vie et de l'amour et toi, la seule qui compte aujourd'hui pour moi, je pourrais moins toucher ton front et tes lèvres que les premières lèvres et le premier front venus. J'ai tant rêvé de toi, tant marché, parlé, couché avec ton fantôme qu'il ne me reste plus peut-être, et pourtant, qu'à être fantôme parmi les fantômes et plus ombre cent fois que l'ombre qui se promène et se promènera allégrement sur le cadran solaire de ta vie.
~*~