FUNGHILINK TEXTS © FUNGHILINK WORKSHOP

 

KRAUTSPEAK 

A SHORT ROCK DIALOGUE BY STONE SUNDAY

 

 

-- But the whole thing is driving me nuts.

-- They are all mental.

-- There must be something about this fucking band.

-- We don't actually have any evidence they were a band.

-- They must have been. Rehearsals and more rehearsals, tapes, CDs, reviews and even some eyewitnesses to one of their live performances.

-- Yeah, well... that asshole Mr Margaritas... he didn't help us much...

-- Look at these booklets... nobody goes to this trouble for no reason at all. They must be... they ARE talking about something.

-- OK, fine, but what?

-- Hang me if I know.

-- Look, let's take a new approach. We don't know what the fuck this is all about, right? Let's figure out what cannot possibly have any kind of meaning...

-- Yes, leave out the crap parts and focus on...

-- The music... the music this band of perverts recorded has no meaning. Of this we're sure.

-- But everything else seems to focus on it. They're always talking about it, or writing, or quoting some other freak who seems to have listened to it and even... well... kinda liked it...

-- A secret code. they must be all of them into it, these continental bastards. You sure they're not German?

-- Yes, our lingo team checked that. The say those aliens could not tell an Umlaut from an octopus.

-- Wasn't there something about Schwyzdeustche?

-- Yes, nothing very definite. Half the German words they know come from Switzerland... problem is, they know about a dozen German words altogether. They're not German.

-- And the DJ boys say they cannot find a shade of a meaning in their pieces.

-- Although the music was actually played, it's not samples but for some drumming...

-- And those lyrics... self-penned, all of them, according to the Lit people.

-- Well, I'd say that one is easy. At least three of them got degrees...

-- Yes, but the point is why waste their knowledge writing this massive huge body of nonsense? And why wrap it in music? You can find dozens of versions of the songs, obssessively repeated, while the music is obssessively repetitive itself...

-- Why, man.... You've been listening to the stuff or what?

-- Er... well... I might have had... a sonic glimpse...

-- Do you recognize songs? Are there really any?

-- Nobody has denied that yet.

-- Yes, but you said there were several versions of the songs. Can you tell one from the other? Maybe you even like a couple of riffs, uh?

-- I didn't say that.

-- See, this job stinks. Sometimes it's difficult to know where to stop...

-- I'm allright. Drop the subject.

-- Only trying t

o help... what's better for you... and for society... Relax. There's nothing wrong. I'll be back in a flash. You just wait here and relax. Take a deep breath. It'll be a sec.